A Sterling Read

The SAS Newsletter Issue 6

 

Website: www.sas-publishing.com  Email: sales@sas-publishing.com

 

Subscribe to the new SAS newsletter. Meet the men and women behind the legend and help to support the story behind the men and women behind the legend. Meet today’s SAS Playmate of the month: Dolores

 

Dolores is over thirty and her measurements are 37-28-36. Dolores is a real woman and has a wonderful sense of humour. She is 5’ 9” tall and weighs ‘exactly dead right’. Dolores’s favourite colour is cerise and she likes makeover programmes on TV. Dolores would like to work with animals when she leaves the regiment and would like to help work for world peace by killing all the bad guys. Dolores’s favourite weapon is anything automatic as that’s what she uses when she plays Tomb Raider, strange as most just use a joystick. Dolores has beautiful nails as she used to be a nail technician before she joined the army. She isn’t married but is actively looking for the right man or woman as she’s not really choosy which side her bread is buttered. She has been in the army for thirteen years and apart from being a nail technician, she was a builder’s labourer before joining the army. She is a born leader of men and women but not always at the same time. Dolores’s nickname is ‘Sid’ because of her love of the colour cerise. Good old Dolores.

 

 

 

Meet people like Dolores at SAS Speed Dating. Every month at the Best LeftAlone Hotel in Hereford, every first Saturday of the month, starting at 20.00hrs. Ask for Dolores, you might get lucky.

 

 

New to the SAS range:

 

It was worth waiting for and now its here. The SAS Knife and Multi-Purpose, Multi-Functional, Multi-Optional, Stainless Steel Tool complete with leather case.

 

SASKMPMFMOSST for short is a superb piece of North Korean engineering made from the finest Tashkent steel and has too many options to list but does include all the essentials for fans of Rambo or Crocodile Dundee knives WITH a special attachment for removing British troops from where they’re not wanted such as Iraq or Afghanistan.

 

It also has a double nostril function for dealing with political leaders and with another (not available as standard) attachment, can bump start Apaches.

 

The case comes in a choice of materials and designs and with the cap badge or crest of your choice for a small extra charge. Be the envy of all your friends or simply fish for lunch with your friends, the SASKMPMFMOSST is the ‘must have’ piece of equipment of the decade. Make somebody happy or just be selfish and treat yourself but you are nobody without a SASKMPMFMOSST clamped to your belt.

 

Buy at least one of them today and that’s an order! Prices and full details on the website.

Available from SAS Products Ltd, a subsidiary of www.sas-publishing.com.

 

The All Time SAS Top Ten List of Programmes on TV featuring the Army as voted for by the Regiment and Channel 6

 

  1. Eastenders because of  the big bald nutter who was supposedly an ex-Para
  2. Heartbeat because of a bloke who went AWOL, went nuts and shot somebody
  3. Waking the Dead because a bloke was ex-army and a nutter
  4. Wire in the Blood because ANOTHER ex-army bloke was a real nutter
  5. Frost because yet another ex-army bloke was a bit of a fruitcake and a nutter
  6. Midsomer Murders because the murderer was an ex-army bloke who wasn’t a nutter but just looked like one
  7. Murphy’s Law because the hero is a nutter and he talks to ex-army nutters
  8. New Tricks because they found out about an old ex-army nutter who killed somebody
  9. Taggart because the boss went to an army camp and it was totally full of nutters but sadly only one murderer but at least he was a REAL nutter
  10. Soldier Soldier because it accurately depicts a civvy’s perspective of the army and is NOTHING like real life but always features loads of nutters

 

 

Ryan’s Recipes

 

Today’s special theme is cooking with beer. Beer isn’t just used to tenderize the meat or flavour the sauce but is a chef’s best friend. ‘If you can’t stand the heat, you’ve forgotten the lager’ said a famous chef and he was right.

 

In front of me, I have a selection of just lagers but lagers from all over the world, lagers of different strengths and lagers at very different prices. Always remember to test the lager first. If it tastes like a cross between soapy water and pish, why put in the sauce? My selection includes the ‘premium’ lagers but also the no name, own brand type lagers and they do need testing before committing yourself.

 

The first I’m trying is Tess Coe’s (sister of Seb) own brand that is only 3% proof and ideal for greasy hair but it tastes like pish especially after the second and just gives you a thirst. A thirst that makes you want to try a proper ‘premium’ lager. Stella Artois is a fine lager and after a couple of cans, leaves you wanting more and reluctant to put anything this good in some poxy gravy. After the third can, it still leaves you wanting more and as yet, has no effect on typing. Back to the crap again and we’re now on Sommerway’s Bavarian Pils that is in a colourful can but oh, shite is it dog rough and it tastes vile even arfter the fifffth cin.

 

Moving swiittly onto to Grolschh now. The 1th can was a swet as con be but the 2rd was gloriousa and what the fcuk are yooo looking at? One more cin larter and itsh fcukjing, wait a minutes, I hav to sitt down. What’ss tofdays topic? Oh yes larger and fcuking one mor tan of Grolllsch and I’m fcuking still testimg and who gices a fcuk anyway?

 

Nexty wek, actually cooking with ber, not jus dinkin the stuf. But jus the on more can and I cam finis this shite an I think Im’’ gong to puke an iff youou kep starring at mee loike that,, Im’’ gong to beet you’rre fcuking head inn……………………..

 

EDITORIAL

 

This is not a list of websites featuring the army but just my personal view on some of them. Of course, your views might be different but it all boils down to personal taste and the speed of your broadband connection.

 

The new Army Aviation website is a joy to behold and if you’ve ever seen Joy, YOU would want to behold her. It is professionally run by a dedicated team who spare no effort in making a visit to the site a pleasant one.

 

It is non-commercial and therefore cheap as free is as cheap as you can get, pretty much like some of mistersoft’s jokes on ARRSE but enough of him. A colourful collection of characters ensure the site runs like clockwork and unlike clockwork, it doesn’t run down after time and the main spring doesn’t weaken or even break.

 

I think the site is worth an SAS Tough Guy rating of 98% and its only that one of the Mods (Angus Saunders) is a bit gobby that ruins the perfect score I was contemplating giving it. He has promised me, he does intend to improve.

 

Still on the Aviation theme or loosely associated to Aviation is the other new site:

 

www.peoplewhohavesweptthehangar.co.uk

 

This site is not a joke but a forum comprising those who have had the dubious pleasure of sweeping an aircraft hangar at some time in their military career. The discussions are both free and open on technique, choice of brush and full of handy tips.

 

I did find the variety of topics a bit limited though a forum discussing the merits of real bristle over modern plastic quite riveting but then I’m easily pleased. The Admin and Moderators tried valiantly to keep things going but you had the distinct impression that eventually this site would run out of steam. There was a distinct imbalance as there were very few officers on the site and only as guests as officers it seems, seldom sweep hangars.

 

For that last reason alone, I would give the site an SAS Tough Guy rating of 65% and hope that the new picture gallery will help things along. Apparently, photos of brooms and brushes, old and new are at this very minute being scanned to fill the newly created photo galleries.

 

You know the old saying “You pays yer money and you takes yer choice” and this apparently applies to sites that don’t even take money.