July 29, 2001. 5:30 p.m. The WWF technical crew was buzzing around WWF New York, setting up for their broadcast of heat. Michael Cole was, as always, going over the script, talking to the camera people, and basically being a good and responsible announcer. From the doorway, Tazz had to smile, remembering his days there, where he would spend this crucial time playing video games and stealing free food from the restaurant.
Although he was no longer a part of Heat, Tazz was convinced that his days of hindering the production of it were far from over. He waited for his opportunity, for Michael to get alone to read the script, and then he made his move. He snuck up behind him, listening to him rehearse the words printed on the page. "Tonight, right here on Heat, we have WCW beauties Stacy Wilson and Torrie...oh dammit, that's not right....Stacy Keibler and Torrie EEEK!!!"
Tazz had chosen that moment to wrap his arms around Cole from behind. "Hey Coleslaw," he whispered
"What the hell are you DOING, Pete???" he half-shrieked in annoyance.
Tazz grabbed his arm, making him stand up. "I'm making you come with me."
Michael looked around at the technical crew. "I can't go anywhere! Heat's about to start..."
"Do I look like I care? You're overworked Cole, you need to get away. You're doing every show in the WWF, you deserve a night off." Tazz put on his best pleading look. "I drove all the way here from Philly because I wanted spend time with you. Don't tell me you're gonna turn me down cuz you have to work."
Michael answered his pleading look with a sorrowful one of his own. "I can't just run away, they need me here..."
Tazz cut off his protest by placing his hand over Cole's mouth and physically removing him from the building, kicking and screaming. Muffled as it was, Tazz was a little surprised no one noticed them. "Will you shut up?" Tazz hissed. Michael didn't even consider obeying.
Once they got outside, Tazz let go of him and Cole proceeded to glare daggers. "Oh, that was just great," he complained. "I can just see the headlines, 'Rival Wrestlers Involved in Kidnapping Case', 'Pencil-necked Geek Found Missing, Red Hook Thug Suspected,'"
Tazz laughed. "MC, you're too dramatic, you know that?"
He grinned back. "I've been told." Resigning himself to the situation, Cole slipped his hand inside Tazz's. "So, did you have a plan for where we're going to go, or was this more of a spur-of-the moment thing?"
Tazz smiled. "Well, I was thinking we could head to your hotel room..."
Michael blushed a bit. "Uhm, I was just gonna drive to Raw, since it's just a few hours away, so I don't have a room here."
"Damn." Tazz thought for a moment. "I know a motel around here."
Michael eyed him skeptically. "You mean like a real motel, or do you mean like, Jimmy the Toad's garage, which is where we ended up the last time you said you knew a motel?"
"I promise. Real place this time." Tazz slid his arm around Michael's waist. "Would I steer you wrong?"
"Yes," Cole answered flatly. "The way you have a million times. Let's see, shall I count the ways? You've let me get slammed by the Big Show, you've mocked me, you've..."
Tazz shut him up with a kiss. "Ok, ok, I'm a big nasty guy. We've established that, Now can we stop fighting and just get to the damn motel?"
They managed to get a cab and ended up in front of a Motel 6. They checked into a room and immediately fell onto the bed, just lying there for a moment and enjoying the quiet. Unfortunately, Cole broke it within minutes by looking at the clock. "Damn...Heat starts in half an hour...I could still get back..."
Tazz sighed, turning Michael the other way so he was looking away from the clock. "You're not gonna relax, are you?"
Michael's face fell. "I just feel really guilty. I'm supposed to be there, doing my job..."
Tazz shook his head. "Look, you stay there, alright? I'll be right back. If you aren't here when I get back, I will drag you back here in the middle of the show if need be. You got me?"
Michael laughed. "I got you."
Fifteen minutes later, Tazz was back, and carrying a plastic bag with him. Michael looked at him nervously. "What do you got there?"
Tazz set the bag down on the bed and pulled out a six-pack of beer, handing a bottle to Cole. "I have relaxation in a bottle."
Michael hesitantly opened the bottle. "I don't drink much..."
Tazz smiled, opening his own bottle and clinking it against Michael's. "That's good, it'll work faster that way." He took a drink and Michael followed after him.
***
Half and hour, and the entire six-pack later, Michael was most definitely drunk. He stood up, wobbling. "So...whaddaya want to do now?"
Tazz tried to hide his grin. He had intended to get Michael just drunk enough to relax, but he had to admit, this added intoxication was quite entertaining. "We could play 'How Many Fingers Am I Holding Up?' That sounds like fun..."
Cole just squinted at him in confusion. "No it doesn't." His expression brightened. "I got it! Let's take a walk!"
Tazz followed Michael out the door. "Not much to walk to around here..."
Michael walked along, ignoring him. "You know, it's really hot out here..." He started to head over to the pool.
Tazz hurried to catch up to him, worried at what might happen. "Yeah, sure is. Been hot for a long time now."
Michael giggled. "Oh, you think so?" With that, he tried to push Tazz into the pool. Apparently, he had forgotten the distinct weight distance, and Tazz didn't go anywhere.
Unfortunately, Michael did. Tazz knelt down at the side of the pool, stretching out his arm. "Still hot, Coleslaw?"
Michael splashed helplessly for a moment, then accepted Tazz's assistance in getting out. "That was really wet."
Tazz rolled his eyes. "Water tends to do that." He took Michael's hand and dragged him back to their room. "You should really get those wet clothes off..."
Michael seemed to ponder the idea for a moment. "Ok." He started to untie his shoes, but stumbled again and bumped into the clock, hitting the button to make it play the radio. He started to sing along as he got his shoes and socks off, until the song changed.
Step inside, walk this way
You and me babe, hey hey
Michael's head snapped up. "Oh my God! I love this song!" He stood up and started to dance.
Love is like a bomb, baby, c'mon get it on
Livin' like a lover with a radar phone
Lookin' like a tramp, like a video vamp
Demolition woman, can I be your man
Your man
Tazz raised his eyebrows as he watched Michael swivel his narrow hips. "Do you always dance when you're drunk?"
Michael grinned. "Only when I hear this song.."
Razzle 'n' a dazzle 'n' a flash a little light
Television lover, baby, go all night
Sometime, anytime, sugar me sweet
Little miss-a-innocent sugar me, yeah
Michael peeled off his damp shirt, swirling it over his head. Water droplets flew everywhere, but Tazz was laughing too hard to care. Of all the people in the WWF he thought he could influence into being strippers, Michael had to be last on the list.
Take a bottle, shake it up
Break the bubble, break it up
Pour some sugar on me, ooh, in the name of love
Pour some sugar on me, c'mon fire me up
Pour your sugar on me, oh, I can't get enough
I'm hot, sticky sweet from my head to my feet yeah
Michael tossed his shirt at Tazz, then ran his hands down his thin bare chest. Tazz's laughter lessened as he had to admit that Michael wasn't doing such a bad job.
Listen
Red light, yellow light, green-a-light go
Crazy little woman in a one man show
Mirror queen, mannequin, rhythm of love
Sweet dream, saccharine, loosen up
I loosen up
Michael unbuttoned the first button on his jeans, showing more of the pale skin of his stomach. Tazz sat up a bit in the bed, watching his lover dance around. Was the room getting warmer?
You gotta squeeze a little, squeeze a little, tease a little more
Easy operator come-a-knockin' on my door
Sometime, anytime, sugar me sweet
Little miss innocent sugar me, yeah
Give a little more
Take a bottle, shake it up
Break the bubble, break it up
Michael unzipped his jeans and attempted to push them down. However, he had forgotten the resistance qualities of wet denim and therefore got them halfway down his thighs and ended up stuck. A look of panic crossed his face as he struggled to get them off.
Pour some sugar on me, ooh, in the name of love
Pour some sugar on me, c'mon fire me up
Pour your sugar on me, oh, I can't get enough
I'm hot, sticky sweet from my head to my feet yeah
Sitting on the floor, face red with exertion, Michael finally got out of his pants. Dropping them in a heap on the floor, Michael stood up, wearing only his boxers and a smile.
You got the peaches, I got the cream
Sweet to taste saccharine
'Cos I'm hot, so hot, sticky sweet
From my head, my head to my feet
To my feet
Do you take sugar, one lump or two?
Tazz fumbled through his wallet, pulling out a dollar bill. He tucked it into the waistband of Michael's boxers, earning a grin. Michael plopped down in Tazz's lap and proceeded to wrap his legs around Tazz's waist, his arms around Tazz's neck, and his lips on Tazz's lips. Tazz was powerless to do anything but kiss back.
Take a bottle, take a bottle
Shake it up, shake it up
Break the bubble, break it up
Break it up
Pour some sugar on me, ooh, in the name of love
Pour some sugar on me, c'mon fire me up
Pour your sugar on me, oh, I can't get enough
Pour some sugar on me, oh, in the name of love
Pour some sugar on me, get it, come get it
Pour your sugar on me, ooh
Pour some sugar on me, yeah
Sugar me
Michael let go of Tazz, and a seductive smile persisted on his face. But only for a second. After that, he lost his balance again, tipped backward, and fell to the floor.
Tazz scrambled to move and look down at Michael. "You ok?"
Michael stood slowly, rubbing his head, but the bump had shocked him back to sobriety. "I....what just happened? Why am I wet? Why do you have my shirt?" He glanced at the clock. "Dammit! It's 8:30! I totally missed Heat!"
Tazz smiled, pulling Michael back onto the bed. "Don't worry. They'll understand."
Michael grumbled. "They probably got Coachman to replace me..." He relaxed into Tazz's embrace, until he felt something odd shift against him. Reaching down, he pulled out the dollar that Tazz has stuffed in his boxers. "Do I want to know how this got here?"
Tazz had to laugh. "Just one of the benefits of playing hooky."