At Night

The things I miss most are the things I never had,

I don’t think of them often, only when I’m sad.

My mind is a kaleidoscope of things since past,

Some thoughts linger while others hardly last.

Why do I remember things that are best left still?

Of a day long ago when my job was to kill.

I know some things are real and of others I can’t tell,

I wake up shaking as though I’d been to hell.

I can see my buddies; I can recall the places,

I can still see the horror imbedded in their faces.

My wife will hold me and tell me its okay,

My biggest fear is that in my nightmare I will forever stay.

Most people remember the good times and friends so dear,

I remember the bad times when I lived in fear.

For I was a soldier sent off to fight an unpopular war,

Like children playing marbles, no one kept score.

I now lay awake staring, staring into the night,

I know in the morning, I know I’ll be alright.

I’ll try again to sleep for I know I must try,

Perhaps nightmares for me will end, end when I die.

Michael D. Monfrooe

1998