by Padma the Short
Author's note: This story was inspired by Rupert Grint saying on a message board: "The only person on HP (set) that I find remotely attractive is Fang the Dog."
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Hagrid looked very troubled.
"It's about Fang..." he told Harry, Ron, and Hermione. "Fang is a... er... well... Fang is a bitch."
Hermione looked stunned. "Hagrid!" she gasped. Harry and Ron snickered.
"No, no!" Hagrid explained. "He's a she!"
Ron snorted loudly. "Ha! Fang's.. ha ha... a... heh... a bitch! Haa!"
Hermione and Harry stared at him. Fang was sitting on the front steps of Hagrid's hut, listening all the while. He- uh, she- was staring intently at Ron.
"He- er, she-" Hagrid began, "got a thorn in 'is- er, her- foot... and Madam Pompfrey told me."
Fang's cold, wet nose burrowed fondly into Ron's jacket. He stopped giggling long enough to ruffle her ears.
"Urgh, Fang, your nose is slimy," Ron said, wiping the doggy-slobber off of his jacket sleeve.
Fang looked up at him with large, mournful eyes.
"Ah, anyways..." Hagrid said nervously, "could I get one of yeh ter take 'im, er, her... on a walk 'round the grounds?"
Ron nodded, tied the rope Hagrid gave him to Fang's collar, and jogged off.
"Hey, look at this..." Ron picked the huge, bright-red flower that was growing in the middle of the field. That was weird, a tropical flower growing in the middle of a clipped-grass field. Fang turned around.
"Huruuumphrr?" he- uh, she- said, sniffing at it.
Ron grinned. "You like it?" he asked, holding out the plant.
Fang sniffed the flower, then in one bite, ate it.
"Yow!" Ron yelped. "What was that... oh, my..."
Fang was gone. In his- uh, her- place was a girl. She was very tall and solidly-built, with long, sleek black hair and dark skin. Her eyes were all-black and liquid looking, like a dog's. She was the most beautiful girl Ron had ever seen.
"Bleahghhhh!" the girl spat, wiping the drool off of her mouth.
"Are you alright?" Ron asked, staring at her.
"I'm not left-brained!" said the Fang-girl indignantly, tapping her right ear. "Who are you?"
"Ron Weasley," Ron gasped. "You?"
"I'm Fida," said the girl, biting her foot. "Do you have any flea killer?"
Ron stared at her a bit more, then said, "I'm sure Hagrid does."
The two joined hands and walked back to Hagrid's hut.
When they got there, Hagrid was sitting on the roof with nails in his mouth. "Hullo all!" he called, waving. "Jes' workin' on a bridge over troubled water!"
Fida laughed. "Daddy! Hello, daddy! What troubled water?"
Hagrid stared down at her. "Daddy?" he squeaked, before falling off the roof.
"Well," said Ron, "I guess it's up to us to finish the bridge." They climbed onto the roof via a conveniently placed ladder.
***two hours later***
"We've finished!" Fida said, smiling at her handiwork. A large wooden bridge formed an arch over the rain-gutter on the roof.
"Let's try it out," Ron suggested. He stepped carefully to the middle of the bridge, and it held. "Whoo-hoo!" Ron yelled. "Look at me! I'm a Sherbet Toad! Whoo-hoo!" He jumped up and down on the bridge several times. It started to creak.
"Careful!" Fida shrieked. "Careful! Carefuhhhh... rareffuff... ruff! Ruff!"
Fida was gone. In her place was a large black boarhound.
"NOOOOOOOOOO!" Ron yelled. He jumped one more time, right off of the bridge.
***another hour later***
"Are they alright? Fang, geroff! Ron? Hagrid?" Harry peered anxiously down at his friends. Hermione shook Ron by the shoulders, and Harry gently kicked Hagrid in the back. Fang was drooling lovingly on Ron's face.
Hermione finally managed to revive Ron. He sat up, blinked, and threw his arms around Fang's neck. Harry and Hermione looked at each other, shrugged, and headed back to the castle.
A/N: There is no A/N. :)