LARDASS II

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Sister Mellisa's conversion.

The disgusting lump of christianity is dealt with by Hubert.

Sister Mellisa

Before...

...during...

...after.

Disciple No. 9

It is no secret that the imaginary christian god works in a mysterious way. But as can be seen above left, for the very first time captured on film, Hubert the Dancing Beaver Deity is working in a very mysterious way indeed! Photographed at the 21st birthday party of Melissa Felcham-Hall is the very moment of her Divine conversion.

ALLELUIA!

Fundamentalist Sister Melissa is from the twin cities of Corn-Dog and Whiskey, Spoon Island, Kentucky where she used to work in the local pharmacy dispensing jellies, unctions, ointments, salves and floppy, rubbery things - all of which were passed over the counter in especially discrete packages. She has no hobbies - all her spare time is taken up with praying to, and praising Hubert the Dancing Beaver Deity. However, last week the English Atheist did manage to corner Melissa in the 'Corridor of Devote Devotion' at the convent in Toothpaste, West Virginia, and ask about her conversion, "I used to be a devout christian" said Melissa, "until my Holy Nostril Excavation by His Almightyness Hubert. It was at that very moment I knew I was looking at the rest of my life being dressed in a purple sack. Oh, blessings and joy! It will be impossible to make the world a better place until that time when all bow down before him, and munch great big bags of BBQ Fritos. Thanks to his blessings, my nostrils are fully cleansed. Praise the omnipotent, infinitely all-powerful power of the Purple Beaver!"

A note from the Spoon Island pharmacy.Spoon Island, Kentucky

Melissa continued, "I am waiting for the Beaver Rapture, it should be along any day now, that is, according to Hubert's Holy Beaver Bible. Here's the passage, it's from the 'Book of Myriad Wobbly Things', chapter sixty-nine of The New Testiclon:

69:01 'The Beaver Rapture. It should be along any day now.' (Hubert speaking.)

...see? That proves it! It must be true because it's on page sixty-nine! Anyhoo, I'm off for a spot of prayer and Beaver praise. And then I'm going to my hair dyed several shades of luminous purple at the convent beauty parlor. Eek! Eek! Eek! Cheerio and toodle pip!"

Fundamentalist Sister Melissa is a Virgo.

Some fundamentalist Purple Beaver nuns - praising Hubert, the Dancing Beaver Deity.

Some fundamentalist Purple Beaver nuns - praising Hubert, the Dancing Beaver Deity.

The convent of the Purple Beaver, Toothpaste, West Virginia.

The convent of the Purple Beaver, Toothpaste, West Virginia.

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