BLACK SCREEN: The words, "Company". We hear the screech of tires, and a radio playing cheesy music, probably the theme song of some TV show from the seventies. Or, you know, a bad porno soundtrack.

OPEN ON: Sangy and Sam's street. An old, beat-up car comes down the hill, and we CUT INSIDE, to find HYDE RED at the driver's seat with LOKI DAWKINS sitting mostly-asleep in the front. Though the camera has a shadowy back-seat-type view and we can't see their faces, we can make out Hyde's flaming red hair, as bright as Ruby's. He whistles along with the radio, pauses as they reach the Red house. He shakes Loki by his shoulders

HYDE

Get up, get up, get up. We're here.
This is the spot? Is this it - yeah.

LOKI
(yawns)
oh, man.

Hyde pulls over and parks in the street, blocking their driveway entirely. We close on - careful not to show his face - Hyde's hand, reaching into the glove compartment and taking out some kind of twisted mutation of binoculars.

CUT TO: Fridge shot of Sangy. She reaches into the freezer, grinning widely, and pulls out a large pink box, careful not to make any noise. We cut outside as Hyde and Loki sneak along the side of the house and peer in through the kitchen window. Then back to Sangy; she fishes out a finger-full of pumpkin pie from underneath the skin. Hyde's head pokes up, peering through the window. Most of his face is covered by the binoculars-headgear.

HYDE
(whispers)
Ah. There's one of them.

Loki's head pops up too; we see his face for the first time, and man is it pretty. We have a shot from their POV of Sangy dissecting the pumpkin pie

HYDE
Wo-man of the house.

LOKI
Looks dangerous.

HYDE
Ohhh yeah, she's a loose cannon.

They look at each other, then back at Sangy. They nod, and slowly lower their heads out of view.

CUT TO: Sangy sneaks back into the bedroom and gets into bed next to a Sam, who lies with his back facing her. There's a beat.

SANGY

... okay, I had a little pumpkin pie.

SAMWISE
San-gy!
(elbows her. She grunts)

CUT TO: Ruby's bedroom, close-up on the doorknob. It twists, slowly, and the door swings open to reveal... empty space. We pan down until we see Hyde, crawling on all fours with his binoculars on and a polaroid camera hanging from his neck. He crawls over to Ruby's bed, where she lies sleeping, takes the binoculars off, picks up his camera. He poises for action, fingers over the edge of the blankets, camera at the ready. Then suddenly rips the covers off and takes a picture of Ruby sleeping in her underwear.

She snaps awake

HYDE
Hi!

RUBY

... hyde! Hyde, you asshole!

She tackles him to the floor, both of them laughing and Hyde still taking pictures

RUBY
(gently punches him)

Asshole!

Loki, waiting out in the hall, wanders a bit closer to the open door, smiling at them. Suddenly Sangy's door opens and she comes in, swinging a baseball bat.

LOKI
(puts his hands up defensively, eyes

widening)
I'm with your son!

She barrells into Ruby's room and turns the light on. Blinks, looks at Ruby and Hyde wrestling

SANGY
What the hell is he doing here?

HYDE

wha?

SANGY
The guy in the hall, who's the guy in the hall?

HYDE
Oh Eru. I thought he was with you.

Sangy stares. Hyde gets to his feet, helps Ruby up, and gives Sangy an 'I'm kidding' laugh

SANGY
(takes his binocularthings)
What the hell are these?

HYDE
That's a new toy.

RUBY
(looks at Loki)
Oh Eru. Who's he?

HYDE
Oh, that's Loki Dawkins.

RUBY
Shit.

Ruby walks off to get dressed. Hyde looks into the hall

HYDE
Who's that?!

Sangy turns her head to look, binocularthings on. It's Sam in his pajamas.

CUT TO: Hyde and Loki follow Sam into the kitchen, talking.

HYDE
So I figured what the hell, Sam's always got a

thousand-pound turkey, let's surprise her. Hey,

where you hidin' Mr. Gobbles, is he down in the

basement with a dead, stinky Monty?

Ruby enters, with a robe on over her underwear. Loki looks at her

LOKI
Hi.

RUBY

(sarcastically, to the general kitchen-populous)
Hi. Guess Ads isn't coming?

Sam, going about making coffee, looks over to see that Hyde's taken the pie out of the fridge and is about to dig in. Ruby takes over the coffee-making process and Loki meanders over, leaning against the counter next to her

SAMWISE
(gasps and runs over)
Hyde no! Put that back! Oh, look what your mother

did already with her crazy fingertips.

HYDE
That fiend -
(notices catJugger on the counter, immediately

loses interest in pie and picks him up)
Jugger! Oh, it's Jugger!
(meowhisses at him)

LOKI
(leans over to Ruby)
So uh, are you losing your mind yet? How long have

you been here?

RUBY

Eleven hours and fourteen minutes.

I'm not gonna make it.

HYDE

(hisses at Jugger)
He's not responding at all -

Sam.
(puts Jugger down)
I have got the best trendy booze for you, it's

apple cinnamon liqueur, we are pushing it all

over the northeast but you get it first because

you are Samwise Gamgee, trendsetter, spin Sammy!
(takes Sam's hand and begins spinning him

around the kitchen)
Spin Sammy! Mi grande padre, with a light

merengue backbeat and you know you're

digging it! You know you're digging it!

LOKI
(watches Hyde fondly)
Ah, the kid has moves, huh? It's all in the hips.

RUBY
Woah. You just got here what, five minutes ago?

Ruby walks off, pours herself a glass of orange juice and heads to another side of the kitchen, leaning against the counter

SAMWISE

oh no oh no oh no -

HYDE
Why?

SAMWISE
I'm gonna have a stroke, my Eru -

HYDE
oh, Eru Schmeru - woah, you're a little smelly, my

Hobbit. Go on, get in the shower, have a shower

for us, huh? Change outta your pajamas.

Sam bustles out of the kitchen, Hyde rubs his face

HYDE
Man, I'm starving. Dawkins, Loki? You wanna cook?

LOKI
Yeah, sure thing.

Loki goes about making breakfast, or something like it, and Hyde moseys on over to Ruby and leans against the counter next to her

HYDEd
So, catch me up. How's L.A.? How's our lovely nephew,

Mister Warren?
(takes the orange juice from her, sips it)

RUBY
C'mere, c'mere.
(sits up on the counter and whispers to him)
Did you um, did you check your messages on - on your

machine?

HYDE
No, I been on the road all day, why?

RUBY
Well when you finally do check them...
(laughs a little bit)
I was kind of...

HYDE

what?

RUBY

Fragile.

Hyde raises his eyebrows at her. Loki drops an egg on the tile

HYDE
Hoo! Check out that Loki, huh? He used to be a cook in

Montana. Now, he's in Boston, and he's mine. He's just

mine mine all mine, aren't ya, Loki?

LOKI
(kneels down to clean up the egg, grins at Hyde)
You bet.

HYDE
(to Ruby)
He's taking over half my territory so I'm just introducin'

him around.

RUBY
Excellent.

HYDE
He's cute.

RUBY
He's swell. How's Ads?

HYDE
(hesitates a bit)

... how's Ads? How's Ads - how's anyone, it's Crunksville!

He stands up straight and puts his hands out, pulling Ruby off the counter

HYDE
Come on, dance with - jump in the yolk. Yolk and the jump

in the yolk... dance with me, right Dawkins?

LOKI
Whatever you say, pal.

HYDE
(dances with gigglingRuby)
Remember? Remeeember? Punch yer teeth in?

CUT TO: the bathroom. Ruby is in the shower; Sam is sitting and talking to her, making up a grocery list.

SAMWISE
A couple of bachelors on the road, a girl on every porch.

Life is just one big Hawaiian luau for your brother and that

boy Loki.

RUBY
Oh come on, Sam. Loki's with Hyde. They're together.

Sam begins to hum, loudly. Ruby just raises her voice

RUBY
Obviously there's something wrong between Hyde and Ads and

I was not told.

SAMWISE
I've made up a list. Some last minute foods for Mr. Bigmouth

and his friend.

(tears the list off and leaves it on the toilet-lid, then walks out)

Then I want you to hurry up, and go get your

Aunt Misty before I have to hear how we forgot she exists...

RUBY
Sam, close the door behind you okay? No? Alright, no problem,

I usually shower in public. I have no pride, I have no rights...
I'm only four years old.

There's a beat; then we hear Hyde laugh, in an Igor-type way, offscreen. Ruby stops, rolls her eyes.

HYDE
(giggles, goes on with the Igor voice)

eeehee... it's me... meester wonderful... I want your -

RUBY
I swear to Eru, Hyde, I'm naked in here, and I am too old for -

Hyde tears open the shower curtain and snaps a picture. Ruby blinks

END SCENE

EXT. PARADE - DAY

Ruby stands at a payphone on the sidewalk, with an armful of groceries, while Hyde and Loki run around and be general idiots. Hyde's got a giant foam finger. He runs around cheering; Loki runs over with a football and Hyde jumps on his back. They wobble over to Ruby

HYDE
Ruby! Ruby, get off the phone now! You're not being a

Crunksvillian!

RUBY
I don't get it.

HYDE
What?

RUBY
I don't get it, nobody's answering.

Loki sets Hyde down

HYDE
No no, don't worry about it.
(takes the phone from her and hangs it up)
Listen, we're gonna go get some tickets.

Loki taps him on the shoulder with the football; Hyde takes it

LOKI

I'm goin' long! I'm goin' long!

Hyde tosses the football, Loki catches it and does a touchdown dance

HYDE
Go Loki! I said go Loki!

RUBY
My hero. You feeling a little foolish?

LOKI
Sure, there somethin' wrong with that?

Hyde dances around with his giant finger in the background, babbling about nothing. Ruby and Loki make their way over to the car and find it locked.

HYDE
The star player, Loki AKA the Snake Dawkins! You

know I'm starting the nose story now, right? You don't

mind?

(Loki throws the football at him)
He's deep in the pocket! Let's roll!

(catches it)
Ohhh, score! It is a sca-hore! It is a sca-hore! Loki, damn,

come on, it's your story man, baby, help me out. What

happened next?

LOKI
Nothiiiing...

HYDE

So, Loki breaks his nose. All afternoon blood and yellow

is flying out of his nose, it's - it's Amityville!
(shimmies over to the car, shakes his foam finger

in Ruby's face)
But the Snake is unphased. Un-phase-ed.

(throws the ball at Loki, who catches it)

RUBY

Way to go, Loki, kick ass, HYDE.

HYDE
Huh?

RUBY
Get over here and unlock this car. Now.

HYDE

That's not the point.

CUT TO: them driving a short time later. Hyde's driving, Ruby's shotgun, and Loki's in the backseat

HYDE
The point is he can't sleep, 'cause he can't breathe

right all weekend.

LOKI

oh, God.

RUBY
Who cares? Who gives a... rat's...

(waves hand)

HYDE

Well I think Loki cares.

LOKI
No I think we've heard enough Hyde, come on! Enough

with this!

HYDE

So his parents are concerned, they cart him off to the nasal

specialist. The guy pulls out these big tweezers, you know,

ten, twelve inch -

Loki and Ruby continue to make exasperated noises

HYDE
And he starts, just to -

LOKI

Hyde, there is no point to this -

RUBY
But he learned this story somewhere.
(looks at him)

HYDE

- so we're back to the doctor, see, and he's just

(sticks his fingers up his nose to demonstrate)

rootin' around up inside his schnoz up there and -

oh! Contact, contact!

RUBY
My Eru, Hyde -

HYDE
And now what was originally just a little sizzle

full of pukey bubbles and pellets has grown into

a horrible, shiny, fleeceless disgusting, skinless

ferret -

RUBY
(laughing)
Come on, Hyde.

HYDE

They had to pull out the power tools, the Stanley

Steemer to pull that damn thing out. Get a little -

get a fulcrum on there and it comes flying outta

there -

RUBY
What?

HYDE
- and the puss and the blood and the pooop and it

took out half your brain, and it was horrible and it

just smelled -

(puts his fingers to his nose, then Ruby's)
smell this smell, smells like a horse's buttflap -

RUBY
(smacks his hand away)
Stop! Stop it!

Hyde slams on the brakes

HYDE

Whatever you say, babe.

RUBY
I meant you, not the car. You know I meant you.

HYDE
Be specific.

LOKI
I just don't remember it being this bad -

HYDE

Well of course not, lovebug. It's denial. Because

basically it's the kinda thing that would have

flown out of Ruby's uterus.

Ruby's jaw drops. Loki bursts into laughter

RUBY
(beats Hyde with her groceries)
Out, Hyde, I'm out!

(opens the door, gathers her crap)
You guys have so much fun.

HYDE

That was wrong. It feels wrong.

RUBY
So much fun.
(gets out)
Have fun. Have a lot of fun.

She slams the door and stomps down the sidewalk

LOKI

She's your sister, for Eru's sake, Hyde -

HYDE
(laughs, stops, looks at him seriously)
You have got to fix this, man, because you

have hurt her feelings.

LOKI

I hurt her feelings.

HYDE
No, I tell you, we'll take care of this.
(starts to drive, slowly, alongside Ruby)

Get your skinny little ass back in here!

Ruby ignores him.

HYDE

Come on, Ruby, people are starting to look

at your wardrobe!

(sticks his head out the window)

LOKI

Come on, he didn't mean it!

HYDE

Come on, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.

RUBY

(tries to keep a straight face, fails)

Okay, alright.

She goes back to the car, laughing. The minute her hand touches the door handle, Hyde speeds off and out of view. We hear his tires screeching offscreen. Ruby sighs and starts walking. Then a convertible, shiny and new, pulls up next to her. Ruby glances at the two people in it and keeps going, but then the girl starts talking

JENNIFER

Ruby? Ruby Red?

Ruby stops and looks at her, eyebrows raised.

JENNIFER
It's Jenny Gardner. Jennifer -

RUBY

... Jennifer, homecoming... queen?

JENNIFER
Yes! Ruby Red, most likely to be a streetwalker!
(fake-laughs)
So, I'm in Miami now, with Astin.

ASTIN

Yo, Ruby. Long time no see.

RUBY

Likewise, Gardner.

Hyde's car flies past; we hear more screeching tires, accompanied by his Bad Porno Music. Jennifer just talks louder

JENNIFER
But you're divorced now, huh? You and Rivers?

RUBY

Years ago, years ago. ... actually, we were never

even married to begin with -

The car goes by again

JENNIFER
Oh! My mother said that your mother said you're

in Crunksville.

RUBY
L.A.

JENNIFER
But not - you're not living... back here?

RUBY
No, I am certainly not living back here. This is not

my enormous coat. I, of course, lost the stylish one

that fits me at the airport.

Hyde zooms past, again.

JENNIFER
(laughs)
So. Where's your daughter, and don't you have a

little -

RUBY
Son. He's not so little. ... I mean, he's not fat, he's -

Loki walks up suddenly - out of nowhere - and puts a hand on Ruby's shoulder

LOKI

He's eighteen. And gosh, speaking of coats, isn't

yours endangered?

JENNIFER
(proudly)
Yes.

(pauses)
... but it wasn't - you know, it wasn't... when I bought it.

LOKI

Huh. Guess you did your part then.

Jennifer blinks a minute, confused; then she gets it and whispers for Astin to drive. They speed off. Ruby and Loki watch them go, then start walking again

RUBY
That was very good. Very clever. Thank you.

LOKI

Don't sweat it, don't sweat it. Hey listen, I have this

fantasy -

RUBY
I don't want to hear about it. And he's sixteen. My kid

is sixteen, not eighteen, because yes I started early, but

not that early.

LOKI
Am I like, totally turning you off?

RUBY
(stops)
Are you what?

LOKI
Why don't you just say so? I am, please.

RUBY
What do you expect? Ads meant a lot to me.

LOKI

Ads again? You know, this guy is really starting to

piss me off!

RUBY
Ads was special, I thought he was the one -

(sneezes)

LOKI
Bless you. Listen, maybe Ads was an honest mistake!
You know, shit happens! I'm not trying to forget about

him or anything.

RUBY
Why should I discuss this with you?

They start walking again

LOKI

Don't worry, listen, I didn't believe your kid was eighteen

for a second.

RUBY
I'm not worried. Do I look worried?

LOKI
Well, you look a little tense, you do.

RUBY

... well I'm certainly not worried about what you think. I mean -
I don't even know you... so how can I... be worried about anything

that's...

We hear the sound of Hyde's radio, growing louder as they go. Ruby continues to ramble, and Hyde pulls up and rolls down the window

HYDE

Mother of Marcus, come on!

They stop and stare.

HYDE

This is ridiculous. Aunt Misty's waiting, we gotta go.

(they stare at him doubtfully)
Let's go. Ruby, come on.

(No one moves.)

... come on! Come on, I'm serious. Come on -

Ruby hesitates, reaches for the handle.

LOKI
I wouldn't do that -

Ruby touches the handle. Hyde immediately speeds off.

END SCENE