Note: some names have been changed.

“I’m really glad you were able to come.” Chris loosened the black tie that had contributed to his lack of airflow for the previous five hours.

“You said he would have wanted me here and I wouldn’t have missed it anyway.” Grant began removing his tie also. “I don’t know that I’ve ever cried so much. Your speech was really great.”

“Thanks…I never thought I would have to practically give a sermon at my best friend’s funeral.”

Grant nodded and looked at his feet. The moment was awkward. Chris had lost a best friend, a brother. Grant had known him only a few, short months and he knew nothing he could say would make anything better for Chris.

More family members were finding their way into what had been Ivan Alldridge’s home. His mother, Heather, had invited them all there after the service. The men had set up an array of barbeque grills in the backyard, and it seemed they were determined to eat their sorrows away before their sorrows ate them.

Chris led Grant to a room in the back of the house. It was hard to tell if it was a living room, or a bedroom, or what exactly, as it contained everything: a bed, a couch, and a large entertainment center, even a bathroom. It almost felt like a mini apartment contained within a house, minus the kitchen.

“This is his room…we spent a lot of time in here…and this is where it ended.”

Grant nodded, paused, wondering if it would be good or bad to ask questions and prod further about the events that had occurred days earlier.

“Were you all here?” he asked, after a few seconds, and he had taken a few steps closer to examining the pictures lined up on the bookshelves.

“Yeah. We knew, he knew, it was close…no one wanted their goodbye to be the last…we didn’t want him to be alone.” Chris exhaled, an obvious attempt to hold back tears.

Grant wondered if he should say anything, or if Chris was going to continue.

“Kaitee sat with him, there, on the bed…held his hand until they came to take him away. The rest of us were piled nearby on the floor…I think I cried my hardest that night.”

Grant walked back to him put a hand on his back, not knowing what kind of comfort he needed or wanted. “His mom must be a tough lady.”

“She probably knew it was coming the most, she prepared for it best she could. She had made her peace with it. She didn’t want to see Ivan suffering any more.”

Grant looked at him curiously. He wasn’t fully aware of how much suffering there may or may not have been. Ivan always seemed so happy, so full of life.

Chris seemed to perceive what Grant meant by his gaze, and answered, “He was in a lot of pain…no one knew it, but there was a lot of pain. The drugs gave his system a beating. It is ironic how things that are supposed to improve life can damage it. It got better towards the end, when they were more to make him comfortable, but by then so much of his system was succumbing to the disease that it didn’t much matter. He would hardly admit the hurting to anyone directly, but it was obvious in the way he acted, what he wrote in the last while. He wanted to go, he needed to go, and he was ready to go.”

“That must have been hard to sit with.”

Chris started to nod, but then shook his head. “Ivan has spent a lifetime battling one thing or another. He was tired, tired of fighting. He deserved peace, we didn’t want to see him hurting any more either. And, honestly, we needed to rest too.”

“I can’t imagine. I just can’t… I need a drink.” Grant shook his head, ran his fingers through his hair and resigned himself to the only thing that could make a drop of sense.

“Let’s go for a walk,” Chris suggested and led Grant to the door.

They passed by Kaitee and Tommy who were sitting on the couch; both looking equally dumbfounded and drained. Neither had changed clothes and there were mascara stains on Tommy’s white shirt, likely from Kaitee leaning on him throughout the day. Most of the men had the stains by this point. Chris and Grant chose to say nothing, and doubted that Tommy and Kaitee had even seen them pass.

Chris led Grant out of the house and pointed across the street.

“That’s Braeden’s house. He moved in about five years ago. Ivan was just getting over his second bout with Hodgkin’s, when they had first moved in, and the whole Nichols family had been really supportive of him and his mom, though they barely knew them. Heather and Allison, Braeden’s mom, got close real fast. About a year after they moved in, Allison died, suddenly. She had a brain aneurysm and they never were able to figure out what caused it. His dad has been raising them,” Chris gestured to the two boys leaving the house with their arms full of bags to bring over to Ivan’s house, and Brady carrying the smallest boy, “Brady, Jason, Max, and Jerry alone ever since. Jerry was barely a year old then. When she died it was pretty rough on all parties. Ivan was nearly a literal older brother to Braeden and he really helped him through it, and now Ivan’s gone… Hard for Brady…really.”

“I could tell…when Braeden was giving the life sketch. He mentioned something along those lines just before he broke down. That’s when I started to lose it myself.” Grant commented with a cough to clear his throat and fight the tears.

Chris wiped a forming tear from his eye and took a deep breath.

They had walked about two house lengths and Chris pointed back at the house directly next to Ivan’s. “That’s Kaitee’s house. Her family has lived there her entire life. Ivan moved in when they were three. They were in the same preschool classes and things like that; hit it off as great friends, naturally, right away. About two years later, Kaitee’s brother James was born, and she has a sister that’s about two years older, Tonya… Pretty much middle child syndrome to the extreme in that family. Could swear that on some days they forget Kaitee even existed. She spent most of her time at Ivan’s house, probably considers it more home than her own. She got so much psychological abuse from the whole family, just a nasty situation all over. The day she turned 18 she packed a suitcase and moved into Ivan’s house. Her family moved to one of the new fancy subdivisions this summer. It’s just unreal. Ivan was probably the first person who really loved her.”

They continued walking, and Chris gave Grant a few minutes to absorb the things he was hearing. When they turned the corner of the block Chris pointed across the block to another house. “That’s Tony and Tommy’s house. They moved in about ten years ago and hit it off with Ivan and Kaitee in school. They have an older sister, older brother, and a younger brother…the older two, Mitch and Julie, are basically hellions in every sense of the word. Just raised total havoc. Their dad was pretty hard on them...and is completely out of the picture now as a consequence. They don't talk to their mom anymore because of all that went on, and pretty much moved in with Ivan and the gang when they got out of high school. They have another brother, Jim, and we’ve tried giving him as much of a role with the group as we can, even though he’s not very musically inclined.”

“What about Ivan? Anything more candid than what was said today?” Grant asked, suddenly.

“Ivan…Ivan moved in when he was about three, as I said. His parents split up because his dad was and mostly still is just a jerk. Was really unfaithful, abusive, couldn’t careless about Ivan or his mom. So, when Heather and he split up, Heather moved out here to be closer to her sister who then later moved away. They were really close…been through a lot, between the problems they have had with Angelo to all the times Ivan has been so sick…She is a tough lady, really.”

Chris then led Grant up the walkway to another house. He took his keys out of his pocket and unlocked the front door. “This is my house, obviously.” He led him into the kitchen and Grant took a seat on a barstool. Chris leaned against the counter next to the refrigerator and finished taking off his tie. He folded it and set it on the counter.

“And what’s your story?” Grant asked, hoping for something more cheerful.

“My story? My family has lived here my whole life also. I knew Kaitee but wasn’t ever really friends with her until Ivan came along and we all became buddies in about the first grade. I moved in with Ivan the day after I turned 18 because I couldn't handle being here, in this house. And I have two younger sisters who you didn’t meet today, Ashlyn and Amy, because they are currently living with my aunt in Oregon.” He paused. “Do you still want a beer?” He opened the fridge and took out a Corona, and also revealed the rows of other bottles of alcoholic beverages that lined the shelves. He handed the beer to Grant and added, “I’m the oldest child of two drunks who can’t decide which is more important…the scotch, or the kids?”

Grant took the beverage, hesitantly. He didn’t know what to do or say.

“I don’t care if you drink, it’s your choice, and I trust you have slightly better judgment.”

Grant smiled weakly and twisted off the cap.

“But the point is…we all have our baggage, all of us in our little self created family. We all have a reason for running away from something and joining up with each other. Tuned is my family. Bud and Miller or whatever other beverage that has control over my mother and father are not my family, and they are not what I want my family to be like. Tuned allowed us to be together away from our woes and embrace each other, help each other, to lift each other up…and together we all found great things…love, family, God,” Chris paused, his voice wavering, “and now we’re broken, and to be honest, I don’t know how we’re going to fix it. Our patriarch is gone, and he really is irreplaceable.”