Riot In the Classroom: LET US ACT!
by Carolyn the Lovely Lynn

A/N: this is written for Mandy's challenge (METMA) Not my best work, I must admit, but I thought of having a go!
Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns all her characters. Mandy owns METMA. I stole a some stuff from The Worlds of Chrestomanci. I own nothing except for myself.

WARNING! This fic contains intolerable OUT OF CHARACTERS! (But then again, which humour fic doesn't?) EVERY single character in this fic is WAY TOO OOC! (Except maybe Parvati, Crabbe or Lavender) DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU!!!

This may not be my best work, but I'm proud of what I did and I hope you'll enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed typing it!

Professor McGonagall could not take it. This is enough, she thought! My lessons are starting to be as boring as Professor Binns'! Have I lost my touch? What is happening to me?

Professor McGonagall's eyes wondered around the classroom. Students, Gryffindor students, as a matter of fact, were just staring off into space with a dreamy look. The only attentive student was Hermione Granger; the greatest know-it-all prat. Neville Longbottom had buried his face into his hands, snoring so loud, the Emperor in China would of thought that the imperial gong was being sound. Ron Weasley, was snoozing as well, only he was drooling so much. Harry Potter, of course, was drawing sketches of the lovely Miss Cho Chang. Seamus Finnigan managed to summon upon a banshee, and Dean Thomas was kicking Professor's McGonagall's shins while yelling, "Take that, you funny looking football!" The rest were all so restless, so bored, so so so....

"Today," said Professor McGonagall, "I want you all to do something yourselves."

Parvati Patil perked up, "Please, Professor.... I don't want to transfigure into a purple frog again.. My hair was ruined the last time!" Parvati said pathetically, while showing the class one of her split ends.

Everyone rolled their eyes.

"Oh, I don't want you to do that," said Professor McGonagall. Everyone relaxed. "I want you to act out some little plays for me." Everyone recoiled again. Professor McGonagall ignored everyone's complaints and explained that she was going to call upon each student, and every pair was going to act out the same short scene.

By this time, most of the Gryffindors and Slytherins (yes, the Slytherins were there) were staring at her in wordless despair. Professor McGonagall smiled, slyly."Good, now what will the topic be for our little playlet? Something.... interesting, thought provoking, cunning, witty...."

"The first pair will be none other than Mr Potter and Mr Malfoy." said McGonagall, wickedly.

Harry was outraged! Fine! She wants us to make the class alive?! I'm the most boring person alive! Serves her right! Harry then walked to the front of the class.

"Right. What would your subject be?" asked McGonagall.

"Family," answered Draco Malfoy. "I choose family."

Harry could feel himself redden. So that git wants to embarrass me, huh? Alrighty, then...

"I'll start." said Harry, smirking.

It always seemed like Harry's only talent could be Quidditch. How very wrong everyone was! He was a very skilled actor! Harry Potter put on an act so convincing. His eyes narrowed and he grabbed the collars of Malfoy's robes.

"YOU! I always knew it! You fancy my cousin Dudley!!" screamed Harry.

The whole class gasped. One would expect Malfoy to faint in terror, but....

"OH POTTER!! However did you find out??!?! Oh, no!!! Yes, I confess, I CONFESS! Dudley IS *SO* hot!! How in the world did your aunt and uncle manage produce such a gorgeous child?? Not only that... Dudley is....he's, he's blond!"

"But, but, you're blond, too...Malfoy..." said Harry.

"I'm not! I'm as red as Weasley!" with this, Malfoy ripped off his his white-blond hair, and well, there was-- there was, nothing there! Malfoy pulled all his hair off!!

"Oh, well, Potter.... I guess I'm not..." said Malfoy. Malfoy was then dragged out by the METMA members to re-grow his hair. Mandy, (the founder of METMA) took this opportunity and performed the mouth-to-mouth resuscitation (even though Malfoy obviously did not need it) upon Draco Malfoy.

"Well that was certainly interesting," said McGonagall. "Very well. Weasely, Granger... NEXT!"

Hermione and Ron then proceeded to the front of the class.

"YOU LOVE VIKTOR KRUM!!!" exclaimed Ron.

"No, no...Ron! I don't love anybody!" denied Hermione.

"Then...who do you love, Hermione?" asked Ron, calming down.

"I don't love anybody! I am a computer monitor!!" said Hermione.

Everyone's response to this was ...'?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!!', of course. And Hermione was then dragged back to her place by angry Hermione/whatever worshippers.

Professor McGonagall shrugged. "Alright. Miss Patil and Mr Crabbe is next!" said Professor McGonagall.

Parvati and Crabbe met in front of the class.

"Shut up Crabbe, you love Goyle."

Crabbe stared at the ceiling and replied...

"No, I don't."

"Yes, you do!"

"No, I don't."

"Yes, you do!"

And they went on doing this until Professor McGongall told them to stop. Regreting she ever chose them, she pulled them back to their places.

"Miss Lavender Brown, Miss Millicent Bulstrode, next!!"

Lavender and Millicent stood woodenly by the blackboard. After much silence, Lavender finally voiced out...

"What's your favourite brand of underwear?" asked Lavender. Then she continued, "I like Calvin Klien a lot. I suppose Armani wouldn't be that bad. Have you seen the new Ralph Lauren ones?? My, my!! Oh, have you worn a thong befo--" Lavender stopped abruptly. Lavender looked down at Millicent's waist and raised her eyebrows.

"I don't think you'll be able to find a proper size! Deary me! You'll need to get them done!!!! Maybe you could ask my Cousin Larry in Ireland, he has big branches of his new product, 'Thongs for Big Mommas' and I'm sure he'll.....--"

Professor McGonagall interrupted them, but, oh, Lavender just couldn't stop! So, Ron, greatly annoyed by all their girl talk decided to call upon the long lost flying car that once was a legend. The Ford was now a shiny shade of red. Lavender was so dazzled by it, that she pulled Millicent by the arm and dragged her all the way to the car.

Harry managed to hear her mutter, "Cousin we come!" on the way out.

By now everyone was so very alert. Who could blame them?

Professor McGonagall smiled. "Alright. Miss Parkinson and Mr Finnigan... and what will be your topic?" asked McGonagall.

"Milk ad. I want to do a milk advertisement! Cows rule!!" said Seamus, while jumping up and down excitedly.

"MILK??!?!?! I'm lactose intolerant!!" screamed Pansy.

"What?? Cows rule!! And milk rules more!!!" shouted Seamus.

"But I'm allergic!" said Pansy, innocently.

"Alright." said Seamus, and then the both of them ran into the nearest broom closet to make-out.(It's the hormones, I'm telling ya!)

By now, Professor McGonagall's smile was so wide. "And for the last pair.... Mr Longbottom and Mr Thomas."

"Ok," said Dean, "Let's be the most sarcastic people in the world."

Neville nodded vigorously in agreement.

Neville started, "Is Harry's hair jet black?"

"Oh, no.... it's orange! But lately it's been maroon!" replied Seamus.

"Is Snape's nose small?" asked Neville.

"Oh, yes, is sooooooo small, it can shelter a Hungarian Horntail from the rain!" replied Seamus.

"Can my toad, Trevor, speak?" asked Neville.

"Oh yes, Neville... as a matter of fact, just the other day it turned into a prince and told me: "I'm a chipanzee, eat me!!!!"

With this, the Sarcasm Partners finished and sat back in their places.

Professor McGonagall was so very pleased. Everyone was satisfied. And since then, not one class in Transfigurations has ever been boring!

And this is the bloody end, as everyone lived happily ever after.

  • Except Malfoy who could never grow his hair back.
  • And Parvati, who was destitute of friends (since Lavender took off) so she befriended a bunch of purple frogs.

  • It has to have the Dursleys
  • Someone has to say, "What's your favorite brand of underwear?"
  • Purple frogs must be present as one point....
  • Someone has to say, "But I'm allergic!"
  • It has to be funny.
  • It has to include the evil flying car.
  • Someone has to say, "I'm a chipanzee, eat me!"
  • Mandy has to be in it.
  • Someone has to believe they are a computer moniter.

WHAT?! Can you believe I actually won this challenge?! HAHA...LMAO... *laughs insanely* HAHAHAHAHAHHA Voldemort dear, give me your laugh!!! MUAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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