THE REASON
By Missy
(missy@lexicon.net)

The characters that you recognise from ER are the property of Michael Crichton, Warner Bros, Constant Productions and Amblin Television and to the actors who so marvellously portray them. Many thanks must go to my editors Clotho, Susan Drake and Carolyn Delaney for their tireless and marvellous editing. Season 6 spoilers.

Spoilers up to The Peace of Wild Things or thereabouts. This story is rated R due to its content. It contains rather disturbing descriptions and is probably best read during daylight hours. My editors have informed me that it is rather chilling, creepy and does evoke some of those thoughts about things that go bump in the night and one of my editors has knicknamed it 'The VeryScaryFic". It may be redundant at this stage to still call it that, but my editors know that I always have secrets stashed up my sleeves, so I won't remove the warning yet. <g>

PART 4/?

Kerry opened her eyes as she felt the ambulance come to a stop and then reverse. It was a familiar scene; however, it was the first time that she had experienced it as the patient. During the trip, she had deliberately kept her eyes closed, avoiding the possibility of conversation or worse; any look of sympathy in Doris' eyes.

The doors of the ambulance were flung open and the gurney slid smoothly out into the waiting hands of a resident and two nurses. Frigid air instantly hit Kerry's face as if a cold bucket of water had been thrown over her; the temperature had dropped quite drastically since she had put out the garbage earlier that evening. Zadro gave the bullet as they rolled the gurney into the emergency department and down the hallway to the Trauma Room.

Kerry had trouble concentrating on Zadro's words, finding that the fluid spiel sounded like a speeding train, the words flowing into each other and accelerating, leaving her behind in their wake. The fluorescent lights above her seemed to stretch into one another, becoming one long beacon of light spanning the length of the hallway. She shut her eyes to shut out the feeling of being on top of a torpedo, shooting down a well-lit hollow without any sign of hitting a target.

The gurney slowed down and came to a stop beside the trauma room exam table. Hands reached over and grabbed hold of the sheet beneath Kerry and swiftly moved her across before she had a chance to even consider objecting. Within a minute, the paramedics had removed their equipment, leaving her alone in the care of the doctor and nurse.

"Hi Kerry. I'm Dr. Josh Wynne. Do you know where you are?" Dr. Wynne asked as he slipped the stethoscope from around his neck. He towered over Kerry; the third year resident easily topped six foot four inches in height and a lock of his strawberry blonde hair slipped forward as he checked her breathing.

"Yeah. Mercy Hospital." Kerry looked up at him quizzically, wondering why the residents seemed to be getting taller every year. Her attention was diverted as she felt her arm sheathed in another blood pressure cuff and she turned her head towards the dark haired nurse, watching the routine procedure with detached interest.

"Do you know what day it is?"

She looked back at him inquisitively, gray eyes meeting each other, and she took a moment to digest the question before she confirmed the date, day and year for him. The nurse reported her blood pressure and pulse rate. Kerry struggled to read the nurse's name, but couldn't without her glasses. She regretted moving her head so quickly, spots of whiteness danced before her eyes once again.

"How do you feel?"

"Dizzy."

"Anything else? Look up there." Josh pointed up in the air to indicate the direction he wanted her to look as he pointed his penlight into each of her eyes.

"I've got a headache, I feel nauseous, and I'm tired," Kerry answered shortly. She was forthright with her answers, wishing that the night would end and she could go to sleep.

"Did you hit your head?" Josh moved to the head of the gurney and checked her for any signs of a skull fracture and examined her neck for spasm and bony tenderness. He slowly manipulated her head, checking for her range of movement.

"I don't know; I don't think so."

"You lost consciousness?" Josh asked quietly as he checked the function of the cranial nerves. Then he continued his neurological examination with deep tendon reflexes for all four limbs keeping his movements smooth and easy as he changed his position around the gurney. He noted the depressed reaction of her left leg, but it was expected; the paramedics had informed him of her physical disability.

"Yeah. I'm not sure how long it was."

"You were unconscious when the paramedics arrived, was that the only time you lost consciousness." Josh asked her to follow his finger, looking for sluggish response of the pupils. He tested the extraocular eye movements, checking for diplopia when she gazed upward and check her sensation over the infraorbital nerve distribution.

"No. I was knocked out when he hit me."

"What did he hit you with?" Josh symmetrically palpated the supra- and infraorbital rims as well as the zygoma, feeling for any sign of a fracture.

"His hand; it could have been a fist, I'm not sure."

"From the cut on your head, I would say that it was his fist. He must have been wearing a ring of some sort, there is a clearly defined indentation. You'll need a few sutures to close it."

"You said that you lost consciousness twice, why did you collapse the second time?"

"I was walking down the hallway and I felt dizzy, I must have fainted."

"Kerry, you are a doctor. You know the procedure with this type of case. We need to document your injuries for the police."

"Yes," Kerry agreed.

"Kerry, you know I have to ask this question and I know that it will be difficult for you. Were you raped?"

Kerry caught her bottom lip between her teeth to stop it from quivering, her throat tightened and constricted. She tried once to give her answer and found that no sound came out. Swallowing, she tried again. "I don't think so. I'm sure I'd know if I was. Wouldn't I?"

"If you were unconscious, he could have raped you without your knowledge. Do you think you could have been?"

"I don't know. I truly don't know." Kerry felt the tears welling up as she wondered what the attacker could have done while she was out of it. She had noticed that the muscles in her legs and hips were sore, more so than usual, and it was both hips, not just her left. Could he have violated her in that way? He had stalked her, beaten her and tied her up. Raping her was well within the bounds of possibility.

"I think it might be best to do a rape exam, just to be sure. If it will make you more comfortable, I could get one of our female doctors to perform the exam."

"No. No other doctors, please." She didn't think she could cope with going through more questions with another doctor.

"I want you to have a CT scan to rule out a subdural hematoma. When you come back, we'll complete your exam. Sam, can you arrange for her to go to radiology? Before you go, for the purpose of any police inquiry, I will need to take some samples from under your nails so that there is no risk of contamination of the sample."

Another nurse entered the room and whispered in his ear, too softly for Kerry to hear.

"Kerry, the detectives are here and want to ask you some questions. Do you think you're up to answering them?"

Kerry struggled to cope with the detectives' questions, answering them as best she could, but finding it very hard to concentrate, especially when they kept asking what seemed to her to be the same questions in different ways. She allowed them to take a sample of her hair for DNA testing in order to rule her own hair out of the equation. Dr. Wynne had stayed in the room while the interview was proceeding, keeping a close eye on his patient. At the first sign that she was not able to continue, he brushed aside the detectives' arguments and pushed them out of the room.

Arriving back in the emergency department after the scan, she endured the photographing of the bruising to the various parts of arms, legs, torso and head. The worst part was the rape exam. Josh gently talked her through it, explaining what he was doing even though he was aware that she knew what was to come. Silent tears rolled down her cheeks unchecked as she consented to this second violation, a further invasion of her privacy, one that would be recorded and, if her attacker was ever brought to justice, would become public record.

**********

The door to the exam room opened, and the shaft of light from the brightly lit emergency department cut through the darkness and fell on Kerry's face, drawing her reluctantly from her sleep.

"I wondered when I saw the name on the board if it was you." The words were filled with concern. "I'm sorry to wake you, but it's time for your neuro check."

Hearing the familiar voice, Kerry opened her eyes and looked across the room from the gurney where she lay, at the young doctor standing in the doorway. In her anxiety over not having colleagues from former or present hospitals learn of her attack she had forgotten one important matter; Maggie Doyle had transferred to Mercy to be their Chief Resident.

When Maggie had handed in her papers for the transfer, she had pointed out that with Robert Romano

as Chief, she considered her career opportunities at County to be greatly diminished. Kerry had wanted to fight for her, but they both knew how it would affect Maggie's future; records of a challenge to the leadership of a hospital would be frowned upon.

"Oh, Maggie...." Kerry struggled to push herself up on her elbows, but found there was a disturbing array of colourful dots dancing across her vision accompanied by a sense of being on a boat in the midst of a storm.

"Dr. Weaver, why don't you lie back and rest?" Maggie suggested, coming across the room and touching her gently on her shoulder. The room was shrouded in darkness now that the door was closed, and Kerry lay back on the gurney, not needing much encouragement.

Kerry wondered when the dizziness would abate. It had been persistent, even though the CT scan had showed no sign of any fracture or intracranial bleed. Her clinical mind knew that the blow to her head, while not causing any serious damage, had affected her balance and it would take bed rest to overcome the symptoms.

Maggie turned on the fluorescent light above the bed, and Kerry blinked her eyes at the sudden brightness. She turned her head sideways to avoid the gleam from the small light strip, which seemed to shine directly into her eyes.

"I wanted to talk to you about what happened," Maggie said the words slowly. Normally, she had no trouble discussing the issues associated with violent attacks on a patient, advising them, and providing them avenues of assistance. But in this case, she was dealing with her former boss, a person who had been intimately involved in her training.

"Dr. Weaver...... Kerry.... I would usually discuss the typical responses that you may experience as a result of your attack." Maggie watched her former boss carefully, waiting for a reaction. There was none, just the steady gaze of gray eyes meeting her own. "I know that you are fully aware of the risks of post traumatic stress, and I encourage you to speak to someone about your experience. I can give you some names if you like......" Maggie broke off as Kerry turned her head away from Maggie, but not quickly enough for Maggie not to see the tears welling in her eyes.

"I know this won't easy, but you can't deny what has happened, and you need to talk to someone about what you've been through, whether it be one of the people I have listed here or someone else."

Kerry turned back to face Maggie. "Thanks, Maggie. I appreciate it and I will talk to someone. Just not right now. I can't do it right now."

Maggie got up from her seat, moving it back to the wall out of the way. She was about to leave when Kerry's soft voice stopped her.

"Maggie, please don't tell anyone about this."

"I understand." Maggie closed the door quietly as she left.

End Part 4/?