It's been awhile
Since I could hold my head up high
Since I first saw you
Since I could stand on my own two feet again
Since I could call you

I know its my fault. Its all my fault. I'm the one who left without a word.
Without warning. Without really thinking about what could happen...to
you...to us. And of course, like the idiot I am, I expected you to drop
everything and follow me. I know you love me....or loved me rather...but to
expect you to give up the thing that has been your life for so many
years...that was ridiculous. And now I'm the one whose hurting. I have no
pride without you here by my side. I can't stand alone without you to lean
on. I know I'm supposed to be strong...but without you I'm nothing. But I've
avoided you as much as you have me. I haven't called, I pretend not to see
you at the arenas...I'm just making matters worse, I know. But I'm too afraid
to see the hurt in your eyes, or to hear the pain in your voice.

But everything I can't
remember as fucked up as it
all may seem the consequences
that I've rendered I've stretched
myself beyond my means

I'm pushing myself farther than I should. I don't remember anything about
what was between us except the warmth, the love, the passion. Everything that
was beautiful. I think about it night and day. I dream about it in bed, alone
without you beside me. And I dream about it at work. I was dumb enough to let
you go, and now I'm reaping the consequences. I feelings as much, or many
ever more, pain as you. Do you even see it? Do you see how much I heart
because of how much I love you? You probably don't. If you do, you're
probably wracking your brain trying to figure out why I don't go back to you
if it's hurting me so much. But it's not that simple, Michael.

It's been awhile
Since I could say that I wasn't addicted
Since I could say I love myself as well
Since I've gone and fucked things
up just like I always do

Michael, I don't think you could begin to understand the way I feel right
now. I'm so mad for you that my head is spinning, pulsating...and I don't
know how to make it stop. My heart aches everyday, so much that I fear it
will explode. And its not the only thing that yearns for you. I need you. I
need to feel you, breathe you, be with you. You are my vice, my drug, my
life.  And I hate myself for letting you go. How could I be so stupid? I've
gone and fucked things up...again.

But all that shit seems to
disappear when I'm with you

Everything wrong with this world, this life, just vanishes when you are
there. When you were there. You made everything perfect. All I ever needed
was your love. How I could be so foolish as to let it go is beyond me. And
for what? A job with a company I was never really certain about to begin
with! I need you, Michael, more than you can begin to comprehend.

Why must I feel this way
Just make this go away,
Just one more peaceful day

I want nothing more than to at least hold you for one more night. Every time
I see you, I want to run up to you and throw my arms around you, and kiss you
and tell you how much I love you. But I'm so scared of how you might react.
For all I know, you could've moved on by now. You might just push me away and
tell me its over forever. That I had my chance and blew it. Could you really
do that to me? Not if your love is as strong as I've known it to be. God do I
hope it is.

It's been awhile
Since I could look at myself straight
Since I said I'm sorry
Since I've seen the way
the candle lights your face
But I can still remember
just the way you taste

I can't look at myself without thinking how stupid I am. I can't see my
reflection in the mirror without damning myself for being so ignorant. I
can't bare to see my own eyes, to see the hurt and to know I'm too much of a
coward to try and make things right. I can't look into my eyes, without
falling into the memories. I miss you. Its been so long since I've seen
you...I mean really seen you. My fondest memory will always be that romantic
dinner we had on the floor of our hotel room. Candle everywhere, giving off
the sweetest aroma, and casting the most mesmerizing glow on your lovely
face. Me leaning in, and stealing a kiss that felt as wonderful as the first
one. I still remember the taste of your lips. I feel it lingering on mine,
tingling and teasing me. God I need you back.

But everything I can't remember as
fucked up as it all may seem to be
I know it's me I cannot blame this on my
father he did the best he could for me

It's all my fault. I know this. I acknowledge this. I accept it for what it
is. It was my own damned stupidity, and as much as I'd like to search the
reaches of heaven and the depths of hell for a scapegoat, I know there could
be no one to blame but myself. I hurt you. And I can't believe that I did.

It's been awhile
Since I could hold my head up high
and it's been awhile since I said
I'm sorry

Oh, Michael. It's been a while. It's been a long, hard while. Since I've
touched you. Since I've seen the love in your eyes. Since I kissed you. It's
been a while and I miss you. Maybe I'll have a chance at you taking me back
if I said I was sorry.
And hunny, I'm sorry!

The End.