It's getting a bit ridiculous.  I could convince myself that Peter defended
me from Austin last month out of his own free will.  I could tell myself
that it was not me that drove him to the Alliance.

I can't absolve myself of blame on this one.  Peter got hurt because he was
with me.  Austin attacked him because he was doing commentary with me.  It
all comes back to me.

If I had been good enough at my job he wouldn't have had to come back to
commentary.  I couldn't commentate worth shit with JR, so they pulled Peter
out of his career again to come make Smackdown entertaining.  Because I
couldn't do it for myself.  My fault.  If he would have stayed a wrestler,
not gone back to commentary, Austin wouldn't have attacked him.  My fault.

I'm not really getting anywhere with this, I know.  I just can't get it out
of my head.  After it happened, I sat in the bathroom and cried my eyes out
until I had to go do the interview with Kurt.  After that, I just locked
myself back into one of the stalls and hid.  I can't face the wrestlers, WWF
or Alliance.  I'm sure they're all quite amused by this and would love to
inform me just how pathetic my "boyfriend" is.  Funny how they seem to know
how I really feel about Peter than he does himself.

Yes, that's right, I love him, and he'd kill me if he knew.  It would be a
pretty funny scene, like the one in every teen movie where the skinny nerd
tries to persuade the head cheerleader to go to the prom with him.  Ok, so
it's not the best analogy, but you get the picture.

My inner ramblings are broken by a sharp knock on the stall door.
"Hey...hey Cole, I know you're in there."

It's, of all people, Justin Credible.  What the hell is he doing here?
"Yeah, and?"

"And I'd like to talk to you, if I could."

Well this is very weird.  I cautiously step out of the stall.  "Is this
gonna be some kind of ambush?"

He shakes his head.  "No, only me.  And I don't have that much time, so I'll
make this quick."

"Works for me."  Oh wonderful, he's playing Mission Impossible now.

Justin glances back and forth as if to make sure no one else is near.  The
bathroom is empty except for us.  "Look, I wanted to tell you that as much
as I don't like you or your friend Tazz, it's not exactly nice to leave him
alone and hurt."

"He's not my friend.  He hasn't been for the last month," I say sadly, but
then all of Justin's words sink in.  "And why are you yelling at me about
it?  You're the idiots that hurt him."

Justin holds his hands up in defense.  "I didn't do anything.  It was Austin
and his butt buddies.  I just watched.  Besides, if one of the Alliance
members goes to visit him, Austin will have our asses for it.  You on the
other hand could go if you wanted to."  He smiles.  "Which I know you do."

"PJ!  Where the hell are you?"  The yell filters in from the hallway.

Justin pales a bit.  "That's Lance.  I better go to him.  You just make your
decision, ok?  And don't speak too soon about him not being your friend."

"Why the hell are you doing this?"  The question slips from my lips
unbidden.

He shrugs.  "My good deed for the day.  I figure if me and Lance get to tag
together again, I'll go plant a tree or something.  It's sort of a karmic
trade-off."    And with that, he's gone.

I guess this is decision time.  I know where Pete stays, I could easily get
to his hotel room...but it would be so much easier to just sulk to myself
for the rest of the night.

Oh, what the hell.  Life isn't supposed to be easy.

***

"I don't wanna fucking talk to anyone!"  Ah yes, this is the man I love.  I
knock again, this time harder.  "Fuck off!" is the reply.

I lean my forehead against the door.  "You know, I got guilt-tripped into
coming here, if I go away now, my conscience is gonna kill me...."

"Cole???"  Pete actually sounds excited, and I hear the rustling of someone
moving slowly to the door.  Finally, he opens the door.  "Why are you here?"

I look at him, his face bruised, his body shaking slightly.  He looks like
hell.  No, scratch that, I've seen him after bad matches before, that's
looking like hell.  Right now he looks like all that, but with a new edge.
Peter, the strongest man I know, looks broken.  What was supposed to come
out as 'I wanted to see if you were ok' ends up sounding a lot like "I
didn't want you to be alone."

He blinks at me.  "Well ok then.  Come make me not alone."  We walk into his
room.  He waves in the direction of a chair.  I sit down and he stands in
front of me.  "So, what made you so worried about my lack of company all of
a sudden?"

I glance down.  "Actually, I kind of got yelled at by Justin Credible for
letting you be here alone."

I hear him laugh.  "I'm not even gonna ask."

My next statement is accompanied by a blush.  "Also, I was worried about
you."

"You didn't have to be."  No laughter this time.  "Dammit Cole, why the hell
do you still care?  I walked out on the WWF, I've done nothing for the last
month but pick on you, why do you still give a fuck?"

Well he's blunt tonight.  "I can't just turn off friendship like a switch.
It'll take time before I go back to hating you."  I try to smile.

He doesn't seem amused.  "If I were you, I'd hate me."

"Well I guess it's good that you aren't me, then."  That gets a smile from
him and I grin back.  "Why don't you sit down?  You're making me
uncomfortable."

As quickly as I started the good mood, I killed it.  Pete gets a look like I
just threatened him, then manages to smile weakly.  "That's not really an
option right now."

I don't get it for a moment, then it hits me.  Of course he can't sit down.
Austin just whipped his ass. "I'm sorry."

He rubs his eyes.  "It's ok."

"No, not for that."  He glances at me in confusion.  "For getting you into
the situation in the first place."

"Ok, you're gonna have to explain that one to me."

I sigh.  "You had to come back to commentary because I was no good by
myself.  Austin got pissed off because you were doing commentary."

The silence stretches for a moment until Pete speaks, sounding slightly
amused.  "You know, you are so self-centered.  Any time anything happens,
you always think you had something to do with it.  Sometimes things happen
and it wasn't because you did something wrong.  Tonight was because I'm not
perfect enough for Austin, not because you didn't make enough people laugh
with JR.  Ok?"

"Yeah.  Sure."  What else could I say?

He takes a deep breath.  "Look, I'm exhausted, we'll talk more Thursday, ok?
I really need some sleep."  He turns to face the door and I see him wince.

"Your back might feel better if you put something on it.  Maybe Neosporin?"
I say it before my brain can tell my mouth to shut up.

He blinks at me.  "I can't reach my back, so unless you want to put the shit
on me, that's not a good plan."

"Do you want me to put it on you?"  Oh God, what am I SAYING?

He seems to think about it for a moment, then he shrugs, wincing again.
"Sure.  Go for it."

I dart into the hotel bathroom and find a small tube of Neosporin, and walk
back out.  Peter is laying on his stomach on top of the bed.  I walk over to
beside him, opening up the tube.  As gently as I can, I push the hem of his
t-shirt up to gain access to his back.  I curse myself for the shudder that
runs through him.

The welts from Austin's belt stand out against Pete's dark skin.  I squeeze
some of the ointment onto my fingers and touch them softly to the first
mark.  I feel the muscles under my fingers tense up as I spread the ointment
across the welt.  Getting more of the Neosporin on my fingers, I move onto
the second swollen patch.  My fingertips move in small circles and I try to
ignore how good his skin feels touching mine.  It's not hard once I notice
how badly he's shaking.  "Am I hurting you?" I ask quietly.

He shakes his head.  "No, just give me a second...."  He takes a deep
breath, lets it out, still shaking.  I take the chance of laying my hand on
his shoulder and then before I know it, he's gotten up and run past me,
locking himself in the bathroom.

I walk over to the door, sitting on the floor next to it.  I can hear the
harsh, choked sobs coming from inside.  I reach out and touch the door,
running my fingers down it, pretending the touch might reach him.  "Pete?"
I try to sound like my heart isn't breaking with his.  "Can I help you with
anything?"  No answer, but I swear he sounded like he was crying harder.  I
stand up and try the doorknob, on the off-chance the door is unlocked.  It
is.

Pete is on his knees on the cold tile floor, his face buried in his hands.
He cries like someone who hasn't shed tears in ages and has almost forgotten
how.  I kneel down on front of him.  "Are you ok?"

He doesn't look at me.  "Go away."

I hold my ground.  "I'm not going anywhere."

He starts to shake a bit harder.  "Fuck you Cole, go away.  Please."

I move closer to him.  "I told you, I don't want you to be alone."

His eyes meet mine for a moment, and I see the utter despair in them.
"Cole, please, I don't want to do this in front of you, I don't want you to
see me like this."

I reach out, touch his arm.  "You were there for me when I lost it after
Austin attacked me.  This isn't any different."

"You don't understand!  This was...oh God...fuck, it was so humiliating...."

I keep brushing my fingers along his arm.  "I know."

"He treated me like a little kid.  Right out in front of the whole world."

I have no idea what I'm doing, all I can do is try to help.  "I know.  I'm
sorry."

He sniffles, and I watch as the final wall breaks down.  "I didn't deserve
that.  Did I?"

I reach out, take him in my arms, and to my surprise, he doesn't resist,
just rests his head on my shoulder.  "No Pete, you didn't deserve that,
Austin was so wrong."

I feel his fingers twist in my shirt.  "He took away everything from me.  He
took away my dignity, he took away my loyalty...he took away Paul E, the
only guy who was ever fucking proud of me in this business."

I swallow against my own tears threatening to escape.  "I'm proud of you."

He glances up at me, his sobs starting to slow.  "Why?"

I smile at him.  "You've protected me, you're a great wrestler, and an
amazing commentator, people look up to you..."

He looks away.  "Yeah, and I spent the last ten minutes bawling my eyes out.
I'm real tough."

I shrug.  "They say it takes a real man to cry."

"Not where I'm from they don't."  He stands up, walks back over to the bed.

I follow him from a distance.  "Yeah, well don't they also cook pigeons
where you're from?  Shows how much they know."

He laughs despite himself.  "Don't be rippin' on the Hook, boy."

I walk closer to him.  "And if I do?"

He lays back down on the bed.  "If you do, I might keep you here as my slave
to keep rubbing that shit on my back.  It actually helps."

I sit down on the edge of the bed.  "You don't need me as your slave for me
to do that."  I pick the tube back up and start spreading the ointment on
his welts.  The closer I get to his welts, the more I feel him squirming in
discomfort under my hands.  Without thinking, I kiss his back lightly where
one of the worst welts is.

"I felt that," he murmurs.

I freeze.  Oh shit, what have done?  "I...uhm..."

"Do it again."

I decide that this is now the Twilight Zone, that we have now entered The
Place Where Normal Things Don't Happen Very Often.   I press my lips to his
muscular back again and he lets out a small sigh that sounds almost happy.
"Well, I guess I figured out how to relax you."

He laughs tiredly.  "I need all the relaxation I can get."  He blinks up at
me.  "Come down here for a minute."  I slide off the bed and kneel on the
floor so my face is close to his.  He shakes his head.  "No, on the bed."  I
sit back down on the bed and he pulls me down so I'm lying next to him.  He
kisses my lips.  "I think I'm relaxed enough to sleep now."

I'm simply in shock.  No way is this happening.  All the stress of this day
has taken its toll on Pete and now he doesn't know what he's doing.  He
can't.  This can't be real.  This is like my nightmares and fantasies come
true all in one.

But hell, who says I can't enjoy it?  "Glad I could help," I whisper.

"Hey Cole?" His eyes are serious now.  "What happened tonight...it's over
now.  I don't want to think about it anymore and I really don't want to find
out that you've been telling everyone what you saw."

I stared back at him.  "You know me better than that."

He smiles, kisses me again.  "Just so we're clear."  He drifts off to sleep,
leaving me to try and figure out whether I would count this among the best
or the worst days of my life.