Things I've Learned at the University of Michigan

1. No matter how well you know the subject, ten page papers always take a long time--way more that one might think 2.AOL Instant Messenger and Email are the bane of efficiency.  Note the following diagram:

Figure 2

Figure 1

Network cable R45 disconnected.  In this position, homework will take near forever.

Network cable R45 connected.  In this position, homework will forever plus one to two hours.

3. Orange juice turns brown if you wait long enough. 4  Eating at The Diag Party store past midnight is a dental and overal health risk.  Go to Backroom Pizza; they are open till 4AM. 5. Days in which you have the most homework and days when you absolutely must do laundry always coincide. 6. For every intelligent conversation I have, there will be five in which people try to argue which of the X-Men could beat Neo from The Matrix in a fight. 7. Always read the Friday paper on Friday otherwise you'll miss Guster in concert and an animation festival that features one of your favorite shorts. 8. If you think to yourself, "Well, sixty dollars should be enough to last me until break," then you'll undoubtedly need eighty. 9. The most absolutely horrid thing you can do is go to Meijer and not invite every single person you know to come with you. 10.  Why use an iron when steam from a hot shower takes out wrinkles just as well? 11.  When I search for information about unemployment in France and get two articles, one titled "Why is French unemployment so high?" and the other titled "French Unemployment at 6-Year Low," homework is going to take a while. 12. This is the best part of the Dryden's The Indian Emperour:              Cort. [kills Orbellan]              Orb. O I am Kill'd [Dyes] 13. As long as the lights are on in the room my body doesn't realize it's late and will hold off being tired until the middle of my 9am Econ lecture 14. In stores nowadays, there is no such thing as a solid black tie.