The Ultimate HP Talk Show
by An Invisible Tomorrow

Authorís Note: This is, like I said, my response to Mandyís challenge. So, on with the fic!

Annoying announcer voice: And now, welcome to the 862,593,471st episode of The Ultimate Harry Potter Talk Show! Today as host we have-

Me: Do us all a favor and SHUT UP!

Audience: Yaaaaayyyyyyy!!!

AAV: Okies.

Me: That is MY LINE!

AAV: Donít bite my head off.

Me: Just go away. *deletes the announcer* Anyways, today Iím the host as usual, and Mandy is going to be a host too!

Mandy: *smiles and waves at the audience* Hi, everyone! Join METMA!

Audience: *throws sickles at Mandy*

Mandy: *throws badges at the audience*

Me: Okies, enough throwing stuff. Uh-oh, Mandy, where are your antlers?

Mandy: On my head.

Me: *puts on her glasses* Oh yeah, I can see them now. Blasted nonexistent contacts.

Mandy: Anyways, our first guest today is- oh, hang on, thereís three- the Dursleys!

(nothing happens for about a minute)

Me: *snaps fingers and the Dursleys appear out of nowhere* Okies, we have some questions to ask you.

Dudley: *puts his hands over his butt* Are there any w-w-wizards here?

Me: There will be in a minute. Right now your biggest fear should be US! HAHAHA!

Mandy: WE ARE FANFIC AUTHORS!

Dursleys: AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Me: Okies, first question: What is your favorite brand of underwear?

Dudley: Anything thatís big enough to fit!

Mandy: This is pathetic. *types something and the Dursleys disappear*

Me: Okay, our next guest is a bunch of purple frogs!

Purple frogs: rrrribbit

Mandy: So, what was your weirdest experience?

Frogs: rrrrribbit

Me: Um, I think you can go now.

Frogs: *hop offstage and sit in the front row*

Mandy: Next is- *looks at a list* Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, and Hermione Granger.

Harry: Hi.

Ron: Wassup?

Hermione: *turns a page in her book*

Me: Okies, so what have you been doing lately?

Harry: Defeating Dark wizards.

Ron: Helping Harry defeat Dark wizards. And thinking about Hermione.

Hermione: Reading. And thinking about how cute Ron is.

Ron: Really? *kisses Hermione*

Hermione: *french-kisses Ron*

Ron: I can top that.

Me: Okay, you two, I want to keep this PG so bye. *Hermione and Ron disappear to a room in the back*

Mandy: That was- interesting.

Me: *grins evilly* Thank you very much! I did it with my little keyboard.

Mandy: Okies, next we have- Gilderoy Lockhart.

Lockhart: I am a computer monitor.

Me: Okay then, bye now. *makes Lockhart disappear*

Malfoy: *runs on from backstage*

Mandy: Youíre not supposed to be on yet!

Malfoy: I am a chimpanzee! Eat me!

Me: But Iím allergic!

Mandy: This is very pointless. *makes Malfoy disappear* Our last guest is the evil flying car!

EFC: Grrrrrr.

Me: Okies, car, what really gets on your nerves?

EFC: When those stupid kids fly me into trees! Grrrrr!

Mandy: Do you like my antlers?

EFC: No. Iím not supposed to. Iím evil!

Me: Okay then, you can go now.

EFC: Good. *disappears*

Mandy: Okay, folks, thatís the end of this show. See you next time, and remember, join METMA!

Audience: YAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYY! LONG LIVE METMA! *pin on their badges simultaneously*

A/N #2: Yepperz, that was insane. No? Yes. Review!

Claimer: I own myself and my glasses. I would own my contacts except they donít exist.

Disclaimer: Everything belongs to JK Rowling except for the stuff that belongs to me, Mandyís antlers and the METMA badges which belong to Mandy, METMA which belongs to the people in it, and the Dewey Decimal System which belongs to Mr. Dewey Decimal.

A/N #3: I know the Dewey Decimal System wasnít in this fic, but oh well.

A/N #4: If you do not review then I will, um- Iíll do something, but first I have to think of it. But, I could alwaysÖ *evil grin* So, if you donít want an unknown punishment inflicted upon you, then REVIEW!

A/N #5: I am a computer monitor.

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