Looks like it's been 4 days since the last update... but school is back in session starting tommorow so I will have a lot more time spent on sitting in front of my computer doing nothing which means I'll be consistently bored enough to update my blog.
I bought my drum machine... Yamaha RM1x. Everytime I go out to buy a musical instrument I always have a certain price range in mind and I end up going horrendously over. But it's an awesome machine. I used it for worship today and it was really cool.
Sheesh of the day: Joe told me I had a bunch of mails come in to me at my old apartment. Mostly from Time Magazine. Ok, last year I signed up for the 3 trial issue thing for Time and they constantly send me magazines even after 3. Then they start telling me I owe them money for recieiving Time magazines without paying. So I said fine I'll just subscribe for a year. Seems like they kept sending them after a year's worth, so I owe them money again because they kept sending Time magazines to my old apartment even though I did not renew my subscription. Supposedly if I don't pay they could report to Collection Agency and jack up my credit. How sheisty is that.... SHEESH!!!
10 more weeks of school left... period. No more school for the rest of my life after 10 weeks... Well that is, discounting summer school. It feels quite strange. I don't feel like I'm ready for the real world but I'm dying to get out of school. I hate studying.
Wednesday, Mar. 27, 2002
Leaving for Vegas tonight. It's going to be crazy trying to schedule everything because I have Good Friday service on Friday night and I have to go out and get my drum machine and learn how to use it before Saturday evening. But then I have tutoring on Saturday afternoon. Hopefully everything will work out.
I really don't like the feeling of uncertainty. I wish I could put my life on fast forward sometimes so I could hurry up and get some of the worrisome stuff over with. But time doesn' alter its course for anyone. Time is perhaps creation's greatest force. Well, second greatest. I believe love is the greatest force in mankind..
Monday, Mar. 25, 2002
Wow, I haven't updated my blogger in 4 days... I've been having so much fun I am actually really tired when I come back to my apartment. Therefore I just drop on my bed and sleep instead of sitting on my computer.
I went to Souplantation with Paul and other church people on Sunday night. It's become quite a popular tradition. Whenever Paul comes down from Berkeley we go to Souplantation to eat and hang out.
I really want to get a drum machine this week. It's the Roland MC-307 Groovebox. It all depends on the timing of the Vegas trip and actually being able to make it to Guitar Center and going to church on Friday. Then I have to figure out how to use it and preset a few sounds to use it for Sunday's worship. But I have to do all this before Good Friday service so we could practice with it.
It's so sad to look at myself and wonder why God would actually allow someone like me to be a worship leader. I'm so.... dirty. I try so hard to fix my attitude and habits but I fail. I seriously have no right to be up there as a person who leads the congregagion in worship. But I know God hasn't given up on me... so I have to keep trying harder to become a better person.
I think the one thing I've done the most this spring break was talking. Not chatting, but talking. Hehe. I've talked to people at Souplantation about tons of things and I just talked to Dan about stuff. I'm sure I'll be talking a lot more with my friends in the Vegas trip.
I haven't had much random thoughts these days. It's been a very practical time for me lately in terms of thinking about things. So I apologize to any of the public viewers who enjoy the random thoughts I have... maybe something will come up in the next few days or so.
Thursday, Mar. 21, 2002
I am finished with finals. M I would have been extremely annoyed if I had to take 3 summer school classes.
My summer school schedule came out to be Monday thru Thursday 3:15-5:20. So the classes run for 2 hours and 5 minutes. What kind of crap timing is that? They just simply couldn't settle for an even 2 hours??? It's like UCLA admin was like "Yeah, let's add an extra 5 minutes just to annoy them." Sheesh!!! Anyhow, I'm hoping I could work somewhere in the morning-afternoon hours before class starts because I don't want to waste my time leaving from my house at 2:00 just to get to class on time.
But I'll worry about that later. Spring break is here!!!!!!!!
Tuesday, Mar. 19, 2002
Today and tomorrow I must eat, sleep, and breathe Shakespeare.
I got to watch a lot of the different movie versions of Shakespeare's plays for my class. It was pretty interesting, the different styles that directors used for certain scenes. A lot of it was Kenneth Branagh and Lawrence Olivier. It was pretty funny watching the gay style dress and performance on the Lawrence Olivier versions. But I guess back in the 60's it was ok to look gay in a Shakespeare play.
We are 90% sure we're going to get that house in Gardena. I went to take a look and it was a mess. The people that lived there before just left it with the carpet smelling of dog urine and everything was dirty and smelly. Sheesh! We're going to have to do some extreme remodelling and make it into our new home. Well, not us, but the contractor people.
I learned a new recipe to add to my reportioire. Creamy pasta bake. Easy to make. But the way it turned out and what the picture showed me on the internet was way different. But it still ended up tasting pretty good anyhow. I think I could make it better next time I cook it.
I can't wait till spring break. We're going to Vegas, baby Vegas!! We're gonna give big daddy the old Rainman sweep. Can you dig that money???? VEGAS, BABY, VEGAS!!!
I just need to survive this last final first.... haha, I just said "final first." Two opposites, "final" and "first." For some reason that was funny to me for about 15 seconds....
Monday, Mar. 18, 2002
Took my first final today. It was kind of easy, I was rather surprised. I wish all my finals were like that. My next final is on Thursday, for my Shakespeare class. This test is going to kill me. It will eat me up and chew me alive. Or chew me up and eat me alive.. whichevers.
I have a love-hate relationship with Shakespeare's work.
As of today, Bank of America's reign of terror is over. I closed my checking account with the devil. I was quite surprised that they didn't charge me some kind of account closing fee or a teller visiting fee or sharing the same oxygen as us fee. Sheesh!
I have a mysterious scar on my left arm. I have no idea how it came about.
The song of the past few days: "Killing in the Name of" by Rage Against the Machine. I recently downloaded their songs into my computer again. I never bothered re-downloading them after my hard drive crashed. Also I've been listening to a lot of Radiohead, in continuation of the theme of study music. Mainly the album "Amnesiac."
I also downloaded "Changes" by 2 Pac. That is probably the only rap song I will acknowldege as "ok."
The concept of finals week is kind of interesting to think about. You walk along the hallways of dorm rooms and apartments and you will observe a population of 10,000+ stressed out, tired, energy-less students gruelling over what kind of future awaits them over the period of 1-2 weeks. The mental picture actually produces a more disturbing image. But we are conditioned to live in this kind of way at the end of each quarter/semester and to start over again once it's done. At least, that is, until we graduate. Then we have to condition ourselves to live in another kind of way. Depressing.
Last night I was in one of my dark and stormy night moods. It was really really windy. Not to metion the hard rain falling.
The wind fiercly blows through the night... what does it demand that it should seek to destroy anything in its path...
Friday, Mar. 15, 2002
I really want to go to sleep so I'm going to enter another lame recap. Sorry to the public viewers, I promise I won't put in too much crap entries like this one and yesterday's.
I woke up. I ate lunch with John. I messed around till UCLA game. Watched UCLA kick Ole Mississippi's booty. Studied for the rest of the night. Played a game of starcraft. The end.
Onto finals week I go.
You know, I actually like finals week. Except for the finals part, that is.
Thursday, Mar. 14, 2002
After what I went through the past 3 days, I've decided to use it as an excuse to take today off from everything.
The glorious day started with the sun shining and the wind blowing. I showered and brushed my teeth, prepared for whatever the unpredictabilities of the world would bring to me. Here is the exciting recap:
Total studying done: 0
Total physical exercise: 0
Books picked up: 1. I had to move it from next to my bed to the shelf.
Time spent doing anything related to school: 0
TV screen activity: Simpsons, USC game, Lakers game, second half of Primal Fear.
Number of naps: 2
Anything remotely close to productive that I did: Cooked dinner for me, John, and Danny.
Reasons for walking outside the apt: 1. I had to move my car because of street sweeping tomorrow morning.
Contact with the outside world (excluding AIM and roommates): 1. I had to call Cingular to pay my phone bill by credit card and ask something about my bill.
Whew, what a rush.
Wednesday, Mar. 13, 2002
I died on Tuesday night. It truly was one of the most difficult nights in my college life. I had to stay up all night writing an essay. While enduring some nasty stomach pains. I puked. And I puked. And I puked. Well, it was only one barf trip to the bathroom but it was endless. A couple hours later I wanted to puke more but there was nothing to come out anymore. But stomach was still hurting. I pulled an all nighter the previous night and I was out of energy and motivation. I couldn't focus but I had to write something that made sense. I didn't bother revising. The essay probably came out to be garbage. Oh well, I'm just thankful I had something to turn in.
Joe told me I looked like a zombie in class.
I was afraid to eat solid food so I had jamba juice for brunch and lunch.
After I got home I needed to prepare KCM worship. Then I had to lead worship.
I can't believe I'm alive right now.
I picked up this feminist news magazine called "Fem" because they were at the Daily Bruin stands. I didn't want to embarrass myself so I just hung around the area until not too many around and quickly picked one up and put it inside my backpack. I'd like to see how these feminist think and view the world.
March 13 is my dad's birthday. It is also Gerry's birthday. It is also Binna's birthday.
Monday, Mar. 11, 2002
YESSSSSSS!!! It is 3:15am and I just finished my first essay. Now onto my next essay on Shakespeare women!!!!!! I need to pick 2 main women characters in from the plays we went over in my class and compare them. I think I will go with Tamora from Titus Andronicus, and Portia from Merchant of Venice.
I discovered that Kid A and Amnesiac (both Radiohead albums) are GREAT for writing essays. For some reason those 2 albums have a soothing yet stimulating effect on my mind.
Boba seems to have a extraordinary effect on Dan and John (my roommates) because it totally keeps them up at night, but for some reason I get more tired after drinking boba. Maybe cuz I'm a creep. Or maybe cuz I'm a weirdo....
Ok I'm really tired and out of it, refer to last night's entry, this is truly a night time direction-less rant.
Christians often use the term "whiter than the snow" to illustrate how Christ's sacrifice on the cross had cleansed us of our sins, thus making us pure and washing us whiter than the snow. Like the song "White as Snow" and that one song by Brian McKnight that Gerry (my roommate) listens to. I was drinking a cup of water while writing my essay and thought hmm, water is actually more clearer and purer than the white snow, in terms of color. But what's even more purer than regular water, is distilled water. But I've never heard a prayer that goes, "Thank you Jesus, for washing us purer than distilled water..."
What the hell am I doing here... I don't belong here....
Sunday, Mar. 10, 2002
Taking a break from writing my essay to at least update this a little bit...
There's a good chance I won't be updating my blogs until Wednesday night. I have papers due on Tuesday and Wednesday so I'm going to be up all night writing on Monday and Tuesday. But if I do it will probably end up being some really tired direction-less ranting.
My essay is about a book called Super Cannes by J.G. Ballard, which is basically set in a 21st century utopia, to put it in very very simple words. The book is very complicated and intense. I am writing on the symbolisms contained on 3 chapters of the book where the scenes of seven gorey murders describe the things that compose and rule today's culture and society - drugs, sex, racism, TV, violence, death, etc. It's quite depressing. Nothing to do with the seven deadly sins concept, however.
I really hate staying up to write essays. It always ends up that way no matter how hard I try to finish ahead of time. I get into some pretty deeply depressing moods on nights before an essay is due.
I feel like I'm losing a mental edge on things. I'm not as sharp as I used to be on a lot of things. Maybe my health isn't all that great right now. I had a minor sore throat this morning. And a headache in the afternoon-evening. But for sure, something doesn't feel right, the way I've been functioning
I ate at home tonight. A real dinner. It was really nice. Usually when I am at home for some reason no one is there so I have to cook my own food there too. And other times it's way too late and mom is already sleeping so she can't make me anything. But tonight I feasted. Shabu Shabu. Yummy. I need to learn how to make it.
Sometimes I wonder if the things I do now will actually amount to anything in the future. I think one of the most gruelling fact of life is that we can't tell the future, and everytime we acknowledge this our emotions don't want to believe it. But I suppose life would be extremely boring if I knew what was going to happen in the future. But still, insecurity is one of the most painful and gut-wrenching human emotions. At least, for me it feels that way.
Thursday, Mar. 7, 2002
I lost my Bible on Wednesday after KCM. When I realized I left it in Kinsey 51 and went back to retrieve it, it was gone. Either someone stole it or one of the custodians picked it up and turned it in somewhere. I will have to check the lost and found in the police station. Man this is upsetting. I really liked that Bible too.
My new favorite cereal: Apple Jacks. It used to be Crunch Berries. But it doesn't taste like apples... why do they call it Apple Jacks? Seriously, what were the Kelloggs people thinking? I mean, it's like they were sitting there and wondering hmm what should we name this cereal, and some dude goes how about Apple Jacks? And everyone says umm ok, I guess we can't come up with a better name. For all we know, that cereal could have been called Orange Jacks, and it still wouldn't make any difference, it doesn't taste like oranges, either.
Last year I lost that Bible too after KCM but someone picked it up and e-mailed me and I was able to get it back. Hopefully the same will happen again. I left it on top of my car once and I drove off and it fell, and somehow someone that knew me picked it up in the parking lot. That Bible has gone through a lot of abandonment, which is quite sad. But it always found its way back to me. I really really hope I could get it back. SIgh.
Top 3 songs I listened to the most this week: Bad (U2), Blackbird (The original Beatles version and Sarah McLachlan's remade version), Kite (U2).
I didn't download Blackbird until tonight but I've been listening to Bad and Kite a lot for some reason, and all throughought tonight I've been listening to Blackbird, so....
I wonder when Sarah McLachlan will come out with a new album and start touring again.
I wish at least once in my lifetime I could meet Sarah McLachlan face to face and exchange at least a few words. I still haven't the slightest clue as to what I would say to her.
Mom said we might move into this house in Gardena. It's cheap, but it's kind of old and not that great, so we would have to put in a lot of money to fix it up. She said even so we'd be within our budget. I hope this goes through. There's been a lot of prayer for our house situation...
Monday, Mar. 4, 2002
Found out today that Joyce reads this blogger too. Yay. That makes me happy. I still owe you $20. I'll try to get it to you by the end of the quarter hehe. But you know I'm broke, right? =)
It's funny how old things come back to you in such significant ways when you run into it randomly. I was browsing through my Bible and I used to mark a lot of verses that I found were meaningful to me personally during my readings. So I was going over every verse that I marked and they spoke to me with the same tremendous impact that it had when I first marked it.
But here's something even more thought-provoking (at least, to me it was). Those verses were significant to my life when I first marked them, and they still have the same significant meanings to me now, therefore it speaks almost the exact same message to me. Which means that I'm pretty much struggling with the same things that I was struggling with like 3-4 years ago, which was when I marked them. So basically my life pattern hasn't changed much, and it's kind of disturbing to think about it but it also makes sense at the same time. I won't deny it either, that I've been struggling with a lot of the same old stuff that I had problems with before. It's really difficult for me to break old habits, especially with my dwelling-in-the-past personality. Well, at least I've become at least a little less ignorant of it. I will have to keep trying harder.
I've been looking up a lot of guitar websites. Actually, not a lot of guitar websites, but the same two websites and looking at the same two guitars over and over. I have decided that my next guitar will be the Fender American Strat. Then I am going to get the Gibson ES-335. I also want to get a sequencer for worship. Where am I going to get the money? From a money-growing tree, of course. Duh. Maybe one day it will rain money in my room when I'm alone.
Here's another money story. I got a call from my mom today and she told me that Sunday was my last day of tutoring Hanna. That's why I got paid $150, because it was including that day, which would have counted for March instead of February. So now I had no source of income. Great. But then a few hours later I get a call from Kenny's mom, and she asks me if I could start tutoring him again (because they told me he was going to take a break from tutoring for some time). So I still have money coming. Woohoo, God provides once again.
And speaking of money, I fiinally went to Washington Mutual and signed up for a new checking account. Now I just need to get Evil Bank of America off my back and move all my money to my Washington account before they take all of it.
Washington Mutual made a fan out of me.
Sunday, Mar. 3, 2002
I found out on Saturday night that one of my Bible Study students, Andy, reads this. Haha hey Andy.
Speaking of Bible Study, I took my class out to boba on Saturday. I used my gas money for them so by the end of the day I had $1 leftover for gas to go back to my apt. Then John was gracious enough to lend me $3 so I could put in gas to go home to Torrance. I had $5 in my bank account because evil Bank of America jacked me. Tomorrow or by Wednesday I will switch to Washington Mutual.
I can't believe I'm broke and I'm spending money for gas to buy boba for my class. Ugh.
But what's really cool is, I was really worried about how I was going to pay my bills and eat this month because I thought I'd get paid $100 at most from tutoring because I missed a few weeks. And I got a stupid parking ticket last week so $40 was already down the drain. $40 for a parking ticket!!!!! Man these UCLA people are totally out to rob the students. It's so stupid too, this could have been prevented if there wasn't all this unnecessary confusion with the permits when the guest speaker came for KCM. Anyhow, that would have given me $60 leftover to pay 3 credit cards and cell phone bills, which was not enough. But it appears that I tutored 3 times this month so I got paid $150 and it should be just enough to cover all the bills. That was a huge relief. God does provide.
This weekend was a very intense one in a number of ways. I really don't know what to make of it. A lot of good and some bad came out of it.
I was organizing some of my old notebooks and inside one of them was a night time dorm pass from last year that Janet Lee signed.
I was thinking about the last time I was with Janet on earth. We were at a Chinese restaurant in Gardena celebrating Daniella and Janette's graduation. I sat next to her and we were talking about what classes we were going to take for Fall quarter. We also had a conversation about Milton and Shakespeare.
I miss you deeply Janet. I wonder what you are doing now in heaven.