A Sterling Read

The SAS Newsletter Issue 5

 

Website: www.sas-publishing.com  Email: sales@sas-publishing.com

 

Subscribe to the new SAS newsletter. Meet the men behind the legend and help to support the story behind the men behind the legend. Meet today’s SAS Playmate of the month: Arbuthnot

 

Arbuthnot is 37 and his measurements are 35-48-36. Arbuthnot is a real ‘diamond geezer’ and has wonderful teeth. He is 5’ 9” tall and weighs 183 lbs. Arbuthnot’s favourite colour is heliotrope and he likes amateur dramatics. Arbuthnot would like to work with children and animals when he leaves the regiment and would like to help work for world peace. Arbuthnot’s favourite weapon is the Glock 36 as it has a really nice holster and he likes Bargain Hunt on TV. Arbuthnot always flosses his teeth before killing somebody and is particularly nasty with those who have inadequate dental hygiene. Arbuthnot isn’t married but he is looking. He would like an intelligent female to talk to and would treat that female like a real woman especially if she was a dental hygienist. Arbuthnot has been in the army for sixteen years but before that worked in Lloyds (the chemist). Arbuthnot is a born leader of men and has an excellent tactical mind. Arbuthnot’s nickname is ‘Fcukface’. Good old Arbuthnot.

 

 

 

Meet people like Arbuthnot at SAS Speed Dating. Every month at the Best LeftAlone Hotel in Hereford, every first Saturday of the month, starting at 20.00hrs. Ask for Arbuthnot, you might get lucky. (please do NOT ask for ‘Fcukface’)

 

 

New to the SAS range:

Due to the success of the mainly Scottish Airsoft site http://www.25sas.co.uk/ , SAS Products Ltd is now offering the following products. Be the envy of all your airsoft mates with the new DPM Tartan Kilt. Hand woven cloth from the Isle of Dogs is crafted into a superb modern practical kilt. A special tactical sporran allows you to whip your dirk out in a second. No more embarrassing dribbles down the front due to a built in splash guard.

Optional Mp3 player and Bluetooth capability, runs on one 12V battery for over a year, jump leads standard but extension cable extra.

 

Compliment your kilt with a Tam O’Shanter with knitted SAS cap badge. Your name isn’t Tam, don’t worry. Available as Shug, Sandy, Malky, Wullie and many more. Due to lack of popular demand, Gordon has been withdrawn from our lists.

 

Finish it all off with a pair of hand woven Norwegian tartan socks with SAS Garters. Guaranteed 100% wool and 15% Norwegian and available from our subsidiary Wan-King Enterprises of Shanghai. Available in all tartans and sold in pairs, one size fits all.

Please note the McCartney tartan socks are available singly.

 

Buy at least one of them today and that’s an order! Prices and full details on the website.

Available from SAS Products Ltd, a subsidiary of www.sas-publishing.com.

Website: www.sas-products.co.uk  Email: sales@sas-products.co.uk

 

 

The All Time SAS Top Ten List of Dead Hard Regiments or Corps as voted for by the Regiment and Channel 6

 

  1. Anybody and everybody to do with the SAS including Joe the security guard and Bert who delivers the milk.
  2. 49 Para – Say no more
  3. All the other Paras – Not as hard as 49 Para but still fcuking hard
  4. REME – Had to say that as the Land Rover is fcuked
  5. Army Catering Corps – There’s a mess function tonight
  6. Royal Marines – Excellent on the Flugel Horn
  7. Army Air Corps – The guest speaker tonight is coming in by helicopter
  8. RAF Regiment – A large donation to the regimental funds was gratefully received
  9. RAMC – Until that worrying rash clears up and as long as patient confidentiality is strictly maintained
  10. The Regal Regiment of Walts – Airsoft to the very extreme, paintballing that crosses boundaries and a very large and lucrative sponsorship deal.

    11.  

 

Ryan’s Recipes

 

Today a real treat for culinary fans, an interview with Gordon Ramsay at home with his wife Tina. Listen to the pure genius of his cooking skills as the pair of them knock up a quick Chocolate Soufflé. The ingredients are as follows and then over to Gordon and Tina:

 

Ingredients
2 tbsp cocoa powder
2 free-range eggs, separated
100ml/3½fl oz double cream
2 tbsp caster sugar
2 tbsp groundnut oil
1 orange, segmented

“Preheat the oven to 200C/400F/Gas 6. I said 6, you fcuking deaf bint. Who gives a fcuk what you think, you are just t1ts and no fcuking brain. In a large bowl, mix the fcuking cocoa and fcuking egg fcuking yolks together. Add half the fcuking double cream and fcuking whisk together. I said fcuking whisk it. You couldn’t whisk my dick. Fcuking whisk it properly.

Fcuking whisk the egg whites until stiff peaks form. Stiff I fcuking said, you blob on tart. Continue whisking and fcuking slowly add the sugar until you have glossy peaks. Slowly you minge bag, for fcuk’s sake, can’t you do anything properly? Peaks, fcuking peaks, that fcuker’s like Norfolk. Not a fcuking peak in sight.

Fold the fcuking whites carefully into the fcuking chocolate mixture, then heat the oil in a fcuking small fcuking non fcuking stick fcuking frying fcuking pan. Who is fcuking swearing too much? I know when I’m fcuking swearing. I don’t need an emaciated fcukpig like you to tell me. Now fcuk off.

Pour the fcuking mixture into the fcuking hot pan and then transfer to the fcuking oven for eight fcuking minutes, or until cooked fcuking through. It doesn’t mean take eight fcuking minutes to transfer the shite you sad excuse for a fcukpig’s uncle motherfcuker cnut. Do it now for fcuk’s sake. Alle-fcuking-lujah!

To fcuking serve, fcuking pour over the remaining fcuking double fcuking cream and garnish with the fcuking segmented fcuking oranges.”

Thank you Gordon “No fcuking problem”

Thank you Tina “Big mouthed cnut”

 

 

EDITORIAL

 

An interesting development occurred last week that seems to have passed people by. It actually passed me by as well until Joe the security guard noticed it in the Guinea Pig Breeder’s Gazette. The rift between Andy Mc Flab and Flabby McAndrew has now been patched up and the two will be working together on a joint venture possibly involving a dubious South American country. There has been much discussion, a large amount of Stella has been drunk and while the project is still in its infancy, I can hopefully foresee a right good read evolving from the chaos.

 

The Bravo Two Zero Alternative (Whisky Charlie One) is now published on the RGJ site and has been pulling in readers from across the RGJ world and beyond. A link to it and the future story can be found here:

 

http://www.greenjackets-net.org.uk/mcflab/diaries.htm

 

 

 

As yet, there has been no feedback but ignoring the hate mail and the dubious phone calls, it seems to be going down well. It only remains for me to thank all who have read it already and lived to tell the tale. I hope there are no lasting effects and I do hope that the new project will be viewed with as much enthusiasm as the previous effort. Of course, with it being co-written I will be in the unenviable position of having somebody else to blame if its shite. Only joking but life does throw up the unexpected. I’m off to throw up the expected as I actually followed one of Ryan’s recipes. May your gat go with you?