We hear the voice of a GAMESHOW ANNOUNCER reading
off a question.
it – a)John Donne, b)John F.
Kennedy, or c)Jon Bon Jovi.
2
INT.
HUNTER'S FLAT – DAY
We open on a fishtank; or rather, THROUGH a
fishtank, in which trendy, expensive tropical fish and miniature sharks swim.
HUNTER (V.O)
Jon Bon Jovi. Too easy.
And, if you ask me, a complete load
of bollocks.
Through the fishtank, we see a trendy flat – the home of a bachelor of independent means. We see HUNTER, 17, unattached, as he moves through it...
HUNTER (V.O) (CONT'D)
The way I see it, every man is
an
island.
...Or rather, we see PIECES of him, not his face yet, as he strolls through his place getting ready to go out.
Underneath the V.O., very quietly, we hear the patter of the game show continuing.
HUNTER V.O.
But the great thing is, this is
an
island age. Fifty years ago, for
instance, they didn't have daytime
TV
--
We see Hunter's hand loom into frame and turn off the TV.
HUNTER V.O CONT'D
Or
CD's, or DVD's, or home espresso
makers,
or anything cool, really.
As Hunter talks, we follow him as he goes to fetch his coat, and pass by various indications of his lifestyle.
HUNTER V.O CONT'D (CONT'D)
With the right supplies and the right
outlook, you
could be sun-drenched, tropical, a magnet
for Swedish
tourists.
Hunter picks up a piece of paper that reads, "Kristina – 7865-9878 – call me!", crumples it up, and throws it in the bin as he heads out. We finally see his face as he walks to the door…
HUNTER CONT'D V.O
I'd like to think I was an island. I'd
like
to
think I was Ibiza.
Hunter heads out the door.
3 EXT. HUNTER'S STREET – DAY
We see Hunter through the window of his car as he EXITS into the street (overexposed).
HUNTER (V.O)
All the same I was forced to visit
the mainland from time to time, and
observe their strange and barbaric
ways.
INSERT of Hunter's hand flicking the switchblade-like keys of his car. Then Hunter's hand turning the key of his car – the whine of the highly tuned engine blends into the sound of a BABY CRYING. Then the TIRES SCREECH as he pulls out.
4 INT. HYDE'S APARTMENT - DAY
The BABY'S CRYING continues. HYDE, an attractive man in his early twenties, comes towards Hunter holding out a SCREAMING BABY.
HYDE
(proud)
Hunter, this is Mosic. You can
hold her if you like.
HUNTER
Ah. Yes. Thank you.
Hyde thrusts baby Mosic into Hunter's hands. Hunter holds her gingerly away from his shirt.
HUNTER (CONT'D)
She's…
(thinks; what are you
supposed to say)
…delightful?
HYDE
Isn't she?
HUNTER
...
tell you the truth, Hyde,
I
think I'm being a bit crap with
her. You'd better take her back.
Hyde takes the baby back.
HYDE
(cocks his head)
Imagine, you could have one of
your own, if you'd get your act
together..
HUNTER
Your
place looks great.
They glance around the apartment, which looks like a hurricane hit it. Plastic toys all over the place. Videos strewn about. The white throw on the couch has a brown smear on it near where Hunter is sitting.
HUNTER (CON'TD)
I
hope that's chocolate.
The joke doesn't register on Hyde. ADS, Hyde's boyfriend, comes into the room, carrying Witch Baby, a hyperactive two-year-old who is blowing raspberries.
ADS
Say
hello to Hunter, Witchy!
HUNTER
(V.O)
Oh
here we go, it's the Anti-Christ.
(out loud)
Hello Witch Baby. How are you.
Witch Baby blows a raspberry at him.
ADS
She's
lovely.
HUNTER
Yes.
So, Hyde, how are you?
HYDE
A
little tired.
HUNTER
Ah.
Been burning the candle at
both ends?
HYDE
No.
Just had a baby.
HUNTER
Oh.
Of course.
ADS
What
about you, Hunter? How are you?
Any desire for a family of your
own,
yet?
HUNTER (O.S.)
(V.O)
I'd rather eat one of Witchy's
dirty nappies.
(aloud)
Not yet. I think I'm sort of alright as I am.
HYDE
Oh,
please, Hunter.
HUNTER
Please Hunter? Please Hunter what?
HYDE
Well, look at yourself! You're
17, you've never had a job, or
a relationship that lasted more than
two months. I wouldn't exactly say
you're okay. I'd say you were a
disaster. I mean really, what is
the point of your life?
ADS
...
pandas are watching us.
Hunter looks shocked. It takes a moment for him to respond
HUNTER
... bloody hell. Well, you're right,
there's pretty much no point to my life,
but thank you for pointing that out.
HYDE
Hunter,
the real reason we asked you to
come over is that so we could ask you...
ADS
No
not now! The Pandas can hear us!
They'll get angry!
HYDE
...How would you like to be Mosic's
Godfather?
Hyde smiles at Hunter expectantly. Ads looks terrified
HUNTER
...
seriously?
HYDE
Seriously.
HUNTER
Well,
listen, I'm really, truly
touched, but... you must be joking. I
couldn't possibly think of a worse
godfather for Mosic. I'll drop her on
her head at her christening, then I'll
forget about all her birthdays until
her eighteenth, when I'll take her out
and get her drunk and, well let's face it,
possible try and shag her. Seriously, very
bad choice.
Hyde looks a little horrified.
HYDE
I
just... I just thought you had
hidden depths, Hunter.
HUNTER
Oh no see, you've always had that
wrong. I really am this shallow.
Hunter smiles. We stay on the smile a beat too long as we hear a metallic TICKING sound.