Ruby
walks into the kitchen and, even though she knows where Sangy is, says:
RUBY
Mom, where are you please?
Without stopping she heads over and opens the door to the walk-in pantry to find Sangy inside, smoking a cigarette.
SANGY
Shut the door.
Ruby
does so, and walks over
RUBY
You okay?
(leans down, pushes her hair behind her ears
so she can see her mom)
You look – you look okay.
SANGY
It's all relative.
Sangy puts her cigarette out and sets the ashtray aside as Ruby turns over a bucket and sits on it.
RUBY
Nobody means what they say on Thanksgiving,
Mom, you know that. That's
what the day's supposed
to be all about, right?
Torture.
That and giving thanks that
we don't have to go
through this for another
year. Except we do, because
those bastards went and put
Christmas right in the
middle, just to punish us.
RUBY
Come on. Let's go out and keep eating, okay? It'll
all be if we just stuff
ourselves till we can't even... think
anymore.
SANGY
(sighs)
No it won't. You don't have a job, my sixteen year old
grandson is hopping into bed
with his mother's blessing...
and Misty's losing her mind.
I mean, all that stupid crap
about when we were kids
and... and Sammy...
Everybody's okay.
SANGY
And Hyde's somebody's wife!
RUBY
Mom, no – no... everybody's growing up.
(nods firmly)
We're all growing up.
SANGY
Boy, if that isn't the nail on the head. Look at my feet.
... look at your sneakers.
(holds up one canvas shoe, with holes cut in it at random
places. Chuckles)
What's with your sneakers, Ma?
oh, blisters. Sam cut some
holes in them so as to relieve
the pressure.
Your Sam.
SANGY
Yeah, but, big deal. What's it gonna be next week?
Sangy takes the shoe back and puts it on. There's several knocks outside the door. They grow louder until Hyde opens up and looks in, holding two plates of leftovers
HYDE
What's this, a couple women on the verge of a nervous
breakdown?
Sangy
gets up and heads out, followed by Ruby
SANGY
I hope you're happy Hyde. I hope it was a nice wedding
and I hope one of these
years you'll send your poor
devastated mother some
pictures.
(sighs, rolls his eyes)
We didn't take any pictures.
Ruby digs in Hyde's shirt pocket, searching for cigarettes. Her search is successful. Sangy goes about cleaning up the kitchen.
SANGY
Well then don't send me any pictures. Who would I
show them to anyway.
Everyone takes pictures, no
one... freakin' remembers
anything.
SANGY
You didn't take any pictures. How do you even know
it happened?
HYDE
Because I was there. Ads was there.
(puts the plates down on the table)
It happened, okay? It had nothing to do with you. Is
that alright? Tell me that's
alright.
SANGY
Why is everybody unhappy? If only my children were
happy, I could be happy –
oh God, mom.
RUBY
Mom, would you please stop –
SANGY
I could be happy!
HYDE
We're not unhappy!
SANGY
What did I do wrong? You're all so unhappy.
Sangy
walks away from the sink and the other two follow her, her ranting and them
protesting.
HYDE
You didn't do anything wrong!
SANGY
I rest my case –
HYDE
Mom – wait wait wait!
SANGY
(stops, turns around)
What, what, what.
Enough!
There's a brief silence. Hyde looks at his mom.
HYDE
You're a pain in my ass, you have bad hair... but
I like you a lot.
(puts his hand on her
shoulder)
SANGY
Well, you know me. I can't change.
HYDE
Believe me, neither can I, Ma.
(takes his hand away)
SANGY
(looks at him for a moment)
Even as a little boy, you didn't want us too close.
She exits, leaving an awkward silence. Hyde turns to look at Ruby, who leans against the counter, cigarette in her mouth. Hyde straightens his jacket collar. Silently, Ruby grabs a bottle of wine and pours some into a water-glass, which she hands to Hyde. They sit down at the table. Hyde takes a big swig.
RUBY
Erik. What a dick.
HYDE
Eh, I'm impervious. It's in one ear and out the
other. Life goes on.
Ruby switches the leftover-plates around. She takes the unlit cigarette out of her mouth, sets it on the table, leans over to the silverware drawer and grabs two forks out of it, then uses one leg to kick it shut. They settle down and take a couple bites of food. There's a beat, and then simutaneously they lean over and hug each other tight.
FADE TO BLACK. TEXT: 'Cleanup'. We hear the sound of a garden hose, the kind with the high-pressure sprayer attached to it, and over that the sounds of Loki, Hyde, Wyn and Trickster playing football: Trickster whining for Hyde to give him the ball, and Hyde commentating.
FADE IN: through the front window we have a shot of Sangy washing Hyde's car in the driveway, jacket on. We CUT TO Hyde, who's got the videocamera on and up to one eye. With the other hand he holds a football and is teasing Trick with it
TRICKSTER
Give it to me, Uncle Hyde!
HYDE
Red pulls back! He's never felt this kind of
pressure before! This –
(holds the
football above his head. Trick jumps at it)
this relentless a pursuit in his whole career!
By the car Loki and Wyn are struggling with each other, each trying to push the other out of the way. They both dodge Sangy
LOKI
all the way! All the way, Hyde!
Hyde chucks the football at them. Wyn runs for it, but Loki catches it first
LOKI
Oh!
WYNTER
He was – he was right in my way!
Loki jogs away and throws the ball back at her.
WYNTER
(to
herself, as there's no one else really around)
That's not fair, he can't be washing the car and
then playing football at the
same time.
CUT TO: Inside the house, Erik, Ruby, and Sam are cleaning up. Spider dances around the kitchen chanting nonsense. Erik hurries over to Sam, holding a bundled-up tablecloth
You have to soak this whole
tablecloth in
vinegar and lemon juice,
Sam, and right away.
SAMWISE
I have to burn it in hell.
Ruby walks over, carrying the ... what do they call it? The leaf, from the table? Spider dances over and points
SPIDER
That goes over there.
RUBY
thank you.
The
phone rings, Spider spins over
SPIDER
I'll get it!
(answers)
Hello? Guess who this is.
Cut
to Ruby, who watches Erik run around
RUBY
Hey Erik? You wanna get out of those clothes, I
mean really, Hyde's got some
stuff upstairs.
SPIDER
It's Warren, he wants to talk to Aunt Ruby.
Ruby's eyes widen. She makes a run for the phone, hoping to get there before Sam does, but he's too quick. He seizes the phone, squealing. Ruby tries to grab it from him, but he keeps swivelling away, just out of her reach
SAMWISE
Warren, Waaaarreeen! It's Sam! Happy Thanksgiving,
are you alright?
CUT TO Warren, in ... Em has an art room now if he didn't before, at the Bell house. Behind him a blonde figure (Em, duh) is splashing paint onto a wall.
WARREN
Ugh, I'm stuffed, I can't move.
SAMWISE (on phone)
Well don't do anything strenuous. Promise?
WARREN
How's Mom?
CUT
TO the kitchen
SAMWISE
She's like a rock. Which gives me hope that her son
will show a little common
sense...
Ruby
wins the fight for the phone and Sam wanders off, still talking.
Hi Warren. I never called
you, I swear.
CUT
TO Warren
WARREN
Oh God, you know what? I gave you the wrong number,
by mistake.
CUT TO Ruby as she attempts to untangle Misty, sitting at the kitchen table, from the phone cord. She manages to do so and leans against the wall as Erik rants endlessly around the room
WARREN (on phone)
So how's it going?
SAMWISE (offscreen)
Leave your sister alone.
RUBY
God, I miss you so much -
ERIK (offscreen)
You forgive them anything, just because they got out. Wow,
L.A.! Wow, Boston!
RUBY
(puts a hand on the phone)
Erik. I'm hearing this.
ERIK (offscreen)
So what, be my guest.
RUBY
(speaks into the phone)
Honey, I'm gonna try to sneak across the kitchen someplace nice
and safe.
She wanders over into the bathroom off the kitchen and shuts the door, sitting down. A faucet drips steadily.
it's me again.
CUT
TO Warren
WARREN
Hi you again.
RUBY (on phone)
Well?
WARREN
Um, so where are you now?
CUT
TO Ruby
I'm here. I said well.
WARREN (on phone)
Well what?
RUBY
Don't well what me. You know perfectly well
well what.
CUT
TO Warren
WARREN
Oh. That.
CUT TO Ruby, who leans over and attempts to silence the leaky faucet, turning knobs. It works.
RUBY
Yes, that. So did you... did you... ?
WARREN
No! Eru. Is that all you can think
about, sex on the brain? Em
had some
kind of creative... wave...
he had to work
on it now. Said I
wouldn't understand.
We cut to Warren to see that he's smiling fondly.
... art before you?
WARREN
Mom, I can handle it, okay? Just remember
the fish.
CUT
TO Ruby
Huh?
WARREN (on phone)
The angel fish, when we went snorkeling.
Misty
opens the bathroom door and pokes her head in
MISTY
Ruby, it's getting dark! How am I gonna get home?
I can't walk!
RUBY
I know I know I know, don't worry, we'll drive you.
Misty leaves, Ruby shuts the door again.
RUBY
That fish. The angel fish.
CUT
TO Warren, who chuckles
WARREN
Just float. Just relax. Just remember the fish, okay?
CUT
TO Ruby
okay.
(realizes he's about to
hang up)
honey – honey –
WARREN
Remember the fish, Mom.
CUT OUTSIDE. Wyn, Loki and Hyde are in the middle of the football game. Trick's supposed to be part of it, but really he's just running around randomly. Since I don't know anything about football, at all, here is the game as I see it: Hyde throws the ball to Loki. Hyde and Wyn run away. Loki throws it. Wyn dives for the ball. Hyde catches it. Hyde laughs at her and tosses the ball to her but she's mad for some reason that I can't figure out. So she tosses the ball down. It hits his car and bounces off onto the driveway.
What are you doing man? Huh?
WYNTER
I'm not doing anything, what are you –
That's my car. That's my car
(shoves her)
man, what are you doing?
what the –
(shoves back)
don't be screwing with my
car, you –
Hyde wrestles her to the ground and the writhe around for a while. Trickster tapes the whole thing. Wyn pins Hyde down and he struggles with her
get off me, you punk! you
are such a –
WYNTER
If you ever call my husband a name again –
LOKI
(runs over and tries to pull Wyn off Hyde)
Come on guys, this is stupid. Knock it off.
HYDE
He's my brother, I'll CALL HIM WHATEVER I
WANT!!
Hyde
tries to punch Wyn, but Wyn moves at the last second and Hyde ends up socking
Loki in the nose, whether that was the outcome Wyn intended or not. Loki
staggers away, clutching his nose
oh sorry dude.
There's a beat and then Hyde immediately pins Wyn to the ground.
HYDE
You made me hit my friend!
Sangy has apparantly finally noticed the fight, because although we're close on Hyde and Wyn we can hear her offscreen
Hey – what the hell - !
Then we cut back to see Sangy run over to them and hose them down with her high-pressure-watering-hose.
... what the hell?
Sangy looks over, notices that some of the neighbours have come out of their houses to see what the noise is. She waves a hand at them
SANGY
It's okay! Go back to all your own erudamn holidays!
HYDE
(directed towards Wyn)
Weenie!
SANGY
Come on guys. Shake hands. This is stupid.
HYDE
This isn't stupid, she's stupid.
Hyde grabs the hose and sprays Wyn with it. Wyn lunges at him. Sangy steps between them and Erik runs out of the house, coat on, trailing kids behind him.
ERIK
Stop it! Leave her alone! Just leave my family alone!
Erik herds the children and Wyn into the car. Sam runs out
SAMWISE
Stop this! Everyone – into the house! Before we're in the
evening news!
Wyn gets into the driver's seat and slams the door. She sticks her head out the window
WYNTER
Bonehead!
HYDE
Lost cause!
The car squeals off, still covered in soap (Sangy had apparantly started washing that one too. And didn't finish.) Sangy frowns after them
SANGY
Ahhh, shit. Deck the halls. I can't wait for goddamn Christmas.
END SCENE
INT. SANGY'S KITCHEN has been turned into a makeshift hospital of sorts. Misty sits in a chair, asleep, still clutching her handbag. Loki holds tissues up to his injured nose. Sam leads a soaking wet Hyde in and has him sit down while Sam attempts to dry him off. Ruby's mood has reached a manic kind of level and she talks excitedly to a smirking Loki
RUBY
Hey, why don't we get naked and go out into the fresh fresh
fresh evening air ...
She continues, and Hyde starts to pull his shirt over his head while Sam towels his hair. Sangy enters and Misty groggily awakes
SANGY
Okay, that's it. We're selling this dump. We're moving. I can't
take the shame.
She's pretty much ignored. The phone rings.
SAMWISE
Answer that, will you honey?
SANGY
(whines)
Me? What if it's one of your gay hobbit buddies, or our idiot
neighbour reminding us which day is trash day?
SAMWISE
Answer it, I'm busy.
SANGY
(grunts, walks over and answers the phone)
Herro, Led Lesidence. ... oh, hi Ads.
Hyde stops and watches, towel draped over his shoulders.
SANGY
Same to you. Ha, grand old time. Well, here he is.
Soakin' wet. Had to hose the genius down.
(starts to hand
the phone to Hyde, pauses)
Oh, uh, Ads? I think I mean this. Congratulations.
You're a good kid. You deserve a lot better.
She hands the phone to Hyde, pats his [facial]cheek. Walks off. Hyde slowly puts the phone to his ear.
HYDE
Hi.
ADRIAN (on
phone)
Hi baby, how are ya?
(Hyde says nothing, just sinks into a chair)
God I miss you.
HYDE
I'm not gonna make it.
ADRIAN (on
phone)
Listen, you're gonna be fine. Just relax and take a big
breath.
HYDE
How's my real family?
ADRIAN (on
phone)
Your real family's great. Everybody loves you. They're
all here eating turkey in our bed.
MOSIC (on
phone, in background)
Come home Daddy!
ADRIAN (on
phone)
Mosie says come home.
HYDE
(smiles widely)
I miss you man.
We cut to Sangy and follow her as she gets a six-pack from the fridge and walks into the living room. We hear Hyde's conversation continued in the background. Ruby spots Sangy and wanders after her
HYDE
(offscreen)
I dropped a forty-pound butterball in Erik's lap, just
for laughs. He's fine, actually, he's grown and changed
a lot...
Ruby pokes her head into the living room, where Sangy sits in her recliner, examining her One Ring Replicas. Ruby smiles
RUBY
You're not really gonna sell the house, are ya mom.
SANGY
(looks at her, smiles after a minute)
You wanna beer? Want some Rings?
(holds up the Ring she's got in her hand, sets it on the table)
How about money?
RUBY
Sure, I'll take a beer.
She saunters over and sits down next to her, snatching a Kleenex on the way there. She blows her nose while Sangy pops open a beer and hands it to her.
SANGY
Nothing fancy, now. Imported crap.
Here's to us.
(clumsily knocks her beer can with Ruby's)
Crunksvillians.
They both take a swig and direct their attention towards the TV, where the football game is playing.
RUBY
Enormous TV.
SANGY
Too big.
They watch the game in a content kind of silence. We FADE TO BLACK