Mi Diario
by The Jew of Gryffindor

Ron had gotten a diary for Christmas. And it wasn't just any diary, it was purple. Ron loved his large purple diary, and he was writing in it during potions class.

Dear Diary
Hermione is going on and on about house elves again, and I think she is going to marry Dobby and run away with him. Harry is tapping me on my shoulder because Snape is glaring at me-

Ron looked up.

"Er, hello Professor" Ron looked up.

Snape glared at him. Snape had recently lost his voice because he had been yelling at Colin Creevy who tripped and Colin's camera had hit him in the throat, and it had all been a very messy and painful business, but now he couldn't talk. Snape massaged his throat in a painful sort of way, then wrote on the board:

"Detention Weasley. And three points from Gryffindor."

Ron was upset through most of the day, and by the time he was ready for detention he was in a foul mood indeed. He went down to the dungeons, where Snape was waiting for him. He brought his diary with him, because he loved it so much, and wanted the diary to do some work for him as well. Snape gave him a funny look when he came in carrying the diary, and then wrote on the board:

"We will be making hairdye."

Ron: "Why exactly?"

Snape: *writing on the board* "Do you think my hair is this black naturally? You've got to be kidding me. I have to try to look this good." *flips hair*

Ron: *raises eyebrows, but doesn't say anything*

Snape: *on board* "What are you waiting for? Hop to it!"

So Ron and the diary began making the thick, black, gooey hair dye, while Snape preened in a mirror.

Diary: *rustles pages* "rustle rustle" translates to: estoy cancada! ((I'm tired))

Ron: "What? You mean my diary only speaks spanish?"

Diary: "rustliy rustles" translates to: si senor. me no comprehende ingles ((yes sir, i don't understand english))

Ron:"no problema. yo hablo espanol" ((no problem, i speak spanish))

Snape gave them a funny look, wrote "stop speaking in languages I cannot understand!" then started complimenting himself in yiddish ((which is the best language, thankyouverymuch))

Ron and the diary were almost done making the potion when the diary had a Neville moment. Please don't make me explain what a Neville moment is. It is pretty self explanatory. You have a moment when you act like Neville Longbottom. In Ron's case, he was so busy chatting in spanish with his diary that he knocked over the cauldron and the hairdye spilled all over the diary.

Diary: "rustle!" translates to:Ayuda! Me están cubriendo con densamente, negro, hairdye del gooey porque Ron Weasly tenía un momento de Neville, y voluntad del snape de profesor Severous que usted para el felicitarse en Yiddish y que me ayuda por favor!((Help! I am being covered with thick, black, gooey hairdye because Ron Weasly had a Neville moment, and Professor Severous snape will you please stop complimenting yourself in Yiddish and help me!))

Alas, it was too late for the diary, who was now a thick gooey black-not-purple soggy mess. Ron began to cry for his diary, and the funny noise of Ron crying brought Hermione down to the dungeons.

"What is wrong?" Hermione asked in a concerned voice. "Are you upset that I don't love you enough?" ((sorry..i don't want to have harry/hermione or hermione/ron relationships))

"NO!" Ron sobbed. "It's my diary! It was covered in hair dye."

"Rustle rustle *cough cough* rustle" rustled the diary, which meant, in Spanish, Alas, Ronald querido, para mí, el extremo es cercain. Este tinte del pelo será la muerte de mí., which meant, English, Alas, dear Ronald, for me, the end is near. This hairdye will be the death of me.

Ron cried over his diary for a while, while Hermione looked at a rather large ring on her finger. Suddenly the diary spoke again.

"Rustle Russruss" which meant, in Spanish, Mi señor! Veo la luz! Veo la luz! Ninguna espera....it's la roca en el dedo de esa muchacha. Quiénes son usted niño que casa? Un príncipe?, which meant, in English, My lord! I see the light! I see the light! No wait....it's the rock on that girl's finger. Who are you marrying child? A prince?

And Ron, because he understood Spanish, turned to look and said to Hermione. "The Diary is right. Who are you marrying?"

A grin cracked Hermione's face, and she said in Spanish, so the Diary could understand too. "No un príncipe, mis dears, pero un elf de la casa. El dobby propuso a mí, porque él dijo que lo influencié tan bien. Eloping mañana, y ella me dio este diamante agradable porque su trabajo en las cocinas paga muy bien." Which meant, for all of you who aren't fluent in Espanol: Not a prince, my dears, but a house elf. Dobby proposed to me, because he said I influenced him so well. We are eloping tomorrow, and her gave me this nice diamond because his job in the kitchens pays very well.

And at that, Ron fainted, and the Diary had a heart attack and died. And Hermione married Dobby, and they lived in a giant ice cream castle in the sky, but Snape, because he couldn't get his hair dye in time, had grey roots and left in shame, where he was killed by a rampaging hippogriff. So, in the end, they all lived happily ever after.

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