CHAPTER FORTY-THREE - BEFORE THE SHOW
The heavy pounding and yelling on the door eventually woke Brian up. Disoriented, he sat straight up in bed, groggy from the short amount of time he had finally managed to get. The pounding intensified, helping to clear his head. He glanced at his clock, and in shock, sprang from his bed in one leap to race for his door Brian swung the door open, seeing the anxious face of Howie.
"Man, I thought you were dead! Do you know what time it is? Hurry!"
Grateful, Brian rushed to dress, Howie scrambling to help. He tossed Brian’s tennis shoes to him, then rummaged around Brian’s dresser for socks.
"Forget about the socks!" yelled Brian, quickly stuffing whatever else he needed in his duffel bag. They both raced down the hall, catching the elevator door before it closed. Brian leaned back on the wall, thankful that they were able to catch it. "Are we gonna be okay?" he questioned Howie.
Howie nodded, glancing at his watch. "Yeah. Why didn’t Xavier wake you?"
Brian shrugged his shoulders, running fingers through his tangled hair. "Shit, I don’t know why," he lied, knowing damn well why. Xavier would have liked nothing better than for him to be late, to stir up trouble. "He’s my bodyguard, not my personal slave, you know."
"Coulda fooled us."
Brian knew he should act mad, to alienate himself immediately from Howie; but he found it almost impossible to do with his kind-hearted friend. He hung his head, waiting for the elevator door to open. "Who elected you to come get me?" he asked, curious.
"Nobody elected me, I came myself. Frankly, I don’t think anyone else wants to see you right now."
Brian silently damned him as he heard the warmth, the concern in Howie’s voice. This was not going to be easy. He raised his blue eyes to stare calmly into Howie’s brown ones. "I don’t need you to be my mother, D. I can handle things with the guys."
Howie gave a brief laugh. "Sure you can, like you handled it a few hours ago?" He gave Brian a curious look. "What’s going on, Bri? You’re not yourself. You know it and I know it."
This was the opening Brian was looking for. He came up close to Howie, pushing a finger against his chest. "You know, that’s what I hate about you. Always butting in. For your information, nothing’s wrong with me, except for you always bothering me. Why don’t you instead concentrate on improving your singing and dancing. God knows you could use it. I’m tired of always being the lead, having you coast through all the songs."
The reaction in Howie’s face was exactly what Brian hoped for, only the words weren’t. A bewildered then hurt expression materialized on the young singer’s face, but he said nothing; not a word. It was almost more than Brian could stand, seeing his friend silent, not uttering a single comeback to his vicious attack. Unnerved and ashamed, the chime of the elevator door was the only thing that saved him from immediately apologizing to Howie. Brian brushed harshly by the dark-haired singer, ignoring the screaming fans lining behind the barriers as he jumped onto the waiting bus.
Disregarding the guarded looks he received from the other three who were waiting for him, Brian walked to the back seat, throwing his bag onto the ground. He stared out through the darkly-tinted window, watching disinterestedly as the bus carefully pulled away from the throng of excited fans, finally turning his head away to close his eyes.
* * * * * *
Brian struggled with his outfit, trying to tighten his pants more snugly. He sighed as he viewed himself in the mirror, realizing that if the pants were too large for his frame, then the others were too. He made a mental note to remind Katie, their seamstress, to alter his clothing as soon as possible, otherwise the fans would be seeing more than just his face.
A rap on the door let him know if was almost time for the show and he straightened his costume one more time, taking a quick glance in the mirror to check his neck and throat for any visible marks. Satisfied there were none, he exited down the hallway, weaving carefully passed the mass of backstage crew who were finalizing their last minute preparations. Brian located Kevin, standing with several of the band members and headed in their direction. The talking died as soon as Brian came into view and his cousin eyed him carefully, giving Brian the feeling of being sized up.
"Ready?" Kevin asked casually, the meaning in his eyes far from it.
"Always," Brian replied, his eyes matching Kevin’s intensity. It wasn’t hard for Brian to catch the sideways glances exchanged by the band members and he smiled grimly, aware that the tension between the two Backstreet Boys was being noticed. They walked down a way until they reached the other three; AJ being the only one who would look straight at Brian. Brian ignored AJ’s heated stare and watched coolly as Nick and Howie did their best to take no notice of him.
One of the band members coughed a few times to get the guys attention, holding his hands out to invite everyone to clasp themselves into a ring. Brian grabbed the nearest hand, head bowed, waiting for someone to speak. After what seemed like an eternity, he looked up, noticing everyone staring at him.
"What?" he asked, irritated. "Why am I always the one who has to pray?"
"Because you started this, remember?" sneered Nick, the sarcasm heavy in his voice.
"Well, I quit. Let someone else do it for a change. Howie, your turn."
Startled by Brian’s command, Howie hesitated a moment, noticing that everyone was looking at him to see if he would take over. Angry that Brian would put him in such a situation, he felt like saying no, but the ritual was so long-standing, such a habit, that it seemed unnatural not to continue. He bowed his head, giving a brief but heartfelt prayer of thanks. Everyone raised their head after Howie finished except for Brian, who kept his head lowered, seemingly lost in thought. Nick and Kevin gave Howie a roll of their eyes at Brian’s attitude; AJ striding away immediately to talk to a stage hand.
"Five minutes," yelled a crew member, hollering it up and down the corridor. Kevin, AJ, Howie and Nick all began following their rigging crew, unaware of Brian’s absence until one of the riggers yelled at Brian to hurry up. All four turned to discover Brian, still stationary, staring at the floor.
A wave of unease exchanged among the four as they viewed their bandmate, each elbowing one another to volunteer to see what was wrong. After one particularly strong push an annoyed AJ found himself elected. Irritated, he went over, slapping both his hands none too gently on Brian’s shoulder.
"Shit, come on, Brian!" he said, feeling a tremor of shock run through Brian when he touched him. Brian jerked savagely away, his eyes rising to meet AJ’s shaded ones, brimming with repressed anger.
"Don’t ever touch me like that again, you got it?" he hissed and spun away, leaving AJ, for one of the first times in his life, speechless. He walked back to the other three, feeling their questioning stares as he slowly shook his head, taking his glasses off to look them straight in the eye. "Man, we so need a meeting," he informed them somberly.
CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR – MORNING DISCUSSION
Brian quickly opened the door to his hotel room, startling Xavier who had his master entry card suspended in mid-air, ready to swipe access into the young singer’s room. A small smirk of satisfaction crossed Brian’s mouth, glad to catch Xavier off-guard, even more pleased that the bodyguard had not been able to use his brutal yank-out-of-bed technique on him. Brian reached out, closing his door with the one swift pull. He eyed Xavier curtly, looking him up and down.
"Ready?" he questioned, not waiting for an answer as he walked rapidly down the hall. Xavier stood there for a moment, his face unreadable. He broke into a jog to catch up to Brian’s quickly retreating form. A slow smile of satisfaction spread across the bodyguard’s face, happy with they young singer’s insolence. Not that he would tolerate his lip, but it made the game so much more interesting when his adversary showed some backbone. Altering today’s exercise plan, he grinned wickedly at what he had in store for the disrespectful Backstreet Boy.
* * * * * *
Two blue eyes, followed by a tousled head of blond hair peeked out carefully into the hallway, quickly scanning the area for signs of life. Finding none, Nick sighed with relief, happy that Brian and Xavier had finally left. It seemed like he had waited forever for them, listening with his ear pressed to his door for the two to pass. Now that they had gone he could dare to venture out safely. He quickly tip-toed over to Howie’s room, rapping once sharply on his door, shivering slightly and wishing he had remembered to wear something warmer. Howie opened his door and let the youngest shaking member in, rolling his eyes at Nick’s choice of scant sleepwear.
"Couldn’t you have changed before you came over?"
"Yeah, sure, and if I got caught by Bri or X, how would I explain being fully dressed at this hour?" Nick rubbed his bare arms, going over to grab the blanket that was thrown over the side of Howie’s bed. "Shit! What time is it, anyway?"
Howie looked at his watch. "Quarter to six."
Nick shook his head in amazement. "Damn. Brian must be insane to get up that early and go exercising, especially with X."
Howie nodded in agreement, relaxing on the side of his unmade bed as he grabbed the courtesy phone. He made two quick calls and a few moments later, a tired Kevin, dressed in dark blue boxers and a t-shirt walked in, trailed by a very disheveled AJ, barefoot and dressed in a pair of rumpled cargo pants.
Nick grinned at AJ, smirking. "Hey, I didn’t know you could sleep in those too!"
AJ eyed him sourly, ignoring the remark. "Did you order us breakfast?" he asked crawling into Howie’s bed and flinging the covers over his head, burrowing in.
Nick reached for the phone, stopped by a very determined Kevin. "I’ll do it," he ordered. "Last time, you ordered Fruit Loops for all of us."
"So?’" replied Nick, offended. "You ate them, didn’t you?" He sat down on the bed, rising quickly to sit down on the adjoining bed after a thoroughly pissed AJ yelled at him to stop sitting on his feet.
"Jeez, grumpy, grumpy. I’m the one who had to get up earlier than any of you. And by the way, I think you guys cheated," complained Nick, referring to the way he was "elected."
"Can we help it if you fall for it everytime?" replied Howie. Nick heard AJ snicker under the sheets and grabbed a heavy phone book, flinging it in the direction of the large lump situated under Howie’s covers.
"Ow, damn it!" yelled AJ, flinging back the sheets to glare at Nick.
"Guys..," said Kevin softly. "We don’t have time for this. We need to talk."
"He’s right," agreed AJ, waiting for Nick to turn his attention towards Kevin before throwing a perfect pitch, smacking Nick square in the face with a hard-tossed pillow.
Howie and Kevin sighed, looking at each other for support. Howie deftly grabbed the pillow away from Nick’s hand before anymore mayhem occurred; Kevin giving AJ a warning glance to stop the horseplay.
"Okay, Bone, you called this meeting about Brian; so go ahead, explain what’s going on with him."
"Me? Brian’s your cousin; you should know more than me!"
Kevin gave him an amazed look, his dark eye-brows raised high. "How the hell would I know? Just because we’re related, doesn’t mean I can read his mind!" He turned to Nick, who was figuring a way to get back at AJ. "You’re his best friend, you hang out with him more than we do. If anyone, you should know."
Nick opened his mouth to protest, then closed it. "Well, I don’t," he stated flatly. "He’s not the Bri I know. I can’t explain why he’s acting so weird. What the hell was up with all that jumping around with the audience last night? He never does that."
AJ rubbed his face wearily, agreeing, mentally playing back the night before. Brian had raced around below the stage, touching and grabbing the fans’ outreached hands, coming too close for the comfort of the bodyguards who were trying valiantly to keep him safe. "Fuck if I know. That’s you’re specialty," he commented to Nick.
"Yeah, well he pretty much too over the whole damn show, including some of my stuff."
Kevin and AJ nodded. They had both noticed, watching with surprise and then anger as Brian had cut into all their routines, interrupting and disrupting the concert with none of the clowning on stage he was so predictable for. Had the guys not put up with his antics, the show could have turned ugly. During breaks in the show, Howie and AJ had both confronted Brian, yelling their displeasure while Brian calmly sipped at a water bottle, giving little or no response before running back on stage again.
Howie sighed audibly, walking over to sprawl into a chair next to Kevin. He ran a hand over his unshaven face, giving the four a concerned look. "Well whatever is going on with Brian, we had better find out. I’ve tried to sort some things out, but none of them make any sense."
AJ sat up from under the covers, interested. "What things, D?"
Howie jumped up from his chair, pacing back and forth. "Okay, we all know Brian has been acting pretty strange lately…"
"I’ll say…" cut in Nick sarcastically, but shut up when the other three glared at his interruption.
"…the thing we need to know is why," continued Howie. He waved to all three. "Think. When was the first time we noticed it?"
Kevin shrugged. "Dunno. Was it the day after that intruder? He seemed pretty shook up."
Nick agreed. "Yeah, the intruder, those threats. Do you think that’s what is causing it?"
"I think it’s that asshole, Xavier."
All three turned towards AJ, surprised at the vehemence in his voice. Howie shook his head. "I don’t think so. Xavier came weeks before and Brian seemed fine. Kevin’s right. It started after those threats, that intruder. Something must have happened, something that we don’t know about that is making Bri act so weird."
"You think Brian is hiding something from us?" questioned Kevin, worried about the possibility.
"Maybe," agreed Howie. "It’s hard to say. It seems like we never get a minute alone with him. Xavier always seems to be around."
AJ jumped from his bed, agitated. "See? That’s exactly why I think it’s Xavier! I’ve never liked that prick, even from the start."
Nick shook his head, trying to sort things out. "Wait a minute. I know you and X don’t get along, but think about it. Why Xavier? I mean, he saved Brian’s ass with that intruder; hell, he helped us all at the radio station. If Brian didn’t want him, or X was causing trouble, all Frick would have to do is fire him."
"True," commented Howie.
AJ threw his hands up in protest. "I still think its Xavier. What else could it be?"
Kevin bit his lip, not wanting to think about another possible cause, but knew it needed to be discussed. "Maybe it’s something medical. Look at him, at this health kick he’s been on. Could he have found something out at his stay in the hosiptal?"
All three turned to Nick for an explanation. Nick opened his eyes wide in surprise, his hands outspread in defense. "Hey, don’t look at me! He seemed fine, anxious to get out, but okay. The doctor gave him some pain medication for his back but that’s it. If Bri found out anything, he sure is keeping it a good secret. And why would he anyway? Rok was always pretty outspoken with us about his heart problems."
AJ sighed in exasperation. "It’s Xavier, I tell you. Why won’t anybody listen?"
"Bone! We are listening. It’s just that there are too many possibilities here to point at just one!" Kevin, Nick, and AJ sat in silence as they watched Howie paced the floor some more, quietly eyeing each other. "Okay," Howie finally said. "We know that something is wrong with Brian, right?" He waited for their nods before continuing. "And we know that whatever it is, Brian won’t explain." More nods. "So, here’s what I suggest. We need to tackle this from every side. Kevin, you and Nick see if you can find anything medically wrong with Brian. Ask questions, but be discreet. I’ll take the threats and intruder; find out what’s happening in that area. AJ, you can have Xavier." Howie returned the smirk that his friend threw his way. "If you're so positive X is the reason, you get to find out why."
"Gee, thanks, D."
"Hey, that’s what friends are for," joked Howie. His smiled slowly faded away. "And if we’re Brian’s friends I suggest we start finding some answers out fast before…" he left the sentence hanging, noticing the questioning looks from the three. "…before he’s not our friend anymore," he finished solemnly.
CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE – A SURPRISE ANNOUCEMENT
Brian was getting use to the wind being knocked out of him. Eyes closed, he lay prone on the padded floor, desperately trying to drag what little air he could through his lungs. After a few moments he opened his eyes to stare up into the amused brown eyes of Xavier.
"Not bad," Xavier commented admiringly. "You remembered that little trick I taught you of dodging left." He smirked down at the sweating Backstreet singer. "However you obviously forgot how to do it with your right." Xavier reached down to haul the horizontal singer upright, pounding him encouragingly on his back with a gloved hand. "Ready for another go?"
Brian staggered slightly, wondering if he had any stamina left. Whatever vendetta the bodyguard had against him today, it was far from finished. He quickly dodged a punch thrown his way, weaving and bouncing to keep away from Xavier’s long reach. He hated boxing, he hated everything about it, and as he glanced wearily at the gym clock he wondered how many more hours Xavier had in mind.
"So, have you finished practicing that new song yet?"
The question took Brian off-guard. His concentration broken, he once again fell to the floor, this time grimacing at the blow to his side. He decided to milk the punch for all it was worth and stayed down several minutes, until Xavier caught on.
"Cute," said Xavier, dragging Brian up. "Well, are you done?"
Brian sighed, dropping his gloved hands to his side. "Xavier, I need a little while longer. It’s not like I can do it alone. The band’s learning it, we’re practicing. What more do you want?"
Xavier started unlacing his gloves. "I want it tomorrow night." He stared straight into Brian’s eyes, his look unmistakable.
Brian slowly picked at his lacings, frowning. He needed more time, more work for it to go as planned. He wrestled with the problem, realizing he would have to push the limits of himself and the band tomorrow to accomplish what Xavier wanted.
"I need you to lay off the exercise tomorrow," he said bluntly. "No running, no weightlifting, no boxing. All this "going solo" will be for shit, if you don’t let me practice."
Xavier studied him calmly. "Fair enough." He smiled wickedly. "I guess we can add a few more hours today to make up for tomorrow."
Brian threw his gloves off, smiling sourly at the bodyguard, not rising to the bait, patiently waiting for Xavier’s next command. It ticked Xavier off and he motioned sharply to the singer to join him over on the stationary bicycle. Brian hopped on, hoping he could last the next few hours without collapsing.
Xavier started his machine, glancing over to see Brian already running at medium speed. He began also, a smile twitching the corner of his mouth. "How do you think the guys will feel when they see you perform your new song?"
Brian bit down on the inside of his lip, angered at the bodyguard’s intentional rub. Xavier knew damn well what was going to happen, and so did Brian. He cranked up the speed on the machine, trying to force the scenario out of his mind.
* * * * * *
AJ heard a small tap on his hotel room door and he struggled to get up off his bed, craning his neck to watch the TV as he simultaneously opened the door. He spared a quick glance at the visitor and grinned widely, blowing her a small kiss and waving her in. AJ closed the door behind her then ran over to the remote, clicking Jerry Springer off.
"Katie, babe!" he greeted her warmly, eyeing the coat she carried in her arms. "You were able to fix it?" he asked, dumbfounded. His favorite leather jacket had received an ugly rip a few weeks ago and he was sure it was a goner.
Katie rolled her eyes, giving AJ a mock look of hurt. "Of course. I’m the best, remember?" She handed him the coat and then curled up in a chair, watching as AJ searched in vain for the tear. Unsuccessful, AJ shrugged and tried on his coat, admiring her workmanship.
"You’re awesome, sweetheart. How much do I owe you?"
She shook her blond head of curly hair, giving him a half-hearted smile. "Nothing. Consider it my going away gift to you."
AJ removed the coat and placed it on his bed, throwing her a curious look and wondering if he had heard her right. "What? Going away gift? Wassup?"
Katie sighed, wondering if she should say anything, wondering why she hadn’t just quit outright. It would have been so much easier to walk out, give no explanation, but her years of association with the group, especially with AJ, made it difficult, if downright impossible to do. She studied her hands a moment, examining the abuse that her rough and raw fingers had endured over the years. She felt a rising anger build inside her, and anger fueled by the fact that no one had taken her welfare into consideration, that no one had thought to inform her what was going on. She looked up into the concerned brown eyes of her favorite Backstreet Boy and gave a harsh sigh. "I’m quitting. As of today."
AJ stared at her. "Quitting? Why? We need you. I need you! You’re the only one who understands my taste in clothing!" He crouched down and enclosed his hands in hers, giving her a winning smile, hoping to hell she wasn’t serious. Katie jumped up, shaking AJ’s hands away and began pacing, her arms crossed across her chest. She turned to give him a bitter smile, her eyes glimmering with resentment.
"I guess you don’t need me that much, otherwise you guys would have told me."
"Told you," repeated AJ slowly, his expression showing bewilderment. Katie paused, irritated that she had to explain.
"Yes, told me! After all we’ve been through, I thought at least you would have warned me."
AJ sighed, throwing his hands up. "Okay, I give. I don’t have the slightest idea what the hell you are talking about, K."
Katie gritted her teeth. Men! "I’m talking about Brian. Does that ring a bell? Now do you know?"
AJ’s face of frustration turned into one of worry and Katie caught the transformation. She nodded in reply, happy that she was getting somewhere. "So, when was I going to find out? After I read the obituaries?"
"Obituaries?" yelled AJ, now thoroughly confused. He grabbed her arm to stop the pacing back and forth, placing his hands squarely on top of her shoulders to stare firmly into her eyes. "Katie, I really don’t know what you are talking about. What’s this about Bri? Spell it out for me, sweetie." AJ exaggerated the last sentence, giving her a commanding look.
Katie returned the look with a powerful one of her own. "Okay. Just when were you guys going to tell me Brian has AIDS?" The reaction Katie received was one she definitely didn’t expect. AJ’s hands flew from her shoulders, as if he had received an electric shock.
"AIDS?" he replied, taking a few steps back, the alarm in his voice making her wince.
Katie nodded, eyeing him suspiciously. "Yes, AIDS. Don’t give me that bullshit that you didn’t know," she warned threateningly. She wasn’t sure AJ heard her as she watched him slowly lower himself to the side of his bed, his hands burying his face. Concern overcame her feelings of betrayal and she sat down gently next to him. Katie placed a consoling hand on his shoulder, her throat tightening in apprehension as she gazed at him, her eyes filled with distress. With a sickening clarity she understood. AJ knew nothing about it. Shit! she scolded to herself. I knew I shoulda just left!
"How do you know?" questioned AJ quietly, the disbelief heavy in his voice.
Katie smiled sadly, her hands nervously rubbing against each other. "Well, look at him! He’s lost weight, his color is all gray," she began before AJ interrupted her with a sharp laugh.
"Katie! Losing weight doesn’t mean you have AIDS! Bri’s been on a health kick lately."
"AJ! Let me finish. Have you seen his body?"
AJ shook his head no, afraid to speak.
"Well I have. He gave me some clothes to take in, to adjust because he’s lost weight and we both know he doesn't need to. I had him try on some other clothing and when he slipped off his shirt he had these massive bruises and sores all over his body." She noticed AJ wanting to speak but waved him off. "Massive, AJ. I just saw his chest, but I can imagine what the rest of his body looked like. When Brian saw my shocked expression he kinda laughed, like embarrassed. Said he got them from exercising. I didn’t believe him. Nobody gets those kinds of bruises! He seemed real nervous, dressed hurriedly, and asked me not to mention this to any of you guys." Katie snorted in disgust. "Yeah, right." She studied her red and cracked hands. "You know, I’m not sure how many ways AIDS can be transmitted, but I’m not taking any chances. My hands are always cut, cracked, or bleeding. I don’t need to be touching anyone’s body with sores on it, ya know?" She smiled sadly at her silent friend, getting up and placing a small kiss on his cheek. "I could be wrong, but I don’t think so," she whispered sorrowfully. "I just can’t take that risk, AJ. I’ve got a six-year-old to think about." She began to leave, but AJ grabbed her hand before she could. She turned to see the uncertainty, the doubt that was still written all over his face.
"AJ," she said softly, "ask him. Find out. He’s lost weight; he looks terrible. If it’s not AIDS, its something."
AJ nodded dumbly, unable to talk. He heard the quiet click of the door close as she left and emotionally exhausted he collapsed back onto his bed, covering his eyes with his forearm. He lay there for several minutes, sorting the information, his suspicions growing. He sat up and reached for the phone, his mouth compressed into a tight line.