| His Touch Kuriyamimizu darksideduo@yahoo.com 12-6-99 He watched as they lowered the box into the earth. He’s seen her beautiful face one last time before they had closed the lid. And somehow it still seemed like a dream. She was so young. Only seventy. Her race lived only for a blink of an eye. Why had she gone so fast? Thoughts and emotions prevaded across Vegeta’s mind like a swarming mob enveloping land that they wanted back. Somehow it didn’t all click. Somehow he still wanted to believe that she was alive. He started forward, a rogue thought that she might just be sleeping and that they would bury her alive working across his mind in the miasma of confusion and pain. There was a hand on his shoulder, he stopped, regaining his senses. He watched the box lower the rest of the way into the ground. All of her family and friends were there, those that survived. Eighteen was there, standing with silent grace, next to the daughter that mirrored her image. Trunks stood resolutely, but every now and then a tear trickled down his cheek, a silent reminder that this incident had torn him apart inside. And yet he had family to fall back on. His wife and children could provide him comfort enough. For a moment Vegeta’s thoughts took an odd turn. Who will cry for me when my day comes? Who weeps for the damned? Just as quickly as it had come the thought vanished. What remained of the Son household stood together, and near Vegeta, on their faces the sadness of loosing their friend dear. The priest’s speech droned on for a moment more and then he gave up the podium. Goku stepped forward, striding to the podium with grace, his step even and flowing, even though his face suggested turmoil. He took the podium and looked out to the assmebled people. For a moment he was silent. And then he spoke, his low voice loud in the silence. “Bulma was one of my dearest and truest friends. I’ve known her my whole life. As she goes, she takes with her a part of me, for there is going to be a hole where she has been that will never be replaced. She was a fiery and intellegent woman, never one to contradict.” He smiled for a moment at an old memory and then continued. “And this world suffered a great loss when it lost her. Only know that she must be halfway to heaven now, and doubtless she will have made things better along the way. Good luck Bulma, we’re praying for you.” There was another moment of silence afterward. No one spoke, and yet all eyes sparkled. It had been a concise speech, Goku never had been a man of many words. And yet in that short amount he seemed to have at least partially conveyed the feelings of all that were assembled. They piled the earth on. After a little while longer, they all began to disperse; save the Z senshi. Yamcha and his family stood to one side, silent and reflective. He was getting old, and was reaching a point where he would be joining her. He didn’t mind. He smiled his own smile as he acknowledged his own fate. They walked off. Kuririn had gone a while ago, Marron and Eighteen survived him. They took smiled once, and Marron went over to give Trunks a hug, which he accepted gracefully and then he too left. Tien, Chaou-tsu, and Lunch were not present. They were all ready here, lying at peace with the others that had gone. Goten and Gohan had showed up with their respective families, and still stayed. And then after paying their respects to the stone they too left, with well wishes and compassion for he who had lost. Trunks stayed for a while more, talking to his father. Vegeta didn’t say much. Then Trunks too left. Only Goku still stayed with the dark man, not saying anything. Vegeta watched him through dead eyes as he touched the stone, one finger tracing lightly over the name that was engraved on it. He watched the other man sigh, and look to a stone that was close as well. Chichi laid there. Bulma had outlived the small woman surprisingly. Goku had become even more silent after she had gone. Their sparring sessions had become rough and Goku had changed. Now Vegeta felt what he had. His whole world had been ripped out from under him. He’d been standing on solid ground one moment, and then the next it was all violently ripped away from him, and he was falling. It was all pain, and he didn’t understand it. She’d died and he’d been in a daze, not knowing what to do or what to say. He’d often returned to their room to find it empty and clean, looking the exact opposite of the way that it had when she’d lived. And it disoriented him. Vegeta put his hands into his pockets, refusing to accept that, that was. Bulma was not dead. Goku walked up behind him after staring at both gravestones. “You need to talk, you know where I am.” Vegeta growled, the best he could manage at that point. Goku nodded and flew off. Vegeta reassessed the last few seconds in his mind. Had he been imagining it, or was Kakkarot looking at him oddly. He shrugged his shoulders. Maybe he should take some of those anti-depressants. He flew back home a few hours later, only to find an empty house, devoid of anything that could comfort him. He shook his head. It was an odd thing, but he would go to Goku’s. Maybe beating the stuffing out of the man would make him feel better. Goku opened the door somberly and nodded at Vegeta who stood outside, still looking confused. The prince stepped in silently, pulling off his jacket to reveal a training shirt under it. Goku shook his head. This wouldn’t help. Vegeta needed to talk it out. But he wouldn’t, not yet. They walked outside into the warm night air. It was summer, and the heat pulsed even now. Yet she was always cold, Vegeta thought back silently. She’d huddled close to him, shivering even though it was intolerably warm. He snapped back into reality as he saw Goku take a position across from him. The prince leapt without his usual grace or style, but with more of a panicy look to what he did. Goku understood him. He needed to do something to take his mind away from what he felt. He had to do something. Goku blocked and parried, letting him get hits that he could have just as easily have blocked. He watched as Vegeta tired before his eyes, the other’s desperate ones locked almost always into his. Finally Vegeta sunk to his knees panting, sitting there on the lawn on his knees. “Kuso!” He hit the ground in frustration and anger. Goku noted how tense his entire being was, he was one giant, tense muscle. He stayed there for a moment longer and Goku knew that he was trying to figure out what he was going to do next. And the smaller man didn’t know. Goku squatted down next to him, his large and gentle eyes fixed on Vegeta’s dark ones. “Go and get a shower.” The smaller man nodded once, rising and even venturing to take the hand that was offered down. He walked in silently and Goku stuck his hands in his pockets, quelling a sudden flash of feeling that moved over him. He walked indoors silently after the shattered man, and then into the kitchen to make some tea. Vegeta stood beneath the spay and closed his eyes feeling the water hitting his bare skin. It slid over and down him, over his face, down his shoulders and back, feeling like caressing fingers. Her fingers. He stopped that thought there. He didn’t want to think about that. It hurt to think about that. The water ran cold. He’d been in there a while. He stepped out, wrapping a towel around his waist and leaving his hair to dry on it’s own terms. He realized that he hadn’t been showering at all regularly. He should have. She hated it when he didn’t. So many memories. He clutched the doorframe lightly. Why did this woman rent and hurt him so. Why was she so special? He closed his eyes, leaning his head against the wall behind him. He walked out later in a pair of Goku’s borrowed pants. He hadn’t bothered to put on a shirt. There wasn’t a point. It was just Kakkarot. The man sat at the table, sipping his tea without really looking at Vegeta. When the small man entered however he did acknowledge him by raising his eyebrows. Vegeta nodded once, still stoic and silent, the odd and rather unnatural pain flowing still over his face. He sat down at the table without really thinking, sipping the tea slowly. He felt compelled to speak at last. He felt safe, at least knowing that Kakkarot would listen to him without being judgmental; the man was the closest thing that he had to a friend on this Kami forsaken place. “How did you stand it Kakkarot?” Goku looked at him levelly. “I didn’t. It hurt me so much that I thought I was going to die. More than once I thought that I would just end it. The only thing that really stopped me was thinking of the kids. And you.” Vegeta didn’t register the comment, or the particular tone of voice in whence it came. He just nodded. “It feels like my soul’s been ripped in half. I thought I knew where I was going, what I was doing. But now it’s all mixed up. I’m lost.” Goku nodded. “It’s very disorienting. And you feel lonely don’t you?” Vegeta nodded. “It’s like I don’t know anyone anymore. Even all of you pathetic weaklings are dying off. There’s no one from the old group left hardly. And the brats are grown with family of their own.” Goku nodded again. “For the longest time it seems like they’ll be children forever and then all of a sudden you loose them; just like that.” Vegeta again nodded. “Just like her.” He said it in a flat monotone. His eyes danced with held in pain. “One day she came in, and the hugged me around the neck. I always would shrug her off; it was a game we played. And then I turned around and hugged her to me. She looked so fragile right then. She always had, but now especially so. And she looked…old! I smiled at her and she just smiled back, leaning her head against my chest, talking to me. Stupid and sappy things, she went on and told me how much I meant to her. I all ready knew. And she meant that much and more to me. She said, ‘I always did think you were kind of a jack ass, but you’re the most precious person in the world to me and I’m sorry.’ I didn’t understand her then, but she was saying goodbye. The next morning I woke up and she was gone, in her sleep, like a Sayajin.” He stopped for a moment, his eyes misty. “She was so much like a Sayajin. I…I never told her that I loved her. Only a few times. It wasn’t nearly enough.” A few rouge teardrops splattered onto the tablecloth, and soon, following the brave few hordes more followed. Vegeta silently wept, his shoulders twitching with giant, silent sobs. Goku stood quietly and came around to the back of Vegeta’s chair. He touched the other man’s shoulders. Vegeta didn’t do anything, so emerged was he in his sorrow. His shoulders were tense and taught beneath Goku’s fingertips, hard lines of muscle and pain. He could ease that. He massaged the small man’s shoulders slowly, trying to work the tension out of there. He didn’t say anything, letting the man cry. Eventually Vegeta’s shoulders relaxed and he laid his arms down on the table, his eyes cloudy, his lips pouting. Goku continued steadfastly to administer the touch that calmed him. He stopped crying for a little while, instead resting his head on his arms and letting Goku kneed the tension out of him. After a while Goku stopped, but kept his hands where they rested, his fingers splayed out lightly over Vegeta’s back. The other man tilted his head at such an angle so that he could look at the taller man behind him. Goku was giving him that odd look again, his eyes very intense and dark, seeming like shadowy pools of black. And just as soon as he saw Vegeta watching him the look was carefully erased from his face. He took his hands off of Vegeta and rested them in his pockets. “Better?” He asked after a moment, still looking at Vegeta. The smaller man nodded, and he rose, working his shoulders in small circles, banishing the last bits of tension from them. He gave a ghost of a smile to Goku. “I’m staying here.” Translation: Would it be all right if I stayed? Goku nodded. “You can have Goten’s room.” Vegeta nodded, and padded down the hall, his bare feet making no noise against the wood paneling that made up the floor of the place. Goku watched him go and let the dreamy look return to his face. He didn’t like this feeling. It was out of place and could only lead to trouble. As he watched Vegeta now, he realized that he wanted him. He wanted to make the man his. Or have Vegeta claim him for himself. He wanted…..He shook his head. That was a bad idea. Somehow the idea of Vegeta acting that way went entirely against his personality; and yet, as Goku thought of massaging his shoulders, feeling the muscle and heat beneath, he couldn’t suppress a shudder. He would love to have Vegeta massage him. The feel of his fingers against his skin would be such a thing that he could never forget. He sighed and looked down. Yup, go figure, you fantasize and that’s what you get. He stared down at the slight bulge in his pants. “You realize of course that you aren’t getting any of that don’t you?” It ignored him. He walked back down the hall just as silently as Vegeta had, his footsteps making no noise against the floor. He was just about to turn into his room, turn on the shower and take care of a bit of business when he felt compelled to walk further back. He looked in on Vegeta, the man was all ready asleep. It figured. He’d finally relaxed enough to let sleep come to him. Goku walked in just as silently as he had come, stopping for a moment to sit on the bed. Vegeta didn’t stir. That was good, Vegeta was in a deep sleep. Goku reached out a hesitant hand and brushed a fingertip over the sleeping man’s cheek. His skin was smooth and unmarked. Goku noted how tanned he was. He was a really beautiful man. One hand went out almost of it’s own accord to stroke once through Vegeta’s unruly hair. It was coarse and yet soft, and intriguing combination. He pulled his hand back and closed his eyes for a moment, inhaling deeply. He was making it all the worse for himself. It had been a long time since he and Chichi had been together. She wasn’t one for frequent activities of the sort. She was; Goku stopped the thought there. When they had been together it had been passionate, and that’s all that he needed to remember about her. Only now, the sharp ache in his groin reminded him of how much he missed having someone to love. Vegeta wouldn’t have any of it. Goku knew it. He rose from the bed without a sound and was grateful that Vegeta slept as soundly as he did. He hoped that the man would opt to stay for a while longer. Vegeta watched through a barely cracked eye as Kakkarot left the room. He still felt his touch and he was confused. Why had the man been compelled to touch him in such a manner? He’d run his hand over his face and a hand through his hair, such odd gestures. It was an odd thought to begin with and an even odder reality. And yet the touch was not un-pleasureable. Just as the other man’s touch had soothed him before, that touch was oddly comforting. He didn’t understand it. He definitely was not interested in Kakkarot in that way. Or so he was pretty sure. If he was, then Bulma would roll over in her grave. He smiled slowly at that thought. It didn’t hurt quite as much to think of her. Just a warm feeling accompanied thoughts of her. And he realized with a start, that coming to Goku’s had been a good idea after all. Goku turned on the shower as hot as he could bear it, and that itself was pretty hot. His dick refused to stay down. He was just getting annoyed with it now. He stepped beneath the spray and felt all the feeling in that area intensify, hot and pulsing. He did away with it quickly, arching his back slightly as he came, and then he sat down in the bottom of the shower letting the spray wash him off. All of his stresses, all of his troubles. He tilted his face up the spray and was reminded of Chichi. She had been Kami-set to build fires outside so that she could help him bathe in the barrel, yet the task became too assiduous after a while. So Goku had gotten a shower installed. It was easier for everyone, and he had spent one of his last and most memorable times with Chichi in the very same shower. She had stepped in while he was still in there. He’d smiled, inviting her in, washing her back, enjoying the feeling of her slender shoulders beneath his fingertips, and watching her hair flow down with the water. They had talked about things in that time, telling each other little things that they had meant to do but had never done, and things that they had hoped to do and would never. Goku didn’t realize that she was clearing the water, telling him everything that she thought she should. She had realized that death was upon her before he had even suspected. She’d spent so much time with him, and then, the night after the shower she was gone. Tears mingled with the water that was spilling down Goku’s cheeks already. He missed her terribly sometimes. And now was one of them, when old memories and feelings flooded over him in a wash of old pain. His shoulders shook with silent sobs. After a moment they cut off and he found that he could cry no more. She wouldn’t want him to cry. He sighed and once again leaned his head back into the hot water, letting it drain what tension remained from him. They both rose around the same time the next morning, Goku had made breakfast and sat on one of the windowsills looking out into the distance. Around them the birds sang lazily. It was almost unbearably hot. Goku was sitting there in very loose fitting pants and a cotton tank top that was so thin that it just barely could be called a shirt. Vegeta just went without. He walked out into the morning’s fading coolness and started a rigorous kata that made his entire torso shine with sweat and his eyes bright with the light of purpose. Goku watched, glad that he had opted to wear baggy pants that day, trying to keep his mind on Vegeta’s movements, rather than on Vegeta himself. It was difficult. Watching the other man move was like watching a dancer dance. He moved with fierce grace, his eyes shining in the beginnings of the afternoon sun, his body bending and twisting, showing off a frame wiry and beautiful. Vegeta was scarred up from various encounters, but they only added to the fierce beauty of the man himself. Goku sighed and closed his eyes, leaning his head back against the wood of the windowsill. Vegeta finished what he had been doing, wrapping a towel around his shoulders and looking pointedly over at Goku, as if to say silently, okay, it’s your turn. Goku stepped out onto the lawn, working with his own kata, trying to stay focused on the task that was in front of him. Vegeta walked through the cool hallways of Goku’s house. He stopped to look at a wall with pictures on it. There were a whole bunch of the man and his family, and then there was one of him at one of the more recent Tenkai Budokai’s. It was a picture of him standing with his insane grin and a medal around his neck, and Bulma, with one arm around his neck and her other hand in the air, grinning a smile of shared triumph. At that something inside of Vegeta snapped. He stalked back into his room and snatched the bottle of anti-depressants that he’d shoved into his pocket the night before. He went to the kitchen and grabbed a soda. In between gulps he downed the whole bottle, not really caring if he overdosed and died. Goku came in, sweat shining over his skin, his eyes bright from the exercise. He walked into the back to take yet another shower. He dropped his pants, and peeled his shirt off of his back, hot and ready to wash the feeling off of himself. He stepped in and didn’t notice as someone joined him in the bathroom. The sound of the water hitting the tile covered the footsteps. Then the door opened. Goku looked over, his eyebrows raising in surprise as Vegeta looked at him through dulled eyes. Goku realized with a start that he was heavily drugged. There was something about his intense gaze that had faded. He just looked listless. “Move over, there’s room.” Goku nodded, scooting over to make room for the smaller man in the shower. Vegeta didn’t really notice the close quarters. The spray covered them both and the smaller man leaned his head back into it, letting the spray hit his face. As he did his head leaned against Goku’s sternum. The taller tried to keep his composure, letting Vegeta do as he would. He backed up a little further so he was almost leaning against Goku, his shoulders resting slightly against Goku’s own arms, the smaller man’s back against his front. Goku swallowed hard, heat flushing throughout his body. Everyplace that Vegeta touched him felt like he was being touched with fire. The small man didn’t know what he was doing to him. Goku felt himself coming erect without meaning to. If Vegeta felt the foreign object touching him he didn’t say anything, he just continued to let the water wash over his face and make a humming that was not unlike a croon. Goku couldn’t take it. It had been hard enough, but now he accepted that for the last two days he’d wanted to take Vegeta down and fuck him blind. Now was the chance. The other man was drugged and complacent. Kami knew that he’d probably taken the entire bottle of anti-depressants. He could just pretend that it had never happened. He reached up to see what was available in the way of lubricant. There was conditioner. Otherwise the only stuff that he had was in his drawer down the hall. He wasn’t going to get out and loose his chance. He squirted a little bit out onto his finger and lowered his hand, running his finger over Vegeta’s butt crack, letting the slippery material do it’s work. At first the other started, surprised at the touch. He didn’t move away however, Goku smiled. It was working then. One had a lot of nerve endings in that area, and it might be that Vegeta found his touch pleasurable. He heard the man make a small noise and felt him adjust his stance enough to allow Goku a little more access. Thata boy. He smiled as he thought it. Vegeta was really making it too easy. Now that he was in the position he realized that there were so many things that he would love to do to him now. He wanted to go down on him, make him cry out and beg him to fuck him. He wanted to kiss those serous lips and feel his tongue in his mouth, playing with his own. He wanted Vegeta to take him in his hand and make him beg. He wanted to toy with the small man, make his eyes glaze over with pleasure before delivering him into an orgasm that would send him reeling. He smiled his own smile. And he would do it too. But first he had to deal with the pounding ache that was almost driving him insane. He slid into Vegeta, feeling his own sort of a high as he began to thrust, slowly at first, to let Vegeta get used to the idea. Goku smiled as he bent over slightly to let him get a better angle. Goku liked the way that he looked, with water dripping over his strong shoulders, dripping down from his raven hair. He thrust until he could hear Vegeta groaning, pleasure that he hadn’t expected to feel again setting his senses alight. Goku backed out and he saw Vegeta turn around, looking at him with those serious eyes that now begged. Goku smiled, the other man was erect, a beautiful thing. Goku sunk down to his knees, lightly brushing his tongue over the very tip and feeling Vegeta shiver. Goku smiled like an imp, forming his mouth into an O and sucking on the other man, feeling his hips rocking in time to the movement, small grunts and groans all that he would allow himself to express. That wasn’t any good. Goku wanted to make him yell. He put his hands on Vegeta’s hips, bringing him down until he was sitting on his lap. The other man looked at him desperately desire and drugs making his eyes dark pools. He wanted it and he wanted it now. He’d get it anyway that he had to. He leaned forward, kissing Goku roughly, shoving his tongue in to meet Goku’s, the heat of his body only intensifying with the heat of the shower. He wanted Goku to do something for him, anything for him, anything, just if he didn’t let this wonderful feeling fade. Goku obliged him, coming into him from the bottom, encouraging Vegeta to rise on him, feeling the man groan. He tilted his hips up, meeting the man’s urgent movements. Vegeta buried his head in Goku’s shoulder, trying to muffle the cries that he felt stirring within his throat. His hands were placed against the tile behind them both, his hands slowly digging in. Goku smiled, rocking his hips in a steady rhythm, giving Vegeta half of what he wanted. It made the other man work for it. And that meant more fun for him. Vegeta’s hands loped around his waist, trying to bring his hips closer. He wanted Goku to be a part of him. He didn’t care if it was Kakkarot, it felt good. He panted, his eyes squeezed shut with the exquisite pleasure of it. Kakkarot was taunting him. Taunting him as if he knew exactly what he wanted and was withholding it from him. Vegeta dug his hands into the man’s unruly hair, panting. Goku decided to give it to him. This was the only person that he could give himself fully to. He phased into Super Sayajin and thrust. He felt Vegeta shudder and saw the man grin, his breath quickening and a flush that was very attractive coloring his face. Goku watched as his eyes conveyed all that he felt. And he too closed his eyes, arching up as a great wave of pleasure washed over him, blinding him to anything else for a moment. He saw the man still sitting on his lap and he knew that he wasn’t done just yet. He reached beneath the other man, taking him into his hand, feeling the great heat there. He was a big guy. Small in stature, yet it was all compensated for. How he envied Bulma. He traced his finger over the tip lightly, teasing. Vegeta locked him with a deadly stare, water and sweat mingled into one. “Don’t tease me damn it!” Goku smiled. “Ah, I’m not teasing. I’m just having fun.” When Goku’s mouth closed around him he lost it. He screamed, a scream full of unrequited pleasure. The man smiled in triumph, or tried to as best he could. Vegeta thrust into him violent, using his hair as leverage. And yet Goku managed to pull away. Vegeta stepped behind him and took the initiative. A little conditioner and no more effort than that. He slid in with great ease, wanting to appease this great need. Goku cried out slightly. It felt good. He was very dominant. Vegeta took him with everything that he had, his enflamed skin feeling amazing against Goku’s. The other man came emitting quite a noise as he did, and Goku couldn’t say that he too didn’t feel triumphant. Vegeta came back in front and sat in Goku’s lap, panting, his dark eyes shut, his cheeks still flushed with pleasure that he had never felt in this sort of a way. Goku looped his arms around his waist and let him stay like that, resting his head on Vegeta’s shoulder and panting slightly himself. He would never get this sort of a chance to do this again, and so he had to relish in the afterglow. After a moment they were both recovered enough to speak. Vegeta looked over through half lidded eyes at Goku, his burning eyes staring into Goku’s. “That;” he stated, rather mater-o-factly, “was fun.” Goku sighed. The drugs would be wearing off soon. It was really a pity. He looked over at Vegeta. “You’re on some serious pills Vegeta.” The other man shrugged. “That I am.” He got out of the shower, rising slowly, wrapping a towel around his waist and walking out into the bedroom. Goku followed shortly after that, shaking off what little water was still on him. Vegeta was lying on his bed looking comfortable, staring at him. Goku came over and sat down next to him for a while, trying to figure out what he was doing. The pills should be loosing their effect sometime soon. |