How Tic-Tacs Changed Everything
by American Hermione
Disclaimer: All of the characters you recognize belong to J.K. Rowling. All else belongs to me.
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Wormtail slowly crept towards his master. "May I interest you in another Tic-Tac, milord?" he meekly inquired.
"Of course, you git!" shouted He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. "Bring me the whole box!"
Wormtail nodded and shuffled off. He smiled to himself. Slowly, slowly, he was beginning to control the Dark Lord with an addiction to Tic-Tacs. Soon, he would be able to take his place using the powerful breath mints. He chuckled to himself as he grabbed the little box, imagining a new slogan for them: "Stronger than Voldemort."
This would give him revenge for his horrible childhood, when his mother had sold him off to pay for her own consuming Tic-Tac addiction.
He quickly took the box to his master, who grabbed it out of his hands and swallowed the whole lot of the mints along with a huge swig of water.
"Ahhhh, that's..." Suddenly, Voldemort stopped and grabbed his own throat.
"What is it, Milord?" asked Wormtail.
Voldemort, now blue in the face, began gesturing frantically towards his neck. Wormtail, sensing final victory, began to laugh. Voldemort heard this, and, enraged, used his last ounce of strength to jump on Wormtail and throttle him. He used a hold he had learned from an old wrestler friend, "El Diablo"- and he knew it was certainly fatal.
Soon, both servant and master lay on the ground, dead.
The empty box of Tic-Tacs lay ominously on the floor.
... a few weeks later, at Hogwarts...
Harry, Hermione and Ron were still suffering the aftereffects of the huge celebration of Voldemort's death. They sat in the Gryffindor common room, laughing and drinking from mugs of butterbeer.
Ron laughed. "I think it's fabulous how everyone's celebrating. I mean, Mum wrote from home to tell us that even the rooster next door won't shut up. Ever since he heard the news, he's been crowing nonstop. It's driving Mum nuts, but I think it's pretty funny."
Harry glanced at Ron and looked confused. "A rooster that won't shut up? That's a new one."
Hermione cleared her throat, and both of the boys looked at her. "I read in a book that sometimes roosters keep crowing due to extreme joviality. Therefore, Ron's story doesn't fall far off base."
Ron and Harry looked at each other, shrugged, and sighed.
"What?" said Hermione.
Suddenly Fred Weasly walked into the common room, toting a huge sign that read, "Dumbledore Drive."
Hermione gasped. "Where on earth did you obtain that?" She said.
Fred smiled smugly. "George and I have our ways." Ron groaned.
"What's it for?" Harry asked.
"It's our going-away present to Dumbledore. We wanted to give him a nice gift to make up for the other surprise we're planning...."
Hermione glared. "No, Fred, I don't even want to know." she said.
Fred laughed evilly and carried the sign into the boy's dorms.
"So, are you guys going to the "Death of Voldie" ball next week?" asked Ron.
"Actually," said Harry, "I was about to go ask someone."
"Who?" said Ron.
Harry fidgeted. "Um, actually, I was going to ask Ginny."
"Ginny?" echoed Ron, spitting out his butterbeer in shock. "You like GINNY?" He began laughing so hard he fell out of his chair. Harry blushed a deep shade of crimson and stood up. Hermione began to giggle.
"There's no need to laugh at me..." he stuttered, and left the room.
When the door was shut, Ron and Hermione let out screams of laughter.
Ron wiped his eyes. "Who would've thought.... Ginny." Hermione smiled.
"So, are you going, Ron?" she asked.
"I suppose." he said.
"Um, well..." Suddenly Ron turned red as his hair.
"Oh, come on, you can tell me," said Hermione. "Who is it?"
"I was... I was thinking of asking you to go," he whispered.
"Me?" she breathed, shocked.
Ron got up and sat next to her, taking her hand. "Hermione, will you go to the dance with me?" he quivered.
Their faces were inches apart. Ron moved to kiss her...
Until Hermione slapped his face.
"Certainly not!" she said. "You need a Tic-Tac worse than Voldemort did!"
And while Ron rubbed his cheek in disbelief, she flounced from the room.
A/N: =>) Wasn't expecting that, eh? Actually, I am an R/H shipper, but I like giving Ron a hard time. Evil, isn't it? =>) R/R please- email@example.com.