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Weird But True
Murray Walker-isms

In the paper "Private Eye" in the UK they have a section called Colemanballs. It has all the cock-ups that TV/radio announcers make and is named after a sports commentator named David Coleman – the master himself.

"He's obviously gone in for a wheel change. I say obviously because I can't see it"

"With half the race gone, there is half the race still to go"

"Do my eyes deceive me, or is Senna's Lotus sounding rough ?"

"Anything happens in Grand Prix racing and it usually does"

"Alboreto has dropped back up to fifth place"

"As you look at the first four, the significant thing is that Alboreto is 5th"

"I can't imagine what kind of problem Senna has. I imagine it must be some sort of grip problem"

"He is shedding buckets of adrenaline in that car"

"It's raining and the track is wet"

"And there’s just a few more corners for Nigel Mansell to go to win the Canadian Grand Prix...and...he's going rather slow....HE'S STOPPING HE'S STOPPING!"

"and this is the third placed car about to lap the second placed car"

"they say clothes maketh the man... the clothes are Niki Laudas, but the contents are me..." as Murray prepares to take a drive in a F1 car." [He gets a total distance of... oh, 1 foot before he stalls it.]

[During a F1 race, describing how the leader can see the driver following him] "... Mansell can see him in his earphone..."

"So Bernie [Ecclestone], in the seventeen years since you bought McLaren, which of your many achievements do you think was the most memorable ?"
Bernie Answers, "Well I don't remember buying McLaren." [Bernie Ecclestone used to own the Brabham team].

Murray: "What's that? There's a BODY on the track!!!"
James: "Um, I think that that is a piece of BODY-WORK, from someone's car."

Murray: There's a fiery glow coming from the back of the Ferrari
James: No Murray, that's his rear safety light

As an introductory piece for a rallysprint race, Murray was put in the Navigator's seat alongside Tony Pond in a Chevette HSR (270 BHP, rwd, and TWITCHY), added an in-car camera, and wired Murray for sound. The result can be deduced by extrapolating his usual excitement and enthusiasm, and adding a large pinch of raw terror! "And there's a 600 foot drop on my left .AND we're doing 120 mph... AND we're approaching a hairpin...OH MY GOD we're going to die..."

[after a post race interview where Mansell won the French(?) GP]
Murray : "How did you get that nasty bump on your head Nigel?" [Nigel leans forward to show the camera as Murray pokes it with his finger !]
Nigel: "OWCH!!"

"...Cruel luck for Alesi, second on the grid. That's the first time he had started from the front row in a Grand Prix, having done so in Canada earlier this year..."

James: "And now what's wrong with Prost's car?"
Murray: "It's not Prost's car it's that joker in the striped shirt!"

"Ah! Now here's Senna in the pits (for the black flag). No point in saying I wish I could lip read: I can't even see his lips! There's Ron Dennis bending over at the right. This is A-! Out gets Senna! For whatever reason and I just hope we can get a message about this. I hope we can get a message. Ayrton Senna with, with rage and impotent fury etched in every line of his body, reluctantly drags himself out of the McLaren." (In reality Senna calmly stepped out of the car and walked away.)

"Well let's, uh, lugsh, luxurrriate in a little hypothesis and try to work out what, if anything, is wrong with Alain Prost." (Prost was being caught by Berger late in the race.) "Has he got tire problems? Very unlikely. Is Prost having fuel trouble? Well, who knows? I think it's a bit unlikely. Is Prost having gearbox trouble? I can't tell you. And since P, uh, Prost is unlikely to come on the radio and let me know you'll have to guess along with me."

"ANNDD! We have a, uh, I - (laughing) - I, uh, I'm S- (still laughing). I have to eat humble pie again, for all the people out there. Uh, we have a lap scoring problem and, uh, I have to rather lamely tell you that, uh, it's still Gerhard Berger in 2nd place. It's Berger in 3rd position. In four- in- in-. Um, Boutsen in 3rd position..."

"That's 55 laps completed by both Prost and Berger and and and and and the expeeerrrienced Alain Prost is really responding."

Sylvan Smyth again: I only replayed my Brazilian GP tape because I vaguely remembered Murray saying "and" five or six times in a row several years ago. I had forgotten what a Murrayism gold mine that race was. Some people don't like Murray. I think some people should switch to decaf...

"And there's the man in the green flag!"

"The Jordan factory is at the factory gates"

Murray, commentating on rallycross from Lydden, describes how a BMW driver has cut holes in his windscreen so that his visibility is improved in all the muck... as he is doing so, the car crashes heavily into an earth bank...

"...and there's no damage to the car.....except to the car itself."

"The beak of Ayrton Senna's chicken is pulling ahead"

'and I interrupt myself to bring you this....'

and the catchphrase 'Unless I'm very much mistaken....I AM very much mistaken!'

"This is an interesting circuit because it has inclines, and not just up, but down as well."

"Only a few more laps to go and then the action will begin, unless this is the action, which it is."

"This has been a great season for Nelson Piquet, as he is now known, and always has been"

"And the first five places are filled by five different cars."

Kevin Lee's observations:

"...the lead is now 6.9 seconds. In fact it's just under 7 seconds"

"Tambay's hopes , which were nil before, are absolutely zero now."

"You can't see a digital clock because there isn't one."

"...and Blundell is doing very well in sixth position...in fact he's lapping 2.5 seconds faster than Blundell who is in fifth position"

"The Italian GP at Monaco..."

"I'm applying intelligence and observation to the situation..."

"Schumacher's appeal for ignoring the chequered flag is next Tuesday."

...the enthusiastic enthusiasts... (Italy 1994)

"Martin's got a bald spot - he won't be pleased..." (Germany, 1994, as Brundle retires, and climbs out of the car. Murray stops talking about the broken McLaren as soon as he sees Martin's head)

"...and Andretti is going very slowly - he must have an electrical problem of some sort... "(Andretti is touring on three wheels, having hit something solid) [PF: this reminds me of several Ferrari retirements which were described as "electrical problems". Mechanics would give the lie to this saying things like "yes, it was an electrical problem. A conrod went through the block and knocked the distributor off!"]

...but Here is Now and There is Damon Hill (PF adds: nice bit of Iambic Pentameter there)

"So now you're looking at the battle between Frentzen and Herbert for 7th place. Heinz Harald Frentzen in the Sauber Mercedes behind Johnny Herbert, behind him Johnny Herbert in his first race in the Ligier Renault..."

`Ukyo Katayama is undoubtedly the best formula 1 driver that grand prix racing has ever produced'

...and the Peugeot cup of misery is filled past overflowing...

"We're watching the Finnish Driver [/] who is third, but he won't for very much llllong...oh yeah, he might be actually"

"And an enormous gap building before Mika Hakkinen goes through in third position...when I say enormous it's 1.5 seconds"

"Schumacher is still the fastest man on the track, not only by virtue of the fact that he leads the Australian Grand Prix, but he also holds the fastest lap"

"Eddie Irvine with smoke pouring up from the eng...I suspect something's locked up and he's out of the race"

JP: "And Alesi spins there...spins out of the race, surely... "Yes!...NO! Alesi manages to keep the engine, does not stall, but of course he will have lost the place I think. No! he's kept the place"

"Yes, the beauty of this race is that it is totally unpredictable"

"Michael Schumacher leading Damon Hill by four tenths of a second or so, because it's moving...[cut to Hill under Schu's rear wing] AND THAT'S NOT FOUR TENTHS OF A SECOND! That's Michael Schumacher!"

Murray: "And there are flames coming from the back of Prost's car as he enters the swimming pool."
James: "Well, that should put them out then."

Rallycross at Lydden Hill. "And Keith Ripp comes round Chesson's Drift, avoids the Hatter's bank..." "... BUT HE DOES NOT!!!!!"

"...and BANG, BANG, OVER, OVER goes the Mini..." A quality moment.
From the Spanish GP 1995: "and Eddie Jordan is in fifth place"... (actually Eddie Irvine in one of his compatriot Eddie Jordan's cars).

"...and he's lost both right front tyres" (which may have been accurate back in the days of the Tyrrell P34, but it was from 1995!)

"Alesi is in second place and Hill is in second place..."

"As you can see, visually, with your eyes..."

"Andrea de Cesaris...the man who has won more Grand Prix than anyone else without actually winning one of them."

"And here comes Berger, out of Tabac and into the swimming pool." -- Gerhard wasn't emulating Alberto Ascari, however, and carried on past the swimming pool!

'Oh that's the Forti, and, it looks like, err, its Roberto Moreno's car , the err Brazilian .. I was going to say the elderly Brazilian , he's only 36 but he's actually the oldest driver in the race at the present moment, though he's just retired from it!'

'Hill, Hill ... Hill is in, he's beneath me now.. .and he's got slicks! its slicks! he got a new set of slicks! this is strange' (as it was raining!)

"....Schumacher crosses the line to start another lap, and there's nothing there!"

'Right underneath me, Michael Schumacher!'

'Jonathan, you're the ace forecaster...' (really?)

'I hate to be a Jeremiah, but I have to tell you that the clouds are lowering...'

'The plot thickens, because the Williams team are out now.'

'The Benetton man doesn't know what day it is!' (Who does?)

(as the coverage flips back and forth, missing the interesting bits) 'It's not my job to produce the programme, so I'll say nothing!' (Good point, Murray, definite 'could do better' for the French producer)

and (during one of the practice sessions) "... this is the part of the circuit where the Williams tends to be, not tends to be *is* slower than the Benetton historically, today."

"The Benetton handling superbly as ever. Williams have worked very very hard on this car at the beginning of the season."

(talking about bumps and puddles in the circuit, which Jonathan Palmer used to test on when McLaren had Honda engines.....) ".....and there's few [drivers] that know them more and even less better than you Jonathan....."

And we have had 5 races so far this year, Brazil, Argentina, Imola, Schumacher and Monaco!

And Damon Hill is coming into the pit lane, yes it's Damon Hill coming into the Williams pit, and Damon Hill in the pit, no it's Michael Schumacher!

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