INT.
JESS'S HOUSE THAT NIGHT
Misty
and Sabrina lead Moogle (eyes closed) through the house and over to the spare
room door. Misty whispers to him
MISTY
Put your game face on
and knocks on the door. Sangy opens it to reveal the room lit with candles and Jess standing at the head of the table. We notice they're wearing headdresses, covered with many dangly, sparkly things.
JESS
You are now in the inner sanctum of the
temple of the Undahpants.
Enter.
Sangy hands Misty and Sabrina their headdresses as they walk in. Moog looks around, an amused smile on his face.
JESS
Bring forth the brat.
Misty and Sabrina lead Moog up to the table. Sangy hands him his headdress: a Yankees cap decorated with lots of gaudy sequins and clippings, including the "Guitar World" logo from the issue his interview was in,
Since you have viewed the
secret Undahpants
documents, and heard secret
Undahpants secrets,
it is now time for you to
give yourself to nature, and
heed the Undahpants call.
Moog puts his headdress on, chuckling.
JESS
Silence!
MOOGLE
(stops)
Sorry.
JESS
You are about to be initiated as a full-fledged
intimate of the secret
order. We wear headdresses
of the queens of have gone
before us, who ask us
to carry on their magic.
They come from the Indian
holy grounds, the jungles of
the ancients, the prairies
of the Norwegians and the
shores of Gitchegoomi.
Jess, Sangy, and Misty, standing with their palms clasped at their chests, do a little shimmy-dance, chanting "Gitchegooooomiiii". Moog watches them and does the same.
Countess Nuts Like a
Squirrel, bring forth the chalice.
Sabrina picks up a goblet, also decorated gaudily, and waves her hand over it, chanting nonsense. Then she hands it to Moog, who is fighting laughter. Moog goes to drink it, stops, sniffs it
MOOGLE
Kay what the hell is this?
This is the blood of our
people.
MOOGLE
Oh, alright.
Moogle drinks it. It's melted chocolate.
JESS
The wolf people, the kitty people, the penguin people,
and the crazy people, from
which we gain our strength
to rule all worlds.
Sangy subtly points at Jess at the words 'crazy people', trying to keep a straight face. Moog nods at her. When Jess finishes speaking Sangy takes out a knife. Sabrina frowns
SABRINA
Aw geez, are we gonna do that crap?
JESS
Hell yes.
(makes a small cut on one palm)
Of course we are.
(cuts the other)
MOOGLE
(makes a face)
Nasty. Guys, this is how diseases spread.
Jess passes the knife to Sangy, who does the same before passing it on to Misty, who passes it to Moog, and then to Sabrina
SANGY
Kid, the only disease that could survive our bloodstream
is alcoholism.
Once they're all finished, they put their hands into fists.
JESS
There are people in the world who are here to save you
when you need saving, cover your ass when it needs
covering, and are always there when you need someone
to lean on.
They all take the hands of the people on either side of them, forming a circle.
JESS
We are the mighty Undahpants People. Let no man
or woman, in the young one's case, I suppose put us
under. Now our blood flows through each other as it has
done for all eternity. Loyal forever, we raise our voices in
the words of mumbo jumbo:
ALL
UNDAHPANTS!
They cheer and holler. We CUT TO the porch, where Georgia and Tim look up as they hear them shout and make various Triumphant Noises upstairs.
TIM
Nice here on the porch, isn't it?
GEORGIA
Love it.
CUT BACK UPSTAIRS as the undahpants walk out of the room, hands bandaged. Jess takes Moog's hands and kisses them better. Moog smiles at her
MOOGLE
Love you, Mom.
JESS
Love you too kid.
Moog slings an arm over her shoulder and they walk out together. The camera stays on the two-dozen or so lit candles in the center of the table, then we
FADE TO BLACK.
FIN.