| Break Me by Devlin A Savage Garden Songfic Song lyrics are in { } Flashback dialogue is in [ ] Present dialogue is in " " Vegeta stared out of the window, looking down over the city silently and behaving himself while in the hospital for the first time ever. Drugs coursed thru his veins to lessen the pain and push away his suicidal desires. He had been reduced to painkillers and antidepressants, unable to keep up his protective façade anymore. He was disgusted with himself, but every negative thought only seemed to make the drugs work harder to make him normal again. He hadn’t felt normal since he was a child. He didn’t even remember feeling like this before. He was calm and quiet, feeling no violence or remorse or regret. Angst was the only thing he had been feeling as of late. Goku had picked the perfect time to swoop down on him, preying upon him while he was at his weakest. He blinked as he sensed a familiar ki heading towards the hospital and shivered incredibly hard. Instant fear and panic coursed cold thru his veins, firing the drugs up even more. He had known Goku would come eventually, but he was surprised it was so soon. It had only been two days… [Stop screaming! I can kill you and I will if you don’t shut up and stay still!] Vegeta shook his head and fought back the fear. He knew Goku hadn’t meant to do it, but it was such a disgrace of his pride. He had never been hurt so badly in his entire life. Even his deaths had been less gruesome than Goku’s slashing nails, punches, smacks, and random uncontrolled ki blasts. Vegeta’s entire body was slashed and bruised in so many places. It had been degrading as well as painful… [Please, stop this! Kakarotto, I’m begging you! No!] Vegeta whirled around and started fiddling with the little boom box Trunks had brought to him. It was his only source of entertainment when he needed to push aside his own thoughts. He quickly shuffled thru the stack of his favorite CD’s and found the one he had in mind, setting it to play just as Goku stuck his head in the door. “Ve… Vegeta? Can I come in?” Terror overtook him at the mere sound of his voice, causing him to drop the CD cases. He closed his eyes and kneeled down to pick them up, each movement sending waves of pain thru him. Kakarotto came in, moving closer to him, but Vegeta got up and walked back to the window. He didn’t dare let Goku get close to him, abandoning the CD’s on the floor. He pointed the remote at the boom box and flipped slowly thru the songs, searching for a certain one. He couldn’t bring himself to look at or speak to Goku. He knew he would only scream at him and the rush of anger and hatred would merely make him pass out. Either that or he would start screaming and crying like he had when he had first awoken from unconsciousness. “Vegeta, I am so sorry. I didn’t know what I was doing.” He stopped on a song with a nice bass line opening. The voice started quietly and Goku looked over at the boom box, listening. He knew Goku knew the song. He had this CD as well. Savage Garden was a passion they shared equally, though, they liked completely different songs. This song was one that Vegeta had kinda liked before, but knew he would despise it from now on. Just as the chorus started Vegeta turned his eyes up to Goku’s face. He could see plainly that the taller Saiya-jin knew exactly what he meant by it… {So break me shake me hate me take me over When the madness stops then you will be alone So break me shake me hate me take me over When the madness stops then you will be alone} “Vegeta… You know the Blood Moon puts Saiya-jins into rut. If you had told me then I at least would’ve known what was going on. I would’ve stopped, Vegeta, if I had known what was happening to my mind.” Still Vegeta refused to speak to him. He didn’t want him to hear his fear, the ultimate sorrow and self-loathing. He knew it was his fault. He had known all about the blood moon and rut. He had figured since it had no effect on him that Goku would be able to fight it off as well. He glared up at him, meeting his eyes just as the last verse began. It was the part that fit most. {You know that I live with a ton of regret Cuz I used to move you in a way that you’ve never known Then I accused you in a way that you’ve never known But you hurt me in a way that I’ve never known} Vegeta purposely mouthed the last line and turned his back to him quickly, fearing Goku may attack him again for doing that. It scared him shitless to even turn away in such a manner, putting his backside to him again was almost a submissive gesture now. He knew he would never submit, but he wasn’t strong enough yet to fight back. Even when he was at full strength he was still a weakling compared to Goku. He cursed himself silently for never surpassing the larger Saiya-jin. “Vegeta, I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you like that. I didn’t know what I was doing.” Vegeta’s ears perked at the crack in Goku’s voice. “I keep on thinking about it over and over in my mind. I just wish I could take it all back, Geta… When I came to my senses again and saw you lying there beneath me…bloody and crying and trembling… I just wanted to kill myself right then, Geta. The only reason I didn’t was because I brought you here and Trunks met me. He had sensed your pain.” {Break me…} Vegeta realized he was trembling again. His voice was seared into his mind as he had screamed at him during the whole event. The insults and the commands to stop fighting… Now though, as his voice broke with emotion, the end of it all slowly trailed back to him. He had been falling into unconsciousness by then, but he had heard Goku’s words faintly. [Vegeta? Oh my God, what have I done? No, please, Vegeta, be okay. God, I deserve to die.] Had he actually not known? Is it possible that he had completely lost it? Vegeta knew he had been in the position a few times before, but he had been able to keep a level head. Then again, Goku wasn’t used to having such strong feelings overcome him and his Saiya-jin side was something he never tapped into unless he was in a heavy battle. But he found it impossible to believe that such a gentle soul could have such a switch in personality for the simple reason of Blood Moon Rut. Then again, it had happened. He shook his head suddenly and covered his ears, Goku’s voice driving him nuts in his head. He didn’t know he was screaming. [You’re such a good tight little fuck, aren’t you, Chibi Ouji!] "Shut...up..." [What have I done…] "Shut up." [You pathetic piece of shit! Hold still!] "Shut up!" [Please, hold on, Vegeta. We’re almost to the hospital…] "Shut up!!" (laughing) [You always have been the victim haven’t you, you weakling!] "SHUT UP!!!" [I deserve to die…] Vegeta opened his eyes, feeling very warm and safe wherever he was. He moved slightly and felt something soft brush against his bare skin. There was a familiar scent in the air. There was a contenting sound in his ears. Slowly, his senses began to clear and he opened his eyes. He looked around to see he was in his bed again, but he was facing an odd direction. Upon looking up, he expected his blood to run cold or for his heart to stop completely. He should’ve screamed in terror. He should’ve fought for his life and sanity. Instead, he gently touched the soft orange fabric and breathed in the scent, a combination of fresh air, maybe even a mountain stream, and a man’s musk. He slowly looked up, his eyes half closed with his exhaustion and a little bit because of the drugs. He gave a surprised “Oh,” that came out silent, especially since he wasn’t as surprised, as one would’ve thought. Kind dark eyes gazed down at him. Those usually innocent and carefree orbs, dark as the night sky, glimmered with a deep guilt, sorrow, and a twinge of the coldness that had taken them over a couple nights before. It pained Vegeta to think of that innocence tainted so easily. He reached up and ran a hand over the raven spikes. “Kakarotto… I forgive you…” he whispered. A flash of light ignited deep within those beautiful eyes. The fires within flared back to life even if not as strong as usual. Vegeta felt himself give a true smile to the other Saiya-jin. Somehow he was no longer afraid as Goku pulled him closer and hugged him. Even the slashes across his stomach and back stopped complaining as he gave in to the embrace, gently, hesitantly, kissing Goku’s cheek. He marveled at the softness of his skin and kissed him again. “Geta...” came a quiet and strained whisper. Vegeta blinked, suddenly noticing the tension in the air. It wasn’t what he had felt a few nights ago, though. This was a welcoming and a beckoning. Vegeta accepted and welcomed back, the scent in the air changing as Goku sensed his compliance. He leaned back, or actually Goku lowered him slightly, and stared up into his face once again. Curiosity touched the gentle features, a true tenderness lingering there and a small touch of self-doubt mixed with fear. Vegeta smiled again, showing nothing had been misinterpreted. Goku leaned down without hesitation, kissing his lips as lightly as possible and still touch the sensitive skin. Vegeta pressed up to him slightly. Their mouths fit together so perfectly that they didn’t even have to think about the kiss itself, just endulge themselves in the pleasure. Of all possible moments Vegeta’s nurse burst in the door, her gasp of surprise going unheard by the two newfound lovers. They so embraced their first moment of true love that nothing else could penetrate into their world. And somewhere deep inside, Vegeta felt something snap like he had on the night that Goku had ravaged him. However, the flood of emotions that came from behind this broken dam filled him with warmth and joy. He felt complete. As he had never been in his life, he finally felt whole. He knew he had been broken. He knew he could never turn back. He also knew he wanted it in a way he had never known. |