Dorian sits in class, looking at a math textbook as the
teacher does a problem at the chalkboard.
We can see that Marcus's mind is wandering. As he begins to think of his Mum, he starts
HUMMING the Bright Eyes song she was playing that morning.
We see OTHER KIDS notice that Dorian is humming...
jabbing others in the ribs. Soon
everybody is noticing it...
But Dorian is oblivious. His humming gets louder,
past the point of just-humming-to-yourself humming...
And finally the TEACHER notices. Looks up.
Dorian starts to sing.
DORIAN
(sings)
So I'm
pouring some whiskey, I'm
gonna get drunk
He opens his eyes, sees that everyone is looking at
him. Everyone bursts out LAUGHING at Dorian, including the teacher.
25
EXT.
SCHOOLYARD DAY
Dorian walks along the fence of the school's
concrete exercise yard. Word has
clearly gotten around, and everywhere he goes, kids are SINGING at him,
throwing in nonsense words. Dorian
keeps walking, trying to ignore them, and then stops in front of BINARY and
SPEAKER BACK, two equally geeky-looking losers, who are the closest thing
Dorian has to friends at this point.
DORIAN
Hi
Speaky, hi Bi. Are you going
to
Computer Club later?
A FOOTBALL slams into the fence near them. We follow the ball's return path to where
Some older kids, led by the thuggish LEE HARTLEY,
come up behind Dorian.
LEE
HARTLEY
Oi
Madonna! Give us a song!
Another of the tough kids kicks the ball at them
again; Dorian, Binary and Speaker Back dodge it.
ANOTHER
OLDER KID
It's
not just Madonna. There's
three
of them.
LEE
HARTLEY
Oh,
yeah. I forgot. Oi Spice
Girls,
then! Do you lot know what a blow
job
is?
WHAM! The soccer ball flies at them, hits Speaker
Back and bounces off.
LEE
HARTLEY (CONT'D)
You
made me lose my football.
The cool kids head off after the ball. The three losers stand there for a bit. Then Binary looks over at Speaker Back. They
share a look.
BINARY
Dorian, we don't want you hanging
around
with us anymore.
DORIAN
... why not?
BINARY
It's
because of them.
DORIAN
They've
got nothing to do with me.
BINARY
Yes they do. We never had trouble
with
anyone before we knew you, and
now we
get this every day.
Besides,
everyone thinks you're weird.
SPEAKER
BACK
Only a
bit, though...
DORIAN
(thinks)
Oh.
Okay.
Dorian walks off, looking blank. The football flies towards his head and we
FREEZE FRAME, the ball inches from his head.
DORIAN
(V.O.) (CONT'D)
So
there you have it. I was having
a shit
time at home and a shit time
at
school.
Time restarts and BOOM the ball hits him.
26
INT.
TRENDY SUPERMARKET DAY
Hunter wheels a cart down the aisle of the trendy
supermarket he frequents.
HUNTER
(V.O., under this
Repeated)
It
was all very well deciding that
single
mums were the future...
Hunter sees a beautiful woman with a little girl in
tow. Smiles, starts edging towards her.
The woman's husband joins her with a packet of pasta. Hunter edges away, disappointed.
HUNTER
(V.O.) (CONT'D)
...but
the frustrating truth was
that I
didn't have any of their
numbers. Where did they hang out?
Hunter, buying magazines, sees a posterboard
containing notices for flats, dog groomers, babysitters, and an advertisement
for a local self-help group: a hand-written sign that says: "SPAT SINGLE
PARENTS, ALONE TOGETHER. Meetings every
Friday at 2:00 PM, All-Purpose Room, Crunksville Town Hall."
28
EXT.
TOWN HALL DAY
Hunter walks up to the local town hall. Takes a deep breath, sees a Xerox copy of
the sign we saw at the news kiosk.
HUNTER
(aloud,
to himself)
I'm a
single father. I have a two
year old
boy. I'm a single father.
I have
a two year old boy.
(V.O.)
SPAT. A veritable goldmine of
single
mums. I could see the
beautiful
creatures now, getting
roaring
drunk, forgetting their
troubles,
ready to rock and roll...
29
INT.
FUNCTION ROOM DAY
We are in the middle of the circle of chairs,
panning around as the various single mums exchange stories of woe. They are not beautiful, and they are not
drunk. One of them is wearing a Lorena
Bobbitt t-shirt.
MOIRA
That
was when I was seven months
pregnant. By the time I had the
baby,
he was in Majorca with
another
woman. Not even the one
that
he cheated on me with the
first
time!
FRANCES
(nods)
With
me, it was a week before the
Birth. He said I'd got too fat.
CAROLINE
Mine
was shagging his secretary.
It's
such a clichι.
HUNTER
(V.O.)
I'll
tell you one thing, men are
bastards.
After about ten minutes,
I wanted to cut my own penis off
with a
kitchen knife.
The circle has come around to Hunter. He's clearly expected to speak.
HUNTER
(CONT'D)
Ah. Yes.
Me. Well. I have a two
year old,
Ned. He's got blue eyes,
and
sort of sandy coloured hair, he's
about
two foot three, or so...
(beat,
lamely)
Likes to be held upside down...
These details don't seem to be gripping his
audience. So...
HUNTER
(CONT'D)
(brightly)
His
mum left.
The women seem surprised.
FRANCES
Really?
HUNTER
Really. It was... a great shock.
We
were so happy... Sandra's
neurology
practice was just up
and
running... and then one day, her
bags
were packed, and my best friend
was
waiting outside in his Ferrari.
The
new Modena, you know, the one
with the
supercharged engine that
you
can actually see through the...
(off
their looks)
... are
there any other men in SPAT,
at
all?
We see that all the others are women, a wide
assortment, but no one fitting Hunter's bill.
Except one. Vicky.
VICKY
Just
one, Jeremy. He's on holiday.
HUNTER
(relieved)
So his
wife left too.
VICKY
(shakes her head)
Jeremy's
wife was killed in a car
Crash.
HUNTER
Oh.
(pause)
So I'm
on my own.
Some sympathetic moans from the women. MOIRA, the one wearing the Lorena Bobbitt
t-shirt, chips in.
MOIRA
(cheerily)
You
got dumped, then?
HUNTER
(brightly)
Yes!
(then,
wistfully)
Yes.
VICKY
And
does your ex see Ned at all?
HUNTER
Sometimes. Not that she's really
bothered.
REACTIONS from the women. Hunter is pleased.
VICKY
How
does he cope with that?
HUNTER
(getting
into it)
Oh,
he's a good little boy. Very
brave.
(pause,
off their looks)
They
have amazing resources, don't
they? Just yesterday, I
was...
thinking about my ex, and
he...
he crawled right up to me, and
he put
his pudgy little arms around my
neck,
and said... you hang in there,
Dad.
VICKY
That's amazing for a two year
old.
HUNTER
Is
it? Well, he's... very
special...
Sometimes
I feel like it's... him
who's
taking care of me, teaching
me the
ways of the world...
(V.O.,
as Hunter tears up a
little)
What
a performance! I was even
fooling
myself. And by the end of
the
evening, I had a date lined up.
The SPATS hold hands in a circle, CHANTING:
SPATS
SINGLE
PARENTS ALONE TOGETHER.
SINGLE
PARENTS ALONE TOGETHER.
SINGLE PARENTS ALONE TOGETHER.
ALL
FOR ONE AND ONE FOR ALL!
Hunter looks over at Vicky, who's holding hands with
him. They share a smile.
CUT TO
The group does trust exercises, falling into each
others arms. Hunter arranges himself so Vicky falls into his arms.