- M e x x ' s I n s a n i t y -

TITLE: Une petite morte

AUTHOR: Mexx

DISCLAIMER: Do I look like Joss? Er, that would be a no.

RATING: NC-17

SUMMARY: Faith’s pov on sex and death. Post Lover’s Walk. Faith/Spike.

FEEDBACK: Is like chocolate… one of the few things almost as good as sex.

I once read somewhere that the French call an orgasm ‘a little death’, each time you come, with someone pounding into you, you die a little bit.

Ever since then I’ve changed, and with each fuck my body becomes more alive but another tiny part of my soul sinks of into deep oblivion, never to be found again, the tears stop coming, the smiles stop appearing but I keep on fucking.

And one steady guy isn’t enough, night after night he’s new and fresh, some guy I use and abuse, ‘Wham, bam, thank you man’. For some reason they are deluded enough to believe they are using me, no such chance. Every guy I fuck is purely for me, no one else, screw B, screw Angel, screw Giles, Wesley and the whole fucking council, I don’t need them, they need me, I could screw them over as quick as you could say ‘Jack Shit’ and still have time to fuck some nameless loser with a thick cock.

That’s all I need, want and crave. I wanna come. Pure and simple. They French might say it’s about death, but fucking is about feeling; fighting is about death, night after night staking vamps and the other evil shits out there, you start to feel a little bit dead yourself. That’s why you gotta fuck, to feel alive. To feel, period.

And now I’m in a bar leading this blonde guy, this god damn sexy blonde guy outside to his car- to his fuckmobile. Maybe now I’m gonna start to feel, feel what? A little life? A little death?

His hands are all over me, crushing me against him, he’s cool from the cold night, hell so am I, it feels so good rubbing together like this, making our own heat, and he’s not slowing, still grasping and pawing at me, pushing me up against his car and my ass is bumping into the wing mirror and all I can feel is his lips, burning with the taste of whiskey, attacking mine. He’s fumbling for the keys, taking too long, I need to be inside the fucking car or I’ll rip his leather coat and jeans right off where he stands. He’s taking too long, trying to keep my attention and open the door at the same fucking time. It’s not working. I step back and yank open the door, he scowls, annoyed, I shrug and stick my tongue in his mouth, he pushes me into the back of the car, banging my head on the roof as I go in.

He’s all over me again, pawing at my tits, trying to rip away my shirt. I yank it over my head and pull my pants down. He’s grinning at me. Stupid cocky guy… squeezing my clit when all I really want is to… Oh fuck, keep doing it, harder now, yessssss… He’s stopped, he’s not there, the door is closed and he’s ripping off his clothes and he’s back, he’s kissing me again, I don’t want this, I don’t want to kiss, I want to come!

I reach for his cock, long and hard… he’s groaning thrusting into my hand, this isn’t what I what either… I bring him down towards me, he knows what I want, I can see it in his clear blue eyes, I can feel the ways he’s humming for me.

Now he’s thrusting into me, his thick, hard, cool length… Wait, not cool, cool is bad… Cool is vamps… Ah shit… fucking a vamp this isn’t what… and I don’t give a shit anymore cuz he’s pounding into me so fast and hard and I can feel him all the way inside of me and I’m close to coming, close to dying and he’s pounding into me harder and harder and screwing me and this isn’t the way it should be, I don’t get screwed. Ever. I turn his cool body, still inside mine over so I’m on top, fucking him, screwing him, I’m in control and he can’t do shit about it, he knows it, he watches me, his hands reaching up to touch my nipples, so cool and soothing on my burning body and I’m still not coming. I rock on him, grinding myself onto his cock so hard it’ll probably hurt him, but Christ on a cross, it’ll make us both come. He’s grinning, why is he grinning, it isn’t funny, I have to come, I have to die, that’s what happens, I’m evil, I’m bad, I come, I die!

“Cor, pet, keep it up, like that…” He’s smiling and groaning and moaning and telling me what to do, that isn’t the way it work, I’m the one in control, I’m the one who says what goes. I start to graze my hands down his chest, scratching his hard little nipples, not gently, I’m scratching them hard enough to draw blood, this isn’t about sex anymore, this about him wanting to come before me, I’m not gonna let him come, I wanna come, I need to come, I need to die.

He scowls at me, I keep on rocking on his hard dick, he’s angry at me, angry at being fucked, he flips us back over, my head bangs against the cold, damp window.

He’s smiling, one of those smiles vamps have right before the kill, maybe I’m a little scared, just maybe, but isn’t what this is about? The coming, the killing, the death.

I’m not ready to die just yet, I need to live a little more, fuck a lot more… He can’t kill me, I won’t let him, he can fuck me to death, make me come until I bleed but I won’t let him kill me.

He’s sucking on my neck, bastard, like I don’t know what he’s planning, gonna bite me, gonna kill me. No way, I don’t think so you fucker, I’m about to hit him, to pull away from his body, whether he’d made me come or not but then he pulls his mouth away from my neck, he’s eyes glow gold and then he kisses me. With fangs. And man, is that a turn on. Fucking vamps is a blast, I can see why B’ is so down bout not being able to fuck Angel. He’s thrusting into me again and harder and faster and right down into me and I can feel him inside, completely. I clamp down on him hard and fast and he’s starting to groan and moan and all these not so cute animal noises and he’s reaching down and pinching my clit and I’m gonna come and ahhhhhhh fuck I’m coming and screaming and he’s coming with me, both screaming and yelling and feeling and coming and dieing – no, wait, he’s already dead – ok then, just me who’s feeling the death then. Feeling death, needing death, just like always.

I shove him off me, I’ve come, I don’t want anything else, not saying I wouldn’t mind another go with this one but time to go kill the bad guys, I yank my halter back over my head and pull up my pants from around my knees, never got around to taking them completely off.

He’s not doing anything, just sitting there, naked, staring at my tits as I pull my clothes on as if he’s a fourteen year old kid looking at porn with his first boner. I grin and lean forward placing a kiss on his cheek, just below his god damn awesome cheekbones. I’m telling you, no demon alive, er, undead, deserves to be as gorgeous as this blue eyed blonde vampire.

I straddle him to get past him and out of the door, he gives me this cocky grin and I feel he’s cock twitch. I definitely wouldn’t mind a second go with him. Placing one final kiss on his lips I scramble out the car.

He catches my hand as I’m climbing out, I nearly trip “What’s your name, luv?” Pffttt, like I’m gonna tell him my name, I don’t think he needs the ego booster of knowing he made a slayer come. I wonder how many slayers he killed before? He didn’t kill me, but he helped me to die just a little bit more.

“Well who’d a thought…” I mutter, just loud enough for him to hear above the noise of the club. I wink once and run off. No point in staying around long enough for him to kill me, just make me come, make me die a little bit.

~finis