Title: Watching
Rating: PG13 for talk of m/m affection/situations
Spoliers: Slightly for 1/14 Raw
Synopsis: Tazz's thoughts on a relationship
Comments: I don't know where this came from. All I know is that after
seeing SCSA's promo with Mikey on Raw, Tazz popped into my head,
scowled at me and said "Write this down". And I'm not brave enough to
argue with a scowling Tazz. :)

*************

Watching
    -Khylara

I hate seeing you with him.  Have since the very beginning.  I
remember meeting you the first day I came to the WWF, then meeting
him ten minutes later and being told point blank hands off.  He acted
like he owned you then and he still does.  It literally turns my
stomach seeing the two of you together, especially when I think about
how he treats you.  And I don't just mean intimidating you during
promos or even the beatdown he gave you - I know a lot of those are
works, playacting for the fans.

But I've seen things.  Things like the bruises you hide under long
sleeves or the occassional black eye you have to get the make-up
girls to cover up before you go on the air.  Things like the flinch
you give whenever he yells at you or the way you cower away from him
whenever he berates you for some little thing.

You're his slave...his bitch...his little plaything for whenever he
gets tired of playing happy couple with Debra.  He snaps his fingers
and you go running, eager to please, ready to do anything and so
blinded by love that you don't see him for what he is.  You let him
do whatever he wants to you and you don't care.  Or worse, you think
you deserve it all because you love him.

I could tell you a few things...open your eyes a little.  I've seen
him screwing around on you with Kurt...and Hunter...and Booker...and
even Vince.  I've seen him fuck one or more of them in the locker
room after a show while you wait in the truck.  I've seen him on his
knees servicing Vince and liking it. I've heard him tell each one of
them that you're nothing to him, just an easy lay, no one important
to be jealous of. I've heard him tell each one of them that he loves
them...and not you.

Why do you put up with that, Mikey?  Why do you let him steal your
pride, your strength, your heart?  You deserve so much better...

And I know you know about some of it - the drinking, the drugs, the
abuse he's dealt out.  Why do you think Shane's gone? He was in the
same position you're in now and he couldn't take it anymore. Steve
Austin took a proud, arrogant young man and tore him to pieces.  And
that's exactly what he's doing to you.

But you keep going back.  Everytime you get a little backbone and
leave him you go back and he treats you worse than before.  Like now
in front of the camera - he's literally feeling you up in front of
millions, staking his claim, branding you as his and not only are you
not stopping him, you're enjoying it!  Laughing with him while he's
belittling you, treating you like nothing. Or the way you look at him
whenever he climbs into the ring - all blushing and tongue-tied, eyes
full of adoration, like one of the marks in the crowd. You worship
the ground he walks on, the dirt on his feet and he treats you worse
than shit.

Why do you put up with that? What in God's name do you see in him? Do
you really love him that much to let him do that to you? You must; I
can't think of another reason.

Okay - so I'm jealous.  I'm jealous of the hold he has over you.  I
don't know what he did to get it, but he's got you good and tight and
he's got no intention of letting you go.  Why should he? He's got you
trained nice, now - it's to the point where you don't even walk down
the hall without his say so.  And God forbid you look at or talk to
anyone else - just ask Jeff Hardy or Lita about that one.

Everyone else, that is, except me.

For some reason known only to the Rattlesnake, he tolerates me around
you.  Maybe it's because he doesn't see me as a valid threat, or
maybe he thinks you're so under his power that it wouldn't hurt to
throw you a bone and let you have one friend.  That you're so firmly
his you wouldn't want anyone else, wouldn't even dream of it.  I
don't know, but whenever he sees you're with me, he lets you be.

And God knows you need one friend.  I don't know how many times
you've cried on my shoulder whenever you've found out another thing
bad about him or when he's beaten you down.  And I've gritted my
teeth, held you close while you sobbed your heart out, patched you
up, then let you go.  It's all I can do.  

And I hate every fucking minute of it.

Why?  Isn't it obvious by now?  Well...maybe not to you, and maybe
not to Austin, but everybody else in the Fed sure sees it.  Sees, and
pitys me a little, because I'm wishing for the moon whenever I look
at you.

Because I love you, Mikey.

I've loved you since that moment I saw you in the hallway my first
day here. The second our eyes locked together I knew in my heart, my
soul that we belonged together.  I'd spend the reast of my life
making you happy if you let me and be grateful you gave me the chance
to.  I love you that much.

You deserve so much better than Austin, Mikey. You deserve to be
loved, cherished and made much of. You deserve tenderness and
affection. You deserve to be someone's first thought in the morning
and their last thought at night. You deserve all that - you may not
think so, but I do.

What in the hell do you see in Austin, Mikey? Why him - and not me?

He's a rattlesnake, a psycho, a viscious son of a bitch who doesn't
care about anything except himself and WWF gold.  He's using you
because he knows he can and you won't stop him. The absolute last
person in the world he cares about is you.

But I can't tell you that.  You wouldn't listen.  You can't - or
won't - see the truth, see him for what he really is.  You'd hate me
if I tried to tear him down and I couldn't stand that. Not when I
love you more than anything. More than my own happiness.  More than
my life.

So I'll stay your friend - like I said, you need one.  And maybe
someday - I'm not holding my breath, but maybe someday soon the
situation we've found ourselves in will change.  Nothing lasts
forever - especially here.  Maybe someday soon something will happen
that will finally open your eyes and break your heart, something
that'll make you see who Stone Cold Steve Austin really is. Something
that'll drive you to tell him to go to hell for good.  And when - if -
that day finally comes, I'll be where I've always been.

Here.  By your side.  Waiting for you.