The first time I really noticed it was as at my in-law’s family gatherings. Somewhere between the roasting of the turkey and the devouring of the blueberry cheesecake, Aunt Schnitzel turns to Uncle Doorstop and asks, “How is your new job, Doorstop?” This leads to an enlightening ten minute conversation about the joys of rattlesnake milking and roasting chestnuts over the heads of feverish squirrels. Cousin Sniffles walks by toward the end of this conversation hoping to sneak a taste of the cheesecake without being caught. Aunt Schnitzel not wanting Cousin Sniffles to feel left out says, “How are you today, Sniffles?” In response, Cousin Sniffles grunts, “Fine,” grabs a hunk of cheesecake and runs off.
Last Thanksgiving I lost track of how many times I was asked how I was doing without anyone ever really finding out. When did the phrase, “How are you?” lose its meaning and just become a standard greeting along with, “Hello”, “Good Morning”, and “That stick in your ear sure brings out the color in your eyes.”
Can you imagine how different the world would be if people actually took the time to find out how others really are? You thought those supermarket and banking lines were long now. How long would they take even with a quick explanation of a customer’s exciting new hairpiece or complaints about the car breaking down and the goldfish found swimming in the cat’s water dish again?
It may be a good way to slow down telemarketers: TELEMARKETER: “Hello, Mrs. Johnson, my name is Stella from the See Through Glass Company. How are you today?” WORN HOUSEWIFE: Thank you for asking, Stella. It’s seven o’ clock in the morning and I’ve been up all night because the baby’s sick, my toddler wiped his diaper on my antique loveseat, and the dog has been burping green gases, so I ‘ve been thinking of evacuating.”
Of course you’re thinking my example is highly unrealistic. After all, what mother in her right mind would have an antique loveseat? Still, my example stands.
Wouldn’t it save us a little extra breath and others a bit of energy to say, “Hello!” rather than “How are you?” Which causes the other person to momentarily consider how they are. As you walk off to spread “how are yous” to others, they are left with their mouths hanging open about to tell you, but now have no one to talk to.
Perhaps it’s a habit that’s not going to be easy to get over. I know I’ll still be asked how I am doing for many years to come. Just don’t be surprised if I actually answer.