The Hogwarts Herald
by American Hermione
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A note from Mandy, the putter upper of challenges: This is supposed to be in 2 columns, so that it looks like a newspaper, but I couldn't get that to work. So instead, its just in normal format. Sorry!
THE HOGWARTS HERALD
Issue 15, Volume 1
September 27, 2002
SNAPE NEVER WASHES HIS HAIR
by Bertha Boswick, Special Correspondent
It’s been rumored for many years that Professor Severus Snape, everyone’s favorite Potion Master, does not wash his hair. The facts have finally come clear with our exclusive new interview of Professor Snape. When asked about his personal hygiene habits, Snape said, "I can’t believe you don’t have anything better to ask me, you little [censored]." As you can clearly see, this shows Snape to be… SEE SNAPE, PAGE A5
PET CAT DIES ON CAMPUS
by Oliver "Biggerstaff" Wood, Hottie on Campus
A pet cat, the property of our own editor Hermione Granger, was found dead yesterday on the Quidditch pitch. The exact cause of death is unknown. When confronted, Granger seemed surprisingly unperturbed and dry-eyed at the news, saying, "Poor Crookshanks. The last time I saw him, he was clawing up my copy of ‘Hogwarts, a History’." Upon saying this Miss Granger cackled disturbingly. No charges have been filed as of yet.
MRS. DUMBLEDORE WINS NATIONAL BAKING CONTEST
by Ginny Weasley, ShyGirl
Mrs. Albus Dumbledore, wife of the Hogwarts headmaster, won the Millsbury baking contest for the third year in a row yesterday. When asked what her secret was, she replied, "It’s my bunt cake. The judges always go for my bunt cake." She will compete in the international level of the contest, to be held in Jacksonville, Florida, in one week. We at The Hogwarts Herald wish Mrs. Dumbledore the best of luck with her endeavor.
SEE PAGE A3 FOR RECIPE DETAILS
The Word of the Day… in Japanese!
By Gred and Forge Weasley
Today’s new word, "baka", means "idiot" in Japanese! So go tell Professor Snape we told you to say it!
FASHION FREAKS AT HOGWARTS
by Lavendar "I stole your watch" Brown and Parvati "you dropped my stuff!" Patil
As you know, each week we rate the top good and bad fashion happenings at Hogwarts School. This week was busy.
*Malfoy’s hair. Lose that grease, Draco!
*Filch’s wardrobe. Get a new one.
*Snape in general. We know there’s a handsome guy under all that nasty hair!
*Hermione Granger’s new ‘do. Short and bushy just doesn’t do it for you, hon!
*Oliver Wood. In general. Call us.
*Cho Chang’s hair. It was perfect ALL WEEK. We worship you.
*Professor Trelawney’s face lift. We don’t know if it’s magic or not, but you sure look better with it than without it, Professor.
PEEVES POETRY CORNER
by Peeves the Poltergeist, resident Hogwarts ghost
It was just when I thought
That I had seen it all:
The day I saw Granger
Pass by in the hall.
This is all I can tell you
I hope it grows out
By the end of the year.
Perhaps you’ll get lucky
And after a week,
Your peers will stop calling you