Avery Orphanage

(They park the car by the Avery orphanage)

Hyde: What are we doing here?
Erik: You promised you'd visit the penguin the day you got out.
Hyde: Yeah? So, I lied to her.
Erik: You can't lie to her! We gotta go in and visit the penguin.
Hyde: No fucking way.

(Erik leads Hyde into the orphanage. They climb the stairs. Just before Erik knocks the door, a voice is heard from inside)

Misty: Who is it?
Erik: Hyde and Erik.
Misty: Come in.

(Hyde and Erik enter the room, the door shuts behind them)

Misty: Hello boys, nice to see you. Please, have a seat.

(Hyde and Erik sit on too small seats in the back of the room)

Misty: No, no boys. Come over here in front of me. I want to see your faces.

(Hyde and Erik shuffle up a bit closer)

Misty: The county took a tax assessment of this property last month. They want five thousand.
Erik: Doesn't the church have to pay that?
Misty: They would if they were interested in keeping the place, but they aren't. The Arch Bishop wants to sell this building outright to the board of Education.
Erik: What's gonna happen to you?
Misty: I'll become a hobo.
Hyde: Forget it, five grand's no problem, we'll have it for you in the morning. Let's go Erik.
Misty: No, no! I will not take your filthy stolen money!
Hyde: Well then, I guess you're really up shit creek.

(Misty hits Hyde on his hand with a ruler)

Misty: I beg your pardon, what did you say?
Hyde: I offered to help you.
Misty: Mmm.
Hyde: You refused to take our money.
Misty: Mmm.
Hyde: Then I said 'I guess you're really up shit creek'.

(Misty hits Hyde again)

Hyde: Ow!
Erik: Eru, Hyde, take it easy man!
Misty: Erik!

(She starts hitting them both, as Hyde and Erik keep on screaming 'Eru', 'Shit', 'Damn')

Erik: Ah, you fat penguin!

(The ruler breaks and Misty reaches for a sword. Hyde and Erik run away and tumble down the stairs)

Misty: You are such a disappointing pair. I prayed so hard for you. It saddens and hurts me that the two young men whom I raised to listen to Good Music have returned to me as two thieves, with filthy mouths and bad attitudes. Get out! And don't come back until you've redeemed yourselves.

(She disappears back into her office and the door mysteriously closes)

Danni: Boys, you gotta learn not to talk to us that way... Hyde! Erik!
Erik and Hyde: Danni!
Erik: You look good!
Hyde: Good to see you!
Danni: Hey, buy you boys a drink?

(They're in the basement)

Danni: Boys, things are bad. They're gonna sell this place to the board of education and I'll be out on the street. That money's gotta be in the Crunksville County Assessors office within eleven days.
Hyde: They wouldn't turn you out would they?
Danni: What's one more old woman to the board of education?
Erik: Danni, you and the penguin are the the only family we got. You're the only one that was ever good to us. Singin' Rammstein tunes and playing the guitar for us down here...
Danni: Well, the penguin was right, you boys could use a little churching up. Slide on down and catch Eru. You boys listen to what he's got to say.
Hyde: Danni, I don't wanna listen to no jive ass preacher talking to me about heaven and hell.
Danni: Hyde, you get wise! You get to church.