These are some humourous poems I've found on the internet
I hope you enjoy these
A Puppy's 12 Days of Christmas
On the first day of Christmas my puppy gave to me
The Santa topper from the Christmas tree.
On the second day of Christmas my puppy gave to me
Two leaking bubble lights
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.
On the third day of Christmas my puppy gave to me
Three punctured ornaments
Two leaking bubble lights
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.
On the fourth day of Christmas my puppy gave to me
Four broken window candles
Three punctured ornaments
Two leaking bubble lights
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.
On the fifth day of Christmas my puppy gave to me
Five chewed-up stockings
Four broken window candles
Three punctured ornaments
Two leaking bubble lights
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.
On the sixth day of Christmas my puppy gave to me
Six yards of soggy ribbon
Five chewed-up stockings
Four broken window candles
Three punctured ornaments
Two leaking bubble lights
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.
On the seventh day of Christmas my puppy gave to me
Seven scraps of wrapping paper
Six yards of soggy ribbon
Five chewed-up stockings
Four broken window candles
Three punctured ornaments
Two leaking bubble lights
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.
On the eighth day of Christmas my puppy gave to me
Eight tiny reindeer fragments
Seven scraps of wrapping paper
Six yards of soggy ribbon
Five chewed-up stockings
Four broken window candles
Three punctured ornaments
Two leaking bubble lights
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.
On the ninth day of Christmas my puppy gave to me
My wreath in nine pieces
Eight tiny reindeer fragments
Seven scraps of wrapping paper
Six yards of soggy ribbon
Five chewed-up stockings
Four broken window candles
Three punctured ornaments
Two leaking bubble lights
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.
On the tenth day of Christmas my puppy gave to me
Ten Christmas cards I shoulda mailed
My wreath in nine pieces
Eight tiny reindeer fragments
Seven scraps of wrapping paper
Six yards of soggy ribbon
Five chewed-up stockings
Four broken window candles
Three punctured ornaments
Two leaking bubble lights
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.
On the eleventh day of Christmas my puppy gave to me
Eleven unwrapped presents
Ten Christmas cards I shoulda mailed
My wreath in nine pieces
Eight tiny reindeer fragments
Seven scraps of wrapping paper
Six yards of soggy ribbon
Five chewed-up stockings
Four broken window candles
Three punctured ornaments
Two leaking bubble lights
And the Santa topper from the
Christmas tree.
On the twelfth day of Christmas my puppy gave to me
A dozen puppy kisses And I forgot all about the
other eleven days.
Author Unkown
HOW TO WRAP PRESENTS
WITH DOGGIES IN THE HOUSE
1. Gather presents, boxes, paper, etc.
in middle of living room floor.
2. Get tape back from puppy.
3. Remove scissors from older dog's mouth.
4. Open box.
5. Take puppy out of box.
6. Remove tape from older dog's mouth.
7. Take scissors away from puppy.
8. Put present in box.
9. Remove present from puppy's mouth.
10. Put back in box after removing puppy from box.
11. Take scissors from older dog and sit on them.
12. Remove puppy from box and put on lid.
13. Take tape away from older dog.
14. Unroll paper.
15. Take puppy OFF box.
16. Cut paper being careful not to cut puppy's foot or nose
that is getting in the way as it "helps".
17. Let puppy tear remaining paper.
18. Take puppy off box.
19. Wrap paper around box.
20. Remove puppy from box and take wrapping paper from
its mouth.
21. Tell older dog to fetch the tape so he will stop stealing it.
22. Take scissors away from puppy.
23. Take tape older dog is holding.
24. Quickly tape one spot before taking scissors
from older dog and sitting on them again.
25. Fend off puppy trying to steal tape and tape another spot.
26. Take bow from older dog.
27. Go get roll of wrapping paper puppy ran off with.
28. Take scissors from older dog who took them when you got up.
29. Give pen to older dog to hold so he stops licking your face.
30. Remove puppy from present and hurriedly slap tape on to
hold the paper on.
31. Take now soggy bow from puppy and tape on since the sticky
stuff no longer sticks.
32. Take pen from older dog, address tag and affix while puppy
tries to eat pen.
33. Grab present before puppy opens it and put it away.
34. Clean up mess puppy and older dog made playing
tug-of-war with remnants of wrapping paper.
35. Put away rest of wrapping supplies and tell dogs what good
helpers they are.
SANTA PAWS
You'd better not bark,
You'd better not bite,
You'd better not scratch the sofa tonight
Santa Paws is coming to town.....
You'd better not growl,
You'd better just purr,
You'd better not howl or shed lotsa fur,
Santa Paws is coming to town.....
He sees you in the kitchen,
He sees your every try,
At secretively snitchin'
The very last piece of pie.....
You'd better just know,
The greeting he sends,
He's saying "HO HO HO"
To all his best friends,
Santa Paws is coming to town.....
Author Unknown
New Year's Resolutions made by your dog.
Have a torrid, one night stand with a street mutt.
I will no longer be beholden to the sounds of the can opener.
Take the time from my busy schedule and smell the behinds.
I will not chase the damned stick unless I actually see it leave his hand.
Kill the sock! I must kill the sock!
Call PETA and tell them what that surgical mask
wearing freak does to us when no one is around.
WHAT NOT TO GET YOUR DOG FOR CHRISTMAS
1. A CD of cats meowing popular Christmas songs.
2. A chew toy with the head already gnawed off by his canine brother
who chewed his way into the gift box around the 15th of the month.
3. A chew toy shaped like a shoe which he is immediately going to
confuse with the right sneaker of your favorite pair.
4. Central A/C for his Dogloo when you're still using individual wall
units that are barely up to cooling a small close-size area in your house.
5. Anything Garfield.
6. A remote control for the refrigerator door.
7. A knitted pink sweater that makes your macho doberman look like
a poodle.
8. A deluxe pre-packaged treat-filled Christmas stocking that's large
enough for you to use as a sleeping bag.
9. Doggie antlers when your near-sighted hunting relatives will be
spending the holidays with you.
10. A stuffed toy dog with an angel's halo as a hint as to what he has
to do to get more presents next year.
11. A doggie door between you and the suspicious butcher next door.
12. An audition for a diet dog food commercial where they feed him so
much during retakes that he actually gains weight.
13. A piece of jewelry featuring a ceramic dog of his breed for you to wear.
14. His own Petsmart credit card.
15. A cat.
Puppy's 12 Days of Christmas (version 2)
On the first day of Christmas my puppy stole from me:
A garland from the tree!
On the second day of Christmas my puppy stole from me:
Two hiking boots and
A garland from the tree!
On the third day of Christmas my puppy stole from me:
Three credit cards Two hiking boots and
A garland from the tree!
On the fourth day of Christmas my puppy stole from me:
Four remote controls, Three credit cards, Two hiking boots and
A garland from the tree!
On the fifth day of Christmas my puppy stole from me:
Five golden earrings.......
Four remote controls, three credit cards, two hiking boots,
And a garland from the tree!
On the sixth day of Christmas my puppy stole from me:
Six pairs of mittens,
Five golden earrings.......
Four remote controls, three credit cards, two hiking boots and
A garland from the tree!
On the seventh day of Christmas my puppy stole from me:
Seven beeswax candles, six pairs of mittens,
Five golden earrings........
Four remote controls, three credit cards, two hiking boots and
A garland from the tree!
On the eighth day of Christmas my puppy stole from me:
Eight pans of shortbread, Seven beeswax candles, six pairs of mittens,
Five golden earrings........
Four remote controls, three credit cards, two hiking boots and
A garland from the tree!
On the ninth day of Christmas my puppy stole from me:
Nine bags of tinsel, Eight pans of shortbread,
seven beeswax candles, six pairs of mittens,
Five golden earrings........
Four remote controls, three credit cards, two hiking boots,
And a garland from the tree!
On the tenth day of Christmas my puppy stole from me:
Ten chocolate Santas, Nine bags of tinsel, eight pans of shortbread,
seven beeswax candles, six pairs of mittens,
Five golden earrings........
Four remote controls, three credit cards, two hiking boots,
And a garland from the tree!
On the eleventh day of Christmas my puppy stole from me:
Eleven silver sleigh bells, Ten chocolate Santas, nine bags of tinsel,
eight pans of shortbread, seven beeswax candles, six pairs of mittens,
Five golden earrings........
Four remote controls, three credit cards, two hiking boots,
And a garland from the tree!
On the twelfth day of Christmas my puppy stole from me:
Twelve fruit cakes, Eleven silver sleigh bells, ten chocolate Santas,
nine bags of tinsel, eight pans of shortbread, seven beeswax candles,
six pairs of stockings,
Five golden earrings......
Four remote controls, three credit cards, two hiking boots,
And a garland from the tree!
And that's when I hauled out the crate!!!
Author Unknown
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