Goodbye

When it’s over,
I‘ll never love another,
I’ll always think of [you],
I’m doing this because of [you]...

He was in love. So much.

JC cursed as he signed his name on the last document, handing it to his lawyer; a lady in midnight blue, her skirt down to her knees, her glasses low on the bridge of her nose.

“Thank you Mr. Chasez, I’ll call you as soon as we get the papers from him,” she promised as she closed her briefcase and JC walked her to the door. The door of the house he was leaving to Justin because suddenly they couldn’t be together. Because suddenly they weren’t meant to be.

“I don’t get it,” Justin had sniffled, too embarrassed to let JC see him cry. But JC was ok with it, his tears burned as they fell. He told himself it was his punishment, at least.

Now he sat in the large house, hoping Justin sold it the minute he stepped out that threshold. It was much too big for just one person and it killed him to think of Justin lying in that bed, lonely.

“Ahem.”

JC whipped towards the door and dammit, he had meant to leave before Justin had gotten back. It would be best if they kept apart, for now at least, while the hurt was still fresh.

“Sorry,” JC mumbled, picking his keys from the table, giving Justin a glance. “I meant to be out of here--”

“You act like this doesn’t fucking rip you apart,” Justin whimpered, and when JC looked up, his eyes were glassy and a little red, his lips pursed to stop the tremble.

“It does,” JC whispered and bowed his head. “Justin, you don’t believe me but I’m doing this for you--”

“Bullshit!” Justin cried, shaking his head as he panted, emotion written all over his face. “Fuck, don’t even try to be the unselfish one--”

“I am! I am, I’m doing this for you! We’ve been... You don’t see it, J. We’ve been together forever--”

“And suddenly that’s whats wrong with us?”

JC crossed his arms. “Will you let me finish a damn sentence?” Justin scowled but kept quiet. “Justin, we’ve been on and off for so long, since you were what... 18? You’re a man now, you’re 22... and you need to breathe.”

JC braved a look at Justin and upon seeing the wide eyes took a seat in one of the kitchen chairs, ready for it.

“I know what I want. I know what I need, and that’s fucking you! You’re what I want! You’re the one who doesn’t get it! I know you love me--”

“Of course I love you!” JC added quickly, making sure it was known. “God, Justin, I love you more than you’ll ever know... That’s why I’m doing this.” This time Justin didn’t make a quick quip, and JC sighed, his throat tight, closing his eyes. “That’s why this hurts so much,” he whispered and Justin shook his head, his lip quivering again and it was hard, so hard to watch. This was why he hadn’t wanted to be there.

“I had a dream last night and you were getting married--” He hiccupped and JC’s brow furrowed.

“Just--”

“And I was your best man and it just... it made everything so real and concrete and when I was signing those papers, I just...”

JC sighed. He wanted to touch the young man, give him a hug, make him stop hurting. But he couldn’t because then he wouldn’t have enough willpower to do this.

“Justin, you have to--”

“I did,” Justin said quickly, licking his lips, rising to stare back at JC, into JC and the brunette nodded, grateful. “I did because I love you and whatever you need, I’d do, ya know that right?” JC nodded and his own tears were sneaking up and he cursed again as he sniffled.

“So... this is goodbye?”

JC didn’t want it to be but he had to, if for Justin only.

And he was surely surprised when strong arms were wrapped around his waist, a warm face snuggled into his neck and he sighed, bringing his own arms up, closing his eyes against tears as he squeezed tight. He didn’t want to let go, ever.

But he had to.

He squeezed tighter for a second, giving Justin’s shorn curls a long press of his lips. Justin nodded into his shoulder.

“Goodbye,” he whispered and it broke JC’s heart, his eyes clamped shut, his arms tight around Justin.
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