Is it what I do that makes me special? Would people treat me the same way if I didn't play the guitar and lead worship or if I didn't go to a prestigious college? At church, is all I am to them just a guy that knows a little bit of music and leads worship and teaches Bible study? Do people really care about who I am, rather than caring about what I can do? Then how would I be any different from some trained circus animal... which is basically the treatment I've gotten in the past with certain individuals. God help me if I ever treat others in that kind of way. Sheesh.
The winds shake the very foundations of my soul, preparing the way for the storm that's closing in. I don't even have an umbrella. Drowning my troubles away in the sea of music. Seeking refuge in the dream world. Playing guitar and sleeping. Two things I could always depend on to be there for me.
I've got to get myself together. I'm stuck in a moment and I can't get out of it.
Quote of the day:
On Gogurt
Mike: Yeah, my tutor kid always gives me these when I go there. It's so good. *eating it*
John: Mike, you're such a kid sometimes.
Mike: Haha, no kidding.
Monday, April 29, 2002
I'm in a doubting stage. Things on the down side. Sheesh. I've been even more cynical than normal... as if it wasn't bad enough to begin with. Argh!!! I'm so frustrated!! Not to mention sad, irritable, weak, and afraid.
There's no hope for me. What am I going to do.
(Well, I know there's hope for me. But just for expressive purposese I will say there's none)
But I really don't know where all this is going. Somewhere good, I hope.
I feel like garbage.
It's a long winter.
Thursday, April 25, 2002
Gospel choir is an interesting class. Kind of. But it's a pain to sit in a chair and just sing and learn songs for 2 straight hours. Today was quite frustrating because the people sitting next to me were messing up left and right and completely throwing me off. Basically, the tenors messed up the most today because of them. Not to mention they were messing around like crazy when the other sections were practicing on their own. It was so frustrating because I was stuck in the middle of it all and all the tenors had to suffer as a group. I wanted to get up and yell "INCOMPETENT FOOLS!!!" in their faces but I didn't. There should have been different levels for beginners and slightly more understanding beginners. The class accepts everyone. Oh well, whatever, it's not like I'm some sort of super singer or anything. But those guys were seriously getting on my nerves. Sheesh!!
The popular notion with love is that you will find it when you least expect it. About 8 or 9 times out of 10 a couple will tell you just that. But what if my expectation is that I will find my wife before I die? Will it never happen?
Love is something I will forever be fascinated and grateful for.
Quote of the day:
Actually, this was last night, in the car, passing by the 99 cent store:
Lydia: Hey, there's the 99 cent store! You know, they have some pretty decent stuff even though they are cheap.
Mike: Hmm.. I guess that makes cents (sense).
Tuesday, April 23, 2002
Originally, I was planning on not updating my blog tonight but I'm waiting for laundry so I have time to kill.
At my apartment the washer costs $1.50. A buck fifty!!!!! Sheesh, talk about horrendous!!! And the drier costs $.75. $2.25 per load!!! So for one round of laundry (colors and whites) I have to spend $4.50!!! Dude, and I could just take the laundry home and get it done for free, but I keep forgetting to take it with me on the weekends!!!
Absent-mindedness thy name is Mike Uh.
Speaking of forgetting things, I own TWO pairs of glasses and I am constantly looking for them in my apartment because I don't remember where I last put them after taking them off. One pair of glasses I only wear when I'm going out, and the other pair (the crappy one) I wear in the apartment.
Last year I've locked myself out of my apartment God knows how many times because I didn't realize I didn't have my keys with me when I went out. Now I religiously check my pockets every time I open my front door to go out.
The last few days, when I'm walking around my apartment without crutches or ankle brace, every so often I forget that I'm injured and end up stepping too hard with my right foot or putting too much pressure on it and falling and hurting myself. Sheesh!
Quotes of the day:
Jinny: Whoa, you dyed your hair!
Mike: Yup... every man dyes (dies). Not every man really lives.
(If you didn't watch Braveheart you probably didn't get that one.)
TJ: Anyone got any AA batteries?
Mike: No.. but I have a AAA card....
Monday, April 22, 2002
I had three hair colors today. Black in the morning, blond in the afternoon, burgundy in the evening. I didn't think my hair would be so light after bleaching my hair after my haircut but it did. I looked like a completely different person. We ran into Christy Ihn at Ralph's and she thought I was a white guy from a distance. I bought a dark red dye so it has gotten a lot better.
Thinking about the Israel celebration thing on April 17 and the hostilities that extend to even here in America between Israel and Palestine, I wonder what would happen if Koreans all of a sudden decided to declare war on Japan because of historical bitterness. Would I be expected to start hating my Japanese friends? Would my family be considered traitors because we have Japanese-American friends? Possibly. But are we going to end up turning our backs to our Japanese friends? Hell no. The Korean government could kiss my butt. Every past Korean leader has done at least one thing or another to ruin the country. I wish all my relatives lived in America so I wouldn't miss Korea as much.
I know no one is going to believe me, but, I didn't say anything corny today. Seriously, I didn't. Not out loud, at least. Hehe.
Sunday, April 21, 2002
I was at the Korean festival at Orange County on Saturday as a volunteer for World Vision. There were soooo many Koreans. And all these booths with Korean food. It was like being in those marketplaces in Korea. I didn't realize how much I missed Korea. It's been almost 10 years since I last went.
I looked through my old high school newspaper issues that were inside my desk as I was cleaning out my room since we are moving soon. VERY VERY nostalgic. I read through every article in the April Fools issue. I got the biggest kick out of Beth's club news with the "Senior Boys' Club," "Smoking Club," and "Future Homewreckers of America." Work of PURE genius. I think it's funny how the Senior Girls' Club and Future Homemakers of America got offended with that one...
Quote of the Day:
Theresa: I'm hungry so I don't want to eat anything light. Something with meat.
Mike: Just go to a meat-ing. (meeting)
Friday, April 19, 2002
Seems my life just got a little more complicated tonight. I have to drop an English class that would drop me to 11 units and put me in part time student status. Which means I have a bunch of financial aid issues to deal with and I have to take one more summer school class. Most likely I have to take both session A and C. All because of my damned absent-mindedness. I can't even get a refund on the books I bought for that class. Sheesh!!!!
Smallville is such a good show!!!
Quotes of the day:
At Church:
Brian: I wonder how hard it would be to drive stick shift with a sprained ankle.
Mike: You'd find yourself in quite a sticky situation.
More church, eating chocolate:
Anne: Does this chocolate have almonds in it?
Mike: Nope, it's just smooth chocolate. You won't "choc" (choke) on anything when you eat it.
Thursday, April 18, 2002
The longest day of the week and I spent it limping and walking in crutches all around the northern campus of UCLA. I have a newfound sympathy for the handicapped and injured. What's funny is, now that I'm walking in crutches, I started noticing soooo many other people using crutches and wheelchairs. Poor unfortunate souls... I was walking with my friends to eat lunch and I stopped for a bit and fell behind, and some girl stopped to ask me if I was ok and if I needed any help. I was touched. At the same time I felt pitiful. Sheesh, I felt like I was being watched by everyone.
After using crutches all of yesterday my armpits and my palms became very very sore. I think the crutches were a little low and I ended up putting so much weight on it. So it hurt to use crutches the whole day. And it hurt to not use crutches because my ankle was jacked. For a good chunk of the day I chose not to use crutches and just limp around on one foot because I could travel a lot faster by limping and hopping. Plus, the arm pain was greater than the ankle pain, and that was truly sad.
But now, to top off this physically crappy day, my left foot seems to have problems as well. When I'm limping around the apartment without crutches it feels like a nerve on my left foot is getting pinched or something. When I put any kind of pressure on the left foot. It's quite painful. Even when I am not using it, it feels like something is bothering it.
I am completely immobilized. Any kind of movement requires endurance of pain. Curses!!!
Despite of my rage I am still just a rat in a cage.
Wednesday, April 17, 2002
Well it's 4 in the morning and I just finished writing my history essay which I could have finished before midnight but I decided to be stupid and messed around and allowed myself to be constantly distracted. But here's a major thing that happened the last 2 days.
I sprained my right ankle really really badly on Tuesday night playing basketball. Landed HARD on someone's foot. I was on the floor writhing in pain for a good 10 min. I couldn't walk for the rest of the night and all of today.
In the morning Yun Soo drove me to campus and I hopped on one foot to the student health center. They gave me crutches and a brace. I've never had to use crutches in my life. It's quite frustrating. Especially at UCLA where there's hills. And there was construction going on at Bruinwalk and I had to walk uphill through a freaking long detour. I had to lead worship for KCM sitting down on a table. My arms and my left leg is sore. I hope nothing is broken. I never broke anything in my body in my life and I don't want to end up in crutches for more than 3-4 days.
I should have gotten one of those automatic wheelchairs instead. Dan was quite suprised that I didn't.
Something I saw while I was slowly heading back from class - there was this huge ralley celebrating like the Israel Independence Day or something. And in the outskirts were like a bunch of Palestinian protesters with signs that said stuff like "Israel don't shoot me" and staring them down. There were a few cops in the middle of all that too in case something crazy were to break out. Sheesh, talk about intense. And for me to get all shocked and worked up about this shows how ignorant I am. Blissfully ignorant.
Monday, April 15, 2002
Hmmm.. describing my inner feelings has always been something difficult to put into words. You could always explain in some way but it's kind of hard unless the other person feels or has felt the same way. I think that's how it is for everyone. Describing what you cant see or touch.
Everyone has a set of principles for their personal life but there will always be exceptions. The concept of consistency is something extremely difficult to achieve in any degree or form. Sports, studies, performance, etc. But I think with principles, being stubbornly consistent can be foolish at times.
I really don't know what I'm thinking right now. Whatever is running through my brain I am just typing whatever my fingers are leading me to type.
A few people took me out to C&O's in Marina Del Rey for my birthday and Dan's birthday, although it's been a week or more since both our birthdays. I belive the kindness of friends is one of the most cherishable things in a person's lifetime.
C&O's doesn't give free refills. That is truly a bunch of crap. McDonalds gives free refills. So does every other freaking restaurant in America. Just for that I will never go there again. Sheesh!
Actually, that one Japanese restaurant by AMC and Breakzone didn't give free refills either. Talk about sheisty. Those are the kinds of things that ruin a good day. But being in the company of friends more than made up for it. But you won't find me ever recommending or suggesting those reastaurants to anyone.
Quote of the day:
Sara: Yeah.. the mission trainees are going hiking on Saturday. I wanted to go too...
Mike: Why don't you just go to a football game?
Sunday, April 14, 2002
Motivation is such a fragile thing. One minute you could be so energetic and excited about something and the next minute you couldn't care less about it. Even with something you think you could keep a passionate attitude about forever. For example, church. You get excited about serving because you know you are doing God's work and you hope to make a difference in some way. Even the night before going to church I'm so excited about what I'm going to do the next day. And then morning comes and I don't want to go because I want to sleep in.
Discipline!! So easy to reach for yet so difficult to grasp!!!
Something I thought about this week was that some of the hardest people to deal with are ones who notoriously practice double standards. They don't realize it either. And they usually get super offended when you mention something that's wrong with them. What's ironic about this is that they would have said the exact same thing to me if we were to switch positions. Hopefully I am not one of those people... if I am, please tell me. And I will get very offended. Haha jk.
I'm broke again. Sheesh, it's quite pathetic. I'm always broke for one reason or another. I didn't have enough money to get anything to eat for dinner tonight. Mom wasn't home either. I had to mooch off Grace. She gave me California rolls. Yummy.
But I did get a new minidisc player a few days ago. Woohoo! Now I don't have to listen to the radio in my car. Ever since my old one got stolen it's been a pain.
Quotes:
Friday night, EM Bible Study
Sarah: Yeah, I tutor a kid that has A.D.D. Just like Dae Myung!
Dae Myung: What! I don't have A.D.D.
Mike: Well, do you have M.I.N.U.S.?
Sunday Service
Pastor David: John Wesley founded the Methodist Church and put an emphasis on methods. But not to a point where everything becomes rituatlistic.
Mike, to Jane: I guess you could call John Wesley a "Method Man."
Studying at church
Ji: Can you guys pick up whatever cups you could find and wash them in the kitchen?
Mike: Yeah, I'll grab a cup-le. (couple)
Wednesday, April 10, 2002
Tonight's KCM meeting was really blessing in a lot of ways. We had a leadership prayer meeting afterwards and I was very encouraged. It feels really special to hear so much encouragement and be prayed for esp. with my kind of insecure personality.
My new glasses are a thing of wonder. When I'm outside and if there is sunlight then the lenses will tint automatically. When I'm indoors, they go back to normal. Very cool.
Quotes of the day:
After KCM, on the way to Baja Fresh
Mike: Hey Yun, are you going to baja fresh?
Yun Soo: Yeah.
Mike: Really? Me too! That's pretty funny, ba ja ja ja ja!! (ba ha ha ha)
Walking to my car
Lauren: Did you know I wanted to join the army?
Sara: Really? Crazy...
MIke: Yeah? Well, I wanted to join the leggy.
Tuesday, April 9, 2002
Fun night of basketball tonight... my teams never lost. I was on a roll. Hehe, feels really good to have one of those nights, I hope I get more nights like tonight.
It's 3:00am and I should go to sleep now but Josh just suggested that I start posting my random/corny jokes I say. Because most of time the jokes just spew out and I don't even remember having said them until someone mentions it later on.
I crack up so much at my own jokes haha. Everytime I go to Beth's website and look at what I said I get such a good laugh. But I'm going to try and think back at the day and try to remember if I said anything funny. Josh mentioned three things I said last week when he was around.
In the car
Dan: Hey let's go bowling next week, we haven't done that in a while.
Mike: Sure.
*5 min later, driving through Westwood Blvd*
Dan: Hey, i heard that teryaki bowl place gives you a free drink if you show your ucla id.
Mike: Seriously? We should go sometime soon.
Dan: Yeah, we should.
Mike: Yeah, forget bowling, we could just go teryaki bowl-ing.
After playing basketball
John: Man, my calves are sooo stinking sore..
Mike: Holy calf! Mine are sore too!
(ok this was more of an inside joke because when we went to Vegas we saw a casino called "Holy Cow Casino" and they had a huge cow as their mascot)
In the car after KCM
Josh: Yeah, my GE classes are giving me problems.
Mike: Oh GEs (jeez), I didn't like mine either.
Monday, April 8, 2002
I hate banks. I hate bank drama. Freaking a!!!! Apparently I can't use the check I deposited for $400 until like a week and a half because I have a new account or whatever bullcrap they said, so the check I wrote to buy my textbook ends up bouncing. Argh!!!
And life goes on.
And Jesus is still coming.
Weird Al Yankovich is so hilarious. "It's All About the Pentiums" has such clever lyrics. I downloaded "I Like Small Butts" last week and I couldn't stop laughing. The last line goes "36-24-36? Only if she's 7'8." HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
The band of the month for March was Dave Matthews Band. I think I've listened to DMB songs the most over the course of the past 3-4 weeks.
A bunch of people who went to KCM Chapel on Sunday night told me there was this really good song they sang for worship but no one remembered the title. All I knew was that the lyrics had something to do with falling. Well I spent about 20-30 min asking everyone I know that might have gone. The title was "I Feel Like I'm Falling" by Hillsongs. I've been listening to that song non-stop today..
It seems like life is going to get a lot harder after April. A whole lot more responsibilities at church are coming up, like praise night in May and doing a bunch of other stuff. A BUNCH of other stuff.
Saturday, April 6, 2002
It was my birthday today. I can't believe I'm 23. I used to say to people that were 23 "dude, you're old!" Now people come up to me and tell me, "dude, you're old!" But I'm the youngest in my family so I can't really complain.
Michael Jordan's jersey number is 23. And I'm 23. And my name is Michael too. Wow... cool...
I don't want to grow up. Being old sucks. Not that I'm saying I'm old, but I just don't want to be an adult. And yet I want to hurry up and finish school. I'm just a walking contradiction.
I spent a good amount of time with my family when we went out to celebrate mom's and my birthday. It was really nice. After dinner we all went out to our new house and walked around, talking about how things are going to be remodelled and how we are going to set up and decorate our rooms.
I told mom I'd cook at least 2 dinners a week when I move back home. On her 2 busiest days.
Also, I've decided that I'm going to enroll into a Culinary School after graduating. I think it'd be so much fun to be a chef on the side. There was a time when I dreamed of having my own restaurant. But I wouldn't really want to pursue a full time career in cooking. I'll probably work as a chef at night. By day I will be something else.
I looked into a few schools and they seem really intense. I was taken off guard. I thought I wouldn't have to attend more than 6 months but all of them are like 1-2 year programs. But you do get an actual degree in culinary arts. I think it will be worth the time and energy put into it. And I've already thought of so many ministry ideas with that kind of cooking skill. I could volunteer at an orphanage and provide good food for the kids. Or since John is going to be an overseas missionary, I could visit him periodically and help him out by cooking good food for his church. It's so exciting just to even think about it.
Tuesday, April 2, 2002
I really love my guitars. My acoustic guitar is the Martin D-2R and my electric guitar is the Gibson Les Paul Classic. Everytime people play my acoustic they all get blown away by how nice it sounds. And the Les Paul, people don't even need to play it to say it's good. It's used by virtually every rock band and everyone who knows anything about guitars knows that it's got an awesome sound. My guitars have a special place in my heart. I share a uniquel bond with them. They are like members of my family in my own little world. I'm very happy to be using them to glorify God in any way I can.
Music has been like a friend that's always been there for me when I needed something to escape to. Something that's always made me happy. In a general and spiritual sense for me, there's no greater joy than to bask in God's presence in worship. In an earthly sense, there's no greater joy than to be lost in my own musical world. Things can't get any better than me losing myself to a moment when I'm playing music and worshiping God. I'm very fortunate to have these gifts and to have been raised in a musical family.
I consider myself to be extremely fortunate for so many other things in my life. Our family may not be rich but we have things that zillions of dollars could never provide.
Monday, April 1, 2002
You know what really pisses me off, is people. Man, some people truly know how to get on my nerves. Specific people and certain types of people. People come up with all sorts of excuses for being insensitive. To me they just don't want to go out of their way to consider the feelings of others. Either that or they're just dumb.
But really, I'm not an anti-social people-hating "killer inside me" type of person or anything... most of the people I know I am fiercely loyal and supportive and I love them with my life. I do whatever I can to make my friends and family happy. So if you know that you are my friend or family or if you know I care about you even a little bit then none of the above stuff is relevant.
Words of inspiration from Beth:
It's all well and good for me to HOPE that everyone will want the best and will help me out and support me, and it's always nice to dream that my work will make people happy. But when I'm pushed to the edge and I have nothing dreamy and pretty and fun and idealistic to hold on to, I will always my stubborn, contrary nature to keep me in the race. I will always want to prove you wrong.
And I will.
So f*ck off!!!!
Beth if you are reading this and I didn't ask you yet, I took this out of your blogger without asking you cuz you weren't online at the time and I was planning on asking you asap if I could use your quote on my blog. Anyhow, let me know if you don't want this to be posted here.
Sorry this entry ended up with so much negative energy... I had a good day, really. There was just this little package of anger that was kind of making its way through my mind and I just put them down in writing, and this is what came out.
Believe me, the way I express myself verbally and in writing is COMPLETELY different from the action, I just have a way of wording things and describing things to make it seem very overly-dramatic but in reality I'm a ridiculously absent-minded, happy-go-lucky, corny guy. I really like to overdramatize when I tell stories of my life, as you could tell hehe. But again, I deeply apologize for anyone who may have been startled in any way by this. =)