Is it Wrong to Fall in Love?
Epilogue
"Aren’t you going to bed yet, Keiko-chan?"
Keiko shook her head, not looking up from the dishes she was washing. "Not yet, kaasan. After I finish this…I’ll just stay down here and think."
"Very well," Keiko’s mother said. She ascended the stairs leading to the bedrooms. "Better go to bed soon."
"Hai. Oyasumi, o-kaasan."
As Keiko rinsed the lather off the last pot on the sink, she couldn’t help but look at the wall clock behind her. It was already close to nine-thirty in the evening, and the shop was closed.
He’s not coming, she thought grimly as she turned the faucet off. Yusuke’s not coming tonight. He’s not coming back…perhaps never…he told me he never wanted to see me again….
Memories of the night that had past haunted her once again, and yet again, she felt an irritating feeling in her nose that came whenever she was near tears. Remembering the things he had shouted at her face last night, Keiko couldn’t see any reason why he should come tonight.
On impulse, she opened the refrigerator and took out a carton of fresh milk. Her gaze fell on a pack of cookies. She smiled plaintively, remembering the day when it all started.
Yusuke spilling Koenma-sama’s "secret".
Botan finally admitting her feelings for Koenma-sama.
And…May 18.
Today was May 18, the day—the night of Koenma and Ayame’s wedding…and of Yusuke’s second departure to Makai.
Before Keiko knew it, she had torn the pack open, bit on one cookie, and gone out of her house.
It was a calm, peaceful evening. She was alone outside. She shivered a little as a gust of wind caught her hair and sent it flying towards her east. Nevertheless, she braved the dark and stood right there, in front of their house, waiting…for….
When she realized what she was doing, Keiko gave out a snort. "What am I expecting, anyway?" she said aloud, as if anyone could hear her. "It’s not as if Yusuke is coming tonight!"
She had one regret, though.
The last time Yusuke left her, they told each other that they love one another.
Now….
No. She didn’t have just one regret. There were many of them. And everything seemed to boil down to one thing: she didn’t want him to leave her.
She didn’t notice that she had sat down the steps leading to the front of their restaurant. Neither did she feel a single tear slide down the bridge of her nose.
A figure appeared amidst the shadows in front of Keiko; her sight was too blurred by her tears to see who the person was…until he—yes, HE—called her by name. "Keiko-chan."
Keiko gave out a gasp. She knew that voice too well. She looked up, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. The built of the man was familiar to her, and the same goes for his hair that he had let loose.
He isn’t leaving! Keiko realized in sudden rapture. Yusuke walked towards her, closer and closer, a small smile adorning his face.
Her gaze fell on his hands. He was holding his sock bag on his right. Her heart seemed to plummet down to her stomach. No, I’m wrong…he just came to say goodbye.
He noticed her crestfallen face. Realizing this, he attempted to joke. "Hey, you’re eating Oreo," he said, pointing at the pack she was holding.
Keiko shook her head and blinked twice. "Oh," she muttered. She held out the pack for him. "Want some?"
"Thanks!" Yusuke took two cookies. "You know, I was thinking of these all day. Maybe I thought of it too much that I somehow invoked you to get this batch for me, huh?"
"Could be," Keiko replied quietly. This only made Yusuke feel more uneasy.
Yusuke cleared his throat. "Um. So, anyway." He took a deep breath and faced her. "I was thinking of taking a walk down the stream. You know, like how we always do."
Keiko simply smiled. It was hard for Yusuke to see her emotions, for she let her long bangs cover her eyes.
A while later, the two found themselves walking towards the familiar path that led towards "their" place. They had discovered it way back when they were younger, perhaps in their elementary days. Way back then, they didn’t have to worry about leaving each other. They always had been at each other’s side….
Keiko looked at her and Yusuke’s feet. He was walking a few feet ahead of her. He took his steps in fairly slow, long paces. She had to walk a bit faster to keep up with his long strides. It was like how everything had been for the two of them since he became a Reikai Tantei. He was always away, fighting with some unnamed youkai, yet seemingly not making a big deal out of them all. She, on the other hand, had to keep up with the changes in him, and at times, she found herself alone, without him in front of her anymore.
The past two—almost three—years had been the best for her. She got Yusuke all the time, without having to worry about his safety, and what’s more, they both knew that they loved each other as something more than what they were when they were younger. During those times, Yusuke wasn’t afraid to display his affection for her. He had certainly grown and matured—perhaps like her.
That was why she didn’t want those times to end. And maybe Yusuke didn’t want her to feel bad as well—that was why he didn’t tell her about going back to Makai during the two years he had spent with her.
Maybe…a small part of him didn’t want to go back after all.
"Keiko." She looked up when she heard him call her. They were already beside the stream.
"Hey." He was holding a flat stone on his other hand. "Watch this."
He took a step backward and aimed for a bush a few feet away from them. He flung the stone at the bush and smiled knowingly.
Keiko half-expected a frog to croak out. But no frog came out.
"Oh!"
Keiko suddenly found herself surrounded by little dapples of yellowish-white light that looked even brighter against the backdrop of the black sky. The few speckles danced around her and Yusuke, and later on, more and more came until there was a myriad of them.
"Fireflies!" Keiko gasped. "Why didn’t I know that there are many of them in this place, Yusuke?"
Yusuke simply shrugged and smiled.
This was enough to take her mind off her sorrows for a while. Keiko faced the stream. The full moon and the stars, including the fireflies themselves, were reflected on the water so that there seemed to be a festival of lights around her. She unconsciously smiled, marveling at the splendor of nature.
On the other hand, Yusuke was marveling at only one thing: at Yukimura Keiko, whose eyes were glittering, whose hair was flying. The breeze stopped for a moment, letting her bronze hair float around her face, framing it like it was an extraordinary work of art. The ephemeral bliss that embellished her face was enough to drive Yusuke out of his mind.
He had practiced a speech over and over, but it seemed as if he had forgotten just about every word and every idea.
No, Yusuke thought, shaking his head. He wasn’t going to let his pride get the better of him now, NOW that Keiko was here and that he knew that…he just…KNEW. I should tell her. I must…I have to….
Yusuke closed the distance between them…and wound his arms around Keiko’s waist.
He heard Keiko take in her breath sharply. Intermingling with the scent of the night was the fragrance of her, of Keiko, making Yusuke hold her tighter.
"Keiko." He thrust his face into the mass of her thick brown hair and inhaled deeply. "Keiko, Keiko…do you know how much I…I…."
Keiko’s hands found themselves holding Yusuke’s arms. "Yusuke…what—"
"Please," he interrupted. "Please don’t say anything. Please hear me out first, Keiko…."
Keiko felt Yusuke’s breath on her ear, sending the hair on the back of her neck prickle. "All…all right."
Yusuke took a deep breath. "I know I hurt you a lot lately, and I don’t know why the hell I did those things," he began. "But you have to know this—I never meant those things I said last night. I never…ever hated you, Keiko. Not when you always scolded me when we were kids. Not when you slapped me for anything. And especially not because you’re always looking after me."
He paused and hugged her tighter, sending another shiver from Keiko. "I never was angry at you. I just realized today that…maybe it’s me whom I’m angry with. Me. Myself. I’m angry at myself for leaving you…especially after these two, quiet years we’ve spent with each other. And I finally realized that I am happier when I’m with you than when I’m fighting. And that the only reason why I always went away was because I knew I would eventually come back…and you’d be there for me."
Every word Yusuke uttered melted Keiko’s heart slowly. He had never sounded so sincere and open than this.
Yusuke turned Keiko around to face him. Her eyes were wide; the same went for his. "Listen to me, Keiko. I’m going back to Makai—not to stay there, but to Raizen goodbye."
"What?" Keiko rasped.
Yusuke nodded once. "I told him I’ll go back there, but I won’t stay there for three years, not for a year…not even for a month! Maybe I’ll be back by next fortnight."
A wide, delighted smile spread across Keiko’s face. It was infectious for Yusuke. "The tournament is a big damn for me now. My father’s kingdom is out of my hands as well. And even if it is…I wouldn’t know how to rule it." He smiled a little. "Silly as it may sound, my real kingdom is right here…in front of me."
"Oh, Yusuke…" Keiko’s eyes moved with emotion. "But won’t your father—I mean, his spirit—get mad at you?"
Yusuke shook his head firmly. "He will understand. I know it. Because he too…he knows what it feels like to be in love."
Keiko’s grip on Yusuke’s arm tightened.
"And I love you, Keiko…so much," he whispered, all the while her gaze squeezing his heart. He held her face in his hands. "I love you. I love you," he repeated again and again.
Keiko’s tears at this point were of happiness. "Tell me I’m not dreaming."
Yusuke smiled, thumbing her tears away. "Certainly."
Yusuke descended his lips to meet Keiko’s. She flung her arms around his neck and closed her eyes, and at the same time, she felt his silky lips close over her own.
Right there in the night, beneath the full moon, Yusuke and Keiko shared a promising, loving kiss in the warmth of each other’s embrace.
It was coming. Botan could feel it.
However, if only for her love…she dared the pain that was slowly tormenting her body. She remained right where she stood without showing any signs of anguish and kept the happy smile on her face. Yes, she was truly happy for Koenma, and seeing him look so blithe as well was enough for her to withstand her pain.
George was on her right, sniffing. "I can’t believe he grew up so fast," he whispered in a broken voice. He cautiously blew his nose with his handkerchief that was already wet with his tears.
"You look even bluer than you already are," Botan commented, grinning.
"Nah, I don’t feel blue," George told her. "I’m just so…happy…."
"Yeah," Botan whispered back. "I know how you feel."
To George’s right were Kuwabara, Yukina, Kurama and Shizuru. The guys were wearing tuxedos while the girls were donned in formal ningen clothes, like Botan.
It was too bad Yusuke and Keiko didn’t make it, but Botan sincerely hoped that their problem was over. Hiei wasn’t there, either. Botan didn’t want to think of the reason why.
To Botan’s left was the aisle, so she had a good view of Koenma and Ayame standing in front of the altar. The ceremony was a lot like the human wedding ceremony, with a few modifications, of course.
The ceremony was almost over. That meant that it was close to midnight.
"You may now kiss the bride."
Botan looked up. She held her breath as she watched Koenma look at his bride with loving eyes. He lifted her veil off her face, revealing an Ayame with a face that had never looked so happy before.
Carefully, he lowered his lips to hers and closed his eyes. He kissed Ayame softly; he kissed her back, equaling in sweetness.
Botan couldn’t help but remember how those lips of the man had felt on her, once…how sweet it had been, how knowing and loving…although she already knew that the man could never be hers.
The room filled with cheering for the newlyweds. All Botan could do was to clap cordially. This was, after all, the Prince of Reikai’s wedding. No, it was more than that for Botan. This was the wedding of a very good friend of hers—a friend whom she had fallen in love with, and found love in return.
Beside her, George was going hysterical.
"Ah, come on, George!" Botan patted the blue oni’s arm. "Stop it!"
Kuwabara laughed boisterously upon seeing George. "Botan’s right, George. Don’t be such a wimp!"
"Hey, I’m NOT a wimp!" George protested, almost making Kuwabara fall back on his seat. "Didn’t you tell me that you know how I feel?"
"Yeah, but there’s no sense crying about it!" Botan laughed. "Are you sure those are tears of joy?"
"Maybe he also feels sad because there would be someone else who’d take care of Koenma-sama," Kurama offered, smiling serenely.
"Yeah," Kuwabara said. "Now George is nothing more than Koenma’s aide—"
Kuwabara was cut short by a fist that flew his way. Botan and George dodged out of the way as Kuwabara fell on the pew, a bump forming on his head. Yukina’s eyes bugged out at the crumpled sight of her Kazuma-san.
Shizuru massaged her fist. "Forgive my brother for being so insensitive, George-kun," she said, frowning with her eyes closed. When she opened them, she smiled at the oni. "I’m sure Koenma-sama wouldn’t forget you."
"Shizuru’s right," a new voice said. "Come on now, George. You’ve been here since I was in diapers!"
Botan froze at the sound of the voice. She slowly turned around and saw…him.
With his beautiful bride in his arms.
"Koenma-sama! Ayame-san!" Everyone in the group’s pew chorused, except for Botan. They grabbed the couple’s hands and shook them—quite violently in the case of Kuwabara and George.
Botan smiled, waiting for her chance to talk to the couple.
It was Ayame whom she got to greet first. "Hey, congratulations, Ayame!" Botan gave her a big hug.
"Oh, Botan-chan, thank you for everything!" Ayame said. "If it weren’t for you, Koenma and I wouldn’t find each other!"
Botan laughed. "Hey, it was a pleasure to bring the two of you together, yah know!" She nudged Ayame with her elbow. "The two of you are meant for each other, I just knew it!"
"Do you really think so, Botan?"
"Hai!" Botan hugged Ayame again.
I meant everything I said, Botan thought, surprised with her own self. Yes. It is Koenma and Ayame who are meant for each other all along. I had been too selfishly loving that I overlooked the truth.
But now, I’ve set him free, and I know better. I do love Koenma, and I always will, but that love will never become in reality. Yet I have faced the truth and I feel no regrets, no hatred any longer.
Botan pulled away from Ayame. She winked at her. "Take care of him, ne?"
"But of course."
Botan grinned. Then, she noticed that Koenma was watching her from behind Ayame. He had that concerned look on his face again—a bit dampened after the ceremony, unlike before, but it was still obvious. Botan knew that she couldn’t let Koenma look at her like that, or it would spoil his evening.
"Hey, Koenma-sama!" she yelled, grinning widely. She took his hand and shook it hard. "Congratulations! You deserve the best wife ever!"
"Uh…heh, thank you, Botan-chan," he said uneasily.
"And Ayame couldn’t ask for a better husband," Botan added, looking at him in the eye.
As soon as Botan caught Koenma’s stare, neither the two of them could tear away from each other’s gazes. She felt a twinge of sadness within herself but quickly pushed it away.
Now he looked confused. Botan had done a good job of concealing her physical pain, after all.
Koenma squeezed Botan’s hand. "See you later?"
"Definitely," Botan replied.
Koenma and Ayame were suddenly pulled in all directions, thus letting Koenma’s hand slip from hers. She gave him an encouraging nod as he was swept away by the crowd.
Botan heard Yukina stifle a yawn. "Wow, is it that late already?" the girl asked quietly.
Kurama checked his watch. "About a quarter to midnight."
Botan felt her heart almost jump out of her ribcage.
"Oh," she gasped, feeling a sudden ache hit her head like a mallet. She staggered backwards a little.
"Hey, Botan, are you all right?" George asked, holding her on her shoulders.
"Yes, I’m fine, George. Thank you," she assured him feebly. "I’m just…tired after all this."
"Hmm, yeah, you must be," Kuwabara remarked. "Being Koenma’s most trusted ferry girl, you seem to have worked hard to make this ceremony a perfect one for him."
"Yes, you’ve worked hard, it seems," Yukina said in agreement. "Maybe you just need a rest."
Botan blinked many times to stay focused, but it seemed as if the view of her friends was getting blurrier as seconds passed.
I couldn’t let this ruin everything, she thought bravely. She straightened up and arranged her dress that fit he snugly. "I told Koenma-sama I’ll see him later," she told them. But first…
"Hey, Kuwabara-kun," Botan said, walking over to his side to whisper something to him. "Do me a favor, ne?"
"Uh, sure," he replied.
"When you go back to Ningenkai, tell Yusuke about his promise to me. He’ll immediately understand."
Kuwabara raised an eyebrow. "Well…can’t you remind him yourself?"
Botan shook her head. "Anyway, tell him that I wish him and Keiko the best of luck."
Kuwabara stared at me blankly and shrugged. "Well, okay. Whatever you say."
"Don’ t you DARE forget about it."
Then she walked over to Kurama and whispered. "And you too, Kurama-kun. I need you to do me a favor."
"Mm-hmm?"
She lowered her voice so that only the two of them could hear. "When you see Hiei, tell him that I want Yukina to know that he is her brother one week from now."
Kurama cocked an eyebrow. "You serious?"
"But of COURSE I am!" She put her hands on her hips. "You think I’m being crazy here or something?"
"Uh, of course not, but…this is all too…you know, sudden!" He ran a hand through his thick carmine hair. "It seems as if we’re not gonna see each other anymore!"
"Hey, hold that thought, Kurama," she told him. "Yeah, right, like I’m gonna DIE tonight, eh?"
Kurama’s eyebrows shot up. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Shizuru’s eyes widen.
Right, Botan recalled. Shizuru can feel if one is nearing death or the sort. I better go before she says anything of it.
Botan took one last look at the people—youkai, ningen, or Reikai denizen alike—who made her life as a ferry girl very memorable.
There was George, the gentle, funny oni who accompanied Koenma-sama whenever he watched over the Reikai tantei in battles.
Kuwabara Kazuma, the big guy who was once a well-known delinquent. Always the boisterous one, he always cared for his friends, though. He was now a real man on his way to business school.
Kurama, whom Botan once thought was an enemy of theirs. He turned out to be the gentlest among the four Reikai Tantei she looked after. He was now an insightful (as always) businessman with his own thriving company.
Yukina, a Koorime who was once imprisoned by a heartless human. She was freed and loved by one Kuwabara Kazuma. She and her Kazuma-san are engaged to be wed in no time.
Kuwabara Shizuru, who has psychic powers like her brother, Kazuma. She now has a fiancé who took care of her very well that she doesn’t have to smoke anymore.
All of them…they’re so special to me, Botan thought. Thank you all.
"Take care of yourselves, everyone," Botan said, waving. "See you…" …a century from now?
She waved once more. And without another word, she walked out of the room.
The hall where they were going to hold the reception was a few corridors to the west. The hallways were packed, so Botan took a long cut—just so she could avoid the many people. She would have to pass by Koenma’s office first, though.
I have to see Koenma before midnight, she thought. How much time do I have left? Will I see him again?
As Botan turned a corner, her knees suddenly buckled. She let out an inaudible scream as she fell down on the cold marble floor. Pain washed over her like a thousand wounds opening up. She squeezed her eyes shut and hugged herself tightly, as if that would lessen the pain somewhat.
I can’t make it to the reception hall, she realized in dread. Not in this state.
She gritted her teeth and willed herself to look at her left. A big brass door loomed ahead.
Koenma’s office!
He would be the first one to find me there, she thought, using all her energy to stand up and walk. She apologized mentally. I’m sorry, Koenma…I couldn’t make it. I just hope you’d find me here soon….
Botan pushed the door open with all her might. Her gaze fell on Koenma’s desk, now cleaned of paper works and other trash.
That was where we first met, she realized, smiling despite her agony.
The balcony was just ahead. With the last of her strength, she limped towards the balcony—where she and Koenma had been that afternoon. Yes, this is the place, she thought.
Another wave of pain hit her. This one seemed to come from the inside. With this, she fell down. She tried to get up but found herself too weak to do so.
Maybe…this is it, she thought, closing her eyes. This is really it.
"No…Botan! Botan!"
The screams were enough to make Botan open her lips for one word: "Koenma…" she mouthed.
Koenma came in the office, running, panting for air. When he found the fallen figure on the floor of the balcony…he immediately knew who it was.
"Botan!" He came and picked her up. He cradled her lovingly on his lap. "Something told me I’d find you here."
A splash of liquid on her cheek caused Botan to crack her eyes open. "Koenma…I’m sorry."
"No, save your strength, Botan," Koenma told her, brushing her sweat-drenched bangs off her forehead so that he could see her pink-lavender eyes one last time.
"No matter how much…strength I have," Botan gasped, "I’m going to…die anyway…."
"Botan…" Koenma seemed to share Botan’s agony. He was crying freely now.
"Ai…shite…"
Koenma trailed a finger on a rivulet of tears on her cheek. "Ai shite ‘ru, Botan-chan."
Botan managed a fragile smile. She reached out to wipe Koenma’s tears away—her last deed to her loved one, her special someone whom she could never ever have. Yet she wanted him to be happy, more than anything….
Koenma closed his eyes and held her dainty hand in his tightly.
Until…he felt it slipping off his grasp.
He snapped his eyes open. Botan’s body was suddenly limp, unmoving, and cold. Her weight now settled on his body, not pulling itself up anymore.
She was….
Dead.
"Botan," Koenma whispered bitterly. "I love you, Botan…"
Yet until the last moment of Botan’s life, she was smiling, like how she always was, like how her friends would remember her for as long as they live.