It's Not a Matter of Need
Usagi-chan
Usagi@tuxedomask.com
I don't own Sailormoon or anything pertaining to
Rated - PG-13 for language
E-mail me!
~~~
Kick. Punch. Punch. Duck. Dive. Roll. Kick. Drop. Sweep.
Usagi went through the movements like they were second nature,
and rapidly, they were becoming second nature for her. At
three in the morning, Usagi was into her third hour of training.
'I must be strong. To win him back, I must be strong." She
repeated over and over to herself. It was her chant, the only
thing that got her through the rouch hours of training.
Finishing the set, Usagi collapsed on the soft grass, wet with
the night's dew, and picked up her water bottle. Slowly sipping
the refreshing liquid, Usagi heard the familiar beeping.
"Moon here." She spoke into the pink communicator.
"Serena! An attack in Tokyo National Park." Mercury told her.
Serena nodded and shut off the communicator. Standing up, she
threw her hand in the arm and shouted her transformation phrase.
As she approached the fight scene, Usagi took in all the information.
A huge ugly was standing surrounded by her friends. If she went
around behind it, she could get a clear shot at it. Quickening
her movements, Sailormoon moved behind it and dove into the battle.
She launched herself at the youma from behind, sending both of
them into a heap on the ground. Sailormoon was on her feet much
faster than the demon. She managed to place a few swift kicks
in before it got up.
"Another Sailor.." It began, but she never gave it the chance to
finish. Sailormoon punched it in several places before leaping into
the air and kicking it. The youma was stunned, the exact effect
Sailormoon was looking for. She pulled out her sceptre and quickly
moon dusted it.
When Sailormoon turned to the other senshi, she was greeted with
several stares. Putting the sceptre away, Sailormoon stretched.
"What?" She asked.
"Amazing..." Sailormars muttered.
"Where did you learn those moves, girl?" Sailorvenus asked. Sailormoon
shrugged.
"I picked them here here and there. We'd better get home. There's
a huge test tomorrow. See ya!" Sailormoon dashed off in the direction
of her house, leaving several still shocked senshi behind her.
~~
Mamoru collapsed on his couch near tears. The only was he could even
be near here was as Tuxedo Kamen, and now she didn't need him in battle.
She didn't need him.
Mamoru gave into the tears, sobbing as he hadn't in ages. His
body shook with the force of the tears and he buried his face in
his hands.
"Usako..." He moaned softly.
He had watched the fight carefully, waiting for the moment that his
Usako would need him to swoop down and carry her away from harm. That
moment hadn't come. When Sailormoon got there, she knew exactly
what she was doing, and had done it well. She was strong, perhaps
stronger than him.
"What have I done?" Mamoru asked himself, though he knew the answer.
He had driven away his only chance of happiness, all because of a
dream. A stupid dream.
~~
Usagi twirled her pencil between her fingers as she listened to her
teacher lecturing.
"Do any of you think that Romeo and Juliet's meeting was fate, destiny?
Does destiny even exist?" Her teacher asked. Usagi raised her hand
immediately and her teacher looked at her in surprise.
"Usagi-chan?"
"I think it was destiny, a force that definately exists. If two people
are meant to be together, they will be together. Perhaps not in the
first lifetime, but eventually, they will be together. With Romeo
and Juliet, there was so much forshadowing. I mean, Romeo had dreams
about Juliet. First he dreamed that something was going to happen
the night of the masquerade, and it did. The two met for the first
time. Then later, he dreamed that his lady found him dead and restored
him to life with her kisses. In reality, she did find him dead, though
she restored herself to him by joining him in death."
Everyone was staring at her. Usagi continued to twirl her pencil as
she waited for the teacher to speak.
"Amazing, Usagi-chan. That's an excellent point..." The teacher seemed
rather dazed. "Alright, I'd like to give your tests back now..."
"Alright! I passed!" Usagi turned her head to see Naru holding up
a test with a big red 80% written on it. She bit her lip nervously
waiting for her own test.
"And our top mark goes to Usagi-chan." Usagi looked up in surprise.
Her teacher handed her a test with 100% written on it. Usagi smiled
happily as she tucked the paper into her bag.
~~
"We need to talk." Rei spoke calmly, though worry was apparent on her
face.
"I know." Makoto agreed.
"What's the deal with that girl?" Minako asked.
"She beat me on the test." Ami moaned. Minako giggled.
"She's whipped herself into shape. I don't understand..." Rei shook
her head.
"Ever since Mamoru broke up with her..." Makoto sighed.
"She's not Usagi anymore." Minako mourned.
"Hey guys! I'm not late, am I?" Usagi as standing in the doorway,
looking at her watch.
"No, Usagi-chan. Your right on time." Rei sighed.
"Well, is there anything we need to address?" Usagi stepped inside
and sat down. The senshi glanced at each other.
"No, I guess not..." Ami shook her head sadly.
"I guess I'll be going then..." Usagi stood up.
"Don't you want to go get a shake or something?" Minako asked, confusion
clear in her eyes.
"No, I want to study for a test." Usagi replied. Makoto bit her lip
before speaking.
"Usagi? Can I talk to you for a second?" Makoto asked.
"Sure thing." Usagi smiled. Makoto got up and the two went outside.
"Are you upset over Mamoru breaking up with you?" Makoto asked, getting
right to the point.
"I was at first..." Usagi gazed off into space. "Not so much
anymore. There's so much more I can focus on now..."
"Usagi-chan, we're all worried about you."
"Why? I'm fine. What do you expect me to do? Weep all the
time and not get on with my own life?" Usagi asked, her voice
harsher than she intended it to be.
"No, Usagi-chan," Makoto replied. "But he is your soulmate,
we expect it to hurt."
Usagi looked at Makoto, her eyes full of tears.
"It does hurt, Mako-chan. Almost more than I can bare."
~~
That night, Usagi found herself training harder than she had
ever before. It helped her work off her frustrations and
anger. She was anger, furious, at Mamoru for not explaining
himself. He broke up with her out of the blue, for no reason
and she wanted to know why.
"You'll probably never know, Usagi." She muttered to herself
as she launched into a dive roll. She grunted at the impact,
having landed slightly to the left. She knew she would have a
bruise there tomorrow.
The communicator lying on the grassa few feet away began
beeping, suprising Usagi. It was sooner than usual. She
quickly dashed over to it and hit a button.
"Usagi." She said.
"We need help, bad." It was Sailormars. "Near Naru's store."
"I'll be right there." Usagi flicked the communicator off and
transformed quickly.
"Moon Crystal Power Make-UP!"
When she got to the scene of the crime, there were several youma
attacking her friends.
"No wonder they need help." She muttered, pulling out her moon rod.
"Moon Princess Halation!"
The white light penetrated each youma in turn, moon dusting them
instantly. The senshi turned to their leader, surprised.
"How did you get here so quickly? Your house is easily fifteen
minutes away." Sailormercury looked at her leader with confusion.
"I ran." Sailormoon smiled. "I'd better jet before someone
notices I'm missing. See ya!"
Sailormoon turned and disappeared into the night before anyone
could say anything. The senshi looked around at each other,
loss and sadness in their eyes.
~~
Over the next few weeks, they noticed several changes in Usagi.
She became more dependent, not relying on Tuxedo Kamen or the
other senshi to help her in battles. Sailormoon became a force
to fear on her own, and the senshi felt like they only got
in her way, despite any denial on her part.
Usagi also brought her grades up by leaps and bounds. Her
parents were proud of her, but they were worried about the
changes. She never seemed to eat anymore, and never went
shopping or to the movies. Everyone noticed these changes,
even Mamoru. Especially Mamoru.
It seemed that if Usagi was Mamo-chan-less, than Sailormoon
was determined to be Tuxedo Kamen-less, something Mamoru
didn't want at all.
~~
"Sailormoon, we need to talk." Tuxedo Kamen spoke gently after
the battle.
"I'm hot, I'm tired and I want to go home." Sailormoon replied,
turning to leave. Tuxedo Kamen stepped forward and caught her
arm.
"We need to talk, now." He told her. Sailormoon jerked her arm
away with more strength than he thought she had.
"Talk then." She replied stiffly. Wisely, the senshi stayed
out of hearing distant, but close to enough to get to their
friend if she needed them.
"What's happened to you?" He asked.
"I don't know what your talking about. Look Tuxedo Kamen, I
don't have time for your foolish mind games." Sailormoon turned
to go, but he grabbed her arm and whirled her back, against him,
hard. A small gasp of shock escaped her lips, but that's all
before Tuxedo Kamen leaned down and pressed his lips
against hers possessively.
Sailormoon pulled away and slapped him across the face. Hard.
"What the hell do you think your doing?" She asked him.
"I..." He was slightly stunned from the slap. "I love you,
Usako... I want to explain..."
"Usako? Usako?! You lost the right to call me that, and
to love me, Mamoru." Her voice was icy as she spoke to him.
"I don't care anymore. I don't need you anymore. I don't
need you as Chiba Mamoru, or as Tuxedo Kamen. I won't need
you ever again."
She whipped around her heel and walked away, never once looking
back.
The senshi watched their leader walk away in shock. They had
never heard her sound so angry, and viscious before.
Usagi was shocked with herself. She hadn't meant to say it
to him, not in such a nasty, cruel way, but even as she spoke
the words, she realized they were true. Somewhere along the
line, she had gotten on with her life. She had moved on,
and no longer relied on him, or anyone. She was her own
girl, and now she had to decide if she wanted to stay that way.
~~
Usagi sat on her bed with her legs crossed and her eyes
shut. She was deep in thought about the events of the
previous night.
That day in school, the senshi had been slightly cold to
her. Although she apologized to them, they still seemed
wary of something. She wasn't sure of what though.
Luna pushed her door open and walked in. She eyed her
charge suspiciously before speaking.
"Usagi?"
"Yes Luna?" Usagi opened one eye to look at her cat
"What are you doing?"
"Thinking." Usagi replied, shutting her eye again. Luna
sighed and walked across the room to the window. She
leapt up onto the window sill, and out the window.
'What am I going to do about Mamo-chan? I still
love him, I know I do! And he said he loves me,
he asked me to let him explain.' Tears came unbidden
to her eyes. 'Why didn't I let him? Why am I not
just eagerly throwing myself into his arms, and
letting him kiss away my sorrows? Why am I sitting
here alone? Why haven't I even asked one of the
senshi to help me? Why have I suddenly become so
independent?'
Usagi's eyes flew open.
"I'm alone. I don't want to be alone." She whispered.
She flew across her bed and grabbed the phone. She dialed
a number from heart and waited as it rang.
"Hello?"
"Ami-chan? Meeting at the temple in twenty minutes, k?"
Usagi asked.
"Okay, Usagi-chan. What's up?" Ami asked. Usagi giggled.
"I'll tell you later!"
"Okay, bye. Oh and Usagi-chan? It's nice to hear
you giggle. You've been too quiet lately." Ami
hung up quickly, leaving Usagi to ponder her
statement. Usagi dialed another number.
"Mako-chan? Meeting, twenty minutes, k?"
"Sure thing Usagi-chan. Is something wrong?"
"I sure hope not..." Usagi replied. "I'll see
you then."
"Bye."
Again, Usagi dialed a different number.
"Hello! Aino residence." A cheerful voice
answered.
"Minako-chan?"
"Hi! Usagi-chan? Is that you?"
"Yup. Meeting at the temple in fifteen minutes, k?"
"Sure thing! See ya then!"
Finally Usagi called Rei, to warn her of the meeting
in time to clear Yuuichirou out of the way.
By the time they had all gathered, the senshi were
quite curious at why Usagi had called the meeting.
They sat around, watching Usagi as she prepared to
speak to them.
"First of all, I want to apologize, you guys. I
know I've been so distant recently, and I don't
mean to be... It's just that... Well, it hurt
so much that Mamo-chan didn't love me... I didn't
want to feel the pain. I didn't want to feel
anything!" She exclaimed, tears filling her eyes.
"I didn't mean to push you all away!"
The four girls glanced at each other before embracing
their friend.
"Oh, Usagi-chan... It's alright. We understand." Ami
whispered.
"We should have been more supportive." Rei added.
"Oh I'm glad your back!" Minako chirped.
"Me too." Makoto agreed.
"Now that that's cleared up," Rei began, pulling away.
"We need to deal with you and Mamoru. He still loves
you, but how do you feel about him?"
"I..." Usagi hesistated. "I love him, I do! I
love him so much it hurts!"
"Then why have you been avoiding him?" Minako asked.
"I wanted to be strong. I wanted him to love me
again, and I thought he would if I did better in
school and fought better as Sailormoon."
"Usagi-chan, don't you understand yet? Mamoru
loves you! He doesn't care about grades, or
your ability to fight!" Makoto chided.
"He loves the innocent, bubbly little ditz!" Rei
smiled affectionately.
"He loves your compassion and kind heart." Ami
added.
"Then why did he break up with me?" Usagi asked.
"That's something you'll have to ask him..." Rei told
her.
~~
Mamoru sat on his couch, staring at the wall as he had
been since he got home the night before. Usagi's words
rang over and over in his mind, taunting him.
I don't care anymore. I don't need you anymore. I don't
need you as Chiba Mamoru, or as Tuxedo Kamen. I won't need
you ever again.
Tears streamed down his cheeks and he buried his face in
his hands.
"She's right... She doesn't need me... She's strong
without me, stranger than I am. She can live without
me, but I need her to go on..."
Mamoru had spent his entired life building up walls
so he never had to rely on anyone. Somehow, Usagi had
come along and smashed those walls to smithereens.
He had come to rely on her and love her. More, he
felt that if he didn't have her, he would perish
and die.
"Usako... Usako..." He chanted softly.
There was a soft knock on his door, before
it slid open. He knew he had locked it, and
he knew the only other person with a key, was...
"Usako!" He gasped.
"Mamo-chan..." She whispered. She had taken her
friends advice, and come to listen to him, and
to try to patch things up.
"Usako... What are you doing here?" He asked,
trying to wipe away all signs of tears.
"I came to apologize for last night. I shouldn't
have slapped you, and I should have let you
explain..." She knelt down in front of him and
gently touched the cheek she had hit. "Are you
alright?"
Mamoru nodded, mesmerized by her eyes and gentle
touch.
"I.. I had dreams, Usako. Terrible dreams, every
night. I watched you die, on our wedding day, Usako!
And then a voice told me that if I didn't stay away
from you, my dreams would come true. I... I
couldn't let that happen! I..." Mamoru's voice
stumbled to a halt.
"Oh Mamo-chan! Silly, silly Mamo-chan!" Usagi
exclaimed, wrapping her arms around his neck.
"Why did you listen to a bunch of dreams?"
"Because, I couldn't let anything happen to
you. I can't risk you like that." Mamoru's
voice fell to a mumble. "But now, you don't
need me anymore."
"Your right," Usagi said softly. I don't
need you anymore, but I want you."
Mamoru's head jerked up and his dark eye met
hers. Shock registered on his face and Usagi
giggled. She leaned forward and kissed Mamoru
gently on the lips.
"I love you Mamo-chan." She told him.
"Usako... I love you."
Mamoru scooped her up in his arms, and hugged
her as tightly as he could. He ravished her
lips with his own, and rained butterfly kisses
everywhere on her face. Usagi giggled at his
actions, happy to be back where she belonged.
Happy to be where she wanted to be.
~~~
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