Yule Ball Gone Wrong
by American Hermione

Here goes. Um, it's really short and stupid to boot, but it features Sevviepoo (aka Snape) in a very interesting way. *evil laugh* I wrote it with HP pencils while listening to the HP soundtrack, so you KNOW it's inspired.

Disclaimer: All you recognize is J.K. Rowling's. All else is mine.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione sank into the comfortable chairs of the Gryffindor common room and sighed.

"What a day." said Harry.

"Yes, it was quite interesting, especially when a certain person fell asleep into their cauldron in Potions and got 10 points from Gryffindor along with a trip to the hospital wing," said Hermione sarcastically.

"I didn't mean to!" said Ron, adjusting some bandages on his face. "It was an accident!"

Suddenly a crash was heard. "Ickle Gryffies!" a voice screeched.

"Not Peeves," groaned Ron.

"Yes, it's MEEEEEE, Ickle Ronniekins, and I'm here on official business." Peeves stopped, looked at Ron's face, and burst into song.

"Poor Ronnie's face is ickley!
In fact, it looks quite pickly!
I wonder if he's tickly?"

"Not funny." Hermione snapped. "What's the official business?"

"All right, DON'T be any fun." Peeves sulked. "Here it is," and he burst into song once more.

"Please listen, Hogwarts students!
Hear me now, one and all!
For you are all invited to
The upcoming Yule Ball!
You must have a date to attend,
This goes for teachers too.
At 6 o'clock on Friday night
We will be seeing you."

Peeves blew a loud raspberry, shouted, "And remember, Gryffies, zeh ha peena sheli, zona!", and left.

"Why is he saying rude things in Hebrew?" asked Hermione.

"Hermione, who cares about Peeves? There's a ball in TWO DAYS!" Harry panicked.

"Why is that a problem?" said Hermione.

Ron and Harry looked at each other and groaned.

"Oh, I see." said Hermione. "You two need dates." She grinned evilly. "I'll let you figure out a plan of action." With that, she left for her room.

"All right, Ron." said Harry. "Last year, we just waited too long to ask the girls. That's all."

"I don't want to THINK about last year." muttered Ron. "But you're probably right."

"Why don't you ask Hermione?" said Harry. "And I'll ask Cho."

"I'm too tired to argue." said Ron. "Let's get this over with." They shook hands.

Harry went off to find Cho, and Ron gulped and knocked on the door to the girls' dorms.

"Um, Hermione?" he said, his voice squeaky. "Could I speak to you for a moment?"

"Certainly." said Hermione. "Be out in a jif."

Seconds later she emerged. "Yes, Ron?"

"Would you...um, would you..." he hesitated.

"Would I what, Ron?" asked Hermione, who by now had figured out what he was going to say but enjoyed making him sweat.

"Wouldyougototheballwithme?" said Ron very quickly.

"Hmmm... so this time, I'm not a last resort?" said Hermione teasingly.

"Um..." said Ron, who looked ready to kill himself.

"Of course I'll go with you, Ron!" grinned Hermione, running to hug him. Ron blushed.

"You are so cute when you're nervous," Hermione laughed. "Goodnight!"


Soon it was Friday night, and Cho, Harry, Hermione, and Ron were all hoping for a fun ball. But they didn't get off to a good start.

Just as they pushed open the doors to the Great Hall, a flying camera began shooting in their faces, shotting instant photos everywhere.

Hermione shouted a quick spell and the camera vanished.

"Hermione, have I ever told you how ardently I admire and love you?" said Ron.

"You've read Jane Austen?" said Hermione, amazed.

Ron grinned and put his arm around her.

Suddenly, the group saw a sign on the wall.

"Welcome to the 2nd Annual Hogwarts Yule Ball!
Entertainment tonight will be provided by Professor Severus Snape!"

"Snape?" choked Ron. "Entertainment?!?"

Just then a tall figure appeared on on one of the tables. He was dressed in white fringed spandex, and had massive sideburns and a very distinctive hairstyle.

"Elvis?!?!?!" said Hermione. "But he's dead!"

"Hellllo, Hogwarts!" sung the deep voice of Severus Snape. "Here I am, direct from Graceland!"

"Oh dear GOD!" shrieked Hermione. "Snape is an Elvis impersonator!"

Harry stood frozen in shock while Ron looked confused. "Who's Elvis?" he said.

"You ain't nothin' but a hound dog!" belted out Snape. "Cryin' all the time!" The hall was going berserk. Students were either laughing hysterically or crying for Mummy.

Snape pointed directly at Neville Longbottom. "You are a hunka hunka burnin' love!" he sang. Neville fainted.

"Oh dear GOD oh dear GOD oh dear GOD..." Hermione was saying.

Ron couldn't take the combination of Snape's hip action and a distraught Hermione any longer. He grabbed her by the arm and sped out the door.

And they both had a much better time dancing in the Common Room.

E-mail the Author