| This is the bit where you laugh so hard you wet yourself! |
| These jokes are either really funny, quite disgusting, or you just dont get them, and if you dont get them, tough, they were created like that for a reason... ENJOY, and if you have any jokes you think shuld be on here, tell me them... |
| Whats green and smells of pork? Kermit the Frogs fingers. |
| Did you hear about how France is going to change to a left hand drive system, so it will be in line with the likes of Britain? The government are introducing it in a 3 year scheme, for the first two years, only lorries will drive on the left hand side... |
| One day a man was fishing in a large river, when he caught the biggest Salmon ever seen, he got out a wooden club to kill it when it goes "Wait, wait! Dont kill me!" the man goes "Wow, a talking fish! Remarkable, but why should I not kill you? I mean, i've got a talking horse called Mr Ed, so why do i need a talking Salmon?" The salmon goes, "Im very special..." "You are" cries the man" "yes, very" speaks the fish The man looked at him, and goes, "ok, two questions, firstly what is your name?" The salmon looks at the man, "Rusty" "Rusty?" the man says "Rusty" says the fish "ok then, so why are you so specail?" The fish, wriggles, and then says, "You see, I wrote a book" "A book?" "yes, a book. On poetry." says the fish "you see, I was swimming in the sea one day, when I saw a huge ship crash into an iceburg, and everybody on it died" The man looked shocked, "what happened?" "I was so sad by it all, I sat down and wrote my book of poetry" "wow" says the man, "what is it called? "The Titanic Verses By Salmon Rusty" |
| Two lepers playing cards, one throws his hand in the other laughs his head off! |
| Did you hear about the gay wizard? He went off with a puff |
| Two canabilas eating a clown, one goes to the other "does this taste funny?" |
| Why did the leper fail his driving test? Left his foot on the clutch |
| This is my first ever joke I knew, its not actually funny but hey... Why did the skelton run up the tree? The dog was after his bones!!! |
| I went to church eight times yesterday, I would have gone nine but there was no lead left on the roof... |
| How does an Essex girl turn on the light? Kick the car door open |
| Whats the difference between a hundred dead babies and a Jag? I aint got a Jag in my garage |
| How does a Townie improve his street cred? Puts on an extra stripe |
| Whats the Townie defination of safe sex? Bushshelter |
| What do you call a townie in a box? sorted |
| What do you call a scouse wearing a new pair of trainers? THIEF |
| What do you call a scouse in a white shell-suit? The bride |
| What do you call a scouse that says hes gone straight? Liar |
| What does GAY stand for? Got Aids Yet? |
| One day, king Arthur was about to go on his quest for the HOLY GRAIL, he was very excited, but one thing bothered him, his wife. He didnt want to leave lady Guinievure un-protected with all those handsome knights, so he went to Merlin. "My trusted wizard, my friend, as I embark on the hazarded quest, I ask for your knowledge, I wish to protect my wife. I worry about the loyality of my men." The wizard smiled, "I have just the devise here, I call it the Cutter 2000, just slip it over the area you wish to keep pure, and anything that enters it will be chopped off." Arhtur was pleased by this, he went to his wife and placed it on her before leaving on his quest. 5 years later he returns, (without the Grail), he asks all his men to drop thier trousers, he inspected the mens tackle and it was all chopped off or damaged in some way, he then gets to Lancalot, it was still perfect. "My loyal knight, my trustworty friend. I knew I could trust you, you can have anything in the world, just name it!" But Sir Lancalot, was speachless..... |
| Pictured from the lovely place of WALES. |
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| A teacher was getting her class to come up with 3 Sy words. One little kid puts his arm up, "what is it little Billy?" asks the teacher "Beau-ti-fil, my teacher is beautiful!" "Well done, little Billy, has anyone got any more?" asks the teacher. Little Suzy puts her hand up, "won-der-ful, my teacher is wonderful" says little Suzy "Well done, says the teacher, anymore?" Little Andy puts his hand up, "Ur-in-ate....Urinate,and if your tits were any bigger, you'd be a nine" |