TEXT: 'More Relatives'

HYDE (offscreen, continued)

She'll bounce back, you'll see. Trust me.

Hyde's voice fades out and is replaced by Misty on the piano, and Sam humming along. We have a shot THROUGH THE WINDOW as a car pulls into view; then we cut back to see Hyde peering out of that window, armed with an empty paper-towel tube. He puts it to his mouth and uses it like a megaphone, making siren-noises over Misty's music

HYDE
WOOH, battlestations! WOOH, battlestations!
The effeminate Erik is here!

He runs around the room, past LOKI, who sits on the couch flipping through Ruby's yearbook

LOKI
Ruby, is this you? Is this you? Oh my Eru, look

at that Charlie's Angels haircut!

Ruby, holding a phone to her ear and the post-it note with Em's number on it, makes the >_< face. Hyde continues to scream "BATTLESTATIONS!" in the background

RUBY
Please put that down.

Hyde darts over and kneels next to her, talks quietly

HYDE
They're not moving. They're playing possum. I'm

no fool. I'm gonna flush 'em out of the bucket.

RUBY
Hyde, don't start right -

HYDE
(looks dramatically ahead)
Bye bye.

He gets up and runs off.

RUBY

- don't start right in on Erik -
(looks at the phone)
No answer, still. They must be... eating.

She hangs up and walks off.

We CUT TO the car in the driveway; inside it are ERIK, his wife WYNTER, their daughter (made teenaged again thanks to Misty) SPIDER and her son TRICKSTER. Wynter stares out the window at Hyde's car

WYNTER
So all you have to do is ignore him, Erik. Don't let

him get to you, 'cause that's what he thrives on.

ERIK
I was told he wouldn't be here, Wynter, so I didn't

prepare myself. I'm going to sit here and prepare myself.

SPIDER

Mom, this gravy's leaking. If it ruins my dress, I'll just -

ERIK

What, you'll sue us?

Suddenly something hurls itself onto the hood of the car; we cut to see that it's Hyde, 'rawr'ing, making a claw with one hand and holding a football in the other.

ERIK

... lock the doors.

Wyn does so; Hyde taps Wyn's window gently with his football, then smushslides his face against Spider's, tongue sticking out, roaring.

HYDE

T-rex!

He jumps onto the trunk/windshield. Trickster tapes the whole thing, giggling.

SPIDER
Mom, tell him to stop!

Hyde hops down, goes around and raps sharply on Erik's window

HYDE
Hey, is this safety glass?

Erik spazzes and gets out

ERIK

Hey! Hey Mr. Funny Business!

Hyde feigns fear and backs up, then grins and walks around to open Wyn's door for her

HYDE

'ey Wyn. 'Ow aaare ye.

(pokes his head closer)
Where you been, we ate already.

ERIK
What?! Mom distinctly said -

WYNTER
(giggling)
Erik, he's lying.

Hyde opens the kids' door too (he's very polite) and looks at the various tupperware containers they've been forced to carry

HYDE

Get outta there, gimme that food.

Wyn gets out of the car, carrying a flower arrangement and various other containers.

WYNTER
The gravy's leaking - hold it, Hyde!

Ruby walks outside to greet them. Erik takes Wyn's flowers and walks up the sidewalk with them, followed by the kids, while Wyn and Hyde argue over who carries what. Erik reaches Ruby

ERIK
Hey guys, hug your Aunt Ruby.

RUBY
Hey, Spider!
(both children edge between Ruby and Erik and continue without a hug.)
Eh, I've got a cold.

ERIK
Aw.

Ruby gives him a sisterly kiss on the cheek. He tries to walk, but she half-chases him, attempting to wipe her lipstick off of him

ERIK

How's Mom?

RUBY
She's in the kitchen. She's fine

Loki walks out and reaches for the flower arrangement

LOKI
Here, gimme some of that. I'm Loki Dawkins.

ERIK

(swivels away)

... excuse me, you're what?

LOKI

Dawkins?

RUBY
Loki Dawkins, that's his name.

Erik stares blankly at Loki; after a beat, Loki walks to the car to help with whatever might be left. Erik smirks and looks at Ruby

ERIK
I guess congratulations are in order.

RUBY
(blink)

... no! He's with Hyde! I think something awful's

happened between Hyde and Ads!

ERIK

(smiles a bit)
Yeah. And everyone in town knows it.

He walks off. Ruby blinks again, confused.

CUT TO: the living room. The men (and Sangy) (and Misty) (and Wyn) (minus Sam) (and Erik) (wait) sit around and wait while the others work in the kitchen. Sangy leans back, eyes shut, in the recliner, Misty sits in a chair nearby and the rest are squished onto the couch (Hyde, Erik, Trickster, and Loki, in that order). Jugger (still in cat form) sits on the coffee table, eating from the snack-bowls they've set out. Loki leans forward and whispers at Hyde

LOKI
Shouldn't we go in there and see what's taking

so -

SANGY
(loudly, eyes still shut)
They don't want us to.

Loki leans back, silent.

CUT TO the kitchen. Sam and Erik bustle about, and Spider dances around chanting 'step-ball-change', leaving Ruby to watch helplessly and try to stay out of the way.

SAMWISE
Look at all these sweet potatoes. We don't

need all these sweet potatoes!

ERIK
Wyn will eat them. Did you forget the jell-o salad?
I bet you did.

SAMWISE
Ruby, my hot pads now have little labels on them

so you'll know where what goes where.

He hands a stack of them to her. She takes them and walks away, sighing

RUBY
I may pass out.

CUT TO: the living room. Misty takes the bread off from around a celery sandwich, one of the delicious appetizers Erik set out, feeds the bread to Jugger and eats the celery, noisily, like a chipmunk. Hyde picks up the wine bottle from the table and looks at Misty's empty glass

HYDE
More wine?

MISTY
Mmm! It's good, it's sweet, not like that dry stuff

you send me.

He pours her some more wine and leans back.

HYDE
Hey that's a sporty necklace. Did you make that

yourself?

MISTY
(nods, holds it out proudly)
Fruit loops!

HYDE
Wow.

Sam pokes his head out from the kitchen

SAMWISE
Maybe if one or two of you helpless gentlepeople aren't

busy you could give us a hand in here with all these crazy

birds.

Sangy, Hyde, Wyn and Loki stand up, immediately.

SAMWISE
Not you, Sangy! You're not strong enough with that wrist.

Let the younger people do it.
(smiles)

CUT BACK to the kitchen. We close on Spider doing something random and pointless, like arranging carrots in a fancy design or some crap like that, and slowly pan away to capture all the action going on in the kitchen

SPIDER
Look what I did. Isn't it just too perfect, what I did?

ERIK
Oh, it's beautiful, honey-pie.

Hyde nearly runs into Wyn, who is carrying the turkey, and tries to take it from her.

HYDE

Here, let me -

ERIK
Hyde, no, let Wynter-fresh take mine in.

WYNTER
Beep-beep, brother in law.

HYDE

Hey, three B's! She's a poet and she barely knows it.

Wynter goes onto the dining room. Hyde walks behind Erik and fixes the tag on his shirt

HYDE
You got that tag out, d'you want that tag out?

Sangy and Sam start to carry their turkey out of the kitchen. Sam lets go for a split second to grab a plate and Sangy immediately almost-drops it, swearing loudly. Sam shrieks but saves it just in time.

RUBY
Sam - Sam, let us, okay?

SAMWISE
No, we're alright.

RUBY
Just calm down - Mom, did you hurt your wrist?

Ruby moves out of the doorway as they pass through. Loki edges around them and shimmies inside, standing next to Ruby, looking for something to help with. Hyde runs over and grabs each of them by the shoulders

HYDE
This is your last chance for Jack-n-the-box. Chicken

supreme - super tacos - jumbo jack, Moby Jack -

He wanders into the dining room and Loki wanders into the kitchen, walking past Erik as he circles the breakfast table, counting off various plates and meals

ERIK
What am I forgetting?

LOKI

Sex.

RUBY
Drugs.

ERIK
(ignores them)
Dressing, cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes -

carrots! Where are the carrots?!

LOKI
Oh, cranberry sauce, I love cranberry sauce!
(runs over and begins shovelling it into his mouth)

RUBY
Me too - I got 'em, they're here. I got 'em.

Calm down.

ERIK

I can't remember everything - I can't do everything!

Ruby stops and looks at him

RUBY
Nobody asked you to.

Sam pokes his head in

SAMWISE

Come on, where is everybody? People are starving

in the former Yugoslavia.

SANGY (offscreen)
Come on, let's eat!

Anyone left in the kitchen edges out; the swinging door swings shut and we cut to black.

SAMWISEE (offscreen)
Come on, everybody sit down, boy-girl, boy-girl.

SANGY (offscreen)
Who cares where they're sitting? Let's get on with it!