 |
| Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.
A Rainy Day By, Ashley J. The rain pattered down onto the soft soil outside of the Sully homestead. It was a rainy day, and with Brian in town at school, Michaela was left at home with her two-year-old daughter. She hadn’t gone into work that afternoon, and Katie needed her mother at home anyway. The poor little girl was feeling poorly, and Michaela hated to drag her into town to stay at the clinic in this weather. She wanted to stay where her little girl was warm and comfortable, and besides, the townsfolk knew where to find her in case of an emergency. They’d come to know her well enough to feel welcome at her home. Sully was doing some surveying work and was due to be home by sundown, and Michaela had grown used to this. She’d usually see him in the mornings, and they would hold one another before the children woke. They would have breakfast together, kiss one another goodbye at the door, and they would proceed to go about their separate businesses. Michaela had hoped to see Sully return early due to the rain, but he had probably sought shelter at his old lean-to or something of the sort. She always worried about him when he went out to survey. She knew he was careful, but images of Brian falling from the log they had walked across once over a year ago managed to play through her mind. Knowing that there was a chance that the same thing could happen to Sully always seemed to make her fret. But, he always returned home in one piece. She had come to rely on that. She always looked forward to the evenings. It had become routine for Brian to go upstairs after dinner and work on his homework, read, write in his journal, or do some work on the Gazette for Dorothy. Katie would go down for the evening around seven o’clock, and the rest of the evening was spent in silence for Michaela and Sully. Sometimes they would sit in front of a roaring fire, hold one another, sip coffee or tea and talk about their afternoons. Other times, they would decide to go straight to bed to sleep in each other’s arms or for other reasons that they both enjoyed even more than sleep. Conversation had always been and was still important to Michaela. Though, she didn’t mind a nice, quite evening with little conversation and more physical expression. In fact, she quite enjoyed it! After a few years of marriage, Michaela was still enjoying the pleasures of married life in every way, shape, and form. Being with Sully completed her more than she ever knew it could. Before the romance with Sully, she had thought that she had everything she needed in life. She had an excellent education behind her, a loving albeit judgmental family in Boston, and she had three wonderful children left to her from a very dear, though short-lived friendship. The day had been pretty much uneventful. She’d woken with Sully’s arms wrapped around her, got up, fixed breakfast, checked on Katie who’d been feeling ill the day before, and she had said goodbye to her husband with a kiss and a few terms of endearment. After Sully had headed out on his horse, Michaela had gone about with a few things she needed to catch up on. With Colleen away at college, Brian working harder than ever with school and his column for the Gazette, and with her own job and Katie to care for, housework seemed to be neglected quite often. Sully tried to help out, but he did a lot better cleaning out the stables and doing the work outside of the house. Though, she appreciated it when he did the breakfast or dinner dishes or when he would sweep out the entire downstairs and scrub the floors on the days he didn’t have any other work to do. The rain continued to pour down a little harder onto the land, and Michaela sighed as she looked out the window. She had cleaned just about every corner of the house from top to bottom, and it was still only a little after noon. She rarely had an afternoon at home like this, and she was rarely left without anything to do on a rainy day. What was she to do now? She thought for a moment, and the feeling inside of her was something she’d gotten quite often, but nothing ever came of it. It was a feeling as if she could do anything and it would make perfect sense and be beautiful and exciting. This feeling of such warmth and creativity sparked an idea. A journal! She hadn’t ever had time to write in a journal to write her thoughts and feelings in since she arrived in Colorado Springs, and the one she’d written in before her father died was probably still sitting unfinished and covered in dust on her old desk in her old bedroom back in Boston. Another thought came to her mind. Sometimes it was nice to just sit by the fire and read a good book with Sully in the evenings. What if this was the book she was to give him once it was filled? What if he were to read it and know her innermost thoughts about him? This was the perfect way to present every part of herself to him. She wanted to know him completely, but most of all, she wanted him to know her completely. They knew nearly everything about one another, but the one thing Sully didn’t know was what ran through his wife’s mind at every moment of the day. How many significant thoughts did she have, and when did she have those burning feelings of desire and passion when he was away? Maybe with the knowledge he would gain by reading that journal, it would spark him to write one of his own. Michaela didn’t want him to feel forced or obligated to write one, but she thought it would be a nice way of expressing her feelings to her husband in other ways than just words or physical interaction. The written word was something the eye could see. It seemed so . . . so permanent and eternal. She walked upstairs and checked on a sleeping Katie before she retired to her bedroom and sat down on the bed. She pulled open the bedside drawer and found a beautifully bound leather book with blank pages. Her father had given the book to her shortly before his death, and she’d never written in it. She wasn’t quite sure she’d ever even opened it. Now it was time. She found the beautifully fancy pen he’d presented to her along with the book. Engraved on the side was: Dr. Michaela Quinn M.D. in bold, cursive letters. As she pressed the pen down onto the first page for the first time, she felt her words begin to flow freely from her heart to the tip of her pen. The words inscribed inside of these pages have been written from Michaela Quinn’s heart to be presented to her husband, Byron Sully, whom she loves more than life itself. She paused as her dedication was completed. Yes, it spoke her true feelings very well. She needed him to know why she was writing it, and this said it all. She continued to write, and she felt her heart just bursting with new feelings. She never knew she could enjoy writing so much, and she figured it was because she was writing this for the strongest man in her life; the man she knew she could spend forever with. Once she’d gotten through signing the date on the blank page, Michaela paused for a moment once again. She thought for a little while about what she wanted and needed to say to him. It wasn’t just anything she wanted to say to take up space. No. She wanted her words to feel real and have meaning. She wanted Sully to read this and feel as if he was hearing her thinking the words she wrote. Finally, she began to write. I’m beginning to write at this very moment with one intention. I want to express my feelings to the dearest, kindest man I know. We both know that I have trouble saying what I feel sometimes. We both also know that when I have an opinion, I have absolutely no trouble in letting it be known. I have no trouble whatsoever expressing my love for you with words or by making love with you. But, you must wonder about the thoughts that run through my mind all day when we’re apart or even together. I know husbands and wives wish they could reach each other’s minds sometimes to make the world a little less difficult and stressful. The truth is, however, that I feel like you can’t truly understand how I feel about you until you see the words; absorb them and feel the same feelings I feel when I have these thoughts. You, Sully, are everything to me. She continued to write up until the dimming light in the room signaled her to go downstairs and start preparing dinner. She reluctantly lay down her book and pen and started down to the kitchen. Her head felt full of so many thoughts, and all she wanted to do was get back to writing this gift for her husband. She knew in her heart of hearts that this journal was going to bring something new and wonderful to their marriage. They already had a wonderful way of communicating and showing their love, but this was another level they hadn’t tried yet. This was a door or window that let Sully see and feel how his wife felt when she was with or without him. *~* Brian arrived home shortly before dinner was ready, and he helped his mother by setting the dinner table after he had changed into some dry clothes. Sully was home just after Michaela began to ladle the stew into bowls. As soon as she saw him walk in soaking wet, all of her thoughts were lost. A smile spread over her face. It was full of love and awe. “Smells good,” he complimented as he shut the door. “You’re just in time, Pa,” Brian explained. “Good.” He noticed the peculiar expression on Michaela’s face and moved over to greet her with a kiss. “I’m glad you’re home,” she whispered. He felt his heart skip a beat as he glanced into her eyes. They were so full of love, and Sully was glad he was home for the night. There was no place he’d rather be than at home with the love of his life and his children. “Me too.” He felt his wet clothes sticking to his body, and the feeling was irritating and uncomfortable after all of these years of being able to stay out of the rain and sleep in a nice warm bed. It was amazing how much he’d adapted to different living conditions, and that was another thing that Michaela found endearing about her husband. “I’m gonna go get changed.” Michaela nodded. She knew her book was lying on their bed, but she also knew that Sully respected her privacy enough not to read it. Little did he know that he was going to get to read it, and his wife couldn’t wait! Michaela didn’t say much that evening at dinner, and Sully wasn’t sure if she was upset with him or just worried about Katie. He knew he needed to make sure, so after Brian went up to his room for the evening, he came into the kitchen to help Michaela with the dishes. “Here. I’ll wash. You dry and put away,” Sully offered. Michaela nodded. “Thank you.” A few minutes of silence passed as they worked, and Sully noticed the dreamy look upon Michaela’s face. Perhaps she wasn’t upset with him after all. “How’s Katie doin’? I checked on her before I came down for supper.” “She’s better. I think she’ll be as good as new tomorrow,” Michaela replied. Sully nodded. “That’s good.” He noticed something new in her eyes. “Michaela?” “Hmm?” “Everything alright?” “Of course,” she replied with a smile. He had to know now. He’d seen her book lying on the bed upstairs. He knew she’d been writing in it, seeing as a pen was lying beside it. Did she have some kind of a secret? “So . . . I saw you’re keepin’ a journal,” Sully said cautiously. “Before ya ask, no, I didn’t read it.” “Yes, it’s a journal,” Michaela admitted, “and you didn’t have to tell me. I knew you wouldn’t read it. I trust you, Sully. I know you respect my privacy.” “That’s right,” Sully replied. He smiled at his wife. Was she going to tell him? God, he wished he could read her mind! If only he knew exactly what she was thinking. Michaela finished putting the last of the dishes away. “You want me to start a fire for tonight?” Sully asked, looking toward the fireplace. She saw the look in his eyes, and she grinned at him. “That sounds lovely. I’d like that. I’m going to go upstairs and write for awhile longer, but I’ll join you later.” “Alright,” Sully replied slowly. He leaned down to kiss his wife. “You sure everything’s alright?” She could see that he was worried now. “Don’t worry,” she whispered, kissing him softly. “Everything’s fine.” She started upstairs after that and left her husband in a state of confusion. *~* Two weeks had passed, and Michaela had finally filled all of the pages of her journal. She felt such a sense of accomplishment. What one rainy day had inspired her to do had turned into something that could quite possibly be published. But she’d never do it. These words weren’t meant for the entire world to see. They were meant for Sully’s eyes only. On this evening, Michaela was standing at the bottom of the staircase with the journal in her hands. Sully hadn’t seen her yet. He was sitting in front of the fire with a book of poetry in his hands. He was planning on reading Michaela some romantic poems. She seemed to love it when he did so, and the truth was, she did! But, Michaela had other plans for this particular night. “Sully,” Michaela said softly, stepping off of the bottom step and walking over to her husband. He held a hand out to her, and she sat down at his side. He noticed the book in her hands. “Ain’t that your journal?” “Yes it is,” she replied with a sparkle in her eyes. “Oh. Well, I guess we can read some other night,” Sully replied with a hint of disappointment in his voice. It seemed like she’d been confiding more in that journal lately than in him. “I thought we’d do something else,” Michaela suggested. She took the book from Sully’s hands and set it aside. She replaced it with her journal. “What’s this about?” “I’m sure you’ve been wondering what I’ve been writing in this lately,” Michaela explained. Sully smiled a little. He nodded. “Yep. I’ve been wishin’ I could read your thoughts.” Good! That’s exactly what she’d wanted. “That’s why I’ve been writing this.” “What do ya mean?” “I mean . . . open the book.” He opened to the first page. “Read the dedication.” “You wrote it for me?” he asked as his eyes scanned over the words. She nodded. Sully turned to the first page and read it carefully. “Sometimes I have these feelings that I don’t know how to express out loud. Sometimes I have to write them down, Sully, and I thought that this way, we could better understand how each other thinks. It might sound silly.” Sully shook his head and pressed a kiss to her soft lips. When he pulled away, he caressed her cheek. “It ain’t silly. In fact, I think it might be a good idea for me to do the same thing.” Michaela’s eyes brightened happily. “Really?” “Yep. We both know I ain’t the talkative type.” Sully’s heart leapt as his wife giggled happily. He leaned back against the side of one of the wing-backed chairs. Michaela leaned back against him, and they stared into the dancing flames in the fireplace. “Sully, I want you to read it.” “You’re sure?” “Sully, I wouldn’t have spent two hours a day for the past two weeks writing this for you if I didn’t want you to read it.” “Alright,” Sully whispered. His eyes glanced down at the page, but he stopped himself. “No.” “No?” “I want you to read it to me. Hearin’ ya read it would mean a lot to me.” Michaela blushed. “C’mon.” “Alright,” she whispered. Michaela took the book into her hands, and Sully snaked his arms around her waist and rested his chin on her shoulder to look down at the pages as she read. She cocked her head to the side to lean it against his. He kissed her cheek softly, and she sighed with contentment. As Michaela spoke the words she’d written down, Sully listened carefully and smiled as she got to the parts that made her blush. Hearing her say the words she’d inscribed on those pages made him feel even closer to her, and he would softly stroke her arms during the parts that made her eyes well with tears. They hadn’t even reached the halfway mark in the book when they began to feel tired. But, Michaela was determined to finish the next paragraph. It would end on a good stopping point, and when she was finished, they could retire to the bedroom. “‘What can I say to you to express how grateful I am for what you’ve given me? You’ve saved my life more times than I can count, and you have supported me when nobody could see my true intentions. You gave me a choice when the past came back to confuse me. You were gentle and patient with me during our courtship, and when we were married, you were gentle and patient in other ways, letting me adjust to the feeling of being a wife and a lover for the first time. You gave me the most wonderful gift of all when Katie was born. Sully, you are my inspiration. Every day when I wake, I think about how lucky I am to have you and the children. You’ve suffered so much, and I wish I could take away everything that ever hurt you, but I can’t. I know the past is the past, and the future is unclear. But, we’re the present, Sully, and I know in my heart that we’re the future. The words stained on this paper are permanent, Sully. This book is a symbol of us and our love for one another. It’s something solid that people can see, but only we know the true meaning of it. Even if it gets burned, Sully, it’s still there in memory, and it can be re-built. Sully, we’re stronger than any force, and I know that for a fact. I love you with every part of my being, and one day after we’re long gone, I hope that one of our great-great-great-grandchildren picks up this journal or any future ones I may write, and experiences the memory of our great love. While this book is for your eyes only, I don’t want the future to forget the way I feel about you; how we feel about one another.’” As she closed the book, she looked up into Sully’s eyes and saw that she had accomplished something. They had reached a new level in their relationship, and just with these words, a new reinforcement was in place for the foundation of their love and commitment to one another. “You amaze me,” Sully said quietly. “I love you, Michaela.” “I love you,” she whispered. After one last kiss, nothing more needed to be said. Michaela had said it all in her beautifully written words. Sully knew that what she’d done for him was one of the greatest presents from the heart that he could ever receive, and he was going to return the favor. Her words had been very true. The book was permanent, and if there was ever a time that they were so angry at one another that they didn’t know what to say or do next, they could go back and re-read the words that Michaela had written herself. They were so very true and so very insightful. While her thoughts would be forever changing and evolving, her purpose for writing that journal would never change. Just like the ink that Michaela had used to write in her journal, their love was forever imprinted on the world, and even if they were long forgotten in the future, their love would always be somewhere tucked away on a bookshelf . . . waiting for someone to open it and show it to the world once again. The End |