Merchandisers

Merchandisers
Whether you are pro or anti
Or could not care less
We are here to tell you
We are here to sell you chess
Not a chance of you escaping from our wiles
We've locked the doors, we've blocked the aisles
We've a franchise worth exploting
And we will - yes we will
When it comes to merchandising
We could kill

When you get up -
When you get up in the morning
Till you crash at night
You will have to live your life
With bishop, rook and knight
Clean your teeth with chequered toothpaste
Wear of vests
Our kings and queens on bouncing breasts
You can even buy a set
And learn to play
We don't mind we'll sell you something
Anyway

We've done all our market research
And our findings show
That this game of chess could be around
A month or so
Maybe it's a bit confusing for a game
The Rubik's Cubes are much the same
In the end the whole world bought one
All were gone
By which time we merchandisers
Had moved on

By which time we had moved on!

(Arbiter re-establishes his control over the game)

Arbiter
I'm no the case can't be fooled
Ant objection is overruled
Don't try to tempt me - you've no hope
I don't like women, I don't take dope
I'm the arbiter I know the score

Chorus
From square one he'll be watching all 64

Arbiter
You got your tricks - good for you
But there's no gambit I don't see through
I'm the arbiter and I know best!

Chorus
He's impartial don't push him he's unimpressed

Arbiter
I'm the arbiter my word is law

Chorus
From square one I'll be watching all 64

Everyone
Don;t you find it rather touching to behold
The game that came in from the cold
Senn for what it is - religion plus finesse
Countries, classes creeds as one in
Love of chess