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| A big ole' teddy bear with salt & pepper hair.... An answer to my prayers, God sent you to me that day. The first time I saw you...I knew my fate had been sealed..... That wonderful day in April..as you came down the breezeway... Was that only two short years ago, Larry? How could you leave me, mourning you this way? Oh Lord, how much I love you! I can only pray...and live life...day by day... I have suffered every emotion..,some of which I had never known, The shock of seeing you die, leaving me in the blink of an eye. There was no warning, nothing to prepare or prevent this, We were to grow old together, you weren't supposed to die!!! My heart knows such void, my mind cannot grasp, Each day I relive those last short minutes we shared. 'If only I had known this would be our last fleeting seconds, What would I have said to you? What words of love I could have declared!! I walk aimlessly through our home...expecting you home soon, I cannot fathom the thought of you not here, with me, where you belong... The smile on your face, as we talk about your day, The sound of your voice, your touch, this is so very very wrong!! We were meant to grow old together, right Larry? Wasn't that the plan? God! How can I write the words! Give them to me, please!! They used to flow from my heart, one after another I wrote, Yet now it seems so hard to voice the words that used to come with ease.... Ok, let me try, Lord....You guide me through this one, ok? Describe what is in my heart, I will read this 100 times and more.... Pain, shock, hurt, grief, lonliness, disbelief, shock, betrayed and...and Desperate, physically sick, despair, and feelings I have yet to explore... I want to see you again, sweetheart...I want to hear you snore, I want to wake up with you, next to me, close and warm and secure... I want to bring your coffee, as we watch the morning news, I want to see you, Larry, one more time, this is more than I can endure!! God has given me peace, in a sense, if there is any peace to be had, He has put so many angels in my path, Larry, this much I know... In the darkness of the past two weeks, many a light have shown, Ones I have never met...family & friends surround me so I am not left alone... Why do I feel so alone then, Larry? Because you are not here....I know, A huge part of me is lost forever, yet I know I will see you again one day.... Just tell me how I endure these long days without you? Reassuring words spoken to me each day, yet what can they really say??? Ok, Lord, I know this is something You and I have to deal with....alone, You have already filled me with peace and sent angels to light my way.... Yet..as I read what I have written thus far, these words seem far too inept, I knew I couldn't write this one, Lord!!! The feelings I can't begin to convey..... I am 'going through the motions'.. Nothing will release these pent-up emotions, freeing me to live... I used to feel reborn, after the words I wrote down, so renewed and fresh! But not now, Lord, I still feel empty, depressed, so many I still need to forgive.... Christmas will be here soon..your first one in heaven... We will celebrate Jesus' birth..the birth of your newest angel Larry as well.... I need to rejoice that Larry is there with you, God...Ain't he great???? He is so funny, God....but I am not ready to say farewell.... Ok, Lord, I am ending this right now, I will continue to seek You as always, Just do me this one small favor, God...if you will. Keep me safe in Your arms, and hear my every prayer, Until the day I see Larry once more, ok Lord? Just until.... I will always love you Larry...and the time we had together.... With all my love.... Debbie Stipes December 23, 2007 |
| In Memory of my husband: Larry Stipes 1951-2007 |
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