A Long Time Prologue:

/1/

Buffy looked at Willow incredulously. ”You’re doing what?” The red head looked up from amidst the massive columns and piles of ancient tomes, books and manuscripts. She took a deep breath before beginning to speak.

“Angel’s back from” She gestured vaguely. “Whichever hell dimension he was in. And I forgive him for what his.. Alter ego did. Even if he did kill my fish.” She muttered darkly to herself.” Angel, our Angel is back. He’s saved us enough he deserves forgiveness. Xander never liked him anyway and Giles..” she trailed off a pained expression fit itself over her features.” Giles may never forgive Angel for what happened to Ms.Calendar. I think he may even blame himself.” She added softly. “But the point is this, There is still a beast underneath the surface. Angelus is still like a caged beast. One that is just dying to get out from behind the wall of humanity Angel has him trapped behind. He’s a monster one that we can’t...that I refuse to allow too ever wreak havoc on earth again.” Willow looked Buffy straight in the eye. “I’m searching for an anchor for his soul. As long as the happiness clause is in effect the that creature can escape once more.”

“Angel would never-“

“He won’t mean to. But it will happen.” Willow admonished in a steely tone. Sighing deeply her face and tone softened. “It will happen again if I don’t find the spell. I mean, you’re trying to tell me that Angel will never again in his unnaturally long life experience true happiness? Then you’re naïve. More so than I am. And worse than that even. You’re lying, though whether to yourself or me, I’m not sure. He deserves this.”

“I know he does. I mean he spent what a hundred years in hell making up for loving me?”

“More than that though. Having his soul anchored will make him stronger. I mean, if it’s glued in place than he doesn’t have to worry about never being happy. Maybe we could even get him to smile, I will make him stronger though Buffy. And more than that, he deserves to be rewarded for what he’s done. Even so far. I mean his attempts on saving the world are tied with his attempts to destroy it but…I dunno. It just doesn’t seem fair. Besides he should be allowed to have little happiness with out getting all grow-ly and fang-y you know rwar. But you can’t tell him.” Buffy nodded in agreement.
“Why not?”

“Can you understand what it would be like for him if I wasn’t able to find it and you told him? It would be like…crushing a budding hope.. That’s just too cruel.”

I think I understand what you are saying willow. Do you…want any help?” “Nah, I’ll be fine. You know me research girl.” She winked. “Besides I’d never hear the end of it if the new watcher found out you skipped patrol to research cures for your ex-boyfriend’s soul problem. Neither would you for that matter.” Buffy grimaced.

“Yeah, you’re right. Thanks wills.”

“Hey, what are best friends for?”

Willow searched through forgotten tomes and manuscript s for months through Her doppelganger, Faith’s betrayal and Buffy’s mind reading episode. But soon the mayor’s ascension became the prominent issue so her personal quest was abandoned. By the time they had graduated, just after killing a giant mayor-turned-sake and blowing the high school up, Angel was gone. He never knew about Willow’s quest.

/2/

Willow hadn’t gotten a single break and summer had neared its end. It was a warm Wednesday night in early September, before school had started up again. It was Romanian gypsies that had cursed Angelus so it would stand to reason that a break might be found there. The book Willow was cautiously leafing through was rather rare and very old. Luckily it had been translated into English, that just made the redhead’s job all the easier. In fact she had lucked out. The book told of Angel’s curse. And of how it was possible.

Romanian magic was created in layers. Like an onion. It made spells easier to adapt. For instance, The curse that lay on Angelus was a layered spell. The original had been a protection charm. It had protected against the soul being taken, binding it to the body. Willow would have just used that spell but it had no major setbacks. The only things needed for the spell were a living body and a pulse or heartbeat. Two things that Angel most definitely did not have. So instead so studied the curse. It had been adapted in two very distinct ways. First there was the happiness clause, second was far more important. It allowed the soul to be delivered to an animate body. Not a living one. That was when the most brilliant idea she had ever had…well most brilliant lately anyway, - came to her. Because Rom spells could be adapted she simply needed to find a binding spell that was powerful enough to bind the soul to Angel and override the happiness clause without destroying the rest of the spell. It also had to work with Rom magic. But she would find the spell, there were millions out there, there had to be one. And Willow Rosenberg would find it.

In the following weeks, her search had increased tenfold. She was enlivened by the first and only break she had received insofar. But before any real progress could possibly be made her world collapsed around her. She found Oz and Veruca, and then was nearly killed by wolf-Veruca. And then was nearly killed by wolf-Oz, but then Oz left. Just roared out of town. Claiming he needed to learn how to control the wolf within him. For a few weeks there was still hope. But a house built on quicksand soon sinks and that was what happened. Devon told her that Oz had called for his things and just like that it was like he had never been here at all. All she had left of him were some pictures, the necklace he had bought her last Christmas and the memories. Her heart was breaking. So she put everything that even reminded her of Him in a box and stuck in the back of her closet.

She recovered slowly. Her research seemed to define her existence. Anything else just seemed to remind her of what she had once had. But life did go on, Especially on the Hellmouth. Slowly but surely she rebuilt her life, from the ground up. A friendship, possibly something more began to assert itself with Tara. Tara who was as goofy and nice and sweet as Willow had been when she met Buffy. Tara who started to look at Willow the way she had once looked at Xander. Like she had snuck out and hung the stars in the sky. So as she slowly started to reopen her heart and start to live her life again fate threw her another curve ball. Oz drove back into town, same as he had ever been. He brought with him a gift…showed her that he finally had his wolf under control. That was when she had been forced to make a choice. Between the man who had broken her heart or the woman who had rebuilt it. Willow chose Tara. The love that she had harbored for the man before her had softened until she considered him no more than a friend. He left Sunnydale, probably never to be seen again by the Scooby Gang.

The rest of the year passed with their newest apocalypse. A part Human, Part machine, Part demon thing called Adam. Though the entire group’s time was spent trying to find vulnerability it was through an offhand comment for Xander that it was averted. The next summer held more research parties for willow this time with the addition of Tara. Another year another apocalypse. This time things were far more dire. Dawn’s arrival and with her a Hell God...Goddess, Spike’s obsession, Joyce’s death, Tara’s Madness, Glory’s death, Buffy’s sacrifice and Tara’s return. They all felt old that summer. Trying to both grieve for their friend, take care of Dawn, not let the demon community know that the Slayer was dead and save the world. More than that even, Willow was searching had been searching for a way to bring Buffy back. The vortex she had jumped into would have surely brought her to Glory’s universe. A hell Dimension. And morals be damned she would not allow Buffy to stay there she didn’t deserve it.

It was that, and other failures in the redhead’s mind that brought her to the grave. It was a secluded area in a glade. She and Buffy had bought the plot their senior year. Just in case, both knew that A slayer’s life was rarely a prolonged one. Willow and Xander also had plot’s there. Xander to her right, Willow her left. Joyce’s own grave was further away. This was a place for warriors. She hadn’t been to the graveyard since the funeral. It was all too fresh. Too painful for her. But now it was like she had gone numb. Willow knelt in front of the gravestone.

“I don’t know that you can hear me, but I need to say this. I’m sorry…so so sorry. The spell for Angel’s soul. I’ve narrowed it down. I may soon be able to anchor it.” She started to shake.

“But...he won’t be able to have your love. See that was part of it. T-that he’d get to have you. Not any more though huh? The spell was so you’d be happy too. You deserved it after all. Dawnie’s doing o-okay, well as can be expected. Spike t-takes care of her. Sort of like a twisted father figure but more like good friend. W-w asked why he helped he said it w-was because he wouldn’t fail her again. Giles is going back to England. I think it’s too sad for him to be here. All the memories. Him leaving is breaking Dawnie’s heart. I wish we knew where you were, it would make all this easier, don’t t-think you could tell us could you? But I’ll get you back, I swear I will! I won’t let you burn in whatever hell dimension Glory’s from.” Willow stood up slowly brushing the dirt from her knees. She’d find a way to get Buffy back. She had to.

/3/

Who would have ever thought that I could screw things up so royally? First I bring Buffy back and you’d think that things would be all hunky-dory. But now. And why? Because I brought her back form heaven. From perfect bliss. Go me. Sure I thought she was in hell. Bu then I can’t even justify that to myself anymore so I’m not so sure. Tara’s gone too. Once again my fault. I should have been able to stop for a week. I mean seven days, no biggie right? Wrong. So now she’s gone cause I went and got myself hooked on magic. I nearly got Dawnie killed before I asked for help. So here I am researching. Again. Still don’t know much about those creeps after buffy, but I’m on the brink of finding the anchor spell. I’ll have to send it to Wesley or something. If not I’ll find someone. But I’m close, so very close.

Weeks, and finally I’ve found it! An anchor.

“Things fall apart they fall apart so hard.” It can’t be, here. Not Tara not here.

“Tara?” It is she. Why? Why is she here?

“You can’t ever put them back the way they were.”

“Are you okay?”

“I’m sorry it’s just…you know, it takes time, you can’t just…have coffee and expect-“

“I know.” She’s here but it feels like she’s so far away. Why is it that whenever she’s near to me I fall to pieces? I love her so much. And I should just move on with my life. I’ve done it before; I’ll do it again. But I don’t want to, without Tara.

“There’s just so much to work through. Trust has to be built again, on both sides…You have to learn if…if we’re even the same people we were, if you can fit in each other’s lives.” I want to fit so badly. Want to just go back to the way things were, before now. When we didn’t fight because we didn’t have to. And I think I know why she’s here. To tell me she never wants to see me again. Not me. Nope. Not the eternal screw up.

“It’s a long…important process, and…can we just skip it? Can-can you just be kissing me now?” Did she just say she does… and before I even understand the words they’ve sunken in and I’m across the room kissing her. This is where I want to be where I’m meant to be. And I never want to leave again.

This must be the greatest day of my life. I’ve finally found the anchor but better than that even. She’s back. Tara came back and I don’t ever want to get out of this bed again. Things were bad, but they’re getting better. I can wait to ask Tara about doing the spell. I’ve waited three years a few days won’t matter. I’ll ask her when we begin coherent speech again, which may, at this point be a few days. For more than a month I was dying, but it’s better now. . Or it will be, because she’s here. Because Tara came back. It’s all going to be okay. I can feel it.

Dead. And gone. She’s cold. Can’t come back. I’ll find them and make them pay. I can feel the ice in my veins and the detachment as the magic starts to whistle through my blood again. The one person who ever should have been here is gone now. I can hear Xander talking to me. Warren. It was Warren. Fine, he’ll die first. But it will be slow and painful, because I’ll make him pay. I’ll give him a taste of darkness.

They don’t think that I should kill Warren. But Buffy and Xander, their protests are inconsequential. I leave them be as long as they sty out of my way. If not, I can’t promise anything. I will avenge Tara, if I have to chase Warren down over inch of this earth then I will. Pain and rest have become foreign things to me. My being has focused upon a single dark intangible need. Revenge. Vengeance. Retribution. Reprisal. Requital. Nothing will stop me. Give it a hundred names. In the end I will have mine. Be it one year or twenty. Warren will know pain, and fear as none have known before him, it is my vow.
What have I done? Oh God. No!nonononononononononono. Killed him I…ho Goddess what have I done? What have I done? Forgive me. Please forgive me. Tara please forgive me. I’ve done such things now. How can they forgive me? I can’t forgive myself.