THE REASON
By Missy
(missy@lexicon.net)

The characters that you recognise from ER are the property of Michael Crichton, Warner Bros, Constant Productions and Amblin Television and to the actors who so marvellously portray them. Many thanks must go to my editors Clotho and Carolyn Delaney for their tireless and marvellous editing. Season 6 spoilers.

Spoilers up to The Peace of Wild Things or thereabouts. This story is rated R due to its content. It contains rather disturbing descriptions and is probably best read during daylight hours. My editors have informed me that it is rather chilling, creepy and does evoke some of those thoughts about things that go bump in the night and one of my editors has knicknamed it "The VeryScaryFic".

From now on in, events will jump to being covered every few days but you can forget mainly what has occurred in the show as I'm only dealing with the events of this story. Previous parts and other stories may be found at: http://www.oocities.org/missyliannem

Part 10A/14

{November 13, 1999}

Another trauma case came crashing through the emergency room door. Kerry felt her heart sink, the thought of having to treat another patient on the brink of life and death sapping the last of her energy. It had been a long time since she had felt like this - back in her med school days.

During her fourth year, she had taken on additional hours on top of her already heavy schedule and ended up paying the price by being relegated to bed for the next week - doctor's orders. Gabe Lawrence's orders. Kerry thought wistfully of her old mentor. She missed him; missed his wit, his intelligence and ingenuity. Most of all, she missed that paternal protectiveness he had for her. Tears beaded in her eyes just thinking about Gabe.

"Dr. Weaver! We need you in Trauma Two!"

The insistent words jolted her out of her reverie. Willing her lethargic body to respond, she had to wait a moment as the room dipped and spun. As her balance returned, she moved towards the trauma room and focused on the job at hand - the saving of this young boy's life despite horrific injuries. Moving around the exam table, she directed the treatment calling for all the appropriate tests, x-rays, and consults. Lucy and Carter were also assisting on the trauma but she found that their voices sounded very distant and hollow.

Elizabeth came into the trauma room, as the surgical consult on call, and glanced around the room to see who was in on the trauma. It was a habit she had gotten into over the years - Elizabeth liked to know who she was working with. As she received the bullet from Lucy, who was much more confident than she had been the past year, Elizabeth kept glancing across at Kerry, noting her waxen face and the dull, flat eyes.

Ever since she had found Kerry hunched over the toilet bowl a few days ago, Elizabeth had kept a close eye on Kerry, her concern now appearing to be well placed. Elizabeth had mentioned her concern to Mark and he had told her of Kerry's aggressiveness and impatience over the smallest issue; worse than anything he had seen in the past and he wondered if it was the side effects of her cold. Kerry had been coughing and sniffling, both gradually worsening. Mark had told her that Kerry had never been sick since she had started working at County and had no way of knowing if this was her way of dealing with it - eating all med students and residents for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

The bruising to Kerry's face was fading, but she seemed to be fading at almost the same pace. Her face was gaunt with dark, heavy streaks of tiredness painted beneath her eyes. The light blue shirt hung loosely on pronounced shoulder bones. The pants she was wearing bunched at the waist where she had obviously had to do up the belt a couple of notches tighter than usual.

"Kerry, what are you doing working?" Elizabeth asked casually as she examined the child for herself, making a quick assessment of his injuries.

Kerry ignored her, going on with her work and allowing Elizabeth to control the direction of the trauma; an obvious surgical case. The boy's vital signs turned for the worst and Elizabeth let the matter drop for a moment while they worked on saving the patient. Once the boy was stable enough for transport to the operating theatre, Elizabeth asked Carter to accompany the boy.

Turning to Lily, Elizabeth asked for Mark to be paged. Lily immediately dialed the number on the phone beside the side trauma room door. After she had completed the task, Lily left the room, not wishing to witness the fireworks that were sure to ensue.

The staff in the room frowned at the request, wondering why she would be paging Mark at the end of the trauma. Elizabeth dismissed the staff from the room, not wishing her tactics to be witnessed by many of their co-workers.

"What's going on?" Elizabeth asked forthrightly.

"What do you mean?" Kerry knew exactly what she meant. She hoped that her feigned innocence might mean Elizabeth would drop the subject totally.

"Kerry, why are you pushing yourself when you are ill." Elizabeth lowered her voice. "Three days ago, I found you hunched over a toilet bowl and I thought you looked bad enough then. You are a shadow of that now. You are obviously running a fever - I wouldn't even want to hazard a guess as to how high it is. Mark tells me you have been coughing all over the place. I want you to go home."

"What's the problem?" Mark asked. He looked about the trauma room and then switched his gaze between Kerry and Elizabeth who were obviously in the midst of an argument, Kerry's fever bright eyes giving away her annoyance and anger.

"I was just telling Kerry that she should go home since she is ill."

"I'm fine." The denial sounded lame to Kerry's ears as she broke into a fit of coughing that she had been fighting the whole time Elizabeth had been talking with her.

"How about we be the judge of that?" Mark cajoled. "Kerry, let us take your temperature. If it's over 101, you are to go home. If it's under, then you can continue."

It was an ultimatum that she was going to lose. Turning sharply on her heel, Kerry had to once again wait for the world to settle. She could hear both Mark and Elizabeth's voices in the distance, calling out with concern as she struggled to maintain her focus on the room, the edges of which were blurred and fading.

Hands caught hold of her arms, startling her and bringing the room back into sharp focus. Kerry gave a cry of alarm at the tight hold on her arms, fear gripping her; remembering the last time she was held like this. She wanted to fight them, but found that they were much too strong for her.

Her strength sapped and Kerry sank down to the ground, tears flowing freely. She didn't want to go home; it no longer provided the safety and comfort the word conveyed. It had danger lurking in the shadows and sounds that kept her on edge.

Elizabeth knelt down beside Kerry and pulled her into her arms, gently reassuring her that all was okay. She could feel the heat from the fever raging through Kerry's body and just held her. As Kerry's sobs calmed down into occasional hiccups, Elizabeth quietly gave Mark, who was standing awkwardly watching them, instructions to get a gurney. Mark returned within moments with the gurney and Haleh.

"Kerry, how about we get you up on the gurney? It'll be a lot more comfortable than the floor," Elizabeth said quietly. She smoothed the damp red hair away from Kerry's forehead.

Kerry gave her a barely perceptible nod. Haleh disengaged her crutch from Kerry's arm before the three of them lifted her small form onto the gurney. Once she was on the gurney, Haleh took her BP and temperature. Elizabeth checked her breathing while Mark hooked up an IV bag of glucose solution. Kerry submitted to the examination, too exhausted to fight what was going on.

"Kerry, your temp is 103 and you're dehydrated. I'm going to rehydrate you with D5."

"I don't want to stay here," Kerry said softly. She couldn't stand the thought of the looks of curiosity that the staff would be giving her - the chance that they might discover the truth, the shame of what had happened. Of what she'd allowed to happen. Anything was better than avoiding those looks, even the quiet fear of her home. "I want to go home."

"After we've rehydrated you, okay," Elizabeth told her, placing a hand on her shoulder to reassure Kerry.

"Not too long...." Kerry broke off as another fit of coughing forced her to stop, the spasm racking her body. Mark lifted her into an upright position, his arms supporting her.

"Are you sure you should be going home, Kerry?" Elizabeth asked. "You aren't well at all."

"I don't want to stay in the hospital. I've got the flu. Anyone else with my symptoms would be sent home. I don't need to stay."

"But you live on your own, Kerry; there's no one to take care of you." Elizabeth tried to reason with her.

"I'll be fine."

With the heavy congestion in Kerry's lungs, Mark ordered a broad spectrum antibiotic, starting off with an IV push to be followed later by tablets. "Haleh, get a CBC and a sputum sample."

Haleh gave him a hard look, not appreciating the possible argument with the fiery red-head should she object to Mark's orders.

Elizabeth caught Mark's eye and the two of them moved over to the corner of the room. "Mark, I don't think it's such a good idea that she goes home."

"I don't think we have an option. Kerry's right when she says she's not ill enough to stay here. She's got the ‘flu. Plenty of people get the ‘flu and we send them home without question. I can't force her to stay if she doesn't want to."

"But this isn't just anybody; this is Kerry. I'm worried about her, she hasn't been herself lately."

Mark nodded in agreement. This past week had been terrible working with Kerry. The mood swings and aggressiveness had been tiring; the complaints from nurses, med students and residents had almost outstripped the amount of patients he saw each day.

"Mark, I've only got a couple of hours before I finish my shift. If we rehydrate Kerry, I'll get Donald to cover me for the operation on the kid I just sent up. I'll take Kerry home and stay with her."

**********************
KERRY'S TOWNHOUSE
**********************

"Where are your keys?" Elizabeth asked as she pulled her car to a stop a couple of doors up from the brown double story townhouse. At this time of day, she had been very lucky to find a car space so close to Kerry's house.

"In my handbag." Kerry reached down to her feet to search through the handbag which Mark had taken from her locker, while he had put back her stethoscope and lab coat, before they left the hospital.

Elizabeth hadn't been immune to the sharp looks that Kerry had been sending in her direction as she drove. An uncomfortable silence had pervaded the car, hanging over them like a heavy rain cloud. Elizabeth didn't usually back away from an argument, especially when she wanted to get her point across. She'd consistently been at loggerheads with her mother over such issues. However, as she glanced across at Kerry, she didn't want to provoke any type of conversation that would cause Kerry more distress. Something wasn't right with Kerry and hadn't been for a couple of weeks, she just didn't know what it was.

The bunch of keys rattled as Kerry pulled them out of her handbag. Elizabeth turned off the engine and got out of the car quickly going to the passenger side of the car, ready to help Kerry if she needed it.

Kerry twisted her body out of the car and used the door to pull herself up out of the car, leaning heavily on her crutch. Elizabeth was hovering a short distance away, ready to help but Kerry was determined that she would not need her assistance. She felt a bit unsteady on her feet and moved slowly toward her house. Reaching the stairs up to her house, Kerry looked at the seven stairs with trepidation. Stairs tested her balance at the best of times, although she had worked out a method many years ago which helped combat the problem. But today they were almost too much; they held memories of that night when she had put out the garbage too late in the evening and, in doing so, invited the stranger into her home.

"Kerry, are you okay?" Elizabeth asked, concern filling her voice.

Kerry didn't trust her voice and nodded.

"Give me your keys and I'll open the door."

Kerry was too tired to argue, the walk from the car already dispelling the small amount of energy she had regained during the short time she had laid down on the gurney. She handed Elizabeth her keys as well as her handbag, the added weight had been bearing down heavily on her left shoulder.

As Elizabeth reached the top of the stairs, the spotlight came on, illuminating the small entrance way with its powerful beam. Opening both the security and internal doors, Elizabeth waited in the doorway, holding them ajar for Kerry.

Kerry passed by Elizabeth, heading into the living room when she remembered the alarm system; she had walked past the keypad without registering that she needed to input the code. Realising that time was running out, she spun around and nearly knocked Elizabeth over in her haste to get to the keypad.

"Kerry, what's wrong?" Elizabeth looked into the living room, wondering what had sent Kerry racing back towards the front door. She didn't find anything unusual. The cream sofa had a couple of pillows and afghan blankets piled on it, which was the only thing that seemed out of place in the neatly, ordered room. Elizabeth was about to turn and follow Kerry when a high pitched screech broke through the silence. She covered her ears, shrinking away from the shrill sound which seemed to be right above her head. A moment later it disappeared, the silence welcome.

"Kerry, what was that?"

"My alarm system. I forgot to turn it off when I came in." Kerry leaned back against the wall, trying to catch her breath after the short burst of energy.

"I think if that thing goes off, any would-be robber will be frozen to the spot in pain." Elizabeth was rubbing her ears which were still ringing. "I think I'll need my hearing tested."

"Sorry, Elizabeth. I've only had it installed a couple of weeks ago and I forgot."

"That's okay. How about you sit down?" Elizabeth headed back into the living room, hoping that Kerry would follow her. "I'll get you a drink and something to eat."

"I'm not hungry."

"Kerry, you have to eat something." Elizabeth moved into the kitchen area, opening the refrigerator to look at what Kerry had stored in there. "I know you're not well and it's not unusual to not eat a lot but how long is it since you've had a proper meal? You've lost quite a lot of weight recently."

Kerry shrugged her shoulders. Food had lost its appeal. She had no interest in cooking, her concentration all but gone and her couple of attempts at dinner had ended up in the garbage, an unrecognisable blob.

"There's a container of pumpkin soup in the fridge. How about some toast and soup?" Elizabeth checked the store-bought container of soup for a use-by date to ensure she wasn't going to give Kerry food-poisoning on top of the flu.

Kerry nodded. She moved aside the afghan blankets and sat down. Removing her crutch, she rested in against the end of the couch and undid the laces for her shoes. Slipping them off, Kerry laid back against the soft pillows at the top of the couch and curled her body comfortably on the cream cushions.

She listened to the clattering of cooking utensils in the kitchen, the sounds a welcome change to the silence that so often pervaded her home. Kerry tried to concentrate on the different sounds, discern what they were, but her eyelids kept drooping before she would start awake again. More and more, she found herself fading away, her illness sweeping away her fear and taking her into a deep and dreamless sleep.

Elizabeth pottered around in the kitchen, finding a tray to carry the soup, toast and chilled water across to Kerry. "Kerry, here's your soup and toast. I gave you..." Elizabeth trailed off as she noticed Kerry fast asleep. She took the tray back to the kitchen bench before returning to drop the two afghan blankets over Kerry.

Making herself a cup of coffee, Elizabeth sat down and watched Kerry, thinking about her discussions with Mark and her own observations.

End Part 10A/14