Is it Wrong to Fall in Love?
Chapter Six
I’m drunk, I decided, slamming the glass of sake on the white-clothed table. I had been trying not to notice, but the room was already swimming around me. It had only been—five hours? It must be midnight already. But I didn’t have a sense of time. And I didn’t give a care.
Why would I? All my senses were shaded. But even so, I could listen and speak to those in front of me at that moment.
"Whoa, whoa!" I heard Kuwabara’s earsplitting jabber. "Botan’s really doin’ it!"
I leaned back on my chair. "Doin’ what?" His long face was a blur in front of me.
"Thought you can’t even take one glass," Yusuke said. His face was a bright red and his eyes were droopy, indicating that he was also sloshed. Kuwabara, apparently, wasn’t as drunk as we were. "You’re in a drinkin’ rampage tonight, eh?"
I shot him a glare. "Would I join you in this table if I weren’t?"
Kuwabara and Yusuke laughed. "So what’s the matter? You prob’ly don’t drink ‘less you gotta problem or somethin’."
Even though my arms were tired, I managed to reach out and pour myself another glass. "Didn’t know there’s sake around Reikai," I mumbled. "And so what if I have a problem?"
Yusuke gulped his sake. "Ch’. Yeah, problems."
"Got one of ‘em, Urameshi?" asked Kuwabara.
"Yeah," Yusuke replied. "Those problems only damned boyfriends get."
"Oh, Keiko, eh?"
"Ch’," Yusuke cursed under his breath once more.
"Hey, did I hear my name?"
I lifted my head up to see Keiko heading towards our table. Our eyes met—and hers widened. "Botan!" she half-screamed. "What are you doing with these drunkards?"
"Becoming one!" Yusuke whooped. The three of us howled in laughter.
I felt Keiko wind an arm around my shoulders. "I—I can’t believe it! Come on, Botan, let’s get out of here before you get sick!"
I dodged her away. "Lookie here, Kei-chan," I told her, glowering. "Lemme do what I want to do, ne?"
"You don’t do this normally," she insisted. "Heck, you didn’t even take a sip of wine last Christmas!"
"There’s a first time for everything," came Yusuke’s reply.
"And you, Urameshi-san," Keiko pointed a finger at Yusuke, "are going home right now."
"You insane or somethin’?" Yusuke asked. "You want me to open that portal and jump ourselves into Ningenkai? Heck, only Botan could take us back there. And look, she’s drunk!"
Keiko turned to me again. "What is going on, Botan?"
I waved a hand in front of my face. "Just pour yourself some sake, okay?"
"No way," she said. Then, noticing that Kuwabara wasn’t drunk yet, she turned to him. "Kuwabara-kun, could you please tell them to stop?"
"Hai, Urameshi, Botan, yamero," he chided us. "You might anger Enma-sama with that."
Yusuke scowled at Kuwabara. "Now are you on Keiko’s side?!" he asked, a bit loudly.
"She’s got a point—"
With a terrifying force, Yusuke banged his glass on the table, toppling the sake bottle over. He stood up and hovered his face above Keiko. "Look, what the hell is your problem?!"
I suddenly became aware of the situation. I looked at Keiko. There were tears forming in her eyes. "You’re my problem!" she cried at Yusuke’s face. "You’ve been acting so cold to me lately, and now, you won’t even listen to me!"
"Hey, guys," I began, standing up as well. "I didn’t mean to—"
I wasn’t able to talk anymore, for Yusuke’s voice rose against mine. "I can’t always listen to you, you know that!" He jabbed a finger on her collarbone. "When I’m in the Makai, I can’t listen to you. Got me? You’re in college already, yet can’t you even figure that out?"
"I know that, baka," Keiko retorted. "And I also know that you’re never going back there."
"And how well do you know that I’m not going back?!"
I seemed to have suddenly become sober, for my mind registered everything they said at each other. I looked around—practically all of those in the banquet hall were looking!
"Urameshi, what do you mean by that?" It was Kuwabara.
"Just like I said. I’m going back to Makai tomorrow. And I don’t even know," he looked at Keiko again, "if I’m ever going back, because YOU’RE here!"
"NANI?!" Keiko cried, her eyes frighteningly wide. "You’re…going back there?"
"Yeah," Yusuke said in a challenging voice. "Why? Are you going to make me stay? I could kill you with one swipe of my hand, you know!"
With that statement, Keiko took a step back. "You’re not going to do that." She was crying already. "You promised me, damn it!"
"Did I promise you I won’t go back there? Huh?" He strode forward. Keiko stepped backward again.
"You’re just drunk!"
"And you’re stupid!"
I couldn’t believe it myself if I hadn’t heard it. I never ever thought Yusuke could talk like that! Why did he—was he mad at Keiko? If so, with what?
I would never figure out why I remembered and figured out. The way Yusuke fell silent when Keiko told him about May 18 weeks ago. Why he never talked to Keiko. Why he remained aloof toward her. Was he somehow mad at himself for leaving her? Was he having second thoughts about leaving?
I snapped out of my thoughts when I saw Keiko lifting her hand up to slap Yusuke. But her hand stopped midair.
They gazed at each other for a long, quiet moment.
Then Keiko’s hand fell. She bent her head down, as if beaten; and with one last shake of her head, she ran off, eluding all those who stood her way.
Yusuke just stood there in a daze.
Hesitantly, Kuwabara walked over to Yusuke’s side. "U-Urameshi…you can’t just let her…"
Yusuke didn’t let Kuwabara say anything more. I saw his eyes flame with sudden consciousness—he lost all of his insobriety and realized all the cruel words he shouted at her.
He took off, using the way Keiko made. "Keiko, matte!" he shouted. He kept on shouting Keiko’s name until it faded in everybody’s earshot.
"Wow, what was that all about?" I heard Kurama ask Kuwabara.
Kuwabara shook his head. "Some…couple problem. Yah know."
I could do nothing but to stare after Yusuke and Keiko.
What had I told Keiko?
As I tried to recall what had just happened, I felt a searing pain hit my head. I fell back on my seat with my eyes closed.
"Botan! Botan!" I heard a voice from a distance, muffled by the buzz made by all of those who were present in the room. Yet the voice was familiar, clear….
"Botan!" It was Koenma-sama’s voice. "You’re drunk!"
I groaned. "Am not," I said haggardly.
I slowly opened my eyes. His were staring straight at mine; it was impossible not to stare back. I felt myself gasping for air. His sudden closeness made my insides twist and turn. No, it wasn’t just the alcohol.
I completely forgot about Yusuke and Keiko.
He took my right arm and slung it around his shoulders. "Come on, let me take you to your room."
"And leave Ayame here?" I tried to pull my arm off his body. "No way."
But Koenma-sama was persistent; he took my arm again. "You’re going to sleep right now. We have a lot to do tomorrow." He straightened up, pulling my body up as well.
I had to go along his wishes. I smiled to myself. After all, I incoherently thought, this might be the last time he’d hold me this way….
I almost stumbled as I took a step but somehow regained my balance again. I wouldn’t be able to fly my oar this way. I must be a lot more intoxicated than I had thought.
Yet I was aware of Koenma’s arm around my waist, of his even breathing…and most of all, his closeness.
We were in the dark hallway. Echoes bounced off the walls, but the hallways were completely empty. Enma-sama himself had left the palace that night to make way for the party.
Heh, the party was ruined one way or another.
But I didn’t care. I snuggled closer to Koenma’s body, feeling the heat radiating from it, through his clothes. I still couldn’t believe he was getting married.
I didn’t want to believe.
Because, right then, right there, Ayame was far away. And I smiled at the thought.
At least that’s what I knew, with my blurred rationalization.
"Do you know," I began talking in a soft voice, "do you know…Koenma…"
I missed the –sama. And he noticed. He stopped in his tracks and faced me.
Even in the darkness, I could make out the light in his beautiful hazel eyes. It only threw me deeper into his magic. I was aware of my heart beating a mile a minute. Then I realized that he still had an arm on my waist, and I had one around his shoulders so that we looked like we were embracing each other.
No going back now, my mind was dictating me. Go ahead. Go ahead, it chanted. And I couldn’t stop it. No, I didn’t want to stop….
"…Do you know how I’ve always…dreamed of you holding me this way?"
I saw his eyes widen.
"Do you know that…I fell in love with you the moment I met you?" I dropped the volume of my voice even more that it was as though I was only breathing. "And through all the times you’ve spent with me, I slowly fell harder and harder, but only realized it when you got engaged with Ayame?"
He frowned in skepticism. Damn it, he didn’t understand.
"Come on, Koenma," I whispered. My voice sounded strangely provoking. I wrapped my other arm around him, holding him closer. "I know you have feelings for me. Don’t you." I didn’t say that as a question.
"Botan—"
I put a finger over his lips. "Shh. Say nothing more."
My stare fell on his lips.
I pulled his head down…closed my eyes…and kissed his lips. Fierily. You love me, don’t you? I told him mentally, kissing him harder. Tell me you do because you do.
Come on, Koenma.
And I got my answer.
He embraced me. Hugged me tighter. And kissed me back, equaling mine in passion.
I breathed a sigh of relief inside. My mind was all obscure, save for the feel of his soft, warm lips and of his hands buried in the tangled mess of my hair. And I thought, yes, this is what I’ve always wanted.
"Botan," Koenma moaned in an almost inaudible voice as his hands went up to the back of my head.
I lifted my eyelids, just a little so that I could see him. He had his eyes closed as well. I couldn’t make out the rest of his features because he was close. Very close.
"Koenma," I whispered.
And he kissed me again.
"I love you, Koenma."
I kissed him back. But then, I felt the pressure of his lips lessen. I snapped my eyes open—and at the same time, Koenma pulled back.
He grabbed my shoulders. "What are you doing?!" he gasped.
My chest heaving as I breathed. It took me a moment to comprehend what had happened.
And see the consequences.
Koenma-sama was breathing hard as well. "What—how could you?!" he rasped, shaking me.
"I-I…you…" I wasn’t able to form one sane phrase.
"Look." He squeezed my shoulders tight. I wanted to tell him that it hurt, but all I could do then was stare at his face. His face that was so blithe and contented just a while ago, as we kissed…was now twisted with anger—and was that regret I saw in his eyes?
"This never happened," Koenma said firmly, shaking me once more. "I’m going to get married tomorrow!"
"B-but…" You kissed me as well! I wanted to screech back. But no words came out. I was still confused and immobilized with the sudden turn of events.
Koenma gave me a slight push as he let go. He looked at me for a second—I wasn’t able to see his expression because of the mask created by the darkness on his face.
Then he ran away, back to the hall, his footsteps bouncing back on the walls.
"Matte!" I finally yelled out. "Koenma-sama, matte! I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry!"
I tried to dash to catch up with him, but my knees gave way. I fell on the floor and felt blood pump into my head.
When I looked up, Koenma-sama was nowhere to be seen.
"No," I whispered to the darkness, feeling hot tears stream down my cheeks.