Hi my name is Rose. My friends call me Kitten, Messyskitten that is. Messy is my partner for life. I would like to be able to call her my wife, but you all know how that goes. I am a 32 yr old woman who loves life but has never been happy, until recently. I have a 9 yr old son and have been divorced from his father for 5 yrs. I have always wondered what it would be like to be with a woman but never had the courage to talk to anyone about it. I have always been an expert on choosing destructive relationships with men. I'm not attracted to men so it has never been easy for me to pick men. I always seem to pick the less attractive men who had outgoing personalities. They were usually fun but I could never love them the way they loved me. I always tried to deny my thoughts that I may be gay but they never went away. I should have known when I was 5 yrs old and my girlfriend asked me to play house with her. She said you be the mommy and I'll be the daddy. I said no way let's both be mommy's. As smart as I was I still didn't catch on. In college when my roommate and her friends would look at nudie pictures in magazines, they would drool over the men. I would just sit back quietly and think to myself "WOW," that girl is fine. I guess I should have known then. It wasn't until I departed from the second most disastrous relationship with a man that things all fell into place. I started feeling like I could honestly be o.k. if men didn't exist. O.k. well that is a little harsh but it's true. Then it all happened. I walked into the place where my sister was working and I saw her across the room. I couldn't take my eyes off her. She was the woman in my dreams. I wanted to talk to her so bad but I didn't want to approach her. I sat down at a table to talk with my sister and up she walked. My sister said "Rose meet Jess." There she was right in front of me. As I looked up to say hi, my brown eyes met her blue eyes and my whole life changed from that point on. We spent the evening hanging out and getting to know each other. I made special trips to my sister's work just to see her. Then she asked me to go out with her and hang out. I was so excited I couldn't breathe. I said yes, and that following Friday we went out. We went to sing at a local karaoke bar and had so much fun just hanging out with each other. We were flirting back and forth but neither of us wanted to make the first move. I had to do it this was my chance. I asked her if she wanted to go watch female strippers. She acted surprised but said she wanted to go. I told her if we go then your mine. She laughed at me, but I was so serious. When we got there I had to go to the bathroom and she came with me. When we got into the bathroom I locked the door behind us. This was my chance I had to do it. I was shaking and so scared but I grabbed her by the arm and swung her around towards me. I asked her if I could kiss her. She was quiet for a minute, looked in my eyes, and said yeah. So I did. I at that point in my life knew the answers to so many questions I had struggled with in the past. That kiss rang through my soil like the loudest bell I had ever heard. I knew right then that I was meant to be with a woman. Everything felt so natural and right. I had never felt so alive. That was the first kiss to the rest of my life. Jess and I are still together and it has been one and a half years since that night. In the time since we have been together I have learned so much about myself and about love. I finally know who I am, and I am proud to be me. I love her unconditionally with every part of my soal. Together we have made a life for my son and ourselves. He couldn't be happier. He loves having two mommies. He always tells us we are the best mommies in the world and he wishes all kids could have two mommies and be as happy as he is. I am finally free and so alive. I have started writing poetry about life, which I hope to some day have published.
Kitten |
