The "Cops: In Springfield" Theme
9F09 - 17th December 1992
Bad cops, bad cops
Bad cops, bad cops
Springfield cops are on the take
What what do you expect for the money we make?
Whether in a car or on a horse
We don't mind using excessive force
Bad cops, bad cops
Bad cops, bad cops
«
Homer's Opening Song
9F10 - 14th January 1993
Simpson! Homer Simpson!
He's the greatest guy in history
From the...town of Springfield
He's about to hit a chestnut tree
«
The Monorail Song
9F10 - 14th January 1993
[Lyle Lanley] Well sir, there's nothin' on earth like a genuine, bonafide, electrified, six-car monorail!
What'd I say?
[Ned Flanders] Monorail!
[Lyle] What's it called?
[Patty & Selma] Monorail
[Lyle] That's right, monorail!
[All chant] Monorail, monorail, monorail...
[Ms Hoover] I hear those things are awfully loud
[Lyle] It glides as softly as a cloud
[Apu] Is there a chance the track could bend?
[Lyle] Not on your life, my Hindu friend
[Barney] What about us braindead slobs?
[Lyle] You'll be given cushy jobs
[Grampa] Were you sent here by the devil?
[Lyle] No, good sir, I'm on the level
[Chief Wiggum] The ring came off my pudding can
[Lyle] Take my pen knife, my good man
I swear it's Springfield's only choice
Throw up your hands and raise your voice!
Monorail!
What's it called?
Monorail!
Once again!
Monorail!
[Marge] But Main Street's still all cracked and broken
[Bart] Sorry, mom, the mob has spoken
[All] Monorail! Monorail!
Monorail!
Monorail!
[Homer] Mono- d'oh!
«
Flanders' Valentine Song
9F13 - 11th February 1993
If you think I'm cuddly
And you want my company
Come on, wifey, let me know
Whoo, woo, woo-wooooo
«
We Are the Mediocre Presidents
9F13 - 11th February 1993
We are the mediocre presidents
You won't find our faces on dollars or on cents
There's Taylor, there's Tyler, there's Fillmore and there's Hayes!
There's William Henry Harrison - "I died in thirty days!"
We are the adequate, forgettable, occasionally regrettable
Caretaker presidents of the U.S.A!
«
It Was a Very Good Beer
9F14 - 18th February 1993
When I was 17, I drank some very good beer
I drank some very good beer, I purchased, with a fake ID
My name was Brian McGee, I stayed up listening to Queen
When I was 17
«
Lisa's Protest Song
9F15 - 11th March 1993
Come gather 'round children
It's high time ye learns
About a hero named Homer
And a devil named Burns
We'll march 'til we drop
The girls and the fellas
We'll fight 'til the death
Or else fold like umbrellas
So, we'll march day and night
By the big cooling tower
They have the plant, but we have the power
«
Burns' Song of Lament
9F15 - 11th March 1993
Look at them all, through the darkness I'm bringing
They're not sad at all, they're actually singing!
They sing without juicers
They sing without blenders
They sing without flunjers, capdabblers and smendlers!
«
The Adventures of Ned Flanders Theme Song
9F16 - 15th March 1993
Hens love roosters, geese love ganders
Everyone else loves Ned Flanders!
[Homer] Not me!
Everyone who counts loves Ned Flanders!
«
Oh Whacking Day
9F18 - 4th April 1993
Oh Whacking Day
Oh Whacking Day
Our hallowed snake skull-cracking day
We'll break their backs
Gouge out their eyes
Their evil hearts, we'll pulverize
Oh Whacking Day
Oh Whacking Day
May God bestow His grace on thee
«
Send in the Clowns
9F19 - 13th May 1993
Send in the clowns
Those daffy-laffy clowns
Send in those soulful and doleful schmotes by the bowlful clowns
Send in the clowns
[Sideshow Mel] They're already here
«
Baby on Board
9F21 - 30th September 1993
Baby on board
How I've adored
That sign on my car's windowpane
Bounce in my step
Loaded with pep
'Cause I'm driving in the carpool lane
Call me a square
Friend, I don't care
That little yellow sign can't be ignored
I'm tellin' you it's mighty nice
Each trip's a trip to paradise
With my baby on board!
«
Springfield, Springfield
1F06 - 18th November 1993
Springfield, Springfield!
It's a hell of a town!
The schoolyard's up and the shopping mall's down!
The stray dogs go to the animal pound!
Springfield, Springfield!
Springfield, Springfield!
[Sailor] New York, New York!
New York is that-a-way, man
[Sailor] Thanks, kid
It's a hell of a town!
«
Who Needs the Kwik-E-Mart?
1F10 - 10th February 1993
[Apu] Whether igloo, hut or lean-to
Or a geodesic dome
There's no structure I have been to
Which I'd rather call my home...
When I first arrived, you were all such jerks
But now I've come to love your quirks
Maggie with her eyes so bright
Marge with hair by Frank Lloyd Wright
Lisa can philosophize
Bart's adept at spinning lies
Homer's a delightful fella
Sorry 'bout the salmonella
[Homer] Hehe, that's okay
[Apu] Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart?
Now here's the tricky part
Oh, won't you rhyme with me?
Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart?
[Marge] Their floors are sticky-mart!
[Lisa] They made Dad sicky-mart!
[Bart] Let's hurl a bricky-mart!
[Homer] That Kwik-E-Mart is real - d'oh!
[Apu] Who needs the Kwik-E-mart?
Not me!
Forget the Kwik-E-mart
Goodbye to Kwik-E-mart
Who needs the Kwik-E-mart?
Not me!
«
The Lobby
1F16 - 14th April 1994
Let's all go to the lobby!
Let's all go to the lobby!
Let's all go to the lobby
Get ourselves some snacks!
«
Cool
1F21 - 12th May 1994
[Homer] Now what you gotta do
If you wanna get a kiss
Is act real smooth
And make your move like this
<Yawns and puts arm around Grampa>
[Grampa] Oh, I see. So if I take your advice
And make your patented move
Then my chances for love
Will slightly improve
<Grampa practices>
[Homer] Hee, hee, hee
Now what's that rule?
[Grampa] Play it cool!
«
Homer's Under the Sea Song
2F06 - 27th November 1994
Under the sea
Under the sea
There'll be no accusations
Just friendly crustaceans
Under the sea!
KEWL QUOTES:
rev lovejoy:"See you in HELL...from heaven."
Flanders: "we're done diddely done for, we're done diddely doodily, done"
"diddely doodily, done diddely doodily, done diddely doodily-"
"It looks like you're straining to do some explaining!"
"You ugly, hate-filled man."
Milhouse Van Houten: "My shirt fell off..."
"I fear to watch; yet I cannot turn away."
"This is where I come to cry."
"You go and wow them, and I hide in the shrubs."
Todd Flanders: "Ow! My freakin' ears!"
Rainier Wolfcastle: "Quit stalling, fatty!"
"Come on! Even my fat mama can touch her toes!"
"Up and at them!
Lionel Hutz: "Milhouse, baby! Lionel Hutz, your new agent, body guard, unauthorized biographer, and drug dealer...er, keeper-awayer."
Krusty: "15, 000 mazzulians? Holy Shamola! Whaddya gonna do with all that kablingy?"
"I won't let you down! Well, I might let you down on Silly Sailor."
"I think there's some space on my butt."
"Eh, I could pull a better cartoon out of my a- heheh-hey kids! Wasn't that great!"
Sideshow Mel: "Last show you poured liquid nitrogen down my pants, and cracked my buttocks with a hammer."
Hans Moleman: "Oh no! My brains!"
"I was saying Boo-urns!"
"This is Moleman in the Morning. Good Moleman to you."
"Drinking has ruined my life. I'm 31 years olddd!"
Chief Wiggum: "The person I'm really looking for, wink, is Mr. Bribe, wink wink."
Dr. Hibbert: "1000cc's of leg wax, stat!"
Snake: Alright! "I got me a bed."
Smithers: "Sir, in the spirit of the festival and everything, I'd just like to say that...I...love you. uh... in those colors."
Mr. Burns: "I feel like such a free spirit, and I'm really enjoying this so-called...iced cream."
"Smi...thers! Coff...ee!"
"Smithers, there's a rocket in my pocket."
"Take that Bowlerama! Take that Convienience Mart! Take that Nuclear Powe- doh fiddlesticks."
Comic Book Guy: "Pardon me Santos, if that is your real name, Bart Simpson, but your phoney credit card is no good here. Now make like my pants, and split."
"alt.nerd.obsessive. Need know star RM pic."
Mayor Quimby: "I'll just amuse myself with some pornographic playing cards."
"Uh, there's the $1000 leaving-town tax."
Prof. Frink: "Oh dear. My wife is going to kill me.
Dr. Nick Riviera: "I advise a steady slow gorging process, combined with assal horizontology."
Milhouse: Wow, it's like Speed 2, only with a bus!
Troy McClure: Oh, Shakazaramesh, will you ever learn?
Kirk Van Houten: I sleep in a racing car, do you?
Mr. Largo: Lisa, do you find something funny about the word tromboner?!
Nelson Muntz: The noodles? What noodles?
Dr. Hibbert: Nurse, bring me 50cc's of hot fudge, stat!
Police Chief Wiggum: Hey Krusty, Krusty, remember the time we got loaded and set those beavers loose in that pine furniture store?
Luigi: Yeah, you see how you scum.
Hey Salvatore, give the ugly kid a plate of the red crap!
Superintendent Chalmers: And I'll put the super back into superintendent!
Leopold: All right, you little punks: prick up your freakin' ears, because
I'm only going to be saying this once. From now on, things are going to be very, very different around here - with your new principal Ned Flanders!
Apu: Oh, by the way, here is your new issue of 'Gigantic Asses'
Moe: Yeah, you got a wife, so what, I got a rash.
Barney: Of course I'll be back Moe. If you didn't close, I'd never leave!
Ralph Wiggum: My cat's breath smells like cat food.
It tastes like burning!
Grampa: I'm old, gimme gimme gimme!
lenny: hey its duffman the guy in a costume that creates the awareness of Duff
Barney: All i remember about the last two months is giving a guest lecture at Villanove. Or maybe it was a street corner
Krusty: "First of all, my real name isn't Krusty the Clown .It's Herschel Krustofski. My father was a rabbi. His father was a rabbi. His father's fath... Well, you get the idea."
"I wanted to do something to help the boy. So I called my good friend Sting. He said, 'Krusty, when do you need me?' I said, 'Thursday.' He said, 'I'm busy Thursday.' I said, 'What about Friday?' He said, 'Friday's worse than Thursday.' Then, he said, 'How about Saturday?' I said, 'Fine.' (pause) True story."
"Kamp Krusty is built on an actual Indian burial ground. We've got archery, wallet making, the whole megillah. And for you fat kids, my exclusive program of diet and ridicule will really get results!"
"'L' is for the losers in her wake / 'I' is for the income she will make / 'T' is for her tooth filled mouth..."
"Oh, don't worry about it. You're just finished, that's all... It happens all the time. That's show business for you. One day you're the most important guy that ever lived... the next day you're just some schmo working in a box factory."
"Ahh, there's nothing better than a cigarette... unless it's a cigarette lit with a $100 bill!" "Would it really be worth living in a world without television? I think the survivors would envy the dead."
"Now, kids, we all know that sometimes when cartoon charcters die, they're back the very next week. That's why I'm presenting this sworn affidavit that Poochie will never, ever, ever return."
"Free comedy tip, slick: the pie gag's only funny when the sap's got dignity - like this guy! Hey Hal, pie job for Lord Autumnbottom, there!"
"Well, I'm not leaving 'til I get paid. I get five hundred just for 'Hey hey!'"
Sideshow Bob: "No children have ever meddled with the Republican party and lived to tell about it."
"By the way, I'm aware of the irony of appearing on TV to decry it, so don't bother pointing that out."
"How ironic. My crusade against television has come to an end so formulaic it could've spewed from the Powerbook of the laziest Hollywood hack..."
Ralph Wiggum: "I'm going to eat chocolate 'til I barf!"
"And, when the doctor said I didn't have worms any more, that was the happiest day of my life."
"He's still funny, but not 'ha-ha' funny."
"The doctor said I wouldn't have so many nose bleeds if I kept my finger outta there."
"So, do you...like...stuff?"
"What's a battle?"
"I'm Idaho."
"My cat's name is mittens"
"I bent my wookie."
"My cat's breath smells like cat food."
"Me fail English? That's unpossible."
"Will you cook my dinner for me? My parents aren't around and I'm not allowed to turn on the stove."
"When I grow up, I'm going to bovine university!"
"Was president Lincoln okay?"
"My neck hurts and my ear hurts. I have two owwies."
"Hi, Lisa! We're going to be in a pie!"
"Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and the baby looked at me."
"My knob tastes funny."
"Which one is oral?"
"When I grow up, I want to be a principal or a caterpillar."
"It tastes like ... burning"
"Help! She's touching my special area!"
"Slow down, Bart! My legs don't know how to be as long as yours."
"Bushes are nice 'cause they don't have prickers. Unless they do. This one did. Ouch!"
"Then, the doctor told me that BOTH my eyes were lazy! And that's why it was the best summer ever."
"This snowflake tastes like fishsticks."
Comic Book Guy: "Let's see here. X-rated girls, already bookmarked, dial extra sex. Mr. X? Hmm, shall I cross the final frontier? What's this? Stolen funds? Pothole money used for swimming pool? [Angery] There's no emote icon for what I'm feeling!"
"No! No, freakin' kids. I do not need this, I've got a masters degree in folklore mythology."
"Huh, let me show you something. This, this is a Snagglepuss drawn by Hic Hiesler, it is worth something. This, this is an arm drawn by nobody, it is worth nothing."
"I can give you this telephone, it is shaped like Mary Worth".
"No groaning in my store."
"Er, excuse me. No banging your head on the display case please, it contains a very rare Mary Worth in which she has advised a friend to commit suicide. Thank you."
"Ooh, your powers of deduction are exceptional. I can't allow you to waste them here when there are so many crimes going unsolved at this very moment. Go, go, for the good of the city."
"I will tell you in exactly seven minutes." (He moves to his computer) "Okay, here we are, alt dot nerd dot obsessive. Need know star RM pic."
"Yes, this should provide adequate sustainance for the Dr. Who marathon."
"Stop right there. I have here the only working phaser ever built. It was fired only once, to keep William Shatner from making another album."
"I insist you take special care with my collection of valuable and humorous bumper stickers, particularly this one (he indicates a sticker which reads "My Other Car Is A Millennium Falcon") which was given to me by a Harrison Ford lookalike."
"I must hurry back to my comic book store, where I dispense the insults rather than absorb them."
Mr.Burns: I specuficaly said no geeks!
He's the perfect one to suckle at my proverbial teat
Ah. 206 bones, fifty miles of small intestine, full, pouting lips. Why, this fellow is less a snowman than a god
You know, Smithers, I've always despised the laziness of the common worker. Then I realized his spirit was willing but his flesh was weak. So I replaced the flesh-which is weak-with steal, which is strong. Behold, the greatest breakthrough in laborrealtions since the cat o' nine tails!
If you can take advantage of a situation in some way, it is your duty as an American to do that. Why should the race always be to the swiftor the Jumble to the quick-witted? Should they be allowed to win mercifully because of the gifts god gave them? Well, I say, cheating is the gift Man gives himself
Look at them, Smithers. Goldbrickers, layabouts, slugabeds! Little do they realize their days of sucking at my teat are out numbered!
Oohh, ther Germans are mad at me, I'm so scared. Ooh, the Germans
As usual, you've been the sober "yin" to my raging "yang"
Now, while the plant is brought up to code, there will be massive layoffs. That is to say, total layoffs! Toodles
Ooh, me sorry. Me no speakie chinea
Ooh, this cookie feels heavy. As if there's some paper inside
Damn that Penny Bags. Between him and Scroog McDuck, all the best ankle is ticking
Great Heavens! Its one of those nude female firestations
You can lift my wiper anyday
Ooh, I enjoy all the popular youth trends. Like a...piloting motor coaches and a...collecting dog waste
Play along chubsy. There's a pie in it for you
Back in a moment my dear. We have to uh...uh...expell some urine!
I don't care if she's Ms. Hairless America! I'm spoken for!
Perhpas! But this 'monkey skeleton' is in love!
Ah! What are you doing in my corpse hatch
Did I say corpse hatch? I meant innoscience tube
If you see only one movie this year that proves my innoscience, make it this one
So. You a baby huh? Hows that working out for you?
Ooh, this may take a while Smithers. Why don't you get drunk and stumble around comically for my amusement
You're what! Selling lightbulbs, worrying about the whales, keen on jesus! Out with it!
My adoring eyes saw past those minor imperfections. To her twenty-one year old daughter Lilly
Nonsense Larry. Your blood is bluer than any of theirs
You. Foodbag. Do you have a son?
Yes! I'm missing one son. Return him immediatley
More important than money? Who is this
The negotiations have failed! Shoot him!
Smithers, take off my belt
Whoa! Whoa! Slow down there mistro. There's a New Mexio?
Ho, ho, ho. Hi-larious!
What is this? Some kind of forcefield around these vegtables
I don't want to hear your whinning! I'm a bored and joyless old man. Give me a larf!
Why, he doesn't know the meaning of the word 'gay'
Ha, ha. To busy trying to keep my sides from spitling. It's happened before
Oh shut up you tub of guts!
Its agreed. I'll supply you terrorists' with deadly Uranium
Shot? By you? I'm afraid not my primative friend. Your kind has neither the cranial capacity nor the opposable digits to operate a firearm. The one who shot me was...Aah! Aah! Aah! M-Maggie Simpson!
My name is on the return address you senseless thunderpate! Smithers! Who is this ninconpoop?
Well, me and my fourth form chums think it would be quite corking if you'd sign over your oil well to the local energy concern
I want that oil well. I've got a monoply to maintain. I own the electric company and the waterworks. Plus the hotel on baltic avenue
Pish posh! It will be like taking candy from a baby
Ahh. Soon that mighty apparatus will burst forward with its precious fluid. Almost sexual, isn't it Smithers
Since the beggining of time man has yearned to destroy the sun
Take that bowl-o-rama! Take that conveince mart! Take that nuclear power pla...ooh...fiddlesticks
Ooh, you all talk big. But who here has the guts to stop me?
Carefull Smithers! That sponge has corners you know
It was I you fools! The man you trusted wasn't wavy gravy at all!
And all this time I've been smoking harless tobacco
Ha ha. No Smithers. I have a far greater reward for you. When I pass on, you will be buried alive with me
Ooh. I like his energy. Put him in the call-back list
Thank you! Give the bully and extra point
Ohh. Look. A bird has become petrified and lost its sense of direction
Bart, I know you children see me as some sort of..'Booger-Man'
Ooh pish posh. There's the jaws of life in the trunk
If you can tell me why I shouldn't fire you without using the letter 'E'. You can keep your job
Fire him now or I'll disown you
Smithers, why did you iron a crease in theses dungarees? They look like a square
We're slightly richer!
I've got the anwser. Just let me run this church like a business
To bad! You've already signed the deal!
Well. we highly value your input...until you sign the deal
Good idea. I'll be hiding behind that tree
Trust me, he'll say or I'll bust him down to Thursday night besters
When hell freezes over suckers!
And the last team to arrive will be fired
Why thank you Simpson. I have been watching my figure
Sir...I am in your debt
Simpson, I have a confession. I'm not quite the tunnel digger I made myself out to be
No! I have a better idea! We could build real men out of snow
He's thinking of killing me and riding my carcus down the mountian
MY FAVORITE QUOTE:
I don't know where you magic pixies came from...but I like your pixie
drink! -Barny Gumble
Thats all for now but I will Get More Things!
