Maybe no amount of bracing would have shielded them from the blow. Captain Janeway snapped against the back of the pilot's chair then flew out of it, falling against the sensor console next to her.
Janeway tried not to scream. She hated losing control in that fashion, but the air tore out of her lungs through her voice box without her consent. Over her own scream she heard Commander Chakotay yelling in pain. Too quickly he fell silent. Instinct told her he needed help and needed it immediately, just like it told her that her own body would still function.
Crawling under a console, Janeway found a medkit. It had been smashed open and its contents scattered. Lightning quick, she swiped everything back in to it and jammed it closed again. Stumbling to her feet, she made her way to the aft chamber of the small craft.
She could see Chakotay sprawled against the far wall, blood pouring from a wound on his side. His body was covered with the debris of what had been a thoroughly equipped science station. As she crossed the room, her eyes took in the details. The door of the sonic autoclave lay on edge across his left arm, 4 centimeters below the elbow. That was where the bleeding was. He had a gash on one side of his nose, and blood poured from that as well. His face was unresponsive, eyelids slit open; he was unconscious.
Kneeling beside the wounded man, finally the one detail that her mind tried to avoid sank in. The door of the sonic autoclave was not on Chakotay's arm. It was in his arm - "gods, no! Through his arm!!" her mind screamed. Stomach churning violently, she clamped down her own reactions and focused on what she had to do.
Medkit flung down next to Chakotay, Janeway grabbed at a plaskin patch and reached for the autoclave. Ignoring her heaving stomach, she forced herself to think how to remove it and stop the swift flow of blood before Chakotay had lost too much. One look at the medical tricorder told her she was on her own. The screen was smashed. She used a laser cutter to tear his uniform back from the edge of the wound and wedged the patch as far down between the door and stump as possible. Then she sealed the edges of the patch around Chakotay's arm. The seal was not complete but most of the bleeding stopped.
Janeway gingerly tried using the door to push the arm out of the way. Teeth clenched and swallowing hard, she found that it would not come clean away. Janeway cut through the last millimeters of skin and muscle. Finally able to push the door and severed limb away, she used a smaller plaskin patch to complete the seal over the stump of Chakotay's arm.
Refusing to shudder as she touched the disembodied arm, Janeway applied another patch to the raw end of it. The hatch to the stasis chamber hung open and crooked on its hinges, so the arm could not be preserved there. Ice. She needed Ice.
The corner of the room where the replicator had been installed looked relatively undamaged. "Computer, give me 5 liters of ice," ordered Janeway.
"Please specify crushed, cubes, or block," the computer replied.
'Wonderful time for the replicator system to be anal,' she thought. Aloud she said, "Cubes."
"Working."
"Working? What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"Request will take approximately one hour seventeen minutes to process."
"Why would it take so long to make ice?"
"Accessing files for template of molecular structure requires approximately one hour sixteen minutes at current data transfer speed. Replication of requested..."
"Forget I asked."
Janeway knew that the limb had a limited amount of time before cellular degradation became too acute for re-attachment to be possible, but could not recall a specific window of opportunity. She had not been happy about preserving it on ice yet felt that would give them a chance - either for rescue or for finding another means of keeping the arm 'fresh'. She shuddered involuntarily as the word crossed her mind.
There had to be some other way to preserve it. Clear thought would come if she kept working. While clearing the other debris from him, Janeway examined Chakotay more closely, mentally cataloguing his other wounds. The gash on his nose, pulse fast and weak, likely concussion and internal bleeding, shock, masssive bloodloss, so far no broken bones. That is, no other broken bones.
The dermal regenerator functioned well enough to seal the gash. She found some survival packs and used a couple blankets to soak up as much of the blood as possible. Using the laser cutter again, she tore cushions off the cockpit seats to prop up Chakotay's legs. The remaining blanket she covered him with, tucking it snuggly around his inert body.
Janeway located a tricorder and scanned Chakotay with it. It would be unable to give the precise diagnostic information that a proper medical tricorder would, but she could use it to monitor his vital signs. Maybe with a little tweaking, she could wrest a bit more useful information from it. That would have to come later. She had a lot of work to do.
Not trusting ship's computer to give timely and accurate damage reports, she surveyed the ship's main systems using the tricorder: Life support - functional if not completely intact; replicator - all but one of the data subprocessors shot; warp engine - minor damage to the containment field housing due to the impact, but not a danger yet; navigation - dead in the water; shields - down to thirty-one percent, stressed by the force of impact, but the system itself was online and functional; weapons - the phaser bank had been smashed and would have to be completely rebuilt; the ship's computer - more functional than not, but several key data transfer nodes had been depolarized by the flood of negative ions in the storm; communications - a plasma overload had done more damage to on board transmitters than to subspace transmitters but there was not enough power to send any signal far; transporter - functional, data tranfer at approximately eighty-seven percent efficiency, enough to provide accurate, if limited, transports.
All in all, they were lucky to have survived the crash so much intact. She let the order for ice stand. They would be needing water, and that might be their only source until Janeway could get data transfer flowing again. The transporter, that was it! The idea flashed through her mind like a flood and with manic energy she flew at the transporter controls. Programming a small item site-to-site transport, she initiated then suspended in mid-beam a transport of the severed limb. Checking transporter status to be sure the pattern buffers were holding the cargo well, Janeway took a deep breath and released it slowly.
Her own injuries began intruding on her consciousness. Her left shoulder and arm were beginning to stiffen and ache intensely. Her head hurt, but not as badly as some of her migraines. Ribs on both sides caught in pain when she moved too quickly or breathed too deeply. Her left knee was sore to the touch, the skin abraded. Deep bruising on the knee made it ever harder to stand on it. Still she had too much to do to stop and fuss about her own aches and pains. Once more she checked Chakotay's vital signs. Seeing that he was pretty weak but seemingly stabilized, Captain Janeway dared to walk back to the cockpit. She had to set up a distress call either from the ship or by sending out a beacon.
=====
Rerouting a functioning plasma conduit to power subspace communications took a few more minutes than she had anticipated, but Chakotay did not begin stirring back to consciousness until after she recorded her distress call. Depending on their relative position to both the ion storm and Voyager, they could expect help within six hours. If the storm still raged and was in position to interfere with the transmission, Voyager would know nothing of their need until they missed the scheduled rendezvous. They had planned to survey the asteroid field - looking for dilithium and various metals - and take ore samples for another twelve hours, then meet the larger ship eight hours after that. it could be as long as three days before Voyager would find them.
She heard him moan softly, and hurried to his side. Kneeling down, she said, "Chakotay? Don't try to move."
His eyes gained focus and opened a bit. His voice was weak as he asked, "What..." Strength failed him and he did not finish his question.
"Hush, now. We got caught in a freak ion storm. I lost control of the Delta Flyer and we crashed on an asteroid. We seem to be alright for now, but you lost a lot of blood. And I'm not sure the extent of your injuries." She restrained him gently when he tried to move. "Stay still Chakotay."
"My arm - it's killing me. Is it broken?"
"You could say that." Janeway reached for the hypospray of pain blocker and injected it into his neck. Then she restrained him again as he started moving his arm. "No, Chakotay. Don't try to look at it."
"What is it, Kathryn? Why can't I look?"
"Just don't. You were wounded badly, and lost a lot of blood. I can't afford to lose you to shock. That's all." She tried to speak in a confident, reassuring manner, but to him who knew her so well the minute hesitation in her voice spoke clearly.
She caught his eyes and held his glance. He began to ask again, but she interrupted him. "No. Please Chakotay. I need you to trust me now. Don't look at your injuries. And don't ask again."
Redirecting conversation, she said,"Some vacation, huh, Commander?"
Chakotay let his question go. He followed her line of thought and said, "That's the last time I go on a boat ride with you."
=====
They waited for three hours before hearing from the ship. While they waited, Janeway told Chakotay dog stories - about the Irish Setter she had left with Mark, about the dogs of her childhood, about her neighbors' dogs, and about story-book dogs. After consulting the Doctor, she administered a mild sedative to Chakotay, and a pain-blocker to herself. He slept fitfully until they were rescued nine hours after the crash. While he slept, she occupied herself by working on the data subprocessors in the replicator system.
=====
They were beamed directly to Sickbay from the damaged Delta Flyer. Tom Paris tended to Janeway's injuries while the Doctor began working on a sleeping Chakotay.
"Captain, I think I should tell you," the Doctor said as she was preparing to leave, "your actions saved the Commander's life. Considering the conditions you worked under, you did exactly what needed to be done."
"Thank you, Doctor. That's good to hear. Will his arm be alright?"
Chakotay had begun waking up and heard the question. "The surgery should pose no difficulties. According to Ensign Kim, the limb is safely stored in the pattern buffer," the Doctor responded.
"What do you mean, stored? What happened to my arm, Doctor?" Chakotay asked, now fully awake.
"Commander Chakotay, you are awake. Good. You have quite an extensive list of injuries..."
"Tell me, Doctor. I need to know. I'm in Sickbay now, so you cannot keep it from me anymore just to protect me from shock."
The Captain paused in her stride at the door when she heard this, and began, "Chakotay..."
"Captain, it's alright, I know you were trying to protect me, but I need to know now," the Commander interrupted.
"Captain, bed is the best place for you, now. Go ahead," the Doctor urged. Weariness washed over her and she wordlessly conceded.
====
For once she did not look for excuses to avoid the rest that her recovering body demanded. After a quick sojourn in front of the sonic shower, Janeway crawled into bed. Her injuries left her no reminders other than a general stiffness. Still she found it difficult to get comfortable enough to close her eyes. Finally stretched out on her belly and twisted around her pillow, she tried to relax into sleep.
Eyes closed, a picture flashed through her mind. Shivering uncontrollably, she stumbled out of bed and ran for her toilet. The contents of her stomach heaved out. She was still shivering when she had recovered enough to say aloud, "Get ahold of yourself Kathryn. He will be just fine."
Again the visual memory of Chakotay's injuries pushed their way into her mind. Shuddering hard against the memory, she started having dry heaves. "I don't believe this - he gets his arm sliced off, and I go into shock."
Sweet tea would help, she decided. And getting out of her quarters would help too. Fresh uniform on, she assumed her most commanding stride and headed for the mess hall. She hoped Neelix might still be there. Someone to talk to, to change the subject with, would help even more.
=====
Neelix had been there. Talking to him and glossing over the effects of the crash occupied her sufficiently for a time. After about an hour of desultory conversation, Neelix had finished the chores he had set for himself and went his way. She then undertook a circuit of the ship, speaking cheerfully to everyone in her path and carefully inspecting some out of the way areas - the ones she had been meaning for months to look over herself. Ending the circuit in Sickbay, she found the doctor writing his report of their injuries. Chakotay was sleeping off the anaesthesia, but according to the Doctor, would recover the full use of his arm.
The doctor again congratulated her on saving Commander Chakotay's life and limb. When he once more recommended she get some rest, she surprised him by agreeing and requesting something to help her sleep.
One hypospray later, Janeway left the Doctor and returned to her quarters. Barely able to keep her eyes open as she walked through the door, she shed her uniform and fell into bed. Heavy, dreamless sleep captured her immediately.
=====
The feeling of heaviness stayed with Janeway as she woke some ten hours later. Even before she was fully awake the image of Chakotay's injury assaulted her memory again. Shaking her head to clear her thoughts only led to shuddering and shivering. She walked to the replicator and said, "Coffee, black," thinking that her usual beverage would help restore her equilibrium.
As the replicator produced the desired item, she reached for her communicator, saying, "Computer, where is Commander Chakotay?"
"Commander Chakotay is in his quarters."
"Captain Janeway to the Doctor"
"Yes, Captain?"
"Doctor, how is Commander Chakotay?"
"Recovering nicely, Captain. He should be cleared for duty within a day or two. As for yourself, Captain, I recommend taking at least one more shift to rest up. I will authorize extra replicator rations if that will help you eat some full, nutritious meals."
"That won't be necessary for me, Doctor, but please do so for the Commander." The thought of food for herself was an unsettling one. Maybe talking to Chakotay would help. "I would like to pay a visit to Commander Chakotay. Can you tell me if he is awake?"
"I spoke with him a short time ago. He was fully alert then."
"Thank you, Doctor. Janeway out."
She dressed and walked next door.
=====
"We have been in the Delta Quadrant too long to start keeping score now, Chakotay."
"But we haven't been here so long that I'm willing to take you for granted, Kathryn Janeway. If it had been anybody else in the Flyer with me...."
"Chakotay, almost any of the crew would have been able..."
"No, Kathryn, I'm serious. Most of them would have been stunned long enough that I would have bled to death. And even if someone else could have gotten to me in time, who else would have thought of using the transporter to save my arm? Kim, Torres, maybe Tuvok and Vorik. I owe you. More than once.... Brings new meaning to the phrase 'life and limb', doesn't it?"
At the word 'limb', she blanched and gulped for breath. Seeing her distress, he asked, "Kathryn, what is it? Are you OK?"
In a very low voice, Janeway said, "I am just shocky." She paused, gulped and continued, "Can I throw up now, please?"
Quickly and without speaking, he led her to the toilet. One arm supporting her head and the other under her belly, Chakotay held Kathryn while she suffered through a series of dry heaves.
After she recovered a bit, he drew her out about what had happened in the crash. When she had talked awhile, he brought her back to his sofa, and ordered coffee with cream and sugar from the replicator. Taking a flask from his desk, he poured a good bit of some pungent smelling liquid into it.
"Kathryn, if you won't go to the Doctor, at least try the old fashioned remedy for shock. This isn't quite like proper Irish coffee, but it should do the trick - for medicinal purposes." Putting the mug into her hands, he said, "Drink it, Kathryn. You need something."
Sniffing at the drink, Janeway asked, "Huh, what is this stuff?"
"Something I won off Tom Paris last year. Where he got it, it is probably better not to know. Believe me, it tastes better in coffee than it does straight."
She drank it and one more afterwards. She relaxed some, sitting on the sofa. When she started shivering again, he put his arms around her. They sat like that in silence for about half an hour. Then she noticed how sleepy she was getting and wanted to go back to bed. But Chakotay was worried about her and said so.
"Kathryn, I don't think you should be alone now. If you go back to your quarters, I will notify the Doctor and have him monitor your vital signs. Why don't you stay here for a while?"
"I won't be very good company - I'm about to fall asleep."
"So am I. Shall we be daring and sleep together?"
"Here on this star-fleet issued sofa? I'm scandalized." She laughed and tried to stifle a yawn.
He laughed, shut his eyes and leaned his head back against the back of the sofa. She snuggled into his chest, kicked off her shoes and pulled her feet up onto a cushion.
=====
They slept that way for a couple hours. Kathryn had been dreaming about other places than Voyager. As she drifted awake, she did not at first remember where she was. She leaned her head to kiss the nearest shoulder that was attached to the arms around her. As that word flitted through her mind, full awareness returned and with it, the shuddering that woke Chakotay.
"Kathryn, are you alright?" he asked in a hushed voice.
She shook her head, "I keep thinking about what would have happened if I hadn't gotten to you."
"You have to let that go, Kathryn. You did get to me. I'm here and I'm fine." His arms tightened around her as he spoke.
She stroked up and down his arms, as if to reassure herself. He nuzzled the back of her neck, making her sigh. He kissed her there, and kept holding her. Again weariness claimed them both and they drowsed together.
=====
Something about the mood of the day, something about the exhaustion of mind and body put them both off their guard. The walls were down. They woke again in one another's arms. The luxury of warmth and comfort overwhelmed them. The physical closeness danced in their subconscious minds, danced with the long bond of shared peril. When they woke, they woke past the lines of duty and common sense that had bounded them before.
Their bodies moved together without conscious direction. Kathryn turned her face toward Chakotay and her lips softly, gently grazed his. The whisper-light touch of mouths swiftly melted into thirsting, starving connection - tongues striving against one another. Without breaking the kiss, he lifted her onto his lap where she straddled him. Her arms wrapped around his neck and she ran her hands through his short hair.
Their eyes met again in this moment, and their souls swam eternity together. Their arms around one another, they held on to each other knowing that any moment this love would be torn from them.
=====
Kathryn woke several hours after their loving, easing into alertness. The rest had done her good, and she felt more spontaneous energy than she had in ages as well as warm, completely comforted, sated in an almost unfamiliar way. Slowly it came back to her in whose bed she lay, what had happened. The impossibility of the situation brought bile to her throat, and the hint of tears to her eyes.
Not wanting to leave without a word, she reached over to Chakotay, gently shaking his shoulder. He woke and looked her in the eyes. Guessing what she meant to say, he touched her mouth with his fingers, stopping her words. He shook his head, a movement barely noticeable. As his eyes held hers, he pleaded with her not to speak, not to spoil what had been.
A month later, they were still avoiding one another's eyes. Still they hardly spoke outside of duty. The inevitable, interminable turbolift ride alone together passed almost in silence. Seconds before they would have reached their destination, Captain Janeway barked out, "Halt turbolift," her voice breaking as she did so.
Chakotay stared hard at her, but waited for her to speak. Seconds passed while she regained control of her voice. "This isn't working, Chakotay. We need to talk."
"Kathryn, there's nothing to be said. We can't go back. We can't go forward. The only question is, do we hold on?"
"Hold on to what? Hold on how long?"
"The only way to find those answers is in the doing. There are no promises between us - no guarantees. This side of the Alpha Quadrant, there can't be. Computer, resume turbolift."