To Forget

by Misty

Chapter 4

Koenma arrived in the Spirit World, still in his teenaged form. Normally he would have been in his younger form now, but really, he didn’t feel so childish that moment. He actually felt more…mature, perhaps.

Botan. He really loved her, yet why had he been so stupid? Why didn’t he even tell her how he felt?

He sat down rapidly on his chair, and as he did so, he knocked off some papers from his desk. He bent to pick them up.

And then, he noticed that he had also knocked off from his desk the portrait Botan saw a few days ago. He sat back down on his chair, still holding the portrait.

Memories came back to him, some happy, but most of them painful and sad. “Himawari…” he whispered.

And it then occurred to him: the reason why he couldn’t tell Botan about his feelings was because he was afraid. He was afraid of feeling that pain of losing a loved one … again.

Yusuke, Keiko and Botan hid in an alley. Botan then brought out her paddle.

“Let’s go!” Yusuke said, and hopped on the oar.

Suddenly, a dark figure stepped in front of them, and knocked Yusuke off the oar.

“Hey!” Yusuke yelled, and he fell to the ground. Keiko ran to him.

Botan stared at the man in front of her, an expression of fear on her face. She knew who that man was…

It was the same man who had tried to kidnap her before.

“You idiot! Are you looking for a fight?” Yusuke said crossly.

“I came for the girl,” the man said gruffly.

Yusuke finally understood. “I won’t let you get her!” He ran swiftly and tried to punch the man, but the man just avoided it.

The strange man kicked Yusuke in the stomach, and the poor boy slammed into a wall. With a swift movement, the guy grabbed Botan, and began to run away.

“Yusuke! Keiko!!!” Botan screamed. In horror, she realized that even Yusuke couldn’t reach them, with the headstart her kidnapper had. There was absolutely no hope…

“I had to get you,” the man said. “No wonder he likes you. You would have made a delicous meal for him.”

Botan panicked upon the man’s words. Somebody’s going to eat me! What a nasty way to die…

Suddenly, something dropped out of the sky, and fell on her kidnapper’s head.

Botan and her kidnapper fell to the ground. Yusuke finally reached them, and pulled Botan away. Suddenly he stopped, for he just realized what –or more correctly, who—was that “thing” that fell on the man’s head.

“That hurts, Mukuro!!!” a short, good-looking young man with spiky black hair shouted to the heavens in anger.

“HIEI?!” Yusuke said incredulously. “What the heck are you doing here?!”

“Mukuro kicked me out of the Ma Kai,” Hiei said irritably.

Botan giggled. “Literally?”

Hiei nodded.

“WHAT?!” Yusuke and Botan facefaulted.

“Hn.”

Meanwhile, Keiko had finally caught up with them. “Are you guys all right? Where’s that man who tried to kidnap Botan?”

“Oh, good heavens, I forgot about him!” Yusuke looked around him for Botan’s kidnapper.

But the mysterious man had already gone.

Koenma sat up with a start. Someone was knocking on his door.

wondered what Botan could want with him right now.

The door opened, and the girl walked in. Koenma turned to look at her, the realized something was wrong. Botan had…black hair?! He blinked again.

Standing there was Ayame. “It’s me, Koenma-sama,” she said, smiling. “ Botan’s not the only ferry girl around here, you know.”

Koenma reddened. “Never mind,” he managed to say. “What do you want?”

“Well then,” Ayame began. “I didn’t really mean to interfere, but this has gone on for so long.”

“What is it about?”

Ayame looked at Koenma pointedly. “It’s about … Botan.”

“Oh.”Koenma’s face fell.

“Look, Koenma-sama,” Ayame said. “You have loved Botan for hundreds of years now, yet you never really told her. Sheesh, you never even gave her at least a hint! I know you’re afraid, but if you don’t tell her soon, you really will lose her. Don’t you see?”

Koenma kept silent, and turned his back on Ayame.

“Won’t you please listen?” Ayame pleaded. “You see, Botan also—“

“Please, Ayame,” Koenma said hoarsely. “I need some time alone.”

With a last sad glance at Koenma, Ayame went out the door.

“KOENMA!!!” a voice boomed in the left end of the corridor.

Yusuke stomped angrily towards Koenma’s office. Botan and Keiko desperately tried to hold him back.

“Don’t try to stop me!” Yusuke yelled. “I need to talk to Koenma about Botan! He’s such a coward! Is it really that hard to tell her how much he cares for her?”

Ayame walked towards them. “It really is hard for him, Yusuke-san.”

“Why?!”

“Something happened to him a long time ago.” Ayame said, eyes downcast. “Something really tragic.”

Botan looked up at her, her face full of concern. “Really? What happened?”

Ayame motioned for them to follow her. The other three glanced at each other, and they walked towards the black-haired ferry girl.

They arrived at a small storeroom. Ayame stooped down, and got something from a pile of rubbish in one corner of the room. She handed that object to Yusuke.

It turned out to be a small portrait. On the left was Koenma, and beside him was a smiling, pretty woman.

Botan recognized the girl right away. “She’s the girl I saw on the portrait on Koenma’s desk.”

Ayame nodded. “She was Koenma’s former fiancee.”

“WHAT?!” the other three exclaimed in unison.

“Her name is Himawari,” Ayame said. “She was once a ferry girl, just like you and me, Botan.”

Her eyes softened. “She was a very good friend of mine. She was a very beautiful woman, and she had a really nice smile. Hmm… come to think of it, she was just like you, Botan-chan.”

“Then what happened?” Yusuke said impatiently, and Keiko nudged him.

“Well, she and Koenma became very good friends, and eventually, became sweethearts. Soon, they arranged their wedding. All across the Rei Kai was a great rejoicing, and Enma-sama, though he hated to admit it, was happy to have some grandchildren. And then—disaster struck.”

“The day of the wedding came, and we were just waiting for Himawari to arrive. Yet she never came. Koenma became very alarmed, and asked all of us to search the whole Rei Kai for her.”

“We couldn’t find her anywhere. The wedding was called off, and Koenma himself went to the Ningen Kai to look for her. And find her he did.”

“He saw her with another guy?” Botan speculated.

“Worse,” Ayame replied. “He found her dead body.”

Botan’s eyes grew wide with shock, and even Yusuke looked disturbed. Keiko held on to Yusuke for support, for it surprised her as well.

“He brought her body back to the Rei Kai, and buried her there. Strange though, because she is from the Rei Kai, no one should have killed her in the normal way. Or worse, that person ate her spirit.” Ayame shivered. “ Koenma hasn’t been the same ever since. When he returned to the Rei Kai that day, he locked himself in his room for weeks. And when he finally did come out, he was suddenly in that toddler form of his.”

“You mean, he didn’t have that form before?” Keiko asked.

“Yes. You see, he originally didn’t have that form before. He always looked just like a normal teenager then.”

“Anyway,” Ayame added, “ I think Koenma-sama was traumatized by Himawari’s death. That’s why he has that toddler form. He’s convinced himself that by looking (and acting) like a child, he wouldn’t feel that pain again. The pain that comes when you lose a loved one. And I think that he couldn’t tell Botan how he felt because he’s afraid that he might lose you, just like he lost Himawari. He probably thinks that he might as well forget about love, so as to shield himself.”

Silence reigned in the room. Botan felt tears coming down her cheeks. She felt pity for Koenma. To lose the one he loves on a day which was supposed to be happiest days of his life… it was so tragic.

Poor Koenma-sama.

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