Sunshine
Usa-p
Usagi@lunap.com
http://www.geocities.com/minako_usa
Author’s notes: This is dedicated to my usual crew. Daryl, whom I love,
Minako-chan who I treasure so dearly, and D-chan (Thanks for the cookies!).
cyclone fence - rose blossom punch
she, she said to me
remember when the sunshine left us clean
oh, she wants to know
do you remember letting go
we let the hour come steal away the light
oh, my frail will
takes along another chance to kill
hatred in your hands
couldn't i have been a simple man
we let the hour come steal away the light
and then it kicked my sober face into the night
she, she said to me
remember when the sunshine left us clean
oh, she wants to know
do you remember letting go
we let the hour come steal away the light
and then it kicked my sober face into the night
oh woe am i, come wash away my sin
and let me open up this door against the wind
The sun was falling rapidly in the clear blue sky, leaving a fiery
streak behind it, as though to say it were putting up one final fight. A small
flock of birds flew across the path the sun had left, seeming to fly faster
across the red patch that was shrinking as the sun sank lower and lower. Even
as they watched, stars began to twinkle across the top of the sky, giving the
promise of hope.
Mamoru closed his eyes at the thought. Hoped seemed futile at that
moment. He had no desire to see the stars. The air was cold around him and
Mamoru wrapped his arms around the petite blonde in front of him. He could
feel her shivering frame leaning against his own tall, muscular body.
Too much had happened for them to believe that hope was enough. Tokyo
hadn't recovered yet, and still nature was promising them hope. The young
couple knew of many things to come and many things that had passed. Hope was
no longer the sole answer.
The body of Demando had only begun to grow cold, somewhere. Cooan had
helped her sister take his body away. Mamoru and Usagi had just watched, not
wanting to know any more about what would happen to him. Already they knew too
much and there was so much they didn't want to know, that they wanted to change
but were forced to accept.
"Mamo-chan?" Her voice seemed soft and frail in the dark, empty night.
"Hai, Usako?" His voice didn't seem much better.
"Do you ever wonder?"
"Wonder? Of course." Mamoru glanced at the top of her head. "Wonder
what?"
"About anything. About everything. About why there are stars. About
why the sun rises and sets. About why we do what we do." Usagi's sounded
distant to Mamoru and unlike her normal cheerful self.
"We do what we have to do, Usako." Mamoru hugged her tighter. "The
stars and the sun do what they were made to do, and so do we."
"But why were we meant to be this way? To do these things?"
"We aren't meant to know everything, Usako. Some things just are.
They were meant to be. The moon was created to chase the sun across the sky,
birds were born to fly and we were born to protect the Earth."
"What if I don't want to? What if I'm tired of it?" Usagi turned in
Mamoru's arms and looked up at him. "What if I don't want to fight anymore?"
Mamoru closed his eyes and pulled Usagi tighter, not knowing what to
say to her.
"I know I have to, Mamo-chan. I am just tired. I don't want to
fight. I want there to be peace, and I want my family and friends to be safe,
aways. I am just tired of being their protector. I am tired of all this
fighting and killing. I was not made to kill." Usagi's voice held a hint of
defiance as she made the statement, but Mamoru knew she was right. She was not
meant to kill.
"Usako..."
"It's okay Mamo-chan." Usagi looked up at him and smiled. "I do what
I have to do. I always have. I won't stop now. Not when we are so close.
Just... Remember when we could go out in the sun and play? Remember our
picnics and playing in the park? Our boat rides and strolls? Remember all of
that?"
"Of course I remember, Usako. I remember all of my time with you."
"Those are the things I love. Those are the things I fight for." Usagi
lifted her eyes to the stars once more. "When I could go do those things,
without knowing the things I know now, I could pretend that all that laughing
and all the sunshine cleansed me. I could pretend that I was clean again, and
that there was no blood on my hands. I know too much now. I know too much of
what has happened and what will happen. I won't be clean again."
"Usako, you will. We both will be. We just..."
"I won't be, Mamo-chan. I know that Demando will fall in love with me
in the future. I know that I can't do anything to change that and I know what
consequences that will bring to myself, to you, to everyone I love. I know
what that will do to the Earth and all our people. I know what they will do to
my friends, and even to Demando. I know what end this will bring. I know all
that, and I can’t change it. That is sin on my soul.”
“Usako… It’s not on your soul. It’s on Demando’s. You are not the
one who decided to use violence, or to attack the Earth. You only did what you
had to, to defend it.” Mamoru spoke with conviction, but Usagi just shook her
head.
“No. Demando wasn’t at fault, Mamo-chan. He was in love with me. How
can anyone be blamed for what they do for love? And his love was so pure that
he died for it. Someone who is evil cannot feel that way. I have to believe
that, Mamo-chan because…” Usagi lifted her eyes to Mamoru. “It’s the way I
feel for you.”
“I feel that way about you too, Usako, but he never knew you. It was
just an obsession. He was obsessed with your power and your beauty. You are
enchanting and it was such an intoxicating combination for him. He never loved
you.” Mamoru replied.
“He did, Mamo-chan. I saw it in his eyes… I saw an undying love in
his eyes.” Usagi’s eyes filled with tears. “It was a deep love he was willing
to die for. And it was completely unrequited.”
Usagi buried her face in Mamoru’s chest and cried. She couldn’t help
herself. It had been such a long day, filled with hardships. Usagi was so
tired and heart sick.
“I don’t know how much more of this I can take…” She sobbed. “I feel
like I failed because I let him die. I didn’t want to! I tried my hardest and
it wasn’t good enough. I let an innocent person die!”
“Usako… Usako please don’t cry. I can’t bear it if you cry. Oh,
Usako, I can take anything but your tears…” Mamoru murmured against her hair as
he held her and stroked her back. “Please Usako, don’t cry…”
“I just feel so grimy… So tainted… I want to be clean Mamo-chan! I
want to wash away my sins! I want to wash all the blood of the innocents off
my hands and my body! It doesn’t matter how many times I shower I’ll never be
clean. It doesn’t matter how much I cry because no number of tears will clean
away the blood…” Usagi fell to her knees and wept. Her body was racked with
her uncontrollable sobbing.
“Usako…” Mamoru was next to her in an instant, trying to calm her. “I
understand, my darling I do… We are stuck in this darkness, but I promise you
the sun will rise again. I promise we will walk through the sunshine once
more, and it will clean us. I promise you… I promise, Usako,I promise…”
Usagi’s tears flowed long into the night. Mamoru just held her,
whispering promises of a sunrise for them both. Pledging that they would be
purified by the sunlight once more.
Usagi woke to feel a light breeze on her face. Her bangs were
fluttering softly against her tear-streaked face. Slowly she opened her eyes
and realized that she was lying across Mamoru’s balcony. Gradually she sat up
and stretched her cramped body. Glancing around, Usagi realized that the sun
was beginning to rise. She quickly reached over and gave Mamoru’s shoulder a
little shake.
“Mamo-chan? Mamo-chan wake up! You were right…” Usagi smiled brightly
at Mamoru. She was facing Mamoru so that the fresh sunlight was catching her
hair at just the right angle to light her up, angelically.
“Can we go to the park today, Mamo-chan? Maybe the girls will come.
And we can just let go all day! We can just laze about in the sun, and play,
and run around and…” Usagi burst out with laughter. “And we can bathe in the
sunlight Mamo-chan! We can soak it in, all day long!”
(
geocities.com/minako_usa)