The Fish and Chips Reaction
by Hermionefan (now known as Ron Weasley's Cutie)

A/N: Have a nice day! J ^_^ ;-) 8^) - _ - #_# = P* Aren’t these emoticons cute? *grins* Nice day isn’t it? Nice day isn’t it? Nice day isn’t it? Nice day isn’t it? Nice day isn’t it? Nice day isn’t it? *realizes what she’s doing* NO! I’m turning into Lockhart! Somebody help me! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! *cough*

Harry, Ron, and Hermione were all sitting in the Gryffindor common room one day, studying for their O.W.L.S., because Hermione said so, when Ron suddenly spotted something in the far corner of the room.

“What’s that?” he asked as he pointed at it.

“Dunno...” said Harry as he pushed his glasses back up. Ron shrugged and started throwing spitballs at people again.

Hermione rolled her eyes and slammed her potions book shut.

“Are you two ever gonna study seriously?” she asked.

“No.” Harry and Ron said as they looked up at her after Ron hit Lavender with a spitball on the back of her head.

“Hey Hermione,” asked Ron in a good-natured voice. “What’s that?” Once again he pointed at the ‘thing’ over in the corner. Hermione rolled her eyes again and went to check it out. She came back holding a telephone and looking slightly interested.

“It’s a telephone…I didn’t think they had these at Hogwarts…after all, we don’t need Muggle devices…” she said in an amused tone of voice.

Ron looked at the telephone in awe. “Wow...a fellytone...” he muttered. Hermione got really annoyed when he said that.

“IT’S A TELEPHONE!! NOT A FELLYTONE!! A TELEPHONE!!!!!!!!!!” she yelled.

“ don’t have to get mad about it…” Ron murmured. Hermione stuck her tongue out at him. Ron ignored her, and picked up the telephone.

“ talk to people on the other end, right?” he asked doubtfully.

“Yes.” Harry and Hermione chorused.


Ron threw down the ringing phone.

“AAAAA! It’s possessed!” he yelled. Then he hid behind an armchair. Harry sighed and picked up the phone.

“Hello?” he said into the receiver.

“Do you like scary movies?” the person on the other line whispered hoarsely.


“Do you like scary movies?” the person repeated.

“Uh...I haven’t seen any...” Harry said confusedly into the phone.

The person suddenly stopped whispering.

“Wait a second…is this that house with the super model who’s eating popcorn and watching a scary movie?” the person asked.

“” Harry said.

“Damn...wrong number...”

“Who are you anyway?” Harry asked.

“Hey, hey, hey! I didn’t ask to get bullied by some punk!” the person shouted.


CLICK. The person hung up. Harry put down the receiver in some confusion.

“Who was it?” Hermione asked.

“Dunno...” Harry said.

Ron looked out from behind the armchair. “Is it...”

“Yeah, it’s safe to come out now...” Hermione said.

“Oh, okay.” Ron stepped out from behind the chair. “You know what? I could go for some chocolate chips right about now...” he said.

Harry and Hermione nodded, and the three of them through the portrait hole and into the corridors. Little did they know, but SOMEONE was out there waiting for them...

[twilight zone theme music starts to play]

“Hey...” Ron said as he looked around. “Where’s that music coming from?”

Harry and Hermione shrugged and they all started walking towards the kitchen...


“Okay, where did THAT come from?” Ron asked again.

“Beats me...” Harry said.

“Butterbee!” Hermione said.

Harry and Ron looked at her strangely. “What?” they chorused together.

“Butterbee, butterbee, butterbee!” she said.

“ okay?” Ron asked.

“BUTTERBEE!” she said again. The she and Ron started making out in a corner (again *grin* I’m just a diehard R/Hr shipper, aren’t I?) and then...

Military General Guy: Stop this at once! It’s silly! I don’t enjoy a good laugh like every other good person, and if this fanfiction gets silly again, I’ll put and end to it! I mean it! Now when I say cut, Miss Writer-Person, you cut to the next scene. Miss Writer-Person...

They came out of the kitchen with...

Military General Guy: Wait for it... Miss Writer-Person...CUT!

They came out of the kitchen with their hands full of chocolate chip cookies and fish and chips.

“Those house-elves really are getting a raw deal…” Hermione said indignantly.

“Aw, give it up Hermione! The house-elves are never gonna rebel, and spew isn’t doing anything for them either…"

“It’s S.P.E.W.! Not spew!” Hermione yelled.

“Whatever…” Ron said as he shoved a cookie into his mouth. Then, out of nowhere, Voldemort appeared.

“Achalta ha kelev sheli!” Voldemort yelled.

“You speak Hebrew?” Hermione asked.

Voldemort raised his wand and started to say, “Avada Ker…” He noticed their fish and chips in Ron’s hand.

“Are…are those fish and chips?” he asked doubtfully.

“Uh…yeah…” Ron said.

“Can I…have some?” Voldemort asked.

“I…guess so…” Ron held out some fish and chips to Voldemort.

Voldemort wolfed them down and then he suddenly sprouted fairy wings, and a white dress appeared on him, and a star grew out of the end of his wand. (my God…he’s a fairy godmother…)

Voldemort looked down at himself in happiness.

“My wish came true!” he said happily. Then he started to hop, and flowers grew wherever he stepped. Then he started to sing.

“The hills are alive, with the sound of music!” he sang happily.

Draco Malfoy suddenly came around the corner, looking very sad. Voldemort immediately rushed over and comforted him.

“What’s the matter Draco, dear?” asked Voldemort. Draco sighed.

“I just want to be a ballerina…but everyone will laugh at me!” Draco started crying.

“Don’t worry Draco, for I am your fairy Dark Lord!” Voldemort said proudly.

“Really?” Draco asked.

“Really. Now what is it that you wish?”

“I wish…” Draco looked up thoughtfully. “I wish I was a ballerina!”

“And so you shall be!” Voldemort tapped him on the head with his wand.

Draco was suddenly in a pink leotard and a pink tutu (nightmares…nightmares… *gag*…though if it were Ron I wouldn’t mind as much *gets dreamy look on her face while people stare at her* What?) and started dancing to Swan Lake.

“What the…?” Ron said. “C’mon, let’s get out of here…” he motioned for Harry and Hermione to follow him, but Harry stopped him.

“Hey, hey! The light’s red, buddy! That means stop!” Harry said as he pointed to his head (which was red, by the way, did I tell you?).

“What?” Ron and Hermione chorused together.

“Just wait…” Harry said.


Harry’s face was green now.

“Okay, now we can go.” Harry said. Ron rolled his eyes and the three of them ran back to the common room only to find that smurfs had overrun the common room…

Military General Guy: Stop! That’s silly! It started out as a nice little story where three kids were about to get killed by a dark lord, but now it’s just gotten silly!
Me: Then what do you think we should do, oh mighty one?
Military General Guy: We could see some military drilling!

[scene suddenly changes to outside where three lines of soldiers are standing and saluting]

Head Soldier: Atten-HUT!
Soldiers: Ready, sir!
Head Soldier: Then…START!
The soldiers started marching.

Soldiers:We are sissies, yes we are
We don’t even drive a car!
One Soldier: Lipstick!
Soldiers: Lipstick!
One Soldier: Mascara!
Soldiers: Mascara!
One Soldier: Ready? And go!

Soldiers:We aren’t gay,
No, we’re just queer
Don’t ask us why
‘Cause its our career!

Military General Guy: Okay, that’s enough! It’s silly! I don’t like silly!

[a 16 ton anvil falls on the general guy]

Military General Guy: EEK!


It’s official, I’m insane. Well…I hope everybody liked it. Now review me! Because you KNOW you want to…

Review this Fanfiction at